I Heard a Very Sad Story Tonight

10-05-2012 10:03PM #1

was with my dad and his friend he was upset see he and his wife are getting old and they have a disabled son need consent care 24/7

what i never knew was tonight he told me he had 4 adults daughters :eek: and not one would help out they do not even bother with there brother not one

this broke my heart because my youngest brother is the same and is my 3rd leg since he was born i love him to bits some people say he be lost without me it the other way round sometimes

he told us some nights hed wide awake worring sometimes

so when the my dad friend and wife die i dread to think what will happen to the poor man

4 adults daughter ****ing hell

downwithpeace · 10-05-2012 10:08PM

I doubt this is anything new, sad yes but not everyone thinks family comes first.

Babybuff · 10-05-2012 10:09PM

yep. I keep an eye out for two uncles who my family haven't seen (or could be bothered with) in over a year. One is in a home and the other lives near me so I keep in touch with them and make sure they have someone to talk to. (most people think I'm a c*nt, truth is I know most other people are c*nts)

hatrickpatrick · 10-05-2012 10:11PM

People are d!cks.

laoch na mona · 10-05-2012 10:11PM

some people are *****

sunflower27 · 10-05-2012 10:13PM

That is so sad that the parents, in their old age, are worrying about their youngest son while the four daughters they raised couldn't give a sh*t.

You are right OP, that is a very sad story

jluv · 10-05-2012 10:20PM

I have a brother who lives 7 miles from his disabled mother and hasn't called or been to see her in over 2 years! He's dead to me.Harsh but true:mad:

Battered Mars Bar · 10-05-2012 10:20PM

I know a sadder story but it isn't a competition

and posting it to you lot doesn't appeal to me, no offence

Deus Ex Machina · 10-05-2012 10:22PM

Deleted User wrote: »

my youngest brother is the same and is my 3rd leg

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

People are d!cks.

Quite literally it seems.

girl in the striped socks · 10-05-2012 10:28PM

Years ago if someone was born with a disability the doctor would suggest putting that child into a home & going home to try for a "normal" baby. I know one woman this was suggested to about five years ago.
Realisticlly it takes an awful lot of work, patience, caring & genuine love to care for a disabled person.
I personally would find it impossible to ignore a person, especially a family member, just because they do things differently or need a bit of help. In fact I find the OP story quite disgusting.
If the daughters are not in a position to care full for their brother full time then the least they could do is employ proper carers to assist & help him in his home environment when the time comes that his parents are no longer in a position to do it.
No parent wants to outlive their child, but my heart goes out to parents who's child needs round the clock care & they don't know what will happen their child when they're gone.

jluv · 10-05-2012 10:31PM

Battered Mars Bar wrote: »

I know a sadder story but it isn't a competition and posting it to you lot doesn't appeal to me, no offence

No offence taken at all.Completely understand.Think it's heatbreaking tho. our elderly folk should have people worrying about them,not them having to lie awake worrying about who will take care of someone when they are gone.

Sad..

Battered Mars Bar · 10-05-2012 10:38PM

jluv wrote: »

No offence taken at all.Completely understand.Think it's heatbreaking tho. our elderly folk should have people worrying about them,not them having to lie awake worrying about who will take care of someone when they are gone. Sad..

Hello

My comment is after yours and looks like I was having a go at you to me, that wasn't intentional, my apologies.

But yea very sad, very common though

and similar things.

krudler · 10-05-2012 10:41PM

I was craving toast on the way home and got in to find I had no bread, and I was too lazy to go get some.

lifes just not fair.

spurious · 10-05-2012 10:45PM

I know it's a terrible situation for the parents, but do the adult daughters also have children?
In fairness, their first responsibility is to their own children.

For years in this country, it was taken as a given that an adult daughter (regardless of how many adult sons there were) ended up trapped looking after elderly parents or disabled siblings.

It's very easy for us all to say 'oh how terrible they are' but without knowing their circumstances, we can't comment.

If you had three or four children of your own, would you take on a disabled sibling too?

hairyprincess · 10-05-2012 10:50PM

I had an operation recently, someone who I thought would be there to even offer help was nowhere to be seen. Yet I have gone out of my way continually for them. It really shocked me. But then two people who I wouldn't have expected anything from have out done themselves.

That is a truly awful story OP, but undoubtedly not a unique one. Maybe suggest to this man that they approach their Public Health Nurse about sussing out some sort of care for their son. Do they get any home help at all?

ziggy23 · 10-05-2012 10:57PM

Families are really ****ed up sometimes. They're the ones you think you can always rely on but sometimes you just can't. This blood is thicker than water bullsh1t is not always true:(:(

x_Ellie_x · 10-05-2012 11:02PM

Maybe the four adult daughters have kids of their own to look after? And due to the way things are at the moment they might not be able to financially support their disabled sibling either.

My best mate Jenny gets a lot of crap from her mother about her brother with down's syndrome. Her mam wants her to help take care of him but Jenny has four kids, a fifth one on the way, and she works part-time too. She has enough on her plate already and just can't help take care of him. And now her mam is going nuts because Jenny's planning to move out of Dublin because of her husband's job. What does her mam expect Jenny's husband to do? Just quit his job, never mind the wife and 5 kids he has to support?!

I think the government should do more to help families with disabled children, like provide free home help ect.

TheChizler · 10-05-2012 11:04PM

Do you know the family history? There's an awful lot of emotional issues when it comes to family members and disabilities, it's quite possible that they do care but aren't able to deal with it emotionally, it could be the only way they can cope with the reality of it. The most important person you need to care about is yourself, you can't help others if you don't help yourself.

My name is URL · 10-05-2012 11:11PM

That sort of shit really pisses me off. Plenty of people think in that sort of way these days though, with zero respect for anything that has gone before. I've known people that have disappeared after receiving an inheritance and left the bereaved to grow old and dependent on neighbors to survive, and ultimately place in care.

TeddyTedson · 10-05-2012 11:16PM

Deleted User wrote: »

was with my dad and his friend he was upset see he and his wife are getting old and they have a disabled son need consent care 24/7

what i never knew was tonight he told me he had 4 adults daughters :eek: and not one would help out they do not even bother with there brother not one

this broke my heart because my youngest brother is the same and is my 3rd leg since he was born i love him to bits some people say he be lost without me it the other way round sometimes

he told us some nights hed wide awake worring sometimes

so when the my dad friend and wife die i dread to think what will happen to the poor man

4 adults daughter ****ing hell

Well the daughters may change their outlook towards the situation with time, and the Dad could also be over thinking things here, who knows.

But yea, obviously that's sad, but they have no obligation to look after their brother and maybe he would be best in a care home after the parents are deceased if that's their attitude.

I know of a similar situation but the entire family help out and always have so it's not at all an issue or inconvenience. It's actually quite enjoyable for them believe it or not, I don't want to get into the specifics of it.

What is the disability out of interest if you don't mind? Is it mental or physical, both perhaps?

Sindri · 10-05-2012 11:16PM

People are very egocentric OP, particularly to people they are accustomed to.

Biggins · 10-05-2012 11:21PM

Have a sister like that.

I have a bother that is (from birth) physically and mentally effected badly.
We all care for him at times - except one sister that couldn't give a crap.
She is a nasty piece of work.

Needless to say, after many, many tries to let her see that she should care more, we had to sadly give up.
She is a stranger to us all now.

El Weirdo · 10-05-2012 11:26PM

I knew I shouldn't have clicked into this thread.

Dudess · 10-05-2012 11:29PM

spurious wrote: »

I know it's a terrible situation for the parents, but do the adult daughters also have children?
In fairness, their first responsibility is to their own children.

For years in this country, it was taken as a given that an adult daughter (regardless of how many adult sons there were) ended up trapped looking after elderly parents or disabled siblings.

It's very easy for us all to say 'oh how terrible they are' but without knowing their circumstances, we can't comment.

If you had three or four children of your own, would you take on a disabled sibling too?

There's a difference between too busy and not bothered. The OP says it's the latter. I know we only have their word for it, but if it's true it's poor form. Even if they can't find the time, what about organising a home help or something? No mention of them all having kids either, and three or four kids is unusual these days.

up for anything · 10-05-2012 11:33PM

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

Realisticlly it takes an awful lot of work, patience, caring & genuine love to care for a disabled person.
I personally would find it impossible to ignore a person, especially a family member, just because they do things differently or need a bit of help. In fact I find the OP story quite disgusting.
If the daughters are not in a position to care full for their brother full time then the least they could do is employ proper carers to assist & help him in his home environment when the time comes that his parents are no longer in a position to do it.

The first two statements are contradictory.

Secondly, he doesn't need a bit of help, he needs care 24/7. Have you any idea what that means?

Thirdly, you make it sound so easy, "the least they could do is employ proper carers to assist and help him in home environment" - do you have any idea how much that costs?

You really are living in cloud-cuckoo-land.

OP, here is a place your father's friend could start if he hasn't started looking at options yet.

http://www.foldireland.ie/

bb1234567 · 10-05-2012 11:35PM

jluv wrote: »

I have a brother who lives 7 miles from his disabled mother and hasn't called or been to see her in over 2 years! He's dead to me.Harsh but true:mad:

God thats so sad, even worse than the OPs story:( its not harsh at all, he'd be dead to me too, hope your mothers doing ok...

gosuckonalemon · 10-05-2012 11:35PM

Babybuff wrote: »

yep. I keep an eye out for two uncles who my family haven't seen (or could be bothered with) in over a year. One is in a home and the other lives near me so I keep in touch with them and make sure they have someone to talk to. (most people think I'm a c*nt, truth is I know most other people are c*nts)

I bet you've spent the inheritance already!

Gentelman_dub · 10-05-2012 11:37PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

That is so sad that the parents, in their old age, are worrying about their youngest son while the four daughters they raised couldn't give a sh*t.

You are right OP, that is a very sad story

very sad indeed. Hope his good friends and good neighbors could help sometime.

Dudess · 10-05-2012 11:39PM

up for anything wrote: »

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

[COLOR="Red"]Realisticlly it takes an awful lot of work, patience, caring & genuine love to care for a disabled person. [/COLOR]
[COLOR="Black"]I personally would find it impossible to ignore a person, especially a family member, just because they do things differently or need a bit of help. In fact I find the OP story quite disgusting. [/COLOR]
[COLOR="Blue"]If the daughters are not in a position to care full for their brother full time then the least they could do is employ proper carers to assist & help him in his home environment when the time comes that his parents are no longer in a position to do it. [/COLOR]

The first two statements are contradictory.

Secondly, he doesn't need a bit of help, he needs care 24/7. Have you any idea what that means?

Thirdly, you make it sound so easy, "the least they could do is employ proper carers to assist and help him in home environment" - do you have any idea how much that costs?

You really are living in cloud-cuckoo-land.

OP, here is a place your father's friend could start if he hasn't started looking at options yet.

http://www.foldireland.ie/

Indeed it is expensive to pay for care, but what other option is there?

Daisy M · 10-05-2012 11:40PM

As I get older I realise a lot of situations are not as black and white as they appear. When my grandmother was alive my parents cared for her. They got no help from her other children literally none, but they did get help from their own children. They were very quick to point out the lack of help they received from the other family members but were extremely slow to mention the help that they did receive. If it was a case an event was on and they didnt want to go to they would say " we couldnt go sure there is noone to mind granny", but if it was something they wanted to go to and were asked how they managed they would over exaggerate how well and how many people were caring for granny.

I am not saying these people are lying or exaggerating but I would be slow to form an opinion unless I had a lot of contact with them and had a clearer picture of what was going on.

bb1234567 · 10-05-2012 11:40PM

Well if I was one of the parents Id know exactly who wasnt goign to be in my will...Wouldnt give them a cent if they were my children, itd all go to my son so he can live in a nice home for the disabled with a good carer and try to give a good a life as possible.Heck Id give my inheritance to the cat or my neighbour sooner than I'd give it to those four

very sad story indeed, could'nt ever imagine doing that to either my brother or sister...

I Heard a Very Sad Story Tonight

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