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No guys out there for me?

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Comments

  • #62
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,232 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    I don't mean this in a disrespectful way but I personally think "go, get laid" isn't really great advice at all. (As an aside personally I get really irritated as well by phrases like "man up" and "grow a pair" - it's like some sort of macho hypermasculinity telling you what a real man should do)

    OP - there is quite a lot in this thread. I think some people while they may have seemed harsh have given very good advice - a few things struck me and I wanted to respond to them;


    1 - I don't understand why you don't engage with people who put face photos up on sites. It seems you are not only being a bit too judgemental but also completely missing opportunities.

    2 - I don't really understand your fear of someone from work seeing you at a gay bar. If you see them then they see you.

    3 - There are lots and lots of groups - lgbt sports clubs and activity groups you could/should consider. Or you could try going to meetings here (or gaire.com or queerid.com)

    4 -
    eaglach wrote: »
    I am not that guy. I am not that guy who is able to chat to strangers. I am not that guy who doesn't care what others think. I am not that guy who is easy-going and carefree. And after twenty odd years it's very difficult to change something which is essentially my personality.

    Enough waffle. I've wasted enough of everyones time.

    I think this is the nub of the issue. You do things certain ways and you find it difficult to change. It's not impossible though. I recognise lots of people who used to be like that: Myself, Floggg, Paddyc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc. Also I don't think you're wasting anyones time.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #63
    Rick_
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,620 ✭✭✭Rick_


    What'd you say about me, Mango?! :p

    Eaglach, look at some of these threads I started on here and look what was said to me.

    Doomed To Be Alone
    Where To Meet Decent Guys?
    Approaching People / Making The First Move

    If you could see the difference in me from then and now you'd think I was two different people and all it took was a little pushing myself out of my comfort zone even though I didn't want to. I knew if I didn't at least try I wouldn't get anywhere, but if I did try, I could end up exactly where I wanted to be.

    I'm not the same whiny, paranoid, melodramatic nervous gay guy I was back then. One day you won't be the same as you are now. Make the first steps now and I guarantee you'll feel all the better for it in the near future. :)


  • #64
    eaglach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 225 ✭✭eaglach


    I haven't replied because I can't really add anything. I just want to say thanks for all the advice. I guess the thing I have to learn is that I can't really complain about not meeting guys without actually doing something different. As Einstein said about insanity: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".


  • #65
    Aurongroove
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 876 ✭✭✭Aurongroove


    I'm impressed with your sense. Some of those responses "we" gave were a little bit on the expansive side, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

    My prognosis is take some time to digest it all!


  • #66
    RamesesII
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7 ✭RamesesII


    Thank God. I'm not the only one!! Man I'm in the same boat as you, I mean no disrespect to anyone but there are a lot of lads who are romantically (and I mean that in the true sense of the word NOT just physical) attracted to other lads but who don't match the stereotype of "gay", the campness, having a lot of "girlfriends" etc. I'm not knocking anyone but everyone has different personalities.

    I'm in a similar boat to yourself, I'm a huge Deftones, Tool fan etc. and I read a lot of Sci -fi so yeah I feel like a bit of an alien in certain types of bars.

    I'll say this much - I have very few friends straight or otherwise who met the "one" in a bar. Does anybody know of anywhere outside the usual alcohol fueled nonsense where you can have a conversation which might lead to something? I would agree about staying away from the websites too they don't generate real interaction.

    Would be nice if someone gave us all a guide book but hey, we have to try and muddle through right?


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  • #67
    RamesesII
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7 ✭RamesesII


    Also have to dig a man who quotes Einstein


  • #68
    floggg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,821 ✭✭✭floggg


    RamesesII wrote: »
    Thank God. I'm not the only one!! Man I'm in the same boat as you, I mean no disrespect to anyone but there are a lot of lads who are romantically (and I mean that in the true sense of the word NOT just physical) attracted to other lads but who don't match the stereotype of "gay", the campness, having a lot of "girlfriends" etc. I'm not knocking anyone but everyone has different personalities.

    I'm in a similar boat to yourself, I'm a huge Deftones, Tool fan etc. and I read a lot of Sci -fi so yeah I feel like a bit of an alien in certain types of bars.

    I'll say this much - I have very few friends straight or otherwise who met the "one" in a bar. Does anybody know of anywhere outside the usual alcohol fueled nonsense where you can have a conversation which might lead to something? I would agree about staying away from the websites too they don't generate real interaction.

    Would be nice if someone gave us all a guide book but hey, we have to try and muddle through right?


    The responses posted in this thread are as close to a good book as one can get.

    Read the thread through from the start as all this has been covered.


  • #69
    calm_bull
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22 ✭calm_bull


    eaglach wrote: »
    I have for a long time been browsing websites like gaydar and manhunt, looking for guys for possibly a relationship. Friendship at the least. But I just can't find any guys that interest me.

    I get the feeling I'm on my own in this whole gay community. I feel like I don't fit in. I am a "straight-acting" guy and really only interested in other non-camp guys. Thats not too strange is it?

    Then I look to see if I have anything in common. Problem is that I never do. Ever. I'm into rock and metal music. No gay guys I talk to are ever into this kind of music. I like video games. Same story. Films and TV? I could go on like this with lots of things.

    Am I being too picky? I am new to this whole gay thing, and relationships, but isn't having things in common pretty important?

    It's bad enough being limited to the small number of gay/bi guys in this world to choose from, but then trying to find one that shares my interests? Impossible.

    It seems like a lost cause and I'm forever destined to be alone.

    i completely disagree here. i like games, and rock music, rock music not so much, and i am also straight acting. i am single too, however i dont blame this on the fact that there arent people like me out there. i am not part of this so i couldn't give you details but there is a whole network of 'gaymers' as they call themselves, any of the people that i know involved in this are straight acting. you dont have to have everything in common with people either, maybe they can let you in on their lives and show you new experiences.

    My favourite music wouldn't be so mainstream so it can be difficult to find someone with my taste in it, and my gaming isn't hardcore enough to be a gaymer, but there would be no reason i couldn't introduce people to my type of music, and have a listen to theirs, there could be plenty of other things you have in common with someone


  • #70
    Aurongroove
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 876 ✭✭✭Aurongroove


    And just like that eaglach in no longer the newest "is there such thing as non-camp gay people or am I the only one and will I be alone forever?" to join the board.


  • #71
    brokenice
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 161 ✭✭brokenice


    i was at a party recently and my mate really wanted to introduce me to some guy. he assured me he wasn't camp...when i met him it was like being hit in the face with a bottle of pop...:eek: i think my mate did it on purpose for kicks!


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  • #72
    calm_bull
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22 ✭calm_bull


    brokenice wrote: »
    i was at a party recently and my mate really wanted to introduce me to some guy. he assured me he wasn't camp...when i met him it was like being hit in the face with a bottle of pop...:eek: i think my mate did it on purpose for kicks!

    'i have this friend you will absolutely love him, you two would be perfect together...'

    'is he camp?'

    'yeah... hes fabulous'


  • #73
    Aurongroove
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 876 ✭✭✭Aurongroove


    brokenice wrote: »
    i was at a party recently and my mate really wanted to introduce me to some guy. he assured me he wasn't camp...when i met him it was like being hit in the face with a bottle of pop...:eek: i think my mate did it on purpose for kicks!

    lol. what a ****er :D


  • #74
    eaglach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 225 ✭✭eaglach


    Aurongroove wrote: »
    And just like that eaglach in no longer the newest "is there such thing as non-camp gay people or am I the only one and will I be alone forever?" to join the board.

    Well that wasn't my point. It was that finding guys with similar interests is difficult, that was all.


  • #75
    Aurongroove
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 876 ✭✭✭Aurongroove


    Oh I know Eaglach, and sorry; I didn't mean to give the impression that I genuinely misunderstood your point after such a long thread (but rather, for the sake of humour)

    You know the way sometimes an old relative or someone might try to cheer you up but they end up grossly insulting or misrepresenting you? and that that winds up being the thing that cheers you up the most? :D I've taken to sometimes doing that as a joke, but the humour sometimes dosn't survive the writing down process


    in a similar complaint I had (over a cup of tea) about needing to go to dublin to have a proper gay night out, where I can actually meet guys and have a conversation (becasue Mayo dosn't have gay venues) my mum said to me once "ahh you're right; there nothing down here for you... except the freaks down at the lake riddled with god knows what" (!!:eek:!!:D)

    what was I supposed to say "you're right, mammy. now, would you like another jaffa cake?"
    It did make me laugh though. It's nice to know that she had no way of quantifying the difference between trying to find a guy to live with and going around cruising for casual sex every other night but that she was still OK with everything for no other reason then her trust in me to lead a proper life!


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