Thieving flatmate

mikemac1 · 14-05-2012 11:33PM

Print off some business cards with her mobile and a nice flashy design and leave them around town
She is now the local hooker

Phone boxes are good though those are rare nowadays

IM0 · 14-05-2012 11:33PM

bit much for stealing drop of milk and odd tea bags

its starts out that way. but soon she will probably selling the couch and cooker for a years supply of noodles. its a slippery slope..

Typewriter · 14-05-2012 11:34PM

Lock your door. If you havent got a key get one. They cost €2.

smash · 14-05-2012 11:35PM

OP, have you considered cumming on her toothbrush?

filmbuffboy · 14-05-2012 11:38PM

lock you door op, or if living with a thief is causing so much hassle just get out! or kick her out!

Motorist · 14-05-2012 11:39PM

smash wrote: »

OP, have you considered cumming on her toothbrush?

Dont do this if you have genital herpes though because if you transmit the virus to her oral cavity, you could be charged with bioterrorism.

puddinboxxx · 14-05-2012 11:41PM

The bedroom doors dont lock so im gonna buy a new One but that aint gonna get rid of her

Boscoirl · 14-05-2012 11:41PM

Next time she brings a dude home, sit in the corner of her bedroom and say

"I have come to watch my condoms have sex"

Shryke · 14-05-2012 11:48PM

You don't need to be nice to her. In fact you could start acting a bit more like a dick. I wouldn't be polite to someone who stole from me. Don't let her be comfortable.
Also jizz on her pillow and then deny all knowledge.

Nothingbetter2d · 14-05-2012 11:48PM

her flat mate look like this

coonecb1 · 14-05-2012 11:55PM

puddinboxxx wrote: »

everythin was fine apart from her bein a slob

What is it with women being slobs these days? Whatever happened to the fairer sex etc

southcentralts · 15-05-2012 12:02AM

one box
one label maker

make a "Fingerprinting Kit" to leave strategically placed beside jar of money, unless she is an idiot, she will get the message.

puddinboxxx · 15-05-2012 12:06AM

There lies the problem,she is an idiot

Jess16 · 15-05-2012 12:10AM

smash wrote: »

OP, have you considered cumming on her toothbrush?

Way too soon for oral sex

Thoie · 15-05-2012 12:10AM

southcentralts wrote: »

one box
one label maker

make a "Fingerprinting Kit" to leave strategically placed beside jar of money, unless she is an idiot, she will get the message.

And while you have the label maker, make lots of labels with your name on them and stick one on each side of the condom. Or "Mary stole these" or whatever her name is.

admiralofthefleet · 15-05-2012 12:33AM

if she isnt hot why is she robbing your joy baloons then?

IM0 · 15-05-2012 12:38AM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

if she isnt hot why is she robbing your joy baloons then?

must remember that one

Boscoirl · 15-05-2012 12:42AM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

if she isnt hot why is she robbing your joy baloons then?

Is putting them on a cucumber the female equivalent of a posh ****?

Stinicker · 15-05-2012 12:44AM

I think I may have run into her, I don't how many of you shop at Tesco, but this may be useful to know. I am sending this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at Tesco in Cork and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 19-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a soapy sponge, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Tesco. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other! Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday.

Mickey H · 15-05-2012 12:49AM

smash wrote: »

OP, have you considered cumming on her toothbrush?

No point, she'll never swallow that.

Boscoirl wrote: »

Is putting them on a cucumber the female equivalent of a posh ****?

Yes, yes it is.

Dimithy · 15-05-2012 01:13AM

Use the condoms first, she probably wouldn't steal them then.
And if you ever get lucky, you can rinse them out.

Tesco Massacre · 15-05-2012 01:27AM

What does she need condoms for?

She doesn't even have a penis.

3rdDegree · 15-05-2012 01:27AM

Wait a second here. You have no proof it's her stealing your stuff. It could be one of the guys she brings home with her.

YFlyer · 15-05-2012 01:29AM

Canis Lupus wrote: »

I also got a bottle of vodka a few days later left in my room by the vodka fairy.

That was sound of him. Did you share it?

Mickey H · 15-05-2012 01:30AM

3rdDegree wrote: »

Wait a second here. You have no proof it's her stealing your stuff. It could be one of the guys she brings home with her.

Touché. Although, he didn't mention her bringing home guys. Or, did I read that wrong?

ladysarastro · 15-05-2012 01:30AM

Canis Lupus wrote: »

If only there was a way to put chilli oil in them.

Ya can't put chilli oil in them but ya can use a pin....
Then in 9 months she'll have to move out and if your lucky she'll ask you to be godfather;)

Tesco Massacre · 15-05-2012 01:30AM

coonecb1 wrote: »

What is it with women being slobs these days? Whatever happened to the fairer sex etc

The fairer sex thing is bull. Women can be just as slovenly as men.

*flashback of college housemate leaving used sanitary towel on bathroom floor*

grindle · 15-05-2012 01:36AM

Tesco Massacre wrote: »

*flashback of college housemate leaving used sanitary towel on bathroom floor*

Could've been a jam sandwich.

Did you even bother to check, before slandering this poor, hungry girl?

wyndham · 15-05-2012 01:37AM

Pinprick in the condoms obv. Revenge is a dish best served with lashings of std and a side order of unplanned pregnancy.

omgitsthelazor · 15-05-2012 01:39AM

butter the floor, it will solve all your problems

Thieving flatmate

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