First date cock ups

concernman · 17-07-2012 10:04AM

cruais wrote: »

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you on a first date?

A couple of years ago, I met a lovely guy on a night out in town. He was a country boy. Anyway, we arranged to go for a drink the following week.

We met up and everything was going great until later in the night, he held my hand.

Me: oh your hands are so soft!
Him: thanks! It's from milking all the cows on the farm!:eek:

I never saw him again.

You sound like a big snob.

Crooked Jack · 17-07-2012 10:05AM

Brokentime wrote: »

Got a classic for you.

I went back to college as a mature student a few years ago. In my first few weeks, I got roped into the mature student society, for whatever reason.

Anyway, got to know one of the women in the group quite well, and we got on okay. The group had a trip over to Prague in the first year, and we got fairly intimate in my hotel room, albeit without sex.

When we got back to Ireland, we agreed to have a date. The day came and it turned out we weren't going out on a date, but rather back to her house. Now, you'd think this was ace news, but she was a single mother and I knew there was a lack-of-babysitters element to it.

Spent a pretty uneventful evening in her house, with her mainly doting over the 1-year-old kid and watching TV. To alleviate the boredom, I even went upstairs and fixed her printer and computer (yes, that bad).

Anyway, she put the baby to bed and then things began to happen. Friskiness downstairs become nudity and sex upstairs. However, when we started going at it, the bed made so much noise that it woke the baby. Up she hopped, in the buff, from beside me and went into the baby's room to pacify it. Comes back 5 mins later and we go at it again. Bed makes noise, baby wakes up, and off she goes again. This happened about 3 times.

When she came back, I got the duvet and threw it on the floor and pulled her down and we went at it there, and it was pretty uninspired stuff. However, the next morning, I wake up and she's gone. I'm sitting at the edge of the bed having a scratch when she arrives in, naked again, with the baby. I'm in the buff, too, and the sight of the baby made me cover up me junk. She then plonks the baby at the foot of the bed and straddles me, and wants to go at it again. In front of the baby.

I left, post-haste.

Oh, tough one. Dunno what I'd do in that situation. i suppose if she was really fit and I didnt clock eyes with the baby at any point it would be ok

Brokentime · 17-07-2012 10:12AM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

..if she was really fit...

She wasn't.

Crooked Jack wrote: »

...I didnt clock eyes with the baby...

I did.

Like any guy, I was up for a quick one in the morning, but just couldn't get my head around railing the baby's ma in front of his eyes.

amacca · 17-07-2012 10:14AM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Oh, tough one. Dunno what I'd do in that situation. i suppose if she was really fit and I didnt clock eyes with the baby at any point it would be ok

I wouldn't be man enough to handle that at all

I'd probably imagine it was crying or plotting my eventual death stewie griffin style

Reoil · 17-07-2012 10:26AM

cruais wrote: »

I never saw him again.

His choice, hopefully.

Ash.J.Williams · 17-07-2012 10:28AM

cruais wrote: »

Maybe it was just me being from Dublin and not having a country head on me, but when I heard that, it totally turned me off him!

because milk comes from a shop?

Duggy747 · 17-07-2012 10:31AM

cruais wrote: »

We met up and everything was going great until later in the night, he held my hand.

Me: oh your hands are so soft!
Him: thanks! It's from milking all the cows on the farm!:eek:

I never saw him again.

By the sounds of it, he had a lucky escape from a snobby city slicker..

MugMugs · 17-07-2012 10:34AM

Brokentime wrote: »

When she came back, I got the duvet and threw it on the floor and pulled her down and we went at it there, and it was pretty uninspired stuff. However, the next morning, I wake up and she's gone. I'm sitting at the edge of the bed having a scratch when she arrives in, naked again, with the baby. I'm in the buff, too, and the sight of the baby made me cover up me junk. She then plonks the baby at the foot of the bed and straddles me, and wants to go at it again. In front of the baby.

I left, post-haste.

That's awesome and possibly the best contraceptive ever.

"Hey, lets get it on and if you don't pull out quick enough, this is what you're going to spend your Saturday afternoons looking after"

Durex aint got nothing on this lass!

Son0vagun · 17-07-2012 10:39AM

I knew a girl who went on a blind date. When she met her date she didn't fancy him. She excused herself and went to the toilet to text her friend. She wrote in the text that her date was minging and could the friend ring her in five minutes to make it look like she had to leave in a hurry.

She then by mistake, sent the text to her date.

opinion guy · 17-07-2012 10:40AM

Fight_Night wrote: »

We were at Eddie Rockets, normally they give you glass bottles of ketchup but for some reason that day we were given a plastic bottle, the ones that you're able to squeeze(which imo are much better and easier to use but anyway) so we've just got our meal and I'm about to put ketchup on my chips when all of a sudden Louis Walsh walks in, I scream "HEY LOUIS" and unknowingly squeezed the bottle of ketchup with such strength that it got all over her clothes. She stormed off back to her house and I went after her to apologize. Once I reached her house I asked her to come back to Eddie Rockets, to which she replied "How am I supposed to go out wearing this?" So I winked and said "I guess you just won't be able to wear it."

Then we made love.

There was no date. =(

Made love ???!?!

What is this ........50 shades of estrogen here already ???!?!?

Biggins · 17-07-2012 10:41AM

Walked into a cinema wall and knocked myself out.

mikemac1 · 17-07-2012 10:42AM

cruais wrote: »

Me: oh your hands are so soft!
Him: thanks! It's from milking all the cows on the farm!:eek:

I never saw him again.

Should have asked him how many acres he had

If the land had road frontage then he was a keeper

aujopimur · 17-07-2012 10:49AM

I was dancing a slow one (60's), I shot off in my pants.

Brokentime · 17-07-2012 10:51AM

aujopimur wrote: »

I was dancing a slow one (60's), I shot off in my pants.

I would call that a partially successful first date.

daveyboy_1ie · 17-07-2012 11:17AM

Genuinly not one of my proudest moments. Went on a 'blind' date with a girl, although we had cheated and sent each other pictures of ourselves (normal one’s mind) after being set up by mutual friends.

Anyways after the usual awkward few moments at meeting and talking crap like you do to see what we want to do/ go etc. I suggested going for a pint. She had wanted to meet at the clock thing on O'Connell Street because that was where her parents met for the first time on a blind date too. Now this girl was carrying a few extra pounds (like myself), nothing too bad but it was obviously a big deal for her because she completely caught me unawares and asked me:

Her 'Well do I look like you expected?'

Me 'Well from the neck up defo'

All I meant was the photo I saw was a head shot, I swear. I am genuinely that stupid. Anyway two awkward pints later I suggested we call it a night as it was obvious she had shut down on me. She agreed. Actually I think she barely had the words out of her mouth before she disappeared and the three girls at the table behind me looking at me as if to say 'Men, you are all the same'. I swear I did not mean how it sounded and I made it worse by just ignoring the comment and pretending I never said it.

I sent a quick mail a few days apologising but never heard back but at least I tried to say sorry, albeit days too late.

danniemcq · 17-07-2012 12:32PM

daveyboy_1ie wrote: »

Anyways after the usual awkward few moments at meeting and talking crap like you do to see what we want to do/ go etc. I suggested going for a pint. She had wanted to meet at the clock thing on O'Connell Street because that was where her parents met for the first time on a blind date too. Now this girl was carrying a few extra pounds (like myself), nothing too bad but it was obviously a big deal for her because she completely caught me unawares and asked me:

Her 'Well do I look like you expected?'

Me 'Well from the neck up defo'

have you managed to remove that foot from your mouth yet?

although seeing she wanted to meet where her parents met is a bit odd to me. Maybe you dodged a bullet or maybe its the way my head works

17-07-2012 12:48PM

Met a guy at a very drunken party at a friend's place.... chatted him up all night, friend told me he had a girlfriend! (Honest mistake, it was his ex but she didn't know that). Discouraged I hit the bottle rather harder than advisable, later encountering him in the kitchen where he puts the moves on... I asked him where his girlfriend was... "Haven't got one".... that's cool, but, I got to get out of here... promptly vomit on the tiles. (At least it wasn't on him). Worse still, we later ended up committing a lewd act on the couch while another friend desperately pretended to sleep in the same room.

He must have been as drunk as I was since we ended up going out together for over three years.

frag420 · 17-07-2012 12:53PM

daveyboy_1ie wrote: »

I suggested going for a pint. She had wanted to meet at the clock thing on O'Connell Street because that was where her parents met for the first time on a blind date too. Now this girl was carrying a few extra pounds

Thats such bull****. The real reason she wanted to meet there is because its in between the Oatfield Sweetshop and a BurgerKing!!:D

CardBordWindow · 17-07-2012 01:32PM

Brokentime wrote: »

Got a classic for you.

I went back to college as a mature student a few years ago. In my first few weeks, I got roped into the mature student society, for whatever reason.

Anyway, got to know one of the women in the group quite well, and we got on okay. The group had a trip over to Prague in the first year, and we got fairly intimate in my hotel room, albeit without sex.

When we got back to Ireland, we agreed to have a date. The day came and it turned out we weren't going out on a date, but rather back to her house. Now, you'd think this was ace news, but she was a single mother and I knew there was a lack-of-babysitters element to it.

Spent a pretty uneventful evening in her house, with her mainly doting over the 1-year-old kid and watching TV. To alleviate the boredom, I even went upstairs and fixed her printer and computer (yes, that bad).

Anyway, she put the baby to bed and then things began to happen. Friskiness downstairs become nudity and sex upstairs. However, when we started going at it, the bed made so much noise that it woke the baby. Up she hopped, in the buff, from beside me and went into the baby's room to pacify it. Comes back 5 mins later and we go at it again. Bed makes noise, baby wakes up, and off she goes again. This happened about 3 times.

When she came back, I got the duvet and threw it on the floor and pulled her down and we went at it there, and it was pretty uninspired stuff. However, the next morning, I wake up and she's gone. I'm sitting at the edge of the bed having a scratch when she arrives in, naked again, with the baby. I'm in the buff, too, and the sight of the baby made me cover up me junk. She then plonks the baby at the foot of the bed and straddles me, and wants to go at it again. In front of the baby.

I left, post-haste.

You motherf*cker!

kfallon · 17-07-2012 01:34PM

danniemcq wrote: »

although seeing she wanted to meet where her parents met is a bit odd to me. Maybe you dodged a bullet or maybe its the way my head works

Yeah you can imagine if they had got down to the business later on, "First I want you to do me in the missionary position, then a few minutes of doggy and then I want you to blow off all over my boobs.....just like Mammy and Daddy do it!!" :eek: :pac:

Manzoor14 · 17-07-2012 01:53PM

I have two good stories that involved two different mates.

First one was a few yrs ago. One of my mates (from Wexford) scored a girl out in Dublin. Decided to meet her for a cinema date in Dublin so he hopped into the car and drove to Dub and met her.

After a while chatting he realised she was a bit dim and he had no interest. About 20 mins into the film he said he had to head to the toilet.
Instead he went outside, got into his car and drove back to Wexford. Never heard from her again!

The second one as more recent. Again one of my other mates scored a girl in Dublin (he's living in Dublin as well) She was from Carrick I think.
After a week or so of texting etc she invited him over to Carrick.

He drove over one Saturday, and went to a birthday party with her. She had a hotel room booked for them. But he ended up going flat out on the beer and basically just wanted to pass out in the hotel room bed after the party.

Instead just after falling into bed he leaned over the side and puked up everywhere, all over the carpet, then rolled over and went to sleep. His date ended up cleaning it all up! :eek:
They ended up meeting up a few more times before he ended it cos she lived too far away or something...

guitarzero · 17-07-2012 02:02PM

cruais wrote: »

Maybe it was just me being from Dublin and not having a country head on me, but when I heard that, it totally turned me off him!

This kinda brings me back to that show 'Take me out'. "Sorry, yea, he's handsome and has a great personality and all but I dunno, something about the name Tom, ugh, he's just not for me".

Palm to face.

HE MILKS COWS! WHAT THE FACK IS WRONG WITH THAT!?! Sorry, *fixes tie*, please, explain yourself. Shed some light on this ridiculous process of elimination.

Would it be also fair to say you've given a*sholes a better chance than this seemingly nice farmer lad?

Ficheall · 17-07-2012 02:05PM

What one wouldn't give to go out with a lass who milked cattle, eh?

amacca · 17-07-2012 02:07PM

guitarzero wrote: »

Would it be also fair to say you've given a*sholes a better chance than this seemingly nice farmer lad?

yes...thats the way it works, until you meet someone you really fall for and they either

a) dont want to give you the time of day

or

b) use you as their own personal wet wipe

life is cruel, random and mostly unjustifiably unfair

amacca · 17-07-2012 02:08PM

Ficheall wrote: »

What one wouldn't give to go out with a lass who milked cattle, eh?

eeeeewwwwwww! like no way...................unless she was hot!

Ficheall · 17-07-2012 02:11PM

amacca wrote: »

............unless she was hot!

Well, I thought that was a given...

Plazaman · 17-07-2012 02:23PM

Ficheall wrote: »

What one wouldn't give to go out with a lass who milked cattle, eh?

Don't know, what if she was one of those EU quota mad girls that wouldn't stop until she got two gallon outta ya.

Fun but sore.

marcsignal · 17-07-2012 02:27PM

cruais wrote: »

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you on a first date?

A couple of years ago, I met a lovely guy on a night out in town. He was a country boy. Anyway, we arranged to go for a drink the following week.

We met up and everything was going great until later in the night, he held my hand.

Me: oh your hands are so soft!
Him: thanks! It's from milking all the cows on the farm!:eek:

I never saw him again.

cruais wrote: »

Maybe it was just me being from Dublin and not having a country head on me, but when I heard that, it totally turned me off him!

so..... he never actually got his cock up in the end then, right ??

:pac:

guitarzero · 17-07-2012 02:51PM

amacca wrote: »

yes...thats the way it works, until you meet someone you really fall for and they either

a) dont want to give you the time of day

or

b) use you as their own personal wet wipe

life is cruel, random and mostly unjustifiably unfair

Its not even that, if lads were this silly about going out with women you'd get a slap around the head.

AnonoBoy · 17-07-2012 03:23PM

Ended up going on a first date with my mate Jimmy. We were trying to keep it a secret so we went out on the town with another friend of ours (let's call him Outpost)

Anyway we all ended up back at Jimmy's house and Jimmy had way too much to drink and fell asleep.

Me and Outpost crashed out but when Outpost fell asleep I texted Jimmy and he came up and joined us.

I think we did wake up Outpost though which was a bit embarrassing. At least he's the sort of lad that'd blab though.

Sincerely,

Paddy.

First date cock ups

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