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First date cock ups

13567…11

Comments

  • #62
    Brokentime
    Closed Accounts Posts: 287 ✭✭Brokentime


    daveyboy_1ie wrote: »

    Her 'Well do I look like you expected?'

    Me 'Well from the neck up defo'

    All I meant was the photo I saw was a head shot, I swear.

    Sounds like you were duped with ye olde Fat Girl Angle Shot :D

    But you fecked that up; you'd have probably had your hole if you played your cards right.


  • #63
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 31,265 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    I went out on a date with a girl, a bit late. She had so many friends!
    I brought my pogo-stick just to show her a trick. She had so many friends...


  • #64
    retalivity
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 15,865 ✭✭✭✭retalivity


    Insect Overlord wrote: »
    I went out on a date with a girl, a bit late. She had so many friends!
    I brought my pogo-stick just to show her a trick. She had so many friends...

    LALALALALALAAAAAA.....


  • #65
    Ash.J.Williams
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 23,392 ✭✭✭✭Ash.J.Williams


    Insect Overlord wrote: »
    I went out on a date with a girl, a bit late. She had so many friends!
    I brought my pogo-stick just to show her a trick. She had so many friends...
    But just one pogostick??


  • #66
    shrewdness
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,709 ✭✭✭shrewdness


    [Quote=[Jackass];79768467]
    Amanda wasn't as hot as I remembered (in fact the beer goggles must have been in full swing that first night)[/Quote]


    That's where facebook comes in handy these days. Try and get her full name if you're fairly drunk and the beer goggles are on. The next day check her out online(if you can find her) to see if she's as good looking as you remember. If she is, arrange a date then!

    You can never be too careful in these matters! Was caught out myself a few years ago in a similar situation.


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  • #67
    Cheeky_gal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Cheeky_gal


    Biggins wrote: »
    Walked into a cinema wall and knocked myself out.

    After reading through pages of long winded stories this one liner is the only one that made me LOL!


  • #68
    retroactive
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 295 ✭✭retroactive


    A mutual friend organised a blind date. Did the usual facebook stalking and thought she was really cute.

    I was working in a nightclub the night before and myself and the owners decided we'd have a little bit of a lock in.. long story short, I organised to meet the girl in a bar in the early afternoon the next day and I turned up completely smashed.

    ..Went on a few dates after that but it didn't work out.


  • #69
    smeghead01
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11 ✭smeghead01


    id met a guy down the pub on a bank holiday weekend, a friend of a friend, everyone was out drinking all day you know the drill.

    anyway after the disco i managed to get us into one of the local bars after hours. when we landed in the guy i was with was being noisey and was kicked out of the pub, and when i went to go outside to him (he wasnt local, at this stage hed nowhere else to stay and i felt responsible for him) he threatened the pub owner that hed rat him out to the guards for after hours..needless to say the pub owner wasnt too pleased, ended up decking the fella twice in the face before throwing him against a car outside causing the wing mirror to break!

    we decided to go home (i still lived with my parents) and as i didnt know the guy well we just slept on the couches in the living room. i woke up a couple of hours later with this guy grinding his crotch into the side of my head! literally had a hold of my head and was grinding his junk up against my ear quite aggressively!! when i woke up he stopped, and pretended to go back to sleep??? ive never been more freaked out in my entire life! could not wait to get him out of the house and challenge said friend who told me he was "sound"


  • #70
    Ash.J.Williams
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 23,392 ✭✭✭✭Ash.J.Williams


    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    After reading through pages of long winded stories this one liner is the only one that made me LOL!
    have to say i got a good laugh from the guy who answered the "do i look like my photo?" with "yeah from the neck up"...made me laugh!


  • #71
    Brokentime
    Closed Accounts Posts: 287 ✭✭Brokentime


    smeghead01 wrote: »
    ...woke up a couple of hours later with this guy grinding his crotch into the side of my head!

    What a headfu*k :p

    Reminds me of a time I went on a night out with a former co-worker, who's married. We had a great after-work night out, but it was too late for her to go home so she spent the night at my place. Normally my GF would be there, but she was working night shift at her hospital. Anyway, with the booze and the sleeping beside someone, I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.


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  • #72
    wonderfullife
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,924 ✭✭✭wonderfullife


    Brokentime wrote: »
    What a headfu*k :p

    Reminds me of a time I went on a night out with a former co-worker, who's married. We had a great after-work night out, but it was too late for her to go home so she spent the night at my place. Normally my GF would be there, but she was working night shift at her hospital. Anyway, with the booze and the sleeping beside someone, I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.

    ummm did you just quote the dictionary definition of rape :rolleyes:


  • #73
    Ficheall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 9,067 ✭✭✭Ficheall


    Brokentime wrote: »
    Reminds me of a time I went on a night out with a former co-worker, who's married. We had a great after-work night out, but it was too late for her to go home so she spent the night at my place. Normally my GF would be there, but she was working night shift at her hospital. Anyway, with the booze and the sleeping beside someone, I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.

    And your OHs bought that ****e?


  • #74
    Brokentime
    Closed Accounts Posts: 287 ✭✭Brokentime


    wonderfullife wrote: »
    ummm did you just quote the dictionary definition of rape :rolleyes:

    I don't think so. There's more to the story than that, but I fear even more detail would entice an even more pedantic and sanctimonious response from you. Hush now :cool:


  • #75
    Brokentime
    Closed Accounts Posts: 287 ✭✭Brokentime


    Ficheall wrote: »
    And your OHs bought that ****e?

    Sorry, I don't know what an OH is. Just Googled it; I'm assuming you meant "Other half", so why say OHs? There is only one. And yes, she understood and laughed about it, as did my ex-colleague. Friends, mate. Wait 'til you have one sometime, and then you'll see that they're understanding.


  • #76
    Manco
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭Manco


    Lucky you weren't charged with rape.


  • #77
    Brokentime
    Closed Accounts Posts: 287 ✭✭Brokentime


    Manco wrote: »
    Lucky you weren't charged with rape.

    As I said previously, there's a little more to that story. That said, that would be a big cock-up for a first date.


  • #78
    Clareman
    Moderators, Sports Moderators, Regional Midwest Moderators Posts: 24,074 Mod ✭✭✭✭Clareman


    Brokentime wrote: »
    What a headfu*k :p

    Reminds me of a time I went on a night out with a former co-worker, who's married. We had a great after-work night out, but it was too late for her to go home so she spent the night at my place. Normally my GF would be there, but she was working night shift at her hospital. Anyway, with the booze and the sleeping beside someone, I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.

    And that your honour is the fine line between surprise sex and rape, the defence rests.


  • #79
    Atomicjuicer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 290 ✭✭Atomicjuicer


    Brokentime wrote: »
    , I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.

    Haven't laughed so hard in a while. The boobs bit was good but the words right after it seemed so immediate it just killed me. It's like that ad for condoms where the dude accidentally crashes into a toilet with a women inside it and impregnates her (also by accident).


  • #80
    Brokentime
    Closed Accounts Posts: 287 ✭✭Brokentime


    Clareman wrote: »
    And that your honour is the fine line between surprise sex and rape, the defence rests.

    I like that sentence. Needs some punctuation, though.

    "And that, Your Honour, is the fine line between surprise sex and rape".

    Wow, this is the 2nd thread in 2 days that's been ruined by a choice few. So people actually think I'd incriminate myself on the internet? Wow :rolleyes: Fun's gone from this thread. NEXT!


  • #81
    Ficheall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 9,067 ✭✭✭Ficheall


    Brokentime wrote: »
    Sorry, I don't know what an OH is. Just Googled it; I'm assuming you meant "Other half", so why say OHs? There is only one.
    Your other half plus the husband of the woman you accidentally had your penis in.


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  • #82
    Big Nasty
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,066 ✭✭✭✭Big Nasty


    He's right - it was a good thread, now it's sh1te bickering.

    Move on and it could become a good thread again. Story could all be lies for all we know and as he said it was obviously innocent enough. Chap's hardly gonna send himself down for rape just so he can tell a few nobodies on the net a story is he?


  • #83
    Defiler Of The Coffin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,117 ✭✭✭Defiler Of The Coffin


    kfallon wrote: »
    Yeah you can imagine if they had got down to the business later on, "First I want you to do me in the missionary position, then a few minutes of doggy and then I want you to blow off all over my boobs.....just like Mammy and Daddy do it!!" :eek: :pac:

    Just when you think we have a nice respectable discussion going along comes kfallon to drag it down into the gutter...

    :D


  • #84
    stimpson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,711 ✭✭✭stimpson


    smeghead01 wrote: »
    i woke up a couple of hours later with this guy grinding his crotch into the side of my head!

    Is that how you got your username?


  • #85
    The Snipe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,484 ✭✭✭The Snipe


    Fight_Night wrote: »
    We were at Eddie Rockets, normally they give you glass bottles of ketchup but for some reason that day we were given a plastic bottle, the ones that you're able to squeeze(which imo are much better and easier to use but anyway) so we've just got our meal and I'm about to put ketchup on my chips when all of a sudden Louis Walsh walks in, I scream "HEY LOUIS" and unknowingly squeezed the bottle of ketchup with such strength that it got all over her clothes. She stormed off back to her house and I went after her to apologize. Once I reached her house I asked her to come back to Eddie Rockets, to which she replied "How am I supposed to go out wearing this?" So I winked and said "I guess you just won't be able to wear it."

    Then we made love.

    There was no date. =(


    So.. I was in Eddie Rockets with this pure douchbag. I was only with him for the free food... (But seriously...? Who brings someone on a date to Eddie Rockets, when he said going for dinner I thought he ment somewhere classy.. I got all dressed up and all for it..) But anyway.. Half way through the dinner he starts playing with himself, and shoots it all over my clothes... The sick ****er.. so I decided okay this is too much, got up and went to go home... but the guy actually FOLLOWED ME too my house.. Seriously the guy was a full on stalker!

    He then broke into my house and raped me!


  • #86
    thomasj
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,087 ✭✭✭thomasj


    The Snipe wrote: »
    Fight_Night wrote: »
    We were at Eddie Rockets, normally they give you glass bottles of ketchup but for some reason that day we were given a plastic bottle, the ones that you're able to squeeze(which imo are much better and easier to use but anyway) so we've just got our meal and I'm about to put ketchup on my chips when all of a sudden Louis Walsh walks in, I scream "HEY LOUIS" and unknowingly squeezed the bottle of ketchup with such strength that it got all over her clothes. She stormed off back to her house and I went after her to apologize. Once I reached her house I asked her to come back to Eddie Rockets, to which she replied "How am I supposed to go out wearing this?" So I winked and said "I guess you just won't be able to wear it."

    Then we made love.

    There was no date. =(


    So.. I was in Eddie Rockets with this pure douchbag. I was only with him for the free food... (But seriously...? Who brings someone on a date to Eddie Rockets, when he said going for dinner I thought he ment somewhere classy.. I got all dressed up and all for it..) But anyway.. Half way through the dinner he starts playing with himself, and shoots it all over my clothes... The sick ****er.. so I decided okay this is too much, got up and went to go home... but the guy actually FOLLOWED ME too my house.. Seriously the guy was a full on stalker!

    He then broke into my house and raped me!

    I sneezed in the candle with such force that the wax flew out on my date!


  • #87
    fullstop
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 12,722 ✭✭✭✭fullstop


    The Snipe wrote: »
    So.. I was in Eddie Rockets with this pure douchbag. I was only with him for the free food... (But seriously...? Who brings someone on a date to Eddie Rockets, when he said going for dinner I thought he ment somewhere classy.. I got all dressed up and all for it..) But anyway.. Half way through the dinner he starts playing with himself, and shoots it all over my clothes... The sick ****er.. so I decided okay this is too much, got up and went to go home... but the guy actually FOLLOWED ME too my house.. Seriously the guy was a full on stalker!

    He then broke into my house and raped me!

    That's really cool and original, pretending you're the person he was talking about :)


  • #88
    old hippy
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,441 ✭✭✭old hippy


    Clearly one or two people here need to sort out amusing anecdotes from somewhat dubious "date" tales...


  • #89
    The Snipe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,484 ✭✭✭The Snipe


    fullstop wrote: »
    That's really cool and original, pretending you're the person he was talking about :)

    Thanks. Came up with the idea myself :)


  • #90
    Blondini
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,480 ✭✭✭Blondini


    cruais wrote: »
    What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you on a first date?

    A couple of years ago, I met a lovely guy on a night out in town. He was a country boy. Anyway, we arranged to go for a drink the following week.

    We met up and everything was going great until later in the night, he held my hand.

    Me: oh your hands are so soft!
    Him: thanks! It's from milking all the cows on the farm!:eek:

    I never saw him again.

    Don't believe it ... Pull the udder one ..


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  • #91
    cruais
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭cruais


    guitarzero wrote: »
    This kinda brings me back to that show 'Take me out'. "Sorry, yea, he's handsome and has a great personality and all but I dunno, something about the name Tom, ugh, he's just not for me".

    Palm to face.

    HE MILKS COWS! WHAT THE FACK IS WRONG WITH THAT!?! Sorry, *fixes tie*, please, explain yourself. Shed some light on this ridiculous process of elimination.

    Would it be also fair to say you've given a*sholes a better chance than this seemingly nice farmer lad?

    Well I'm happily married now to a gentleman..

    As I said, I can't explain why it totally turned me off, but I'm obviously not used to farm life!


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