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Wedding parasites: well-off guests who give no presents

2

Comments

  • #32
    Minier81
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 661 ✭✭✭Minier81


    Little Ted wrote: »
    what constitues flash with cash? for some people two incomes in the home would be 'flash' in this day and age.

    Fair enough, "flash" is different things to different people. I would examples are people who always stay in the wedding hotel, people with every gadget under the sun (fancy phones, ipads, etc and all of the above), girls who get their tan / hair / make up / manicure done / new dress for every wedding they go to. OP called them "people who put a huge emphasis on material acquisition and money-related things" Nothing wrong with having a bit of money, but these are people who can afford more treats than most and I would find it rich for them to say they could not afford a present. Of course everyone shoudl treat themselves every so often. I wouldn't consider myself flash with cash, but am in a two income family, and do treat myself every so often - and can afford to give my friends a wedding present.

    I am getting married soon, and have expressly told my sisters not to give me big presents because I know they are struggling. One of them is making me a chocolate biscuit cake for the wedding, which will be much appreciated and is a really thoughtful gift.


  • #33
    tatli_lokma
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    Minier81 wrote: »
    I would find it rich for them to say they could not afford a present.

    the point I am making is why does it matter? if these people's lavish lifestyle somehow offends you then why invite them? if you are inviting them because you genuinely enjoy their company and value their friendship, then why would you care if you got a gift or not?

    As I say, not givng a gift would make me feel rude and embarrassed. I can't imagine not giving one. However, I still think it is just as rude to pass comment on people and bitch about them for not giving a gift.


  • #34
    Minier81
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 661 ✭✭✭Minier81


    Little Ted wrote: »
    the point I am making is why does it matter? if these people's lavish lifestyle somehow offends you then why invite them? if you are inviting them because you genuinely enjoy their company and value their friendship, then why would you care if you got a gift or not?

    As I say, not giving a gift would make me feel rude and embarrassed. I can't imagine not giving one. However, I still think it is just as rude to pass comment on people and bitch about them for not giving a gift.

    +1 on that, and I will only be inviting good friends and people close to me to my wedding.

    I suppose it doesn't matter. A pet peeve of mine is "putting on a poor mouth" - and this extends far beyond weddings. If soembody can't be bothered giving a present, it is their choice. There is a distinct difference between not giving a present because they cannot afford it and somebody with plenty of money chosing not to. The point I was making was to trying highlight it is these people the OP was talking about - rather than people who cannot afford to give presents.


  • #35
    brownej
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 886 ✭✭✭brownej


    Hi OP,
    you shouldn't be letting things like this get to you. The world is full of tight wads. Those who cite the cost of petrol or the cost of a new dress etc etc as the reason they don't give even a token gift or card are usually just tight. These are the same people that are in the loo when its their round or whip out a calculator in a restaurant to make sure they don't get caught for a penny more than required. If you're inviting them you know should really know who they are already and there should be no surprises.

    If you are genuinely surprised at someone not giving a card or gift it could be because the card went misssing. It does happen. They could be sitting at home thinking you're a right so and so for not thanking them for their gift.
    As has already been said some people genuinely can't afford a gift and might be embarassed to give you a card and no gift.


  • #36
    norrie rugger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,656 ✭✭✭norrie rugger


    Sea Filly wrote: »
    "Wedding parasites", OP, really? This implies that people are going around trying to get invited to weddings or something, when in reality, many people see them as a costly chore. Even without factoring in a gift, weddings are expensive to attend.

    Then do not go


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  • #37
    Theboinkmaster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,291 ✭✭✭Theboinkmaster


    Little Ted wrote: »
    actually it is....it is a derrogatory term for a member of the travelling community, and therefore it is racist. I'm sure you can make your point without resorting to offensive language.

    I used it to describe someone who is tight, get off your high horse there and chill.


  • #38
    norrie rugger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,656 ✭✭✭norrie rugger


    are travellers even considered a race? if not then it can not be racist. Bigotted yes, racist no.


  • #39
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 25,000 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Pavee Point and other traveller's groups have been trying to claim they're a distinct race for a while now to allow them to use the "Racism" card when members of their community are pulled up on their bad behaviour.

    Boards.ie need your help to survive, subscribe here



  • #40
    i71jskz5xu42pb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,806 ✭✭✭i71jskz5xu42pb


    Sleepy wrote: »
    Pavee Point and other traveller's groups have been trying to claim they're a distinct race for a while now to allow them to use the "Racism" card when members of their community are pulled up on their bad behaviour.

    Oh sweet Jesus, is this going to turn into a traveler thread?


  • #41
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 20,606 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Half my family didn't bother with gifts when I got married, my wife's family who are not as well off and many of whom are a lot younger went out of their way.

    My family are just plain lazy though - no real malice, they just aren't that bothered.

    I don't think you should expect gifts at a wedding, they should be a bonus.

    What I came here to say however is unless you know the people really well and know that something you are getting them is something they really need - give money. Most people aren't too flush after a wedding and it's a nice little boost to get you on your way.


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  • #42
    iguana
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,909 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    Any more derogatory terms or offensive language will result in bans.


  • #43
    Monife
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,014 ✭✭✭Monife


    A close friend of mine (and her partner) came to my wedding with no present or card. Now, I don't care about presents, money etc but how much does a card cost? I am still quite annoyed that she didn't give a card, I find those things important, a nice card with a nice message in it, mean so much more than cash/present and is something you can keep in your memory box forever. I had quite a small wedding, so I have kept all the cards we received. On the other hand, a distant relative who we didn't even invite to the wedding (it was just immediate family and friends), sent us a cheque for €500 which was just out of this world, never expected anything like that!


  • #44
    u_c_thesecond
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭u_c_thesecond


    I am a soon to be bride, we have been saving for years for this wedding.We dont care at all about presents- monetry or otherwise. A friend of my fiance said the other day he was throwing 200 euro in a card for us.... as well as being incredible generous - its downright nuts:eek:

    Come to the wedding, enjoy the meal and the free wine, dance the night away and have a good time.Thats all we want.

    On another note- my cousin got married a few months ago, invites went out and inside the envelope was a note saying they would like cash gifts of 100euro upwards:eek:

    I know 10 people who rsvpd no just because of that


  • #45
    cruais
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭cruais


    Having got married 1 year ago, many of our friends did not even give a card, this was including members of our wedding party.

    I'm not meaning to come across as selfish, but I think as a sign of manners, a guest should at least give a card.

    I would never dream of turning up to a wedding empty handed! I never even turn up to a house empty handed.


  • #46
    Foggy.nelson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 245 ✭✭Foggy.nelson


    Im going to a wedding next month, I'm not working at the moment and my savings are gone on general bills and other stuff. I'm expected to get a present even tho I can't afford it, I've been told money will be grand. It's my other halves family, her parents said I don't need to(being nice) other half pressuring me to get one. I'd be just to go to the afters, as I'll be standing around like a tool while the family members do there stuff , also I'm being made go to the church which is something I'm against expecting guests to do in this day of age... Weddings make people selfish if u ask me


  • #47
    UDP
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,188 ✭✭✭UDP


    cruais wrote: »
    Having got married 1 year ago, many of our friends did not even give a card, this was including members of our wedding party.

    I'm not meaning to come across as selfish, but I think as a sign of manners, a guest should at least give a card.

    I would never dream of turning up to a wedding empty handed! I never even turn up to a house empty handed.
    Cards are ridiculous. Them sacrificing their time and money to be at your wedding wasn't enough?

    I always do bring something but this expectation that people have is just ridiculous. Either tell people beforehand to give you something or stfu.


  • #48
    Ellis Dee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,510 ✭✭✭Ellis Dee


    I took a couple of hours off work to go to the City Hall in Helsinki for a 5-minute civil marriage ceremony. The only others present, besides the Deputy-Mayor who did the honours, were two witnesses, one Irish, the other Russian.:)

    That evening, all four of us had a nice meal in a restaurant and some decent wine.

    My wife and I paid. We didn't get any presents or expect them.

    The amount of money many people in Ireland spend on weddings is beyond ridiculous. It's their own business, of course, but there's no need for it and there shouldn't be so much social pressure on people to go through so much rigmarole. The money would be better spent on reducing their mortgage or buying consumer durables.:cool:


  • #49
    Gatica
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,302 ✭✭✭Gatica


    u_c_thesecond wrote: »
    On another note- my cousin got married a few months ago, invites went out and inside the envelope was a note saying they would like cash gifts of 100euro upwards:eek:

    That's just crass! I would definitely decline in that situation even if I could afford it.

    As for cards, I can understand now how they are so important to people. However, years ago I only gave the usual birthday card maybe. Whereas I had friends that had cards for every occasion, thank you cards for dinner, for staying over, etc. I never understood people's obsession with cards, but have learned that it's important to more people than you'd think. Now, I make sure to give card whatever the occasion, as have some friends that keep every card they get as a keepsake.
    Do keep in mind however, that not everyone thinks that way and there may be many, who like myself before, may think the card is a bit pointless, they'd already made the effort to make it to your wedding, didn't they?

    On the "necessary" wedding expenses, I agree with Minier81 and evilmonkee... You can wear the same dress more than once, you don't need to get a fake tan, you can do your own hair and make-up (it's not like you're the bride and everyone would be lookin at you!), you don't have to drink like a fish, and unless the wedding is far from home, you can get a cab and stay at home, or stay at a B&B. I think what becomes expensive for people is when couples go without kids and have to get a babysitter for the night, that I can understand as a necessary expense.


  • #50
    Sea Filly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭Sea Filly


    Ellis Dee wrote: »
    I took a couple of hours off work to go to the City Hall in Helsinki for a 5-minute civil marriage ceremony. The only others present, besides the Deputy-Mayor who did the honours, were two witnesses, one Irish, the other Russian.:)

    That evening, all four of us had a nice meal in a restaurant and some decent wine.

    My wife and I paid. We didn't get any presents or expect them.

    This is my dream wedding. :cool:


  • #51
    Tigger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,701 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    super_furry wrote: »
    Honest question - would people rather that their guests not come than turn up empty handed? Weddings can be a huge cost on guests even without factoring in a gift.

    I wouldnt have cared if no one had brought a gift but several people didn't give a a card at my wedding and to say my wife was quite disappointed by this
    would be quite the understatement.


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  • #52
    Tigger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,701 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    UDP wrote: »
    Cards are ridiculous. Them sacrificing their time and money to be at your wedding wasn't enough?

    I always do bring something but this expectation that people have is just ridiculous. Either tell people beforehand to give you something or stfu.

    If a person feels that they are sacrificing their precious time to go to the party the they shouldn't go.


  • #53
    Sea Filly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭Sea Filly


    Tigger wrote: »
    If a person feels that they are sacrificing their precious time to go to the party the they shouldn't go.

    Then A LOT of people wouldn't go...


  • #54
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Tigger wrote: »
    I wouldnt have cared if no one had brought a gift but several people didn't give a a card at my wedding and to say my wife was quite disappointed by this
    would be quite the understatement.

    But surely them being there to congratulate you in person negates the need for it to be written in a card?

    I never realised cards were so important to some people :confused:


  • #55
    Broxi_Bear_Eire
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,704 ✭✭✭Broxi_Bear_Eire


    My daughter is getting married in October and while I get on really well with her other half I find some of his ideas strange.
    He in a discussion about the day stated that people should be grateful for the free meal I am afraid I got a bit ratty with him and pointed out that many of the guests were travelling a long distance and would have to stay in a hotel foe at least one night but probably two, some other would be taking time off work etc etc he had a real problem taking this in also he said he wasn't keen on a top table as he didn't want to be the centre of attraction at all at this point I lost it and told them bluntly if this as the way it was going to be to do us all a favour and either make it a very small wedding or just elope


  • #56
    gimmick
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,296 ✭✭✭✭gimmick


    A friend of mine, who didn't even bother giving us a card, told me at our wedding last month that they would be donating money to charity as he somehow knew that we were donation to the Cork cancer research in lieu of favours. How he knew I will never know as we didn't actually tell anyone aside from our folks.

    I asked him the other day had he made the donation yet, and he said I embarrassed him (I didn't ask in front of others).

    If I knew he would actually make the donation, I would not have asked him, but the fact is, I am 100% certain that the tight fúck only said he was doing this to get out of giving a present.

    Had he said to me he was completely snookered when it comes to spare money and therefore couldn't get us a card/present/whatever, I would have said "ya, no big deal, I'm sure you would if you could", but the fact he was sly about it has him very much on my shít list.


  • #57
    Sea Filly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭Sea Filly


    Broxi_Bear_Eire wrote: »
    He in a discussion about the day stated that people should be grateful for the free meal

    Why would anyone go out of their way to get a free wedding meal? They're generally bogstandard and often downright crap. Strange ideas indeed. Was his rationale that they should be given gifts because they are giving people are free meal? (Not saying this was his reasoning, just wondering how it fits into this thread.)


  • #58
    Sea Filly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭Sea Filly


    gimmick wrote: »
    A friend of mine, who didn't even bother giving us a card, told me at our wedding last month that they would be donating money to charity as he somehow knew that we were donation to the Cork cancer research in lieu of favours. How he knew I will never know as we didn't actually tell anyone aside from our folks.

    I asked him the other day had he made the donation yet, and he said I embarrassed him (I didn't ask in front of others).

    If I knew he would actually make the donation, I would not have asked him, but the fact is, I am 100% certain that the tight fúck only said he was doing this to get out of giving a present.

    Had he said to me he was completely snookered when it comes to spare money and therefore couldn't get us a card/present/whatever, I would have said "ya, no big deal, I'm sure you would if you could", but the fact he was sly about it has him very much on my shít list.

    Maybe he didn't want to bring up that he couldn't afford a gift? Maybe that's why he got embarrassed?


  • #59
    Broxi_Bear_Eire
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,704 ✭✭✭Broxi_Bear_Eire


    Sea Filly wrote: »
    Why would anyone go out of their way to get a free wedding meal? They're generally bogstandard and often downright crap. Strange ideas indeed. Was his rationale that they should be given gifts because they are giving people are free meal? (Not saying this was his reasoning, just wondering how it fits into this thread.)

    Well to be fair I should have put in he doesn't care about any gifts. I should also point out he is 28 and has never been at a wedding before so his own is going to be the first


  • #60
    Sea Filly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭Sea Filly


    Broxi_Bear_Eire wrote: »
    Well to be fair I should have put in he doesn't care about any gifts. I should also point out he is 28 and has never been at a wedding before so his own is going to be the first

    Ah ok. Sounds like he might be a bit stressed about costs!


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  • #61
    Broxi_Bear_Eire
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,704 ✭✭✭Broxi_Bear_Eire


    Sea Filly wrote: »
    Ah ok. Sounds like he might be a bit stressed about costs!

    Nope he has a very good job and I am paying for half the wedding ;)


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