People not giving gifts

lazygal · 25-08-2012 07:48PM #1

An offshoot of the stingy thread perhaps. And partly inspired by a thread on weddings, marriage and civil partnership.

Would it annoy you to have a party and for people not to bring something? Or invite them to your wedding and not even get a card?

There's loads of responses on the thread I was reading saying 'I'd never turn up empty handed, but what are you complaining about', but there's some people who turn up with one arm as long as the other. Anyone going to admit to not bringing a few beers to a party? Or not even bothering with a card for a wedding?

efb · 25-08-2012 07:51PM

I wouldn't, but I wouldn't sit in judgement of those that don't.

Scioch · 25-08-2012 07:51PM

I'd bring beers to a party seeing as I'd be drinking them or a bottle of wine if someone is having me over for dinner. But I dont buy gifts. Over the years I have realised I am wasting my money on something someone else doesnt need when I cant even afford to get everything I fcukin need. Its just stupid.

eth0 · 25-08-2012 07:52PM

It's good form to bring a pineapple when you go to visit someone.

mauzo · 25-08-2012 07:53PM

I'm such a gift person. I buy people things for no reason. I'm on holidays right now and have a case full of gifts for friends. SPent more than I care to admit on them lol

If I'm going to someone's house for a party I'd always bring something, would not bother me if they didn't do the same....just different strokes.

girl in the striped socks · 25-08-2012 07:54PM

Anyone I know who's married has told me they made money off their wedding.
The average wedding costs between 25-30k. Most couples will give between €150-€200 as a gift.

I normally give €200. And I think it's a bit scabby for someone to turn up empty handed. Fair enough a lot of people can't afford to give substantial money as a gift these days. But a card is cheap & you could pick up a picture frame for a small amount of money.
Or you could send back a regret card & not have to worry about it!

Sunnyisland · 25-08-2012 07:56PM

We would always give something as a celebration of whatever were celebrating.

lazygal · 25-08-2012 07:57PM

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

Anyone I know who's married has told me they made money off their wedding.
The average wedding costs between 25-30k. Most couples will give between €150-€200 as a gift.

I normally give €200. And I think it's a bit scabby for someone to turn up empty handed. Fair enough a lot of people can't afford to give substantial money as a gift these days. But a card is cheap & you could pick up a picture frame for a small amount of money.
Or you could send back a regret card & not have to worry about it!

We 'made' no money on our wedding, had it saved for and when people asked if we wanted something we suggested a charity donation, but that we'd also love a card. The charities got a few hundred, which we were delighted about. I also loved some of the homemade gifts we got, like a really personalised card from a student friend of mine and a picture from a friend of mine I was in school with, she found a photo of us as kids and framed it. I'm at the 'wedding age' and I don't know any of our friends who 'made' money, apart from one person who's parents paid for the whole wedding.

JustAThought · 25-08-2012 07:59PM

I dont think e150 - e200 is the norm for a cash gift , or otherwise , for a wedding.

You might be an extremely generous " gifter" but this is excessive & is IMO is not a typical " just friends" gift.

But I agree; party or otherwise; particularly a wedding; if you go ( to the main event) you have to give a gift .

Afters= Card.

jessiejam · 25-08-2012 08:02PM

I would always give a gift at a wedding. If I was invited to someone's house I would always bring wine/beer/biscuits, depends on the time of day.
What does confuse me however is the 'afters' of weddings. I mean what it the point? Is it that you weren't good enough for a full invitation or is it that they are trying to fill the dance floor with some fresh bodies?
If I do go to the afters I am never sure what to give!

girl in the striped socks · 25-08-2012 08:03PM

Obviously the couples I'm talking about had the money saved. But the gifts amounted to more than what they paid out for their wedding. One couple came out with €6000 more than they paid for the wedding.
And I don't think I'm overly generous. That's just the going rate with my friends & family.

solerina · 25-08-2012 08:05PM

JustAThought wrote: »

I dont think e150 - e200 is the norm for a cash gift , or otherwise , for a wedding.

You might be an extremely generous " gifter" but this is excessive & is IMO is not a typical " just friends" gift.

But I agree; party or otherwise; particularly a wedding; if you go ( to the main event) you have to give a gift .

Afters= Card.

Unfortunately this amount is the norm in some circles...I know plenty of people who consider this to be the amount the most come up with to go to a wedding....I would normally give this amount myself but would put a little bit by every week for a month or so before so that I have the money ready.

NegativeCreep · 25-08-2012 08:09PM

Bottle of Vodka to a party and that's enough

Me and my close friends (6 of us) buy each other gifts on birthdays. When someones birthday comes up, the remaining 5 of us go in together to buy them something. We spend 50 quid each to make sure we get something good and something that they actually want as a gift. Anyone outside the group can fuck off as far as we're concerned

sweeney1971 · 25-08-2012 08:11PM

If its a young couple starting off I would give them money. If the wedding is the second time around or older couple I would just give them a card. My father in law got married again to a right stuck up skank, really put on all the airs and graces. She sent people an invite out asking for money of all things, both are loaded. We got them a really bad taste garden ornament. Went down a treat with the skank.
When my husband and I got married we told people we did not want anything but just come to the evening party (we got married abroad) most people brought us Jelly's, bag's of cement, bales of hay and a pig.A good night was had by all!

NegativeCreep · 25-08-2012 08:13PM

sweeney1971 wrote: »

If its a young couple starting off I would give them money. If the wedding is the second time around or older couple I would just give them a card. My father in law got married again to a right stuck up skank, really put on all the airs and graces. She sent people an invite out asking for money of all things, both are loaded. We got them a really bad taste garden ornament. Went down a treat with the skank.
When my husband and I got married we told people we did not want anything but just come to the evening party (we got married abroad) most people brought us Jelly's, bag's of cement, bales of hay and a pig.A good night was had by all!

This sounds like the best party ever!

3ndahalfof6 · 25-08-2012 08:15PM

if I am invited it is because they want me there, not for what they can get out of me,

im good fun and can make the crack mighty that in itself is a gift.

johnmcdnl · 25-08-2012 08:17PM

sweeney1971 wrote: »

If its a young couple starting off I would give them money. If the wedding is the second time around or older couple I would just give them a card. My father in law got married again to a right stuck up skank, really put on all the airs and graces. She sent people an invite out asking for money of all things, both are loaded. We got them a really bad taste garden ornament. Went down a treat with the skank.
When my husband and I got married we told people we did not want anything but just come to the evening party (we got married abroad) most people brought us Jelly's, bag's of cement, bales of hay and a pig.A good night was had by all!

That must have been great craic - your guests their trying to hand over the bags of cement and hay without destroying their best suit or your best suit

girl in the striped socks · 25-08-2012 08:19PM

sweeney1971 wrote: »

If its a young couple starting off I would give them money. If the wedding is the second time around or older couple I would just give them a card. My father in law got married again to a right stuck up skank, really put on all the airs and graces. She sent people an invite out asking for money of all things, both are loaded. We got them a really bad taste garden ornament. Went down a treat with the skank.
When my husband and I got married we told people we did not want anything but just come to the evening party (we got married abroad) most people brought us Jelly's, bag's of cement, bales of hay and a pig.A good night was had by all!

Now that's what I call a wedding!
No stress, just a group of people having a few drinks & a bit of craic.

sweeney1971 · 25-08-2012 08:22PM

It was a great do. Everyone came in fancy dress, we did daft kids party stuff, musical chairs, bingo, pass the parcel. Some of our friends did not have much money they brought us toilet rolls, a roll of bin liners, soap, it was the rich ones who brought us the pig! We did not ask for anything just wanted them all there for a good night and a laugh.

sweeney1971 · 25-08-2012 08:28PM

We had just come in from Milking dressed in our boiler suits when all our 'Guests' were arriving, we was going to change into our fancy dress 80's shell suits but thought f**k it go in as we was, wellies and all.One of the Jellies was actually wrapped up, there it was wobbling away under fancy wrapping paper. Ah the memory!

mikemac1 · 25-08-2012 08:30PM

It's not a hospital visit unless you bring a crossword book, grapes and flat Diet 7up

gara · 25-08-2012 08:31PM

Yes, I always give gifts whenever I can. In addition to the obvious occasions (weddings, birthdays, Christmas) I always bring a bottle of bubbles to give to the host when I arrive at a party or organise a cake to have at the house before going out for a friend's birthday, in addition to the actual gift itself.

If a friend or member of my family has achieved something special (academically or sporting) I also like to mark the occasion with a little gift to highlight it's importance and acknowledge their hard work, but also because I just like to share their happiness with them.

For me, the concept of cost never enters the equation when it comes to giving presents. Whether it costs a little or a lot, I just enjoy the feeling of finding something appropriate to mark a special occasion for someone I care about. It's what memories are made of and for me that feeling is priceless

username123 · 25-08-2012 08:32PM

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

Anyone I know who's married has told me they made money off their wedding.
The average wedding costs between 25-30k. Most couples will give between €150-€200 as a gift.

I normally give €200. And I think it's a bit scabby for someone to turn up empty handed. Fair enough a lot of people can't afford to give substantial money as a gift these days. But a card is cheap & you could pick up a picture frame for a small amount of money.
Or you could send back a regret card & not have to worry about it!

In the more than 20 years that Ive been attending weddings I dont know anyone that this has happened to. Certainly for my own wedding we spent X amount and received 1/4 of X in cash gifts, plus some non cash gifts.

200 is very high an amount to give, particularly since the reality check of the recession.

I never show without something for a party.

Tool_ · 25-08-2012 08:43PM

Scioch wrote: »

I'd bring beers to a party seeing as I'd be drinking them or a bottle of wine if someone is having me over for dinner. But I dont buy gifts. Over the years I have realised I am wasting my money on something someone else doesnt need when I cant even afford to get everything I fcukin need. Its just stupid.

Exactly that. I always try to bring more than I drink to a house so get a load of booze. The only adults I buy presents for are either closely related or let me see them naked.

Scruffles · 25-08-2012 08:46PM

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

Anyone I know who's married has told me they made money off their wedding.
The average wedding costs between 25-30k. Most couples will give between €150-€200 as a gift.

I normally give €200. And I think it's a bit scabby for someone to turn up empty handed. Fair enough a lot of people can't afford to give substantial money as a gift these days. But a card is cheap & you could pick up a picture frame for a small amount of money.
Or you could send back a regret card & not have to worry about it!

gifts arent compulsory they are just a socialy accepted tradition,that said yes people are tight if its the birthday/some sort of celebration of someone they like alot and they dont get them a present if they can afford it,they can always make the person a card and depending on the abilities of the person and materials available they coud even make a present, eg; a cake,a nice meal,offering to do a task of their choice for them-eg,lawn mowing,food shopping,sorting their computer out for them if they are rubbish with the computer.

as someone who lives in UK residential care,am on next to no money at all as by law we can only get the lowest level of income support and the mobility component of DLA.
am on high rate mobility component of DLA which completely gets used up on a motability scheme car and basic income support,all of it is used up on essential needs and even some stuff that shoud not have to be paying for.

am not able to afford cards let alone presents,and regulary owe money back to the units petty cash,havent got one bit of savings.
however,when it was sisters wedding this year in april,had spent exactly a day no less making her a card with the most crappy assed cheap childrens craft bits-all old off cuts,using crap childrens paint-the watered down type in big cheap plastic bottles that everyone probably remembers using in school.:pac:
felt so awful going to the wedding when people showered her with money and presents,but she genuinely loved the card and coud tell had put so much effort into it and knows the money situation.

this is a birthday card had made for a support staff of mine-
http://radiant-bantam.deviantart.com/gallery/38852683#/d4zdkwt
had spent a day making that one as well,the entire card was originaly just a white piece of thick paper and it was slowly built up with all sorts of card bits and bits of foam card.

most non materialistic people prefer stuff that has a personal touch to it,that has had a ton of effort put into it,anyone can buy something if they have the money but not everyone woud bother putting the effort into making something.

girl in the striped socks · 25-08-2012 09:00PM

Scruffles wrote: »

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

Anyone I know who's married has told me they made money off their wedding.
The average wedding costs between 25-30k. Most couples will give between €150-€200 as a gift.

I normally give €200. And I think it's a bit scabby for someone to turn up empty handed. Fair enough a lot of people can't afford to give substantial money as a gift these days. But a card is cheap & you could pick up a picture frame for a small amount of money.
Or you could send back a regret card & not have to worry about it!

gifts arent compulsory they are just a socialy accepted tradition,that said yes people are tight if its the birthday/some sort of celebration of someone they like alot and they dont get them a present if they can afford it,they can always make the person a card and depending on the abilities of the person and materials available they coud even make a present, eg; a cake,a nice meal,offering to do a task of their choice for them-eg,lawn mowing,food shopping,sorting their computer out for them if they are rubbish with the computer.

as someone who lives in UK residential care,am on next to no money at all as by law we can only get the lowest level of income support and the mobility component of DLA.
am on high rate mobility component of DLA which completely gets used up on a motability scheme car and basic income support,all of it is used up on essential needs and even some stuff that shoud not have to be paying for.

am not able to afford cards let alone presents,and regulary owe money back to the units petty cash,havent got one bit of savings.
however,when it was sisters wedding this year in april,had spent exactly a day no less making her a card with the most crappy assed cheap childrens craft bits-all old off cuts,using crap childrens paint-the watered down type in big cheap plastic bottles that everyone probably remembers using in school.:pac:
felt so awful going to the wedding when people showered her with money and presents,but she genuinely loved the card and coud tell had put so much effort into it and knows the money situation.

this is a birthday card had made for a support staff of mine-
http://radiant-bantam.deviantart.com/gallery/38852683#/d4zdkwt
had spent a day making that one as well,the entire card was originaly just a white piece of thick paper and it was slowly built up with all sorts of card bits and bits of foam card.

most non materialistic people prefer stuff that has a personal touch to it,that has had a ton of effort put into it,anyone can buy something if they have the money but not everyone woud bother putting the effort into making something.

I'm a big believer in giving what you can.
The whole wedding gift thing has gotten out of control from my point of view.
Personally I can't stand big weddings anyway. Outside of my family I can count on one hand the people I would like at mine. I don't have any interest in inviting my 300 "closest" friends.
The simpler the day the better in my opinion.
And while I might put money in a card it's not a lasting gift like you gave.

Lisha · 25-08-2012 09:01PM

HI Scruffles,

the card you made and the sentiment behind it are both fab.

lil'bug · 25-08-2012 09:56PM

eth0 wrote: »

It's good form to bring a pineapple when you go to visit someone.

I have done that!
I put it in with a belated wedding present

bdoo · 25-08-2012 10:18PM

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

Anyone I know who's married has told me they made money off their wedding.
The average wedding costs between 25-30k. Most couples will give between €150-€200 as a gift.

I normally give €200. And I think it's a bit scabby for someone to turn up empty handed. Fair enough a lot of people can't afford to give substantial money as a gift these days. But a card is cheap & you could pick up a picture frame for a small amount of money.
Or you could send back a regret card & not have to worry about it!

Do you not know the cost of stamps?

Karen23 · 25-08-2012 10:35PM

One couple at our wedding didn't give us a card or present but I didn't think any less of them for it. They could have given it to someone and it got mislaid or they just couldn't afford it on top of the the costs that come with going to a wedding.

When my sister got married she didn't get cards off a couple of aunts and uncles who I've never known to turn up at any event empty handed so again she doesn't know if the cards were given to someone else and not passed on to her or because they were only invited to the afters felt that they didn't need to bring a gift/card but they would at a party so I didn't see the difference.

Red21 · 25-08-2012 10:38PM

lazygal wrote: »

. I'm at the 'wedding age' and I don't know any of our friends who 'made' money, apart from one person who's parents paid for the whole wedding.

username123 wrote: »

In the more than 20 years that Ive been attending weddings I dont know anyone that this has happened to. Certainly for my own wedding we spent X amount and received 1/4 of X in cash gifts, plus some non cash gifts..

How could anyone possibly know if a couple did or didn't make money out of their wedding, irrespective of how many weddings they've been at?
You can only ever give a rough idea based on estimated costs involved and what you believe is being handed over in the card.

Girl in the... is correct in saying that couples usually give 150 to 200.
I've had the misfortune of having to attend lots of these things and i'm in little douth that 100euro per person is a very good estimation. Going by that, yes people generally do make money of their weddings to more you invite the more you make.

People not giving gifts

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