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Secret Diary of a Dublin Call Girl

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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    Where have I said that?

    You criticise the fact she's been banned and miss her in discussion.
    I didn't say you think she's real; I don't know that.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,313 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    What I've noticed is that the most significant dissenting voice on this thread has been site-banned.
    Point of order, the person was sitebanned not for holding an opinion. They were sitebanned from the entire site for being a re-reg and for (and I quote the admin who pulled the trigger) "using boards as a soapboxing platform, a space to air their crusade, and the utter martyrdom shown here. The patience and good will of the posters and Mods here has been pushed to the limits and then some, enough is enough". So 1) I would appreciate if people didn't infer anything else from the banning and 2) stop discussing a sitebanned poster from now on. Thank you.

    Short version NO more discussion about sitebanned users. Any such posts will be edited/deleted

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,109 ✭✭✭Cavehill Red


    Well, that's clear enough. Dissent won't be tolerated. Grand, I'm out of this debate. Have fun agreeing with each other, y'all.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,313 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Again Cavehill Red it's nothing to do with "dissent", so less of the martyr act please. If this doesn't suit you then as you say leave. Indeed don't post in this thread again.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,118 ✭✭✭Babybuff


    I can't really see why you feel the need to dissent against an account which claims that prostitution can be psychologically damaging, whether it's a personal account or not. If this is what you disagree with why not state your case as to why otherwise it just sounds like you are trying to promote a healthy regard for prostitution.
    Personally I find it offensive to have to listen to some man ignore the opinion of the many women who have been (or have claimed to have been) hurt by it and divulging the intimate details of why.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,208 ✭✭✭fatmammycat


    The_Thing wrote: »
    It's over 10 years since Sweden passed the law, but Police bust massive sex trafficking ring.

    What's interesting to me about this is the anger in the comments. That man go to prostitutes must some how be the fault of their wives, or a feminist society. And when a female is disgusted and feels sympathy for the wives/girlfriends, SHE automatically is biased 'cause her husband is clearly using prostitutes too.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    Ok sorry Wibbs!

    re: DCG's blog, I do not think that she claims she knows it all and speaks for all. Her aim is to present the ugly face of the industry as she experienced it to prevent other women from entering it naively; especially with the kind of glamourisation that is going on ATM. I see her blog as some sort of catharsis for her and a litmus test for others - are you sure you can handle this if what happened to me happens to you? Perhaps there are women who can, and who still value the money higher that some unqualified job - it's their choice. But others may be more naive and walk into it with their eyes closed.

    I remember a thread in PI a good while ago, from a young poster who found herself in some sort of financial pickle, with bleak outlook for a couple of years (I think she was in college with very meagre income), and was considering escorting to supplement whatever income she had. She sounded quite naive as to what is involved, planning that she will have a pick of only nice, educated men and only basic acts and still will earn lots; she's had a couple of boyfriends already after all. I see the value of DCG's account in situations like this - I think this girl would have dropped her "plans" like a hot potato if she read a couple of DCG's posts and took out a student's loan instead.

    But another woman may read it and think "well if that's the worst then the money is still good" and make an informed choice, since her boundaries may be completely different.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,313 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    Libertarianism is not to be equated with woolly-headed ignoring of realities. Just because someone feels something or holds an opinion does not make it true.

    Indeed.
    I see that the main (sole?) female dissenter from an enforced orthodoxy on this thread has been removed. The discussion is now strongly at risk of becoming a circle-jerk around a narrow consensus that there is nothing at all dubious about the DCG blog, that Ruhama do nothing but good, that all men who attend prostitutes are sexual abusers, that all women involved in sex work are being trafficked, pimped and raped, and that prostitution should be legislated against even further than it already is.

    Your post last night used very emotional language like circle jerk, all men are pimps, abusers and raped. It seems you had to set out an extreme interpretation of the debate to argue by emotion and extremity. Just because you feel something doesn't make it true, indeed Cavehill, indeed!

    I agree posters should try and be as objective and emotionally unattached as possible and put political or social views aside. No ideology is ever 100% right or perfect.
    I don't have any problem with anyone who dislikes prostitution. It strikes me as a rather unlikeable industry from most angles. The problems I identified on this thread relate to the blanket acceptance that an anonymous blog is unalloyed truth, and certain blanket assumptions being made about the reality of prostitution that seem to me to be highly limited in scope.

    There will be some blanket assumptions, its an internet debate after all, there'll be blanket assumptions from the other side too, like your post. I don't think there has been many blanket assumptions, just that many women deeply regret going into prostitution afterwards. That maybe uncomfortable for some who think women are okay with it at the time.

    Its a problem for people who think prostitution is perfectly fine between consenting adults. The prostitute maybe perfectly fine with it then and the clients conscience clear, the after effects don't really matter. Blogs like this are uncomfortable because it attacks that view, for a Libertarian its difficult to accept as it contradicts a very basic belief they have.
    I don't follow your logic here at all. A truly Libertarian view would permit both those who denigrate prostitution and those who support it to hold their opinions freely and act on those opinions freely.

    As long as it appears free at the time. Libertarians wouldn't really care about the after effects years later, as that is for the individual to deal with. The ideal would be help for prostitutes and counseling type services, which probably involve some type of Government intervention. Libertarians run at the mention of Govt. intervention and generally dismiss it, even if it for the greater good.

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭Stella Marr


    MariaMoy wrote: »
    Oh I swore I wouldn't do this but here goes:

    I'd agree with your hypothesis here Millicent, but I think it's important to point out that during a large chunk of a decade in prostitution, I never met a woman who fit this criteria. I never came across the absence of coercion in prostitution.

    I am of course not saying it does not exist at all, just that it is so uncommon that I have never come across it. Surely if this was at all common I would have come across it, at least once?

    Also, those who have been prostituted have usually also had the experience of being raped or sexually abused, either before or during prostitution, as I have. I don't feel any sense of insult as far as comparing the two experiences because I know from bitter experience that having sex you don't want to have hurts like hell regardless whether you were paid for it or not. And in fact, in a psychological sense, I found the trauma of prostitution MORE damaging, not less, so entrenched with the sense of culpability that it is.

    As an abuse victim I might have had to live with the 'you asked for it' response. As a prostitute I had to live with the 'you got paid for it' attitude - the untimate silencer. I'd really appreciate if people reflected on that for a moment and imagined which is hardest to live with.

    Maria Moy, I completely agree with you. "You got paid for it" -- the ultimate silencer, the ultimate dehumanizer.

    I'm examining the effects of trauma and prostitution in this 'letter' I wrote to my younger self

    http://secretlifeofamanhattancallgirl.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/an-ex-hookers-letter-to-her-younger-self/

    It's such a vicious circle, because the trauma changes your brain and how you are in the world -- which makes it much more difficult to escape prostitution.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭Stella Marr


    MariaMoy wrote: »
    Oh I swore I wouldn't do this but here goes:

    I'd agree with your hypothesis here Millicent, but I think it's important to point out that during a large chunk of a decade in prostitution, I never met a woman who fit this criteria. I never came across the absence of coercion in prostitution.

    I am of course not saying it does not exist at all, just that it is so uncommon that I have never come across it. Surely if this was at all common I would have come across it, at least once?
    .

    Like Maria, in my ten years as a prostitute in NYC I never came across the absence of coercion in prostitution. It's foolish not to acknowledge that globally organized crime is raking in huge profits off prostitution


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭Stella Marr


    K-9 wrote: »
    I don't think there has been many blanket assumptions, just that many women deeply regret going into prostitution afterwards. That maybe uncomfortable for some who think women are okay with it at the time.

    Its a problem for people who think prostitution is perfectly fine between consenting adults. The prostitute maybe perfectly fine with it then and the clients conscience clear, the after effects don't really matter. Blogs like this are uncomfortable because it attacks that view, for a Libertarian its difficult to accept as it contradicts a very basic belief they have.
    .

    Bravo K-9


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,184 ✭✭✭neuro-praxis




  • Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭Stella Marr




    Brilliant indeed. Dublin Call Girl is so fierce and true.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 39,019 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭Stella Marr


    Prostitution is NOT a victimless crime. It destroys the women involved.

    I completely agree that it should not be a crime to be a prostitute. However, it is callous and misguided to say the prostitution is the choice of the prostitute. Rather it is the choice of richer, more powerful men who use her, and the pimps and madams who profit from her.

    In Sweden a prostitute has the right to sue her Johns for financial damages, due to the violation of her humanity, dignity and equality.

    This is a brilliant discussion of prostitution and 'choice' written by prostitution survivor FreeIrishWoman

    http://survivorsconnect.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/a-personal-refutation-of-the-concept-of-choice/


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭Valmont


    I completely agree that it should not be a crime to be a prostitute. However, it is callous and misguided to say the prostitution is the choice of the prostitute. Rather it is the choice of richer, more powerful men who use her, and the pimps and madams who profit from her.
    I find this very sexist; you are essentially saying female prostitutes can't make their own decisions or exercise free will. On what basis are you looking down upon these individuals because of their chosen profession? All we need is the opinion of one prostitute who says she freely chose her job for your theory to be debunked.

    You don't like or can't understand prostitution, therefore anyone who engages in it must be being forced or coerced somehow.

    Do you view male prostitutes with equal condescension? Are they unable to choose for themselves either?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 39,019 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,118 ✭✭✭Babybuff


    Valmont wrote: »
    I find this very sexist; you are essentially saying female prostitutes can't make their own decisions or exercise free will. On what basis are you looking down upon these individuals because of their chosen profession? All we need is the opinion of one prostitute who says she freely chose her job for your theory to be debunked.

    You don't like or can't understand prostitution, therefore anyone who engages in it must be being forced or coerced somehow.

    Do you view male prostitutes with equal condescension? Are they unable to choose for themselves either?
    maybe you should have a read of Stella's blog to get a better understanding of her perspective.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,083 ✭✭✭sambuka41


    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.

    So no blame/responsibility at all on the customer?? They can do what they like just because they are paying for it??

    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.

    Exactly this bolded part, its far more complicated as to why someone would become a prostitute; its not about making someone a victim but it is about understanding how they came to be a part of that world and rarely does that happen with someone who does not have an underlying reason (addiction, prior sexual abuse, prior physical abuse, low self esteem and engaging in prostitution for some one else-partner encouraging it) Understanding how something came to be is not the same as saying someone was 'helpless' or a 'victim'


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭Stella Marr


    sambuka41 wrote: »
    Understanding how something came to be is not the same as saying someone was 'helpless' or a 'victim'

    And yet, if you understand someone was abused, is vulnerable, is in a lower social situation than you, has a coercive "partner" -- which means they're being sexually exploited -- they're clearly under duress.

    In the US it's a crime to take advantage of people under duress in the wake of a national disaster. Stores aren't allowed to raise their prices, hotels aren't allowed to double their rates due to evacuees needing rooms. Everyone approves of this.

    Isn't it much worse to take advantage of someone younger, abused, vulnerable, who is in all likelihood being pimped by someone who's coercive?

    I certainly think so.

    Here's a description of what it feels like to be a prostitute -- what the ongoing violent trauma does to you --
    http://secretlifeofamanhattancallgirl.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/an-ex-hookers-letter-to-her-younger-self/

    Here's a great piece which shows that many punters don't really care whether or not a girl is coerced:
    http://secretdiaryofadublincallgirl.wordpress.com/2012/02/17/how-it-feels-to-get-reviewed/


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,083 ✭✭✭sambuka41


    And yet, if you understand someone was abused, is vulnerable, is in a lower social situation than you, has a coercive "partner" -- which means they're being sexually exploited -- they're clearly under duress

    Don't get me wrong I'm not agreeing fully with what was said, just that there is a difference between looking at and understanding how something came to be and ascribing blame and responsibility, victim. Its possible to do one without the other.(i dont think there is much empowerment in the victim tag, healing can come from just understanding how something came to be. To know that it wasn't a choice, as in an informed decision, choosing prostitution above other options)

    When someone is faced with those kind of life adversities then its hard to see how they had other choices (or whether they would have been in a position to see other choices) it's sad because its like everything was stalked against them.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,017 ✭✭✭The_Thing


    Prostitution is NOT a victimless crime. It destroys the women involved.

    I completely agree that it should not be a crime to be a prostitute. However, it is callous and misguided to say the prostitution is the choice of the prostitute. Rather it is the choice of richer, more powerful men who use her, and the pimps and madams who profit from her.

    In Sweden a prostitute has the right to sue her Johns for financial damages, due to the violation of her humanity, dignity and equality.

    This is a brilliant discussion of prostitution and 'choice' written by prostitution survivor FreeIrishWoman

    http://survivorsconnect.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/a-personal-refutation-of-the-concept-of-choice/

    Lot of women enter prostitution voluntarily just the same as lots of women pose nude for mens magazines, Ruhama don't want to acknowledge this, they want the Irish people to see all the women as victims of some pimp, trafficker, or drug addiction in order to further their own church-backed moralistic agenda.

    Here's an Interesting clip on the economics of prostitution by economist Steven Levitt where he discusses one such woman.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,184 ✭✭✭neuro-praxis


    A few years ago I went to see Des Bishop do a comedy gig at Vicar Street. It was material developed from his long period working with disadvantaged and marginalised communities in Ireland, doing stand-up comedy workshops as a means towards self-development and, more simply, good fun. He even had some of the students from this period as support acts at the gig.

    The material was absolutely hilarious but was also quite tender and compassionate.

    At the end he said something that struck me and stayed with me:

    "You know what, in all seriousness, when we have a lot of choices we tend to think that life is all about choices but it's not. The reality that life for most people is about chances, not choices."

    I have never forgotten it and think it's an important point to remember in the context of this conversation.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,313 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.

    The Libertarian red button must have went of! :D
    Since government intervention in prostitution has historically consisted of harassing, arresting, prosecuting, and even jailing prostitutes and their clients for engaging in a consensual victimless "crime," it bemuses me why any rational individual would see government as a solution. It's quite clear that (a) prostitution is known as the "oldest profession" for a reason -- it is not going away, no matter how many laws are passed, or how draconian the punishments; (b) by attempting to legislate on prostitution, governments usually only endanger prostitutes by keeping their industry underground, under the control of pimps, racketeers, and other criminals; (c) far from alleviating the traumatic effects of prostitution on women, governments generally only add to prostitutes' problems with the threat or reality of prosecution and prison sentences, and by removing any redress for crime. (The average prostitute in the U.S. is estimated to experience around a dozen violent assaults each year, but is unlikely to report violence to police for fear of getting in trouble herself.)

    The Netherlands, not perfect by any means, but what system is?

    As for prostitutes fear of reporting to police, how would Libertarians deal with that?
    As for providing former prostitutes with counseling to help them deal with the aftereffects, one doesn't need to embrace libertarianism to question why the hard-pressed taxpayer should pay for the aftereffects of other people's bad choices.

    Choices and options are usually a 2 way street, a Prostitute needs a client, a market, a buyer for what he/she is selling. Who deals with the after effects under Libertarianism? Charities?
    Certainly, some believe that people who bought overpriced houses at the peak of the boom, and who are now dealing with the aftereffects of those choices, should be bailed out by the government — just as some believe that people who made other kinds of bad decisions, such as smoking, drinking, and using drugs without any care for their health, should also be able to socialize the aftereffects onto the taxpayer in the form of government-funded medical care.

    Oh people make choices everyday, some people choose Libertarianism, as its easy to have somebody to blame. You became a prostitute? Free market. How'd you become one? Drug reliance? That's the Free Market baby, nobody forced you into it?

    What was that? The drugs did it? But sure you had a free choice, free will.

    But you had free choice? Well I availed of the free market and bought drugs, causes no harm to anybody, a Libertarian told me, became addicted, then sold a product, sex. A Libertarian told me that's the Free Market too, all good. He agreed.

    Now, I amn't his problem. Free choice and all that.
    Then again, there are people who believe that the taxpayer can't bail out everybody, and that if somebody decides to become a prostitute, and winds up traumatized, she should pay for her own counseling. Trying to offload this responsibility onto the taxpayer is especially ironic considering that most prostitutes are quite happy to dodge taxes on their earnings while working.

    Yeah, a drug addicted prostitute should pay for their own recovery, meanwhile the client or pimp profits! Free market Baby, I had my way, spent my hard earned money, what more do you want?

    And, How exactly do they dodge taxes?

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,313 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    [QUOTE=Stella Marr;77435085
    In Sweden a prostitute has the right to sue her Johns for financial damages, due to the violation of her humanity, dignity and equality.

    This is a brilliant discussion of prostitution and 'choice' written by prostitution survivor FreeIrishWoman

    http://survivorsconnect.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/a-personal-refutation-of-the-concept-of-choice/[/QUOTE]

    Sweden will automatically be dismissed, social democracy and all that, ignoring that Libertarians see suing as a resolution to damages.

    Wait for, but it isn't an attack, she entered into a financial transaction, with free will, free choice, no party suffered. If a party suffered, sort yourself out, don't expect Government to, my hard earned cash earned on the markets, not your East End markets btw!

    Bangs head of desk!

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Babybuff wrote: »
    maybe you should have a read of Stella's blog to get a better understanding of her perspective.

    This is a discussion forum on a discussion site - it's not an advertising platform for various posters blogs or agendas.

    If posters want to take part in discussion here, they can discuss their perspectives and views here. Please don't tell posters who are using this forum for discussion to refer to private blogs or other sites in lieu of discussion on this site.

    Cheers.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭Stella Marr


    This is a discussion forum on a discussion site - it's not an advertising platform for various posters blogs or agendas.

    .

    Ickle you are mistaken here. The point Babybuff was trying to make was that I am an ex-prostitute. But Babybuff was too polite to say that outright. My blog is the story of an ex-prostitute.

    The link to my blog was not an advertisement. Babybuff was responding to someone who had said that I hate prostitutes. Which, given that I was a prostitute for ten years, is ridiculous.

    Cheers to you


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    No, I'm not mistaken - there is nothing stopping you from saying that or discussing that with the poster rather than them being directing to yet another link to yet another blog - discussion, rather than advertising, is the purpose of this site after all.

    If you have any further issues with moderator instruction, please take it to PM as per site rules.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,618 ✭✭✭newport2


    Should pornography be classified as prostitution?

    If paying women to have sex is wrong, surely watching women payed to have sex is also wrong?

    On top of that, at least if you were once a prostitute you can get out and put it behind you, psychological damage aside. Once footage is taken of you being paid to have sex, there's no way back. It's on the internet forever and that fact may traumatise women who once did it and now regret it, knowing that it's always there.

    I'm not using one to justify the other, just interested what people think.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 39,019 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


This discussion has been closed.
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