Dating over 40

JuliusCaesar

and not over 40 people at the same time...although...

Anyway. Anyone dating? What's it like? Am considering online dating but going by a thread in another forum (youngsters! bah!) it may be full of hidden snags and codes. Advice?

Spread

Go for it Julius! Over 40 is young as is over 50. And over 60. Lots and lots of single, seperated, widowed and divorced out there ......... and most of them like hugs etc. Before leaving Ireland I knew quite a few people of that age that were seeing someone and over here it's all the rage.
A few years ago, two people I know from LA - both partners dead - got married and honeymooned in Europe. The called to our place in Dublin for a couple of nights on their way home. He then was 83, she was 80 (and almost blind). Exceptional of course but it goes to show you how two people who like each other's company hook up. Incidentaly all their children and grand children were for it. Sooooooo Julius ........... there's someone out there that often thinks of you and would love to be with you. You go gal!

Today is my birthday WeyHey! Going to see the stage version of The Wizard of Oz tonight, then a bite and a few gargles. 63 years young and flying it.

Spread

For JC and all the single folk out there:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-8gn6vGu_w

Rubecula

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

and not over 40 people at the same time...although...

Anyway. Anyone dating? What's it like? Am considering online dating but going by a thread in another forum (youngsters! bah!) it may be full of hidden snags and codes. Advice?

I am not dating myself just now, but I see no reason for you not giving it a go. You have nothing to lose and perhaps a lot to gain. Just be careful on giving out too much info, and if you meet up. Meet up in a public place. Other than that I wish you all the luck in the world mate.

JuliusCaesar

Anyone tried it? What's the etiquette?

Jellybaby1

Dunno, and don't wanna know. However, just a warning, remember what happened to Paul McCartney! BUT, you could find happiness too as Maria Del Rosario Cayetana Fitz James-Stuart did! Check out http://news.yahoo.com/rich-spanish-duchess-weds-third-time-age-85-124341285.html

Take it easy, and good luck JC.

Ramette

JC did it for two years (internet dating)
my friends have implored me to write a book on my experiences!
not for the faint hearted, you feel like a bit of meat on a shelf and the men in my experience even though they are in their 40s wanted younger women!

It made me very cynical so i stopped doing it...

Give it a go if you are not too delicate of heart.. whilst i wouldnt do it again i was glad i had the experience (hope that makes sense)

JuliusCaesar

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

just a warning, remember what happened to Paul McCartney!

Yeah, well, I'm not rich! Goldiggers would be very disappointed!

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Take it easy, and good luck JC.

Thanks!

Fittle

I did internet dating for about a year, and similar to another poster, my pals keep telling me to write a book about it!

It was my first experience of dating in years and I was very disillusioned after it I have to admit. I have heard people having great experiences, and marrying their life long partners from it, but the men I met (apart from one) and the men I was in contact with, were pretty much all the same:(.

Give it a shot though - you have nothing to lose - but without trying to be too much of a cynic, don't believe everything you read;)

Southern Hero

Any women in their 40s into dating guys in their 20s or is that a myth?

looksee

Southern Hero wrote: »

Any women in their 40s into dating guys in their 20s or is that a myth?

No, I think the idea is that they would be looking for grown-ups.

Spread

I just asked HSH about people she knows that dated and hooked up for at least one year. Seems 70% - 30% ....... the latter being the unsuccessful and eventually going their own way. Personally, I know of two couples that met on the net and they both seem to be doing OK. One of them was from Ireland, met his soul mate on here about 7 years ago and now lives in NY. They are in their 50s so have no kids. The other pair are doing IVF due to some minor problem so are obviously committed.
I don't really see how it can be any more fraught than meeting someone in a pub/festival/dance/holiday. Go for it. The world is full of people who have different needs/priorities. Don't get offended if someone tries to get you in the sack on the first date ........... have you ever seen a single fella refuse a bit of slap 'n tickle? State your parameters ......... this can be done in a nice friendly way. And if the guy is still interested ....... well!
I'd approach it all in a very positive way. You'd take the normal precautions as you would in doing anything. But most men are not perfect (excluding moi ) so ideals may have to be watered down a little. However, best of luck and I really mean it.:)

Rubecula

Southern Hero wrote: »

Any women in their 40s into dating guys in their 20s or is that a myth?

To be honest if they are using this site they can not be so blind as to need zit braille to know which end needs changing.

I meet my second husband on a dating site when i was 45, I was in my 40s when I tried Internet dating... its not for the faint hearted!! but why not try it and see how you get on, as someone said to me nobody is going to knock on your door and say I'm here to take you out.

Among the things that amused me were the men who were only looking for commitment free sex. I asks one of them about it and he said if I get in touch with enough women one of them is bound to say yes!, Then there were the ones who were lying about there age!, That appeared to be about not accepting ageing along with being down right delusional about them selves.

On the otherhand I met lots of great men, and ended up marring someone wonderful.

JuliusCaesar

Is there anything more calculated to make you feel like a teenager than trying to guess how many days he'll take to phone you, after saying he'd like to meet up again?

(Personal answer: I'm not a teenager. If he doesn't phone within a week, I'll phone him. If he's changed his mind or met someone else, he should have had the courtesy to let me know! He's not a teen, either!)

Opinions?

looksee

mariaalice wrote: »

I meet my second husband on a dating site when i was 45, I was in my 40s when I tried Internet dating... its not for the faint hearted!! but why not try it and see how you get on, as someone said to me nobody is going to knock on your door and say I'm here to take you out.

Among the things that amused me were the men who were only looking for commitment free sex. I asks one of them about it and he said if I get in touch with enough women one of them is bound to say yes!, Then there were the ones who were lying about there age!, That appeared to be about not accepting ageing along with being down right delusional about them selves.

On the other I met lots of great men and ended up marring someone wonderful.

Er, I guess that's not really what you meant? Or did you

Pulsating Star

You have got me giving it serious consideration now JC. Have been prompted of late to aim for better than coasting through what time I have ,so why not?

@Spread,
The track that John Peel always championed as his favourite comes to mind -
"Teenage Kicks" by The Undertones. Capturing one of life's highs so succinctly.

I would never mar anyone I am far too gentle:D

JC why not get in touch and ask him if he is interested in meeting up.. the whole thing is a bit of mind field so you are better off being upfront from the get go.

Jellybaby1

Wonder what the chances are that an O and an O would meet up on a dating site and not know that each other is an O and an O?

JuliusCaesar

mariaalice wrote: »

JC why not get in touch and ask him if he is interested in meeting up.. the whole thing is a bit of mind field so you are better off being upfront from the get go.

I did. No reply. It'd be good to get a definite answer, even if it's negative. It's just plain cowardly to not say "actually I've changed my mind" "actually I've met someone else" or whatever.

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Wonder what the chances are that an O and an O would meet up on a dating site and not know that each other is an O and an O?

If it's one of you lot, I'm NOT HAPPY!


But having said that, I've moved on. Two more dates lined up. :-)



PS I've met Old Goat - looks just like himself! At a Burlesque Social Club evening, which is really the most fun you can have with your clothes on. Highly recommended!

stargazer 68

Im a regular poster on the online dating thread so they aren't all youngsters on it!
Been online dating for quite a while. Single at the mo but theres always fresh meat signing up! :P:D

JuliusCaesar

What online dating thread, Dovies? Any experiences you wouldn't mind sharing here? (Are you M or F?)

stargazer 68

Apologies - assumed this was the thread you were referring to in your first post!!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=2056478598

Im f!

Rubecula

I did try internet dating many years ago. Had some nice encounters, and some not so nice.

I no longer do it as I don't think it is for me really. But there are some nice happy endings out there.

Not sure it is a bad thing to try if you are on your own. BUT you really do need to exercise some caution. NEVER believe anything you are told online until you know for certain it is true.

And always be careful with information you give out. One girl I met had a good idea when she met me for the first time, she turned up with a couple she knew and we made up a foursome in a public place. She felt safe, and we had an enjoyable first date. And being in a public place ( a popular watering hole) I too felt safe.

Galen

Has anyone tried online dating while unemployed? Like everyone who's unemployed I'm doing everything to find work so the meantime I'm a volunteer teacher at Castlebar's Family Resource Centre (basic computer skills).

Oh and I'll be 43 on the 3rd March. I had a look on google but all the results were negative about unemployed.

stargazer 68

Galen wrote: »

Has anyone tried online dating while unemployed? Like everyone who's unemployed I'm doing everything to find work so the meantime I'm a volunteer teacher at Castlebar's Family Resource Centre (basic computer skills).

Google is not your friend when it comes to opinions!! There are lots of people on dating sites who are unemployed. The general consensus of opinion is that as long as you are looking for work etc then it isn't a problem. Its the ones who make it a lifelong ambition that don't get far. Now I get this info from reading the forums on the sites.

hattoncracker

Met my bf online... two years later we are still together...

He's my lobster... <3

But I had to kiss a fair few cyberfrogs to find him!

Galen

Thanks Dovies, I feel a lot better now that I'm not doomed to one of those old men propped up against the local bar :-D

Spread

Go for it Galen. You don't have to meet up after the first exchange of eMails ........... getting top know each other's sense of humour that way could be fun. A recent photo would trim down the applications .
Best of luck.

rebelwoman

I joined one for the first time about 2 months ago. You definitely get a variety of messages. A lot of messers and younger men looking for one thing only but you can ignore them or just subtly (or not so subtly;)) tell them where to go:).
On the other hand I have messaged some men who I would now consider as friends and 1 or 2 which have progressed further. You can take things slowly but then might lose out to someone else. Its a chance you have to take.
As other posters have said just be very careful not to give too much details on line and arrange to meet in busy areas - preferable ones that the woman knows in my opinion. Good luck to those who are thinking of trying.

Galen

Hi rebelwoman, your response reminded me to get off my arse and get on with online dating lark. I'd put it off because of other distractions - most due my own carelessness :-D and computer breakdowns. So thanks.

stargazer 68

Galen wrote: »

Hi rebelwoman, your response reminded me to get off my arse and get on with online dating lark. I'd put it off because of other distractions - most due my own carelessness :-D and computer breakdowns. So thanks.

Its a bit daunting at the start and you need a thick skin - believe me!! But once you get going and start messaging people it gets a bit easier. Do put a pic up though - seriously saves the embarassment of mailing one later and then never hearing from them again! :rolleyes:

rebelwoman

Hi Galen Glad to be of help and I hope it all works out for you:) You really have nothing to lose by joining one of the dating sites (except your sanity of course:D)
I understand where you are coming from Dovies by saying you should post a picture. Personally I dont and when I explain to people why they seem to understand. I will send a pic when I get to know them and if they dont like what they see I have no problem with that. I certainly would not feel embarrassed if they did not respond after that (actually I dont think that anybody has not responded after I send a pic so maybe I will have to wait and see how i really feel if that should happen!!:))

stargazer 68

rebelwoman wrote: »

I certainly would not feel embarrassed if they did not respond after that (actually I dont think that anybody has not responded after I send a pic so maybe I will have to wait and see how i really feel if that should happen!!:))

I have my pics up but when I didnt I had no problem getting replies when I sent them like you. However, I believe men seem to have more trouble in that area than us women folk!!

rebelwoman

Yes I have heard that from some men but I would usually go on the profile first anyway and if I like something there I would message and take it from there. You have no guarantees with pics same as with what you are reading in the profiles. Its just a chance we have to take. It can be fun though weeding through the lies to find the right ones;)

stargazer 68

Im finding a lot of men over 40 are trying to 'discover their youth' and 'sow their wild oats' again. Obviously most of them have come out of long relationships and dont want to settle down just yet. Any of the men on here find the same with women?

Galen

Dovies wrote: »

I have my pics up but when I didnt I had no problem getting replies when I sent them like you. However, I believe men seem to have more trouble in that area than us women folk!!

I always put up an up-to-date photo of myself on Facebook, Google+ and now Match.ie, it's quite pathetic for a man to misrepresent one's self.

Women must protect themselves from the sinister element online anyway they can - some sort of self-defense classes would be a good idea for all women.

rebelwoman

Best of luck with it Galen hope you have lots of success;)

stargazer 68

Galen wrote: »

Women must protect themselves from the sinister element online anyway they can - some sort of self-defense classes would be a good idea for all women.

Never heard of online self defence classes

Jellybaby1

Dovies wrote: »

Never heard of online self defence classes

O&O's should remember there used to be Irish dancing on the radio, so why not online self defence classes!

rebelwoman

Ok its been a while now and I for one am dying to know if Julius C and Galen have actually tried out the online dating and how they are getting on? Hope its working out for someone;)

Galen

rebelwoman wrote: »

Ok its been a while now and I for one am dying to know if Julius C and Galen have actually tried out the online dating and how they are getting on? Hope its working out for someone;)

Hi Rebelwoman, so far it's rather disappointing. Like I suspected, it's like pulling teeth - painful. I joined AnotherFriend, nothing has happened yet to make me consider upgrading to a premium account. I believe in full disclosure in my profile ie. that I'm volunteer teacher and other while unemployed. I've had many contact messages and have sent several contact messages but no reward. It must be technique :-D

rebelwoman

Hi Galen sorry its not going well for you:mad: I have replied to some men who are unemployed (half the country in that situation at present!) You just havent met the right women yet. Give it time. Glad you responded cos I was real curious to know how it was going. Good luck again

Galen

rebelwoman wrote: »

Hi Galen sorry its not going well for you:mad: I have replied to some men who are unemployed (half the country in that situation at present!) You just havent met the right women yet. Give it time. Glad you responded cos I was real curious to know how it was going. Good luck again

Hi Rebelwoman, I've local women friends that are in the same opinion as you and I'm not one to give up easily. So thanks for asking but I have a long slog in front of me yet. Besides that, I need to find something to do; get a job or get in college, one must keep trundling along.

stargazer 68

Galen believe me online dating thing is a tough slog - I have been at it for a while! You need to broaden your dating pool - difficult I know as I haven't been able to do it. Come along to the tGC beers and meet a few more boardsies - you too Rebelwoman!

rebelwoman

Thanks for the invite Dovies will keep it in mind if I happen to be in Dublin when one on:) I havent even made it to one of the Cork meet ups so doubt that I will get to Dublin;) but you never know could surprise ye all and arrive with my zimmer frame one of these days.

Galen

Dovies wrote: »

Galen believe me online dating thing is a tough slog - I have been at it for a while! You need to broaden your dating pool - difficult I know as I haven't been able to do it. Come along to the tGC beers and meet a few more boardsies - you too Rebelwoman!

Thanks for the invite Dovies I'll keep it in mind the next time I visit Dublin. Rebelwoman mentioned that there was a meetup in Cork, how about the west?

Galen

rebelwoman wrote: »

Thanks for the invite Dovies will keep it in mind if I happen to be in Dublin when one on:) I havent even made it to one of the Cork meet ups so doubt that I will get to Dublin;) but you never know could surprise ye all and arrive with my zimmer frame one of these days.

Hey Rebelwoman, what part of Cork do you hail from? I've relatives in the city and the west of the county (my mother is a Cork woman and my brother was born in Bantry).

OldGoat

We have a thread for chat and banter. Lets try and keep this thread to topic.

Galen

OldGoat wrote: »

We have a thread for chat and banter. Lets try and keep this thread to topic.

No problem OldGoat but honestly I'm too tired to care at this point. I haven't decent sleep all week with insomnia so I'm absolutely shattered. So sorry my bad.

JuliusCaesar

Dovies wrote: »

Im finding a lot of men over 40 are trying to 'discover their youth' and 'sow their wild oats' again. Obviously most of them have come out of long relationships and dont want to settle down just yet.

Well, I haven't met the ones who want to date 25 year olds! LOL! But I do find that I'm getting a bit tired of the "I'm damaged" cry - heard that from 3 different men. We've all had experience of life ffs, the bad as well as the good.

Found it difficult to get men to agree to meet up in person without endless texts, emails and phone calls. For heaven's sake, I'm an adult, not a teenager.

Also, "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" - well, I'm not going to decide that I want to get into a serious relationship with you after 1 date. I do actually need to get to know you better. But I'm willing to give it a go and see.

I do know if somebody is a complete non-runner straightaway: can't stop moaning about the ex, boring as all hell, lack of physical hygiene, lied about their age (I swear one guy was pushing 70), keeps going on about how wealthy they are, expects bed on first date. I think that covers it. Except for the sleezebag, shudder.

So met 2 nice guys out of -eh- loads. These were two who wanted to meet in person pretty fast. Both very attractive. One guy kissed me, said he'd phone if I texted him my number but never got back to me. What the hell was that about? I'd prefer if he had told me close but no cigar directly. The other guy was still in the throes of a breaking-down relationship, so had to tell him call me in a few months when you've decided whether you're staying or going. I think he was just looking for reassurance that he was still attractive to other women.

rebelwoman wrote: »

Ok its been a while now and I for one am dying to know if Julius C and Galen have actually tried out the online dating and how they are getting on? Hope its working out for someone;)

See above.... :rolleyes: I'm taking a rest for a while. I'm pretty resilient but have found it tough going emotionally.