My boyfriend was with a prostitute

Neyite · 15-04-2012 07:17PM

OP, there has been a lot of debate over the morality of prostitution here so I wont go into my personal view of that area at all.

For me its simple. Anyone can make a mistake, I had an ex who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and while I was disgusted with the idea personally, I saw that it was an experience he didnt enjoy and it put him off paying for sex forever and over the years had thought about why she may have been in that line of work for himself and regretted his experience.

That, was ok for me. Like I said, we all make mistakes and there are plenty of men who try it out and decide its not for them.

I know another guy who bragged about getting a prostitue in ireland and sharing her with his brother, then they also thought it was great fun to pay her and give her their fathers address, so he could have a go too. That turned my stomach, because they were both family men with wives and little children.

So, on balance, my personal decision if I were you, would be based on if his view of prostitution (now) is similar to mine. Or does he still think it was harmless, and a bit of a laugh? if it was the latter, I'd personally be packing my bags. I couldnt stay with someone who thought it ok to be with a prostitute or condone their friends who are attached cheating with a prostitute.

In your case, its the way he described it, thinking it funny that the woman got mad because one of them did something she didnt want to do, plus he tried to make out like he went along with peer pressure (not taking responsibilty for his own decisions) is too loud of an alarm bell for me.

LegacyUser · 15-04-2012 07:26PM

dellas1979 wrote: »

Look, I dont mean to be hard on you about this, but the issue isnt really the prostitute (you seem to be focusing your thoughts on her hard life and why etc), the issue is your BF having not one, but 2 prostitutes, telling you the story publically, running off, leaving you to deal with it, and then rings you to try and (and very well made point) "normalise" it all.

From all the above, cant you see that he has also humiliated you?

Hey, OP here yet again.

Yes, I think I am focusing on the girl a lot. However, I think my issue really lies in the fact that my bf was seemingly NOT concerned about the girl at all! I mean, she was a hooker, she presumably did worse things in her time (idk), but I would have expected more from him than to use someone like that, even if they were 'willing'. The fact there were three of them there just amplifies this fact for me, and it gives it whole new seedy dimension.

Anyway, yes, I do feel quite humiliated. He didn't tell me publicly though; we were alone in my house. Still, yeah he did run, but that's often how he deals with things. When things get heated, he runs, and usually returns later to talk to me when we're more calm. This is usually an OK approach (if annoying), but yeah, last night it didn't feel that way.

It freaks me out that this thread is getting so much 'air-time', but whatever. I don't really know what to do next. He rang me several times today and was pretty upset. He kept asking could we "please forget about it" and how "awkward" he felt sitting there with me. I guess he's afraid i'm gonna break up with him. He hasn't really said anything about regretting what he did (the act), but to be honest, I haven't given him much of a chance, so I'm not sure.
So far, I have warned him not to come over, mainly because I have no idea what I really want at this point, and I don't want to either 'forgive' or break up with him on a whim. I kind of want to have a game-plan before he comes in my house and it gets all emotional. Ugh.

Anyway, I guess the next step is to talk it out in person (ugh). Also, thanks Neyite, you are right, his attitude concerning what went down that night is very important to me, and will probably be a deal-breaker. If he is persistently dismissive or whatever, I'll definitely have a big problem with that.

Killed By Death · 15-04-2012 07:51PM

It'll probably be a few days before you know what to do or think OP. I also agree it will very much depend on his attitude from now on. I suppose all you can do is take your time and see how you feel over the next week or two.

Sorry you are going through this anyway.

neuro-praxis · 15-04-2012 08:01PM

If someone has done something wrong in their past, but now regrets it, and chooses to think and act differently now, then that is one thing.

But treating women in such a despicable manner and chalking it up to a bit of fun is entirely something else.

I'd be out of there, immediately. It's a pretty horrific story and he seems to have no remorse.

LegacyUser · 15-04-2012 10:39PM

dont usually reply to these things but read the story and had to reply,
firstly sorry you are hurting and confused but try to think clearly about the facts.

op you are right to be disgusted. a man you love has shown that he is a completly different person then you thought.

he paid for sex with two prostitues and shared one of them with his friends for a 'laugh'
looking back on the story he still thought it was funny.

and really who knows if there is more to the story? it is probably a 'watered down version'
also his friends with girlfriends? where are their morals? are they still with their partners? do you know them-also putting you in an awkward situation with them.

if i was you, although heartbreaking this would be a deal breaker-no way could i ever look at him the same again.

thank god you are not married with kids or anything. please dump him and get an std check

Stavro Mueller · 15-04-2012 11:36PM

I don't have anything different to add to this thread but I really feel for you. I think you're doing the right thing by holding your fire until you've had time to digest this. You've had an awful shock to the system - you have just found out that your boyfriend has a side to his personality that you'd never previously suspected.

My guess is that over the coming days and weeks, you'll reach a decision in your heart about this. I think that we often know the answer to certain questions deep down but it can take a while for us to figure it out. Or to put it more simply, either you will find a way to reconcile yourself to what happened or it will poison your relationship. I'm sure even you don't know what way it will go yet.

The one thing that bothers me is your boyfriend's attitude to the story now. At a stretch you could dismiss their initial antics and put it down to sexual curiosity or lads acting the maggot and pretending they were porn stars. The ensuing years haven't caused him to stop and reflect on what happened. The only reason he's sorry now is because he told you what happened and he's now afraid that you might dump him. Not that he and his mates treated a hooker like a piece of meat. That's something to bear in mind when he tries to win you back and tells you what you want to hear.

Wompa1 · 15-04-2012 11:40PM

cymbaline wrote: »

I don't have anything different to add to this thread but I really feel for you. I think you're doing the right thing by holding your fire until you've had time to digest this. You've had an awful shock to the system - you have just found out that your boyfriend has a side to his personality that you'd never previously suspected.

My guess is that over the coming days and weeks, you'll reach a decision in your heart about this. I think that we often know the answer to certain questions deep down but it can take a while for us to figure it out. Or to put it more simply, either you will find a way to reconcile yourself to what happened or it will poison your relationship. I'm sure even you don't know what way it will go yet.

The one thing that bothers me is your boyfriend's attitude to the story now. At a stretch you could dismiss their initial antics and put it down to sexual curiosity or lads acting the maggot and pretending they were porn stars. The ensuing years haven't caused him to stop and reflect on what happened. The only reason he's sorry now is because he told you what happened and he's now afraid that you might dump him. Not that he and his mates treated a hooker like a piece of meat. That's something to bear in mind when he tries to win you back and tells you what you want to hear.

The way I read it though is that he's playing it off as funny so it's less of a big deal. But that makes it seem worse because it makes him seem completely disrespectful of women. I'd go with your gut OP

LittleBook · 16-04-2012 10:19AM

Neyite wrote: »

So, on balance, my personal decision if I were you, would be based on if his view of prostitution (now) is similar to mine. Or does he still think it was harmless, and a bit of a laugh? if it was the latter, I'd personally be packing my bags. I couldnt stay with someone who thought it ok to be with a prostitute or condone their friends who are attached cheating with a prostitute.

neuro-praxis wrote: »

If someone has done something wrong in their past, but now regrets it, and chooses to think and act differently now, then that is one thing.

But treating women in such a despicable manner and chalking it up to a bit of fun is entirely something else.

Everyone has a past, there are things I've done that I would never tell my partner because I'm ashamed of them, I regret doing them, I want to forget about them, I'm a different person now.

What unsettles me greatly about this situation is that this is the kind of story I would expect my partner to be ashamed of, to never, ever want to share with me, no matter how much I cajoled him.

Putting myself in your shoes ... whatever about what my partner had done in the past, that he thought it was OK to share this "funny" story with me, that he thought I'd be OK with it, that he would then think I'm in the wrong for being upset by it, that is what would make me leave ... that person doesn't know me and I don't know him. I'm so sorry OP.

ppink · 16-04-2012 08:29PM

snafuk35 wrote: »

POST DELETED BY MODS

you have completely missed the point I think. it is not the fact he was with a prostitute it was his view on it afterwards and how he found it funny still as to what they called her and what they did to her that she did not like.

Dinxminx · 16-04-2012 08:48PM

I can't believe the people on this thread who are calling the OP a hypocrite for having had one night stands; as if a consensual, one-on-one sexual encounter (where there is an air of mutual respect and a desire for the same thing) is even in the same ball park as a guy who gets head on a street corner and then takes a different hooker home with two of his friends where they each have sex with her one after the other, verbally abuse her and then one of them does something that she didn't agree to and which makes her, in his own words, "mad".... And then years later he still thinks this is behaviour that should be laughed off.

I cannot fathom how any human being would think those two things are comparable.

16-04-2012 09:07PM

snafuk35 has been banned for unhelpful inflammatory posting

LegacyUser · 16-04-2012 09:10PM

mod snip

I personally think it would be completely different and forgivable if the circumstances of what happened was in this fashion.

The OP's bf was on holiday maybe decides to go for a prostitute and hires one. Takes her back has sex without being mysogynistic prick about it and that's it.

Instead, he shared one with two guys who all completely degraded and humiliated her-that is the issue I have the problem with.

I am not for or against prostitution, if someone wants to see one have the commonsense to use protection and don't dehumanise another human being.

People who have ONS are usually not treated like garbage. I am sorry OP, your bf and friends treated her like a piece of ****e not even a piece of meat! That is a hell of a lot more disrespectful than any ONS or two or twenty. Just the way they treated her makes my skin crawl. This is what makes the act more unforgiveable and I too would lose my respect for them even if it was a so called once off.

Just because "you pay for a service" doesn't mean you have the entitlement of dehumanising someone. If you hired someone to take care of your kids or clean your house, do you treat them like ****e? No, plain and simple. And I do not want to hear that being a prostitute is different; prostitutes are human beings with feelings. I agree that there are men that go to prositutes, some do it for release, some don't care but that doesn't mean that they have a right to treat another human being (most likely sexually abused and comes from a broken home) like a piece of ****e! What concerned me more was not the fact that they saw a prostitute but how she was treated by them is what disturbs me the most.

LegacyUser · 16-04-2012 10:00PM

Hey guys, this is the OP. I thought I'd 'update' some of you who've been following the thread.

Spoke to my boyfriend today. I probably could have done with a little more breathing space, but he begged me to talk, and as well as that, I had some questions playing on mind.

I confronted him about how he felt about the situation. I didn't want to ask any leading questions or anything. I didn't want him telling me what I wanted to hear.
He told me he was stupid and very drunk, what happened wasn't "flattering" or anything he's proud of. It's "embarrassing".

As for how the girl was treated, he seems to be of the opinion that she was willing and consented, so there's nothing wrong there. He kept saying "why are you trying to make me feel as if we raped her?". That's really not what I was trying to get across, but rather that I thought they took advantage. He said he understood where I was coming from, but that's not how he perceived the situation at the time.

As for abusing her (and sorry for going over this again), my boyfriend's friend (who was the second guy up..:/) came back after his 'turn', and once the third guy had gone in, he said to my boyfriend (laughing) "wow she is sooo sh*te". He then explained that he'd stopped having sex with her half way, told her to just "sit there" while he got himself off, and that she "freaked out" because he "nearly came on her". Apparently she "gave out to him", but he didn't verbally abuse her, just told my bf she was "sh*te".

He doesn't seem to consider the prostitute a victim in this situation, but I'm not sure to what extend I can argue. He said she was really "bossy", and that they didn't victimise her or force her into anything. This is his perspective. He said she was pretty impatient with them, stormed out to the balcony (when the third guy didn't go straight in) and was like "so are we gonna mate or WHAT?". I guess he though that was funny, but he was certainly wasn't laughing about it today!

To be clear, I'm not defending him, i'm simply relaying what he told me. I guess I want to know what you guys think??
I made it clear to him before we had any conversation whatsoever that I was angry about this, and that I was not going to give a definitive answer as to whether or not I still want to be with him (I really don't know).
TBH, I still feel very vulnerable or something. I don't really know what to believe, or whether I should accept what he says. Obviously I wish this just hadn't happened, but it has, so here I am. I love him very much, but this is very hard for me! I'm not sure if I've really given you any new information, but this is what has happened anyway....

Idle Passerby · 16-04-2012 10:54PM

I think considering you still feel uneasy about the whole thing and not sure if you still want to be with him, take some time for yourself to think it over. He must know at this point that your very bothered and upset by this and need to work out how you feel. Dont let him badger you into making a decision or to continue with the relationship without taking the time you need.

ahnow · 16-04-2012 10:56PM

OP, that would be an absolute deal breaker for me, the fact that he thought it was funny as he was telling it, I actually feel sick reading this thread! To dehumanise someone like that, and sharing her with his friends? And to laugh it off? You're right to feel disgusted and confused.
Imagine treating anyone, regardless of whether they're a prostitute or not like that. It is not an invite to treat someone like an animal. Degrading, and humiliating, and disgusting and so sleazy. I'd seriously re-think if you want to be with someone who has the capacity to treat someone like this. Do not forget that when he was telling you this story he acted as if it was funny. It is not. It is horrible.
Best of luck op.

Tigger99 · 16-04-2012 11:10PM

I get the impression that he's now saying what he thinks you want to hear because he's afraid that you are going to break up with him.

He might say its not funny now, but when he told you it was a different matter.

Leave aside the prostitution element for a second, having sex with a girl that his two friends were also going to (or had) have sex with, tells me that he viewed her as a thing and not a person and that for me would be the killer.

Tigger99 · 16-04-2012 11:16PM

Also I can understand why you would feel vunerable about this. I am trying to put myself in your shoes and all I would be thinking is, if he has such little respect (in my opinion) for her (a fellow human being) could a point arrive in the future whereby he could have so little respect for me - either on a sexual level or otherwise in our lives?

LegacyUser · 16-04-2012 11:44PM

Not seing a prostitute as a victim is the fact that rings alarm bells. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that they are victims. How many people are trafficked into sex every day? How many are kidnapped and forced to become sex slaves? The fact he doesn't see it as a victim of circumstance disgusts me even more.

This is the problem I find with some people who perceive others who work in the sex trade as it is "their choice" They "dehumanise" a whole group of people based on what they do for a living to survive or are forced into it.

OP your BF, seemed embarassed and ashamed but to think that she was not a victim really gets to me. No one wakes up one morning and decides to become a prostitute. They are either desitute, drug addicted or forced into it-which reaks of desperation not fulfillment.

I went on holiday to Thailand and came back to Ireland pratically sick to my stomach. To see these old perverts holding hands in public with Thai girls the same age as my niece. I know myself that they are victims. The fact that your bf does not know prostitutes are a victim to me means that he classifies them as a subhuman sex servant, imo. I think this post sums it up:

gubbie wrote: »

he has a two tone way of viewing women - 1) the girlfriend and mother who he treats with complete respect, 2) the porn star and hooker who is there for his pleasure and nothing else

I don't have the fun job but my responsibility is to track street women and help them get off the streets. Most come from broken homes and there are some that came from very happy homes who were coerced to come to Ireland and make big bucks being some cleaning lady. Then they arrive here and unfortunately realise their horrible fate. Prostitution is something that is forced based on personal circumstance (poverty, lack of education, kidnapped (more common than most think)) If your bf does not view this as a victim, I am sorry he is one sick ****er!

P. Breathnach · 16-04-2012 11:58PM

I am quite troubled by this discussion.

I'll declare my position. I am male and married a long time. I have never used the services of a prostitute. I have no fundamental objection to prostitution or pornography, but I have very strong objections to people being exploited by others; in other words, where the prostitute is in control of her or his situation, their choice of work is okay by me.

Now the things that trouble me here. We don't know OP's boyfriend, so we can not make an informed comment on his motives. Nor can we reliably interpret his manner of telling the story of his wild night in Hawaii (OP, who knows him, seems to find it difficult; we can hardly do better). We don't know anything about the woman in the situation except that she was a prostitute and showed at some level a willingness to participate in the events.

It seems that some people, OP apparently among them, find the idea of a man being with a prostitute repulsive. I don't think it necessarily is. It depends on the man, the prostitute, and the situation. I think OP should think a bit more about the particulars of the event.

Let me toss in another thought. Many men at the age of 23 are somewhat immature; men of that age with drink taken can be as silly as little kids. It is possible - I say no more than "possible" - that an experienced street girl could be more in control of the situation than three drunken Irish lads a long way from home. The ""so are we gonna mate or WHAT?" quote would support such an idea.

17-04-2012 12:20AM

OP, I don't really know what to say about your situation, but I will say this:

He told you that story and then added that he used a condom and got tested afterwards "obviously". That sounds a bit suss to me, and I think even the most innocent of people would have been tempted to lie about having been tested.

Make sure he gets 'another' STD test. I'm not saying he's lying, I'm just saying it's not something worth leaving to chance. To be honest if I were you I'd get one too if you haven't had one recently.

Dinxminx · 17-04-2012 12:22AM

P. Breathnach wrote: »

It seems that some people, OP apparently among them, find the idea of a man being with a prostitute repulsive. I don't think it necessarily is. It depends on the man, the prostitute, and the situation.

I think if you reread this thread you'll find that it's not the idea of a man being with a prostitute that people find repulsive; it's the situation and the way the OP's boyfriend described it that people have a problem with.

P. Breathnach · 17-04-2012 12:28AM

Dinxminx wrote: »

I think if you reread this thread you'll find that it's not the idea of a man being with a prostitute that people find repulsive; it's the situation and the way the OP's boyfriend described it that people have a problem with.

I set my views out for OP to consider.

lace · 17-04-2012 01:12AM

OP, I think you need to take some time by yourself to figure this out. Maybe ask him to give you some space to figure out how you feel about all this? He's had his chance to say his piece and give his side of things so now it's up to you to weigh up how much of his story you believe, how much you think he's changed and and whether or not this is something you can forget about and move past.

He should respect that this has upset you greatly and that you need some time to process all the information without him pestering you to talk. Even putting all this prostitute business aside - he has told you something which greatly upset/disturbed you and may change how you view him, then got mad at you for being upset, then pestered you to talk to him and gave you his side of the story. At this point, he should have the common sense to allow you some space and should treat your feelings with concern and respect.

LOLA08 · 23-04-2012 11:35AM

think about why this women is a prostitute, I don’t think it’s for the love of sex. things are that bad in her life that she has to sell herself to men for money. he used her for his own pleasure, he saw no problem in that, he had no respect for her. none, and if he can have so little respect for another human being well yak can be pretty sure he won’t for you ,or even himself.
you are not protected from all STI even when wearing a condom. think about yourself, would you like to be treated the way she was? no
also his mates were in the room and they were all at it no all wrong to many red flags

Sleepy · 23-04-2012 12:53PM

Based on my experiences of holidaying in Gran Canaria and Majorca when I was a single guy in his early twenties, I can almost understand how your boyfriend felt he was "just" going along with things. Getting back to the hotel from the bars in both places involved what we ended up referring to as "running the gauntlet" of prostitutes. Those women were extremely aggressive, right up to one of them grabbing my crotch and asking if I wanted a blowjob whilst she rubbed me as I tried to find a way politely refuse (learnt better than to say anything more than a loud "no thank you" as any of them seemed to take notice of us after the first night!).

If I'm entirely honest, and I'm embarrassed to admit it, but after the 12/13 hours of drinking and unsuccessfully chasing girls that those nights involved, it wasn't any sense of morality that prevented me from "going along with it", it was a fear of disease, getting caught, being violently mugged (as we'd been warned about by the hotel rep) etc. Chatting to some of the other guests by the pool it transpired that quite a few of the guys hadn't shared those worries or had overlooked them.

It can be difficult to perceive someone who's actions are assertive or even aggressive as being a victim but your boyfriend certainly doesn't seem to be too proud of his actions. He didn't want to tell you about them and only told you about it after you forced it out of him (and after you said you wouldn't judge him for it before proceeding to do exactly that btw).

His reaction that you were making him feel as if they raped her would make me think that part of him is worried that in a way this is exactly what they did and he's deflecting this as he'd rather just put in his past and forget about it (in the way many of us would rather not remember that we've been capable of doing things we don't like in our pasts: cheating on an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, getting into a stupid row in public, drinking ourselves into a mess etc.). You forcing him to think about it is upsetting and he'd rather run from it (as you described his reaction to other times when you've argued).

TBH, if you trust him that this was a once off and something he's not likely to repeat, he's as great in other ways as you describe and you think you'll be able to leave this his past be his past (i.e. not throw it in his face every time you argue) I wouldn't see this as a reason to break up with him

curlzy · 23-04-2012 02:37PM

OP,

To be honest your thread has really upset me. I'm engaged to the most wonderful, kind and supportive man and while I was reading this I just tried to imagine how I would feel in your position. I can tell you, as much as it would hurt, I would have to break up with him. There are awful things I could get over, robbery, violence, addiction etc but there's definately a few things I could never get over; rape, pedophelia and using a prostitute. To be honest OP, to me** they're all as bad as each other. This just isn't something that I could ever forgive. What happened to the girl? Did he ask her why she was a prostitute, did he ask her if she needed help? Or did he just tell her to lie back and open her legs while him and his frieneds used and abused her? Honestly OP, if you are anything like me, I'd break up with him and not look back. Like how can you ever look at him again with anything but revulsion?

The very best of luck.
C.

** before anyone jumps down my throat, I'm not interested in debate, it's just a fact that to ME they are as bad as each other.

LegacyUser · 23-04-2012 11:09PM

Hi guys, this is the OP. I got a lot of replies on this thread, so I figured I'd give an update.

Things are still hanging in the air somewhat. Mainly because I have my uni exams in less than a week, had a lot of important assignments due last week, etc, and tbh, didn't really have the time or desire to deal with the drama of this situation. Been blocking it out a little bit because I don't want this to ruin my grades and my future career (this being the final year of my degree).

Slightly considering taking him back, which I'm almost scared to write to be honest. I feel people will think I'm simply ignoring their advice, which isn't true. I've been thinking about it long and hard, and i'm really grateful for all the people concerned enough to write! I know many, many posters on this thread would have dumped him sharpish, and of course I very much understand why.

To (perhaps needlessly) point out, it's not because I feel I "need" him, can't live without him, or can't imagine anyone else putting up with me! I have, in no uncertain terms though, told him to "f*ck off" until my exams are over. He really doesn't have a clue where my head is at, but he has obliged, and hasn't really bothered me.

As for why i'm thinking about "forgetting" it, we've talked about it a lot (well, last week), and I do think he regrets it. Probably regrets telling me too, but I guess that's another matter. I believe he does understand my concerns about the girl's "plight", and that what happened really wasn't right. (I'm hoping that's not wishful thinking). Despite all this crap, I still love him. It's very hard for me to think of him as a monster, and to imagine this horrible "scenario" he was part of.

To be honest, I'm still disgusted by what happened (obviously), and it is hard for me. I've thought a lot about how I would cope with the "revelation" and whether or not I'll be able to let it go. I mean, I don't want to be constantly throwing it in his face, or having it become this "thing" in our relationship that's always there. It's also hard because I keep thinking about things that happened in the past that I now feel are somehow skewed by knowing the "story". (For example, he has sometimes joked that he hates to "share" me, like when another guy flirts with me or something. That's the term he tends to use. One time this guy grabbed my a$s outside a nightclub, my bf got mad, but I told him to just let it go. He was like "you're mine, I don't want to share you with anyone". He was kidding or whatever, but thinking about things like that just make me shudder now...ugh.)

Still not totally sure, and it'll be a couple weeks more before we really talk (I know its been AGES, painfully and ridiculously so, but I refuse to get crappy grades because of this). I'm hoping I'm not just considering taking him back just because I miss him, or I don't like the life change or something. That's something I'm scared of. But I hope you can all empathise that the "incident" feels alien thing to me. This guy I really love seems so separate to "that", and I can't help but to believe he's sorry.. : /

I'm not sure whether there's many questions actually being asked here. I do have concerns over whether or not this makes me a weak person, whatever that means. Anyway, sorry for rambling.

Lisha · 23-04-2012 11:26PM

Best of luck with your exams. I really hope you get the grades you deserve.
i really admire you for putting you and exams first.
Best of luck with you and your OH in the future what ever choices you make.

analucija · 24-04-2012 12:04AM

Op, it is a lot easier for somebody who knows nothing about you or your bf to type here that you should dump him. But only you can really know what is he like and if you can ever trust him again or forgive him for something that hurt you deeply. And only you can know if your relationship is worth saving.

I'm not going into debate how demeaning prostitution is but it is easy to be all high and mighty about it when you do not need to worry if you'll have enough money for food or when you don't have a drug habit to feed. It is not always just prostitute-victim, client-bastard. A friend of mine was a virgin till he was thirty and it really bothered him so he went to a prostitute. He was still to nervous and couldn't do it even then. It got so bad that he started believing he must be gay. I know he had some serious issues mostly because of low self esteem and god knows what. But I know his actions were not out of malice but out of desperation. I seriously dislike prostitution but I refuse to judge my friend or to consider him a rapist. Nobody is perfect and you shouldn't feel guilty if you take your bf back. And equally don't take him back if you can't forgive him.

Idle Passerby · 24-04-2012 12:37AM

Fair play to you for putting the issue aside and taking the time to finish your exams before making a final decision.

Don't worry too much about seeming weak for still loving him, he is still the same person he was before you knew this and although this has made you wonder if you still want to be with him, I don't think loving him makes you a weak person.

As for people saying "dump him", its a lot easier to make a black and white judgement on your relationship as an outsider. When your the one in the situation it isn't so clear cut and simple. It sounds like your handling this with a lot of good sense. Best of luck with the exams and I hope you figure out the best choice for yourself.

My boyfriend was with a prostitute

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