Dating over 40

Galen · 03-04-2012 04:51AM

rebelwoman wrote: »

Thanks Galen our mothers will be delighted with your comment . Ive actually taken a break from it as it seemed fine to begin with but the last few weeks have just been one head wrecker after the other. Might go back to it again but not missing it one bit. Best of luck with your search

Hi Rebelwoman, I'm well sick of it too now but I've been looking for a couple of weeks on this site.

Yeah you're right, go have a well-earned rest rebelwoman :-)

JuliusCaesar · 03-04-2012 08:19PM

After extensive research, here are a number of free sites -or at least have free access to some features - which people may or may not find useful. In fact if you have any comments on them, please do add them! Which are used by older folk?

Smooch
Plenty of Fish (POF)
eVow
OKCupid (OKC)
Badoo
50plus-Club
AnotherFriend (AF)
Match.com
MatchAffinity

Of them all, I liked OKC best, but couldn't see if there was any way of keeping your photo private.

Spread · 03-04-2012 10:22PM

JC, could you not get another SIM card ........... purely for this? More than likely, you've got another old phone lying around. Alternatively, you can buy a double SIM relay ........... this way you can access calls and still have your privacy.

JuliusCaesar · 04-04-2012 06:01PM

Spread wrote: »

JC, could you not get another SIM card ........... purely for this? More than likely, you've got another old phone lying around. Alternatively, you can buy a double SIM relay ........... this way you can access calls and still have your privacy.

eh? I'm sorry Spread, I haven't a clue what you're talking about...I wasn't talking about phones here!

IHeartShoes · 04-04-2012 06:47PM

I have used Match Affinity and POF. Match does seem to be for the older; being of vintage 69 myself.... Definitely fewer freaks and pervs on there too. But the pool was smaller. And they were dead keen to meet, the chaps I chatted to. Chemistry always seemed the issue..

On POF there are so many younger dudes messaging me, from mid 20s to early 30's but really not interested in that. On POF I am finding similar experience to JC i.e boy is chatting to me daily, via the site and has been for about 10 days and no suggestion of meeting? Bizarre... I could suggest it, but reluctant for some reason..

My 2 cents:)

Galen · 04-04-2012 09:50PM

Hi JC and IHeartShoes,

I've a couple of questions;
1: should I avoid humor? I've had two conversions with women and I've bombed both times - I must really suck at it.
2: how soon should a guy ask to meet a girl? because I haven't a bloody clue.

IHeartShoes · 04-04-2012 09:59PM

Hey Galen, humour is mandatory for me. I have continued responding to some real beauts not because we had anything in common, simply because they were so funny. But maybe that last bit was unnecessary:) If funny is your thing, then you should be funny. But worse thing would be if you were contrived - be yourself. You are bound to catch someone's attention.

How soon? Personal thing. I wouldn't ask in the first message or two though. Exchange enough so that you know you like the sound of her and are interested in learning more. But don't leave it so long that expectation is built or you have a picture in your head after extended contact that she might not match. It might be great on paper, but no chemistry in person and best to find that out as soon as. Also you will note from above that she might lose interest if messaging is too protracted or be snapped up by somone else:)

Hope that helps and best of luck:) It really is a jungle out there!

S

Galen · 04-04-2012 10:04PM

IHeartShoes wrote: »

Hey Galen, humour is mandatory for me. I have continued responding to some real beauts not because we had anything in common, simply because they were so funny. But maybe that last bit was unnecessary:) If funny is your thing, then you should be funny. But worse thing would be if you were contrived - be yourself. You are bound to catch someone's attention.

How soon? Personal thing. I wouldn't ask in the first message or two though. Exchange enough so that you know you like the sound of her and are interested in learning more. But don't leave it so long that expectation is built or you have a picture in your head after extended contact that she might not match. It might be great on paper, but no chemistry in person and best to find that out as soon as. Also you will note from above that she might lose interest if messaging is too protracted or be snapped up by somone else:)

Hope that helps and best of luck:) It really is a jungle out there!

S

Thanks IHeartShoes,
Nah my humor is ****e at the moment - practice makes perfect that's all lol

It's early days all round so practice goes for asking out too.

Spread · 04-04-2012 11:12PM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Of them all, I liked OKC best, but couldn't see if there was any way of keeping your photo private.

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

eh? I'm sorry Spread, I haven't a clue what you're talking about...I wasn't talking about phones here!

Hey JC! My bad. Just having a senior moment

and misread your post ........ photo for phone.

JuliusCaesar · 05-04-2012 07:31PM

Real life isn't working out too well: "more than 40 people attended, including 7/8 men" Maybe you should move to Dublin, Galen!

Galen · 05-04-2012 08:13PM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Real life isn't working out too well: "more than 40 people attended, including 7/8 men" Maybe you should move to Dublin, Galen!

Hi JC, you've lost me but I think I'm catching up but why would I want to attend a dating event where 7 out of 8 people were men except to meet you - ah stupid me of course I would have loved to met you JC - better luck next time :-D

JuliusCaesar · 06-04-2012 08:44AM

Because there are 3 woman for every 1 man.... 40 people of whom 7 or 8 were men, i.e. 32 women, 8 men.

So where should a woman go to meet a man? Reversed odds - 40 people of whom 8 are women? Football's the only thing I can think of, but I've zero interest in football.

Pulsating Star · 06-04-2012 12:16PM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Because there are 3 woman for every 1 man.... 40 people of whom 7 or 8 were men, i.e. 32 women, 8 men.

So where do I sign up? You weren't at mass were you:)?

Could be worth tidying myself up a bit

Galen · 06-04-2012 01:51PM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Because there are 3 woman for every 1 man.... 40 people of whom 7 or 8 were men, i.e. 32 women, 8 men.

So where should a woman go to meet a man? Reversed odds - 40 people of whom 8 are women? Football's the only thing I can think of, but I've zero interest in football.

Ooh nice JC, I wish I had been there.

JuliusCaesar · 06-04-2012 11:36PM

I have been partaking of Good Friday's benefits, but found this on my return... I think we'll all think ourselves lucky!

Oh dear my maths is now officially cr*p: 32:8 is 4:1. D'oh!

Rubecula · 07-04-2012 05:31AM

Thanks for that link JuliusCaesar, I enjoyed the read quite a lot. It was like something out of a Sherlock Holmes story.

Rubecula · 07-04-2012 05:43AM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Because there are 3 woman for every 1 man.... 40 people of whom 7 or 8 were men, i.e. 32 women, 8 men.

So where should a woman go to meet a man? Reversed odds - 40 people of whom 8 are women? Football's the only thing I can think of, but I've zero interest in football.

I see I was under the mistaken idea that you were a man yourself JC. My most sincere appologies. As a man I like football, but as you have no interest in that particular happening, might I suggest a motor racing event? (In fact most sporting events have more men than women as a rule [apart from tennis, netball and games aimed more at female audiences])

I am not sure if this will help. But I do hope so.

Galen · 07-04-2012 07:38AM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

I have been partaking of Good Friday's benefits, but found this on my return... I think we'll all think ourselves lucky!

Oh dear my maths is now officially cr*p: 32:8 is 4:1. D'oh!

It would remind you of those scam emails from western Africa :-D

JuliusCaesar · 07-04-2012 06:31PM

Rubecula wrote: »

but as you have no interest in that particular happening, might I suggest a motor racing event?

:eek: the louder the sport, the less the interest, I'm afraid. I've no interest in any sport really (unless I'm actually taking part in it!) and couldn't even fake it. Although I've lots of interests from politics to music to architecture, everywhere I go seems to have a predominantly female attendance. Work is 95% female too.

I wonder sometimes where the men are. In the pub? At home? At nightclubs? They certainly don't seem to be going on dates, given my recent experience - and don't even chat much online. Don't they know how much fun flirting is? even (and maybe especially) at our age!

If you've any ideas Rube, let me know!

Galen · 07-04-2012 06:35PM

I'm a guy and I be damned if I know where everyone is either. Swinford is my local town and it seems to be almost completely deserted Friday or Saturday night.

I'm fed with online dating too. I was getting on well with a woman from Sligo until I said that was a student.

Jellybaby1 · 07-04-2012 07:00PM

I haven't been on this thread before as himself and myself are still a double act so it doesn't apply to me! Please forgive me if I'm being stupid here but I thought I'd ask ye, what about hobbies, or taking up a new one? I know one lady in her 40's who married a fella she met four years ago at dancing lessons. Maybe a walking club, there's a huge number of people on the John Murray walks (RTE radio 1), also evening classes, Toastmasters, book clubs, chess clubs, bridge clubs, whist clubs, indoor or lane bowling clubs. Start your own Twifties Group http://www.twifties.tv/About_Twifties.htm. I also know a group of people who do the 'Come Dine With Me' style of evening, perhaps join a choir if you like singing. Himself and myself met at a youth club in our teens, and I got thinking what would be a similar thing for O&O's. I found this http://www.activeirl.ie/1/index.html but of course its not for everyone. When you meet someone from the dating sites, do you feel under pressure to impress? That wouldn't really happen in a group/club situation. In the meantime I wish you all the very best.

Galen · 07-04-2012 07:56PM

Thanks JB for all the suggestions. I was already looking at night-classes because I want to do something until I'm called for interview for my GMIT course in October but it looks like I'm too late to apply for most evening-classes in Mayo - all I've come across are 2-4 months along. I like lane bowling but my back injury wouldn't - ah well. I considered hill-walking then the thought of catching my sciatic nerve again maybe this time on the side of a mountain put a halt to that and Swinford doesn't have a walking club.

JuliusCaesar · 08-04-2012 08:28AM

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Maybe a walking club, there's a huge number of people on the John Murray walks (RTE radio 1), also evening classes, Toastmasters, book clubs, chess clubs, bridge clubs, whist clubs, indoor or lane bowling clubs. ... I also know a group of people who do the 'Come Dine With Me' style of evening, perhaps join a choir if you like singing....I found this http://www.activeirl.ie/1/index.html but of course its not for everyone.

I wrote a long reply to you but having forgotten to log in, it vanished! So a quick reply and hopefully it doesn't come across as brusque.

Most single women have a good social life, probably because they do join things. But the result is that book clubs, choirs etc are 95% female. Dance classes: a male friend of mine was telling me I should join one. "You'd love it, there's loads of wom-oh! I see!" I've heard that Active retirement groups are great fun, but -cough!- for the retired!

Even the dating sites have about 5 times as many women as men in our age group anyway.

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

When you meet someone from the dating sites, do you feel under pressure to impress?

I don't think at our age that we get the kind of need to impress that we might have done when we were younger. When we actually do meet up from a dating site (rare event! Strangely it's hard to find a guy who will actually meet up), we're finding out if we like each other, have we anything in common, is there a spark etc.

You find out the basics soon enough: are they actually on the rebound from their last relationship/only broke up 2 weeks ago/still pining after their ex? are they really looking for a housekeeper/cook-with-benefits? are they a bit of a problem drinker? did they knock 10-15 years off their age on their profile? are they just looking for casual sex, preferably tonight? Once you've met a few like this, it's hard to get nervous about the next :rolleyes:

But maybe that's just my experience. What have the rest of you found?

Galen · 08-04-2012 09:12AM

It early days yet for me, it's very slow going anyway; so far I have made a good friend on POF - except for a few near misses - that's it.
I was getting on great with a Sligo woman yesterday, the chat was nice and fast until I mentioned that I was a mature student and bang - no response to that lol.
I changed my my profile again after that, now my profession is just plain Information Technology student.

I'm with JC on the subject of elder sites and activities. I'm only 43 and most of those activities would bore the bejesus out of me.

Rubecula · 08-04-2012 10:05AM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

:eek: the louder the sport, the less the interest, I'm afraid. I've no interest in any sport really (unless I'm actually taking part in it!) and couldn't even fake it. Although I've lots of interests from politics to music to architecture, everywhere I go seems to have a predominantly female attendance. Work is 95% female too.

I wonder sometimes where the men are. In the pub? At home? At nightclubs? They certainly don't seem to be going on dates, given my recent experience - and don't even chat much online. Don't they know how much fun flirting is? even (and maybe especially) at our age!

If you've any ideas Rube, let me know!

I am sort of in the same situation really JC. I am in a predominently male environment at work. The only ladies there are either married or many years younger than myself. I have socks older than most of them (not that there are many anyway) I have nowhere here to socialise as such.

I am not sure what music you like, but perhaps a trip to a Country club for line dancing could introduce you to people of your own age? Even if you don't like that kind of music per se, it could be enjoyable. (I've been told it keeps you fit too UGH LOL)

I am not really a political animal myself so I don't know what sort of socialising circles are involved in that.

Perhaps you could do a part time college degree? You would meet other mature students that way too. I am sure there must be one involved with architectural studies.

Not great ideas perhaps but I certainly hope they help you. Good luck.

Galen · 08-04-2012 10:18AM

Rubecula wrote: »

I am sort of in the same situation really JC. I am in a predominently male environment at work. The only ladies there are either married or many years younger than myself. I have socks older than most of them (not that there are many anyway) I have nowhere here to socialise as such.

I am not sure what music you like, but perhaps a trip to a Country club for line dancing could introduce you to people of your own age? Even if you don't like that kind of music per se, it could be enjoyable. (I've been told it keeps you fit too UGH LOL)

I am not really a political animal myself so I don't know what sort of socialising circles are involved in that.

Perhaps you could do a part time college degree? You would meet other mature students that way too. I am sure there must be one involved with architectural studies.

Not great ideas perhaps but I certainly hope they help you. Good luck.

Thanks for the college degree suggestion, I'm way ahead of you on that - I've applied for a full-time course at GMIT so that's my brain cells booked for the next 2-4 years lol

I hope JC likes country & western for the line-dancing - I'd be game if it was pop instead of C&W

Political not good for me either since the lot I helped vote in (FG) are a serious disappointment lol

Rubecula · 08-04-2012 10:24AM

You think you got probs with FG. You should try the monkey's we got in the last election. They didn't even get voted in as such. Just enough votes to stop the other lot getting in.

Galen · 08-04-2012 10:30AM

Rubecula wrote: »

You think you got probs with FG. You should try the monkey's we got in the last election. They didn't even get voted in as such. Just enough votes to stop the other lot getting in.

Nah they're all the same. Not one brain cell between them; enda and the rest of the fellas must be spending all their time playing with their wrinkly bits while joan and the rest of ladies in gov must be playing with their plastic toys.

JuliusCaesar · 08-04-2012 12:19PM

Rubecula wrote: »

I have socks older than most of them

:eek:

That made me laugh! LOL!

JuliusCaesar · 10-04-2012 07:13PM

According to Padraig O Morain in todays' Irish Times:

The proportion of men who never marry is higher in towns and cities than in the countryside, according to the 2011 census.

In all, 25 per cent of men and 23 per cent of women aged 40-49 in urban areas are single. For rural areas the figures were 21 per cent and 13 per cent respectively

Linky

Dating over 40

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