Severe Social Shyness - How Much Of A Problem Is It??

Adamantium wrote: »

+1 to the poster who mentioned the whole section, regarding shyness or lack of it, in primitive societies

I'd imagine its pretty hard to feel depressed after you've jumped a five foot stream, after being chased by a boar or beer though the countryside; you are starving and need to eat RIGHT NOW.

Its only when you've got a full belly; that you can can worry about existential issues, which were a wonderful luxury

Solution: more real living = less thinkng, less doubt.

Kinda, however most primitive societies have quite a lot of time to think. EG hunter gatherers can have more daily leisure time than primitive farmers. Where the main difference might be is the lack of alone time by comparison to much of modern life. Plus a lot of together time in modern life can be very fast paced by comparison, so can come down to a sink or swim scenario socially. Add in the sense that communities may be fracturing and are less solid(which can have its negatives as well as it's pluses) and a fair few cases of delayed emotional/social maturity.

Killer Wench wrote: »

Whoa... whoa... there.

It is already a medical condition called "social anxiety disorder". I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder with agoraphobia years ago after the death of my roommate, friend, and grandfather all within a six month period.

You had an incredibly taxing set of strong emotional insults in a very short period of time. Very few people wouldn't have reacted negatively to such insults. Clearly in your case and others like it an anxiety disorder is completely understandable and even to be expected to some degree or other. It is no way bogus a reaction or condition you found yourself suffering. I certainly did not mean to suggest a very real and valid set of reactions was in any way bogus KW. However projecting such a valid condition onto all of those diagnosed, especially self diagnosed as "social anxiety" is what I was getting at. The spreading of the net to the degree where it can become farcical, even demeaning to folks like yourself.

I am glad that the OP believes that he suffered from "extreme shyness" and a not a mild case of social anxiety disorder.

+1 and I think we actually agree funny enough There is a vast difference. My argument would be that your experience is less common than some are now positing for the range of normal human experience.

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I think shyness has a lot to do with too much ego. Shy people IMO are very identified with their self image so end up not saying much for fear of their self image being invalidated. They think far too much.

There would be something to that IMH too. Teamshadowclan expands on it more.

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

I kind of agree but with a difference; I'm often afraid that by talking, I'll confirm their problems with me are true; its the idea of saying nothing and letting them think you're weird as opposed to speak and proving to them you are. :P

But yes it comes down to internalising oneself in externalised situations like social interaction. In some(I emphasise some) people it can be quite self centred. It's all about them not the group/community/society.

nyarlothothep wrote: »

I think its moreso to do with the fact that past experiences of rejection/bullying lead a shy person to view other humans as potential threats, hence its a defence mechanism against real or perceived threats.

Good point and it makes good sense N.

I hear this phrase "you're thinking too much." I think if anything society, people in general don't think enough. I'm not taking issue with your use of the phrase here, it can be the case that shy people build up a world of imagined scenarios and it would be better to not do this, to act rather than think, but I sense that in mainstream society there is an open hostility towards thinking and introversion, because those qualities of course represent a threat to the consensus/the status quo, perhaps it is imported from American culture which favours extroversion and action. In Asian societies introversion seems to be much more accepted, however there is still a hostility towards independent thinking. I think both of these qualities should be celebrated rather than hated because its through independent thinking and a focus on academic/scientific/artistic disciplines rather than on socialising/conforming that great achievements have been made which have pushed human socities forward.

Agreed. However...

Extrovert party animals should be grateful to introverts for having given them facebook where they can socialise away etc.

Brianna Fluffy Chef wrote: »

Yep. And it's getting worse and worse, I think. Being loud, obnoxious, shallow, unreliable and arrogant makes you a 'social butterfly', while being reserved and thoughtful makes you a weirdo, a snob, standoffish and rude. People these days don't seem to appreciate people who are actually decent, they just want to be entertained, IMO. With a few notable exceptions, the 'popular' people I've met have all been pretty horrible underneath their fake 'look at me, I'm so friendly and bubbly and fun!' facade.

With respect IMHO these two positions are just as daft as generalisations aimed by extraverts against introverts. You're mirroring those you seek to generalise. Indeed beyond the schoolyard and into adulthood I've heard more self described introverts bitch about who they perceive as extraverts than the other way around. Not unlike the "nice guy" type of man who whines about "bad boys" getting all the girls.

Plus just as many extroverts along that scale have added to all those disciplines. Do you think Picasso was a shrinking violet? Hardly. DaVinci was apparently the life and soul of the party and was mad for theatre nights and entertainments. Raphael was a bloody party animal and Caravaggio? Bleedin hell! :eek: Einstein was no wallflower. Religious types like Jesus, Muhammad and Buddha while reflective people were hardly classic introverts. Facebook and Zuckerberg? He's hardly a social wallflower. Was very well known around campus and was plugged into many social groups. Someone like Steve Jobs? Good god no. The very defintion of extravert bordering on phsycopathic. The list of average to extravert individuals that changed the world is a terribly long one. It's not unlike this idea we have of the "tortured artist". Blame Van Gogh for that one. Most great artists in history were jobbing professionals with few skeletons in their mental/emotional cupboard and a helluva lot of them were major extraverts.

Jaxxy wrote: »

Fair play to you OP. It's not easy to do what you did and I personally think you're very brave.

+1000.

cocoshovel wrote: »

I think the only problem with me is I cant think of anything to say. I dont feel awkward or nervous around people. I just have absolutely nothing to say, and usually I dont share the same interests with people.
Its more annoying than anything. Usually just ends up with them talking about something and me responding with "yeah...yeah..yeah..yeah" over and over, not contributing.

I'm quite sure you've a lot more to say and contribute than some beige lower middle management type whose narrow focus of interests are up there with watching paint dry. Grey paint at that.