Great moments in school

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

worzel walsh' tech drawing class

You went to the same school as me so!

Once the 'master' was out on a phone-call in the office. Small country school.

I decided to sing a serenade to my best-friend at the time because we had been playing Sims for days without rest. Cue the really high-pitched, exasperated love-song of sorts. :pac:

Anyway, I never heard the heavy steps entering the class-room, and continued on my quest to display my love to her. He begins roaring 'who... is...making... that... horrible... noise...?'

Everybody replies back that it was me, and he proceeds to tear into me with 'what were you trying to achieve??' Laughing nervously I manage to say, 'I was just singing a serenade to Emma, it's on the Sims...'

Eruption of laughter behind me.

Oh, where to start!
First one that came to mind was something my friend told me about his Irish class. He had my JC Irish teacher for LC and she's a really serious teacher but fun outside class. She went to show them Caca Milis on youtube or something and an ad came on - for Piranha 3DD! :pac:

Now, English - the class where I never, ever stopped laughing

My English teacher made some remark about the reason why half the class were single was because they were obsessed with Call of Duty. One guy was like "Actually my girlfriend plays it with me :cool:" and he goes "Oh well jaziz Joe, when the time comes you wont be asking her, she'll be telling you! :eek:" and I laughed thinking he meant marriage, then he goes "STICK IT IN FOR FCUKS SAKE :mad:" and oh my god, that was up there in the top 10 most hilarious things I've ever heard anyone say, just because of the fact that it was a teacher, in class! He got all embarrassed and said he'd forgotten where he was hahaha.

In 5th year (same teacher) he said something about being great at slagging (no one could deny it :pac:). One smartass told him he'd beat him at slagging, he retorted that he'd "own him in 5 seconds". I thought that would be a challenge even for him, but no.

"Okay then, go"
"YORE MA"
"What about my mother?"
"I rode her, bleedin slapper "
"<name>, even if you did it would only be because it's the only sex you'd ever get, but I know you didn't. You wouldn't be able to afford her. "

We were all speechless :pac:

In his geography class he made a hilarious racist joke, but I best leave that one out at the risk of an infraction.

I had this awful English teacher for JC English, totally stuck up and completely incompetent. I can't understand how she hasn't been fired yet. She was going mental one day in 3rd year because people didn't have their books (we never used them, she considered herself to be some kind of crazy fun teacher by using random crappy notes), she didn't even have it! While giving out to a guy sitting right next to me he stops her and goes "Ms, where's your book? " Her face was priceless and her excuse even moreso, a total lie about giving it to someone who needed it, then "in fact, I gave two books away!" :rolleyes:

People always bitch about her my LC English teacher and someone asked him if she was "up the duff or just after gettin fat".
"Let me put it this way. Even trees have holes." :L

There are so, so many more stories, the teachers in my school were such banter, but this post would be huuuuuuge if I tried to list them all. :P

Our Maths teacher in the Comp used to refer to all the boys as Master and all the girls as Miss, so for eg. I was referred to as 'Master O'Daniel.'

Unfortunately for Mr Quinn, we had an unfortunately named Killian Bates in our class.





Mr Quinn went there.
Master Bates:pac:

Paddycrumlinman wrote: »

In class one day, a lad, who did not give two s hits about school was messing, not sure what he was up to. The Female teacher let a roar at him and proceeded to berate him in front of all the students.

This guy is sitting back with a smirk on his face which is annoying the teacher even more. He turns around to the teacher as cool as you can and said, "Would you every go and ask me piss flaps you stupid bitch" and walked out of the class room. Female teacher was stunned and could not continue the class!

He has piss flaps? :eek:

The leaving cert boys were pretty cruel to the first year boys. Looking back it was definately bullying but at the time it was the norm and kind of like a right of passage. They would tell the first years to do silly stuff. If they didn't do as they were told, they got a few slaps after school and thrown into a drain.

Anyway... This one leaving cert boy who was exceptionally big and strong cornered a first year in the hall one day and told him to get down on his knees and say the angelus...So the 1st year gets down on his knees and starts going "dong....dong....dong...." Priceless

In our school at morning break, you could place an order with the local Co-Op and they would deliver rolls to the school for lunchtime, or you could go up the village to the shops/chipper.

Well one day, the entire school was banned from going up town because there was wreck done to people's front gardens the day before (think it was Halloween time). So lunchtime rolled around, and the entire ~450 people in the school crammed into the canteen which is really only built to hold about 250 comfortably.

The rolls from the Co-Op arrived, and it was our Vice-Principal that was in charge of giving them out that day. He would shout out a person's name, but with 450 people in the room talking and shouting he couldn't make himself heard. Any time someone said "Mine!" he would literally throw the roll at them. So many rolls went skidding across the floor that day, and the VP got increasingly irritated to the point where he just said "**** this" and walked out.


In JC irish one day, we were being really uncooperative, to the point where the teacher stood up and said "Right! I'm going for the Vice Principal". She left the room, and came back about five minutes later alone. She continued to give out to us and demand whoever had done whatever had started the whole thing own up. After another five minutes of getting no where, she stood up again and shouted "RIGHT! I'M GOING FOR THE VICE PRINCIPAL!" At which point we fell around the place laughing.


In LC German, we were doing the picture sequence where there is an old couple who go for a walk in the park then come home and have tea on the balcony. I was sitting with a girl and kept whispering in her ear in german about what the old couple would do later on that night (sexual stuff obviously). She kept laughing and smirking, but I was fairly good and putting on a straight face. The teacher ended up giving out to the girl for about a minute straight for not paying attention. Still laugh about it to this day.


In JC History, we watched a video one day about Hitler that had music that reminded us of David Attenborough nature shows like the Blue Planet. We spent the entire class doing Attenborough impressions along the lines of: "Here we see, the wild Goebbels, majestically soaring above the city of Berlin, its natural habitat." :pac:

We had an art teacher who was a complete push over. I was ****e at art but I did it for JC because I thought it was a doss class. Anyway, when you finished a piece of work, you would have to bring it up to him for a grade. He would always give me a C/D grade and I would always say, "but Mr. Campbell, I really worked hard on this project". He would give me a grade higher! Sweet!

A friend of mine got suspended from his school when he was in 4th year. He had this asshole of a teacher who everyone hated. Before class he squirted a load of superglue over the seat and the stuck a few thumbtacks, facing upwards on the seat. The class started and his plan worked like a charm!

Some more stoies.

A guy who was a few years ahead of me took a dump on a teachers desk, I sh*t you not. There was this teacher in our school who was really hated, I think even the teachers hated him as well as they always seemed to make snide remarks about him. Anyway he was an as*hole and was subjected to a lot of abuse from students because of it. As I said one day one student decided to go into the classroom he usually taught in and took a dump on the desk. I don't think the teachers found out who did it, and I never did myself actually I mostly just heard rumors about who did it but it was pretty funny nonetheless. Thinking about it now, I feel sorry for the janitor who had the clean it up.

An old Irish teacher in my school, can't remember his name but I think he's on Ras Na Run on TG4. Anyway he was known by students for coming into school hungover.

Another teacher in my school was from Northern Ireland, and one kid in my year was almost convinced he was in the IRA because he always wore a sweater that was rolled up to his elbows, and the student thought he was hiding an IRA tatoo or something. That teacher was a good laugh actually.

My Senior Engineering teacher in 6 year practically did my leaving cert project for me. I was pretty crap at the subject, was sorry I took it up in the end. But he started helping me out with it and before I knew it he was doing it bits of it himself. Must have felt really sorry for me, he seemed to like me.

A student in my year hit on another teacher when he met her in a chipper once. She was kind've drunk and he sat down beside her and started chatting her up. She was pretty nice looking. Nothing ever came from it though. She left the school eventually, and there was a rumor that she had something going on with another student which is why she left. But I don't know if it was true or not, the teachers would always deny it whenever we brought it up, but of course they would do that wouldn't they.

Loads, but this really random one popped into my mind for some reason:

Got into a big slagging match with another one of the lads during religion (a doss). The teacher catches wind of it happening and asks me if I'd like to repeat it for the class to hear, so she basically just handed me the slagging match as I got permission to stand up and get a big laugh with whatever my last line was to the guy. The lad later kicked up that I got an unfair advantage because of a thick teacher, but nah, I won that round. To this day, she probably still thinks she taught me a lesson then...

Another teacher fancied himself as a stand-up comedian. We used to waste SOOOO much time in his class whenever he started trying to give smart comments to students by doing ridiculous, OTT, fake laughter at his attempted slaggings. Thinking he had an audience, he'd keep going, believing that he was high-larious. Nope, we just killed a full period of history class without having to actually work. Nice one, sir.

Speaking of which, another teacher randomly tried to pick a fight with me one day. Now I was a bollix in some classes, I'll admit, but on that day I hadn't done anything as this twitchy, passive aggressive teacher who hadn't a clue comes in and launches into attack mode:

"Oh, I see you've one of those jackets that everyone else is wearing. You're probably trying to fit in with the crowd, are you?"

"Eh, yeah miss, got it in one. I just want to be loved."

"Yeah...you probably didn't know we have to study psychology in our training to be a teacher."

I put my hand up to request permission to speak.

"Miss, I don't think it counts as studying psychology if you had to make appointments to see one every week."

She ran out crying. Comes back with the vice principal (who was shocked because, at this stage, I'd actually copped on a lot). Went up to the office and we told our sides of the story. VP took my side and commended me on improving my behaviour. Boom.

Or another was killing a whole period of Irish class with everyone, sound teacher included, trying to remember what the theme song of Glenroe went like. The words, "No that's Fair City ya sap!" were said on numerous occasions.