Adults living with their parents...

gsxr1 · 25-08-2012 3:27pm

My lad (who is 8) will get a 50 euro note and a shift boot out the door in exactly 10 years time.

Best of luck son.;)

Stop leeching my BMW fund and find your own way in the world.

Ciderswigger · 25-08-2012 3:27pm

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Yes but if you like the person and things get serious then you can both get your own place together. As I already said, if a person has nobody to rent with then moving out may not be an option. Either its too expensive or they don't want to live alone. Some people are waiting to find a partner before moving out, rather than waiting to afford their own place.

I see what you're saying but if I was with a 30 odd year old guy who had a good income and was merely living at home cos of mammy's Sunday roast then it would become a factor for me. Man up and move into a flat. I've lived with some awful wasters but I'd rather the experience of moving out than holding out at home till I find the one.

Each to their own I suppose.:)

Lollers · 25-08-2012 3:30pm

I'm the opposite. I've just got my own place, and TBH I miss my mum, we have always gotten on well, she's very laid back, and thankfully was never the interfering type. I guess I just have been very lucky, listening to what some of you poor things have had to deal with while living at home. Also I think the stigma surrounding adult children living at home has definitely subsided since the economy went down the toilet. Would make no difference to me, and most people I know.

marshbaboon · 25-08-2012 3:32pm

Ciderswigger wrote: »

I see what you're saying but if I was with a 30 odd year old guy who had a good income and was merely living at home cos of mammy's Sunday roast then it would become a factor for me. Man up and move into a flat. I've lived with some awful wasters but I'd rather the experience of moving out than holding out at home till I find the one.

Each to their own I suppose.:)

That I'd agree with. If I had money I'd be moved out in a flash. Girls can also be guilty of this though, I've gone out with a few that lived at home, their mammies did all their washing, bought all their food & cooked for them, cleaned their rooms and made their beds.

gsxr1 · 25-08-2012 3:33pm

christmas2012 wrote: »

Its not an easy situation being unemployed,on average there are 50 people to 1 job ratio,that doesnt look good in todays so called climbing out of a recession lets boost up house prices,people cannot afford rent,let alone buying even at the so called knock down prices there are now,landlords and estate agents know we are STILL in bad times yet want the prices to creep back up,well thats why there are so many living with the folks,i know a girl down the road from me 30 got pregnant still living with the parents baby already there roaring and crying,eldery parents putting up with it bc they have to otherwise she would be homeless..All i can say to those still frustrated living at home is just keep trying and if all else fails VOLUNTARY WORK OR EVEN THE JOB BLOCKER FAS/JOB BRIDGE

Where did you get that figure?
Surly its not that bad.

A single mother would be put on top of the housing list .

anncoates · 25-08-2012 3:36pm

gsxr1 wrote: »

My lad (who is 8) will get a 50 euro note and a shift boot out the door in exactly 10 years time.

Best of luck son.;)

Stop leeching my BMW fund and find your own way in the world.

By the sounds of it, he won't need a boot to get out as quickly as possible.

christmas2012 · 25-08-2012 3:36pm

on top of a long list in our housing list lets not forget the welfare tourists that are adding to the queue

Ciderswigger · 25-08-2012 3:38pm

marshbaboon wrote: »

Girls can also be guilty of this though, I've gone out with a few that lived at home, their mammies did all their washing, bought all their food & cooked for them, cleaned their rooms and made their beds.

I'm living at home and I do everything for myself except the ironing. I swear I'd rather buy new clothes than iron them... :rolleyes::D

marshbaboon · 25-08-2012 3:40pm

Ciderswigger wrote: »

I'm living at home and I do everything for myself except the ironing. I swear I'd rather buy new clothes than iron them... :rolleyes::D

I'm crossing you off on my list...

Ciderswigger · 25-08-2012 3:41pm

marshbaboon wrote: »

I'm crossing you off on my list...

But....but... I make a mean sammich!

Grayson · 25-08-2012 3:43pm

Daveysil15 wrote: »

But would it be anymore advantageous if the person is living with a bunch of flatmates? OK it proves that they're a bit more independent, but you'd still have no privacy.

This is the way I think of privacy.

My flatmates hear me shagging my girlfriend and mention it to me. Bit embarassing but I'd laugh it of.

My parents hear me shagging my girlfriend and say it to me. I'd be ****ing mortified.

marshbaboon · 25-08-2012 3:48pm

Grayson wrote: »

This is the way I think of privacy.

My flatmates hear me shagging my girlfriend and mention it to me. Bit embarassing but I'd laugh it of.

My parents hear me shagging my girlfriend and say it to me. I'd be ****ing mortified.

Older house, better soundproofing. Solid internal walls innit.

mariaalice · 25-08-2012 3:51pm

To the op, the fact that this has got worse over time says a lot about the situation to me it sound like she is frustrated about your situation but being a mammy she love you so is most likely caught between wanting the house to her self a bit more and feeling sorry for you because of your job situation.

Have you ever had a job or a career of do you have any third leve? Have you every left home before, is the present situation just a tempery thing. Would you consider going to the UK to look for work even for a few months.

None of my children live at home full time anymore, We all get on great and are very close, however we had contemplated the idea of building a small extension which would have enabled us to have a semi detached studio for the youngest.

In my opinion living with you parent past the age of 30 is not a good idea for most people ( there are exceptions )

This life is not a rehearsal and being unemployed and living in a tension filled house dose not seem a great way to spend your twenties.

christmas2012 · 25-08-2012 3:59pm

I agree living with the folks over 30 is not a good idea,even in the 20's its an annoyance more so than anything for both parties,it feels like there is no room to swing a cat depending on the family size..But there are lots of people who are in a situation where they are unemployed and have no where to live,and it is difficult,some parents with young families are moving back to the parental home bc they are in debt/house repossesed and nowhere to live..I know a girl down the road from me pregnant/30/single/no support,and the housing waiting lists go on for years and years and she has nowhere to stay but at the parental home..Its a sad situation but i dont judge them for it,its all up to yourself and your attitute in general its up to you to get out and about,and meet people,get some local work,part time/full time or voluntary..

Chloris · 25-08-2012 4:05pm

Funny that the privacy issue has been mentioned.

When I was in Cork doing a placement last September, I rented a house with my friends (a lovely couple) and when I went back to college in Limerick, my boyfriend moved into the room to ensure we got the house when I moved back in May. We lived there all summer and when it turned out that the modules for the course he wanted to do in UCD were taken, we decided to move out anyway and find somewhere on our own.

After a nightmarish experience of putting a deposit on an apartment and moving our stuff in only to find that they hadn't cleaned it, as promised, we are waiting for the deposit cheque to clear and looking for a new apartment. We're hoping to move back in together by next weekend but the money situation is pretty tight and we're really worried that we'll have to stay living at home for longer.

His mother is like a wild animal at the moment because loads of their relatives are sick and I'd say she's annoyed at him for moving out in the first place. My mom is a lot more supportive but there are issues about living at home because my younger brother has special needs (I can't cook, use sanitary facilities or do anything outside of my room during the day really).

So, O.P., I feel your pain. It gives me a sick feeling in my stomach thinking about how good we had it last week and how that's all gone now. I only work part-time so our budget is pretty limited but I'm hopeful that one of a few places we're looking at will work out. I hope you find some work and manage to get out of there; sounds like you badly need it.

25-08-2012 4:22pm

People mentioning privacy and having their own space when renting with strangers compared to living at home.

I feel much more comfortable at home than sharing in a rented house. For instance thrown across a chair at home, arguing over what channel to put on etc etc this is much more comfortable at home as you have to respect a certain amount of politics when sharing a place. For instance at home I would and have never spend much time in my bedroom as I feel much more at home in the sitting room or kitchen whereas in my rented place I often head up to my room.

The one obvious exception is if you are bringing back a girlfriend/woman you met out which isn't something you have as much freedom for at home.

I'm growing very tired of sharing with people and I've only being doing it for a few years.

Daveysil15 · 25-08-2012 4:35pm

Ciderswigger wrote: »

I'm living at home and I do everything for myself except the ironing. I swear I'd rather buy new clothes than iron them... :rolleyes::D

I'm fine with ironing but don't do much cooking or cleaning. So if we got a place together we could work something out.

P.S I also like cider.

Ciderswigger · 25-08-2012 4:36pm

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I'm fine with ironing but don't do much cooking or cleaning. So if we got a place together we could work something out.

P.S I also like cider.

:eek: We're obviously meant to be together! Marry me!!

Daveysil15 · 25-08-2012 4:39pm

Ciderswigger wrote: »

:eek: We're obviously meant to be together! Marry me!!

OK, but I'd rather get a gaf first.

mariaalice · 25-08-2012 4:44pm

This is an issue for parents as well, children always seem to think its just about them:p

Things I know other parents have done...my sister has a bungalow they converted the attic and the children live up there( plus the children's girlfriends at the weekend ) and she hasn't been up there in two years!

I know someone else who gave their unemployed adult child the money to go Canada ( which they borrowed from the credit Union ) because they found the tension so bad.

mariaalice · 25-08-2012 4:51pm

And another thing there is a big difference between living at home in a small house, unemployed and very little chance of getting a job verses every one out working and getting on with there lives and the house being big enough for every one to have some privacy!

hmmm · 25-08-2012 5:13pm

Perhaps she'd like to live her own life now, and not have to put up with another adult living in her house? Living at home with your mother in your 20s is embarrassing, get a job and move out.

Pa Dee · 25-08-2012 5:47pm

guitarzero wrote: »

This post may(/must?) have been done but sure....

As someone in their late 20's living with their ma (and 2 siblings of late 20's), it's driving me up the wall. Unemployed and for the time being, dependent on her for a roof over my head. I give rent, daily job seek, get up around 9,10, do odds and ends around the house that need done and pretty much keep a bit of a low profile. Yet this does not curtail the underlying tension and arguments that spark out of nowhere. She's regularly stubborn, irrational and reactive which leads to needless arguments. Are all Irish mammy's like this? She's in her mid 50's and her behaviour is getting petty and ridiculous. These bouts are a feature now, myself as the regular target. There is no talking, its very much a defiant 'my way or the high way' kinda tripe.

I'm curious as to how other folks well into their 20's and upwards are managing living with their parents. Do they find themselves caught up in regular needless disputes? Of course theres 2 sides to every coin and I am not claiming to be an angel but these particular sparked reactions are the hall marks of a unbearable, irrational, petulant child.

She's likely menopausal. Have her consult the doc re HRT

Kurz · 25-08-2012 7:24pm

It doesn't matter OP. The kind of people who'd throw stones at you for that aren't the kind of people who's opinions matter when it comes down to it. People stay at home until they're married in most cultures, regardless of employment.

Living with your folks can be headwrecking but when you move out and you all get a little older you'll look back at it fondly.

Grayson · 25-08-2012 7:48pm

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

I'm growing very tired of sharing with people and I've only being doing it for a few years.

I'm sick of it. And most of my friends are in long term relationships so I can't even share with them. Still, it costs so much to rent or buy your own place...

Smeggy · 25-08-2012 7:51pm

I am 28 now and been living at home with my parents for the last 5 years since I came back from Oz. It can be bit annoying but the alternative at the moment is to live with strangers so better the devil(s) I know

Katunga · 25-08-2012 8:57pm

I went to Australia Because living with my parents for 4 months after college drove me up the wall.

Fizzlesque · 25-08-2012 9:17pm

mariaalice wrote: »

This is an issue for parents as well, children always seem to think its just about them:p

This made me smile - as soon as myself and my siblings had moved out/gone travelling my dad sold our family home and bought himself a little bungalow miles away from where we grew up so there was no way we'd ever be able to move back home even if we wanted/needed to. Then, ten years ago, he met a woman and moved to the other end of the country to live near her - we joke with him about the lengths he's prepared to go to to make sure none of us ever try and live in his house with him again.

25-08-2012 9:27pm

Fizzlesque wrote: »

This made me smile - as soon as myself and my siblings had moved out/gone travelling my dad sold our family home and bought himself a little bungalow miles away from where we grew up so there was no way we'd ever be able to move back home even if we wanted/needed to. Then, ten years ago, he met a woman and moved to the other end of the country to live near her - we joke with him about the lengths he's prepared to go to to make sure none of us ever try and live in his house with him again.

See I know for a fact my parents would only like if me or one or both my sisters were living at home. They like having us around, we have a big house, multiple en-suite bedrooms, 2 sitting rooms etc which is underused when no one is around and we have a farm so people around mean more help on the farm.

scamalert · 25-08-2012 9:42pm

26 still at home,cant see any way moving out on 170 a week wage,possible but living with someone sharing bathroom,privacy issues,kitchen weekends and so many more things.

SuperInfinity · 26-08-2012 4:40am

I think if it's just your parents and it's a big house it's not too bad and you could all be very happy potentially. If you're there with siblings also... oh dear.

stoneill · 26-08-2012 5:33am

If you are living at home with your parents - make sure you are helping about the place - do the washing, do the hoovering, do the shopping, do the cooking, do the ironing.

What annoys parents is the sitting on your arse doing nothing stuff.

jimthemental · 26-08-2012 8:17am

I couldn't live with them again, christ sure the last time I was watching United play on the telly at home I drank 2 or 3 bottles of Miller and the oul fella started giving out about how much I drink. Said I had a problem and all.

26-08-2012 11:31am

jimthemental wrote: »

I couldn't live with them again, christ sure the last time I was watching United play on the telly at home I drank 2 or 3 bottles of Miller and the oul fella started giving out about how much I drink. Said I had a problem and all.

If it was two or three cases, then he might have had a point! Being at home. you will always be down the pecking order as they'll remember you as a kid and will never accept you as an equal while you are using "their" home.

That probably would change if you brought in your wife and had children, then perhaps they'll accept you're fully grown up.

bnt · 26-08-2012 11:51am

Yet another AH thread that forgets that there are parts of the world that are not Ireland.

In Italy, roughly half of all adults are living with their parents. The stats come from 2010, but given the economic situation there, there's no reason to believe that the numbers are any lower this year. The cost of the limited property supply is the driver of this trend, not anything psychological.

So I little time for any of this "mammy's boys" talk. If it's economically viable to move out, you do. I know it happens, and even Hollywood has noticed (seen Failure to Launch?), but when we have an older "baby boom" generation that owns the existing property, and a property boom that prices young people out of the market, why is any of this surprising?

paddyandy · 26-08-2012 4:07pm

People are not explaining themselves well or they are are not listening to one another .This seems a common problem here . People go 'stale' living under the same roof together .Some underlying unspoken problems and it's amazing what can come out in the wash .People don't really know what they are like to live with .BNT; Family structures in Italy are very much intact these days i'm told.

Galwayguy35 · 26-08-2012 4:20pm

I lived at home until I has enough saved for a deposit on my own place. I would give my mother money for my keep as I didn't believe in living at home for nothing but it was still far cheaper than renting a flat.

Personally I always hated the thought of renting as I see it as paying someone elses bills so it was the right decision for me.

26-08-2012 4:21pm

In much of rural Ireland you now have children living on their parents land! Around here I can think of several families who have been given sites by their father and have built their own houses there, we live on my wife’s inheritance. This phenomenon is a one generation one time event courtesy of the celtic tiger.

mariaalice · 26-08-2012 4:23pm

paddyandy wrote: »

People are not explaining themselves well or they are are not listening to one another .This seems a common problem here . People go 'stale' living under the same roof together .Some underlying unspoken problems and it's amazing what can come out in the wash .People don't really know what they are like to live with .

acutely

Exactly this, a lot of this depends on the situation as I said before if everyone is out working and doing there own thing, there is enough room for everyone to have a bit of privacy, everyone get on, plus the adult children are not enjoying a life style that they can only afford because they are being helped by their parents ( living in their parents house for free or very little rent )

There are a lot of other issues which can be hard to negotiate as well, how to conduct an intimate relationship, difference in attitude about drinking in the house which can cause a lot tension.

I still thing its a good thing to have to stand on your own two feet at sometime in your life with out always having the safety net of living with you parents

newmug · 26-08-2012 4:24pm

3ndahalfof6 wrote: »

someone help me out here, im at work.

I'll give you some help. Get off the fcukin internet and do your job. Stop giving this fella a hard time, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I'm sure the OP would only be delighted if it was.

Galwayguy35 · 26-08-2012 4:29pm

Deleted User wrote: »

In much of rural Ireland you now have children living on their parents land! Around here I can think of several families who have been given sites by their father and have built their own houses there, we live on my wife’s inheritance. This phenomenon is a one generation one time event courtesy of the celtic tiger.

Sure what's wrong with that?

They are hardly going to spend money buying a site if their parents have a bit of land to give them for a house.

26-08-2012 4:43pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Sure what's wrong with that?

They are hardly going to spend money buying a site if their parents have a bit of land to give them for a house.

Nothing at all, just an observation.

Abi · 26-08-2012 5:12pm

Grayson wrote: »

I read somewhere recently that as women get older their daughters become their best friends. They based this on the fact that middle aged/elderly women spend more time calling their daughters than anyone else.

Was it an American article?

I only tolerate my mothers shít because she is my mother. Shes irrational, impatient, agest, racist, mean, insensitive, a user and a begrudger just to mention a few of her lovely traits. She stresses me out being any where near her for 2 minutes. Maybe not all, but I'd imagine quite a few Irish women can relate to me on this one.

Daveysil15 · 26-08-2012 7:06pm

bnt wrote: »

Yet another AH thread that forgets that there are parts of the world that are not Ireland.

In Italy, roughly half of all adults are living with their parents. The stats come from 2010, but given the economic situation there, there's no reason to believe that the numbers are any lower this year. The cost of the limited property supply is the driver of this trend, not anything psychological.

So I little time for any of this "mammy's boys" talk. If it's economically viable to move out, you do. I know it happens, and even Hollywood has noticed (seen Failure to Launch?), but when we have an older "baby boom" generation that owns the existing property, and a property boom that prices young people out of the market, why is any of this surprising?

Yeah the "mammy's boys" phrase seems to be used a lot in Ireland, often in a derogatory way. A lot of people here have issues with men in particular living at home, as if you're dependent or unable to look after yourself. If your facts are right then an Italian stallion wouldn't fair well with a lot of the women here.

26-08-2012 7:14pm

Deleted User wrote: »

In much of rural Ireland you now have children living on their parents land! Around here I can think of several families who have been given sites by their father and have built their own houses there, we live on my wife’s inheritance. This phenomenon is a one generation one time event courtesy of the celtic tiger.

Its not really, my home house was built on our land 26 years ago i.e. my Dad got the site from my grandfather. There is about 3 or 4 neighbors who are all the same family and again all their houses are build on what would have been their parents lad and it was done 30+ years ago.

Thats only going half a mile from my house, I could give similar examples all over the place its very common down through the years to build a house on your own land.

gara · 26-08-2012 7:18pm

Abi wrote: »

I only tolerate my mothers shít because she is my mother. She stresses me out being any where near her for 2 minutes. Maybe not all, but I'd imagine quite a few Irish women can relate to me on this one.

I never buy that 'My Mom is my best friend' baloney either. Now whereas I love my Mum and have a lot of time for her and her for me, she's certainly not my best friend. Nor would I want her to be, she's my parent and personally I think that's how it should be

madacasgar · 26-08-2012 7:20pm

I am 32 years old and live with my elderly parents. They are not 100% but they are a lot better than most. The house is big enough and affords a reasonable amount of privacy so we can operate separately. It really doesn't impress the ladies though and my parents go through stages of telling me I'd be better off on my own with my own family but I'd feel guilty leaving them.

christmas2012 · 26-08-2012 7:21pm

Why would you feel guilty?

madacasgar · 26-08-2012 7:23pm

because they would struggle without me for activities of daily living. could probably get someone in to do a few things like dinners and changing light bulbs.

Abi · 26-08-2012 8:52pm

gara wrote: »

I never buy that 'My Mom is my best friend' baloney either. Now whereas I love my Mum and have a lot of time for her and her for me, she's certainly not my best friend. Nor would I want her to be, she's my parent and personally I think that's how it should be

I would love my mother to be just that, a parent. A bit of sound advice and words of experience would be nice. What I have is a bully of mother is 'nice' to me when she wants something done for her. Other that, she'll insult me in every way possible, and is a hell of a lot to handle out in public. I'll refrain from calling her names, but I've several for her. If your parent parents rather than bullies, I envy you.

madacasgar wrote: »

because they would struggle without me for activities of daily living. could probably get someone in to do a few things like dinners and changing light bulbs.

You said they are elderly, wouldn't they qualify for meals on wheels? or do they need an actual carer?

Adults living with their parents...

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