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Wife of 5 Years Has Affair and Blogs About it

  • 19-02-2012 08:15AM
    #1
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    Hi there, I am going through something very similar. My wife of nearly 5 years had an affair last week. She does not know I know yet. I happened to come across her blog. And it detailed the whole relationship.

    Like you I took the relationship at times for granted and when another man showed her attention she fell for him. The other man has a wife and a couple of kids. They met last week and had passionate sex for 5 hours. I feel sick at the thoughts of this.

    I have no idea what happens next, how can the relationship work if there is no trust.

    I think my marriage is over.


    She is sleeping in the spare room. I can't sleep without havin a few beers.


    I think I am going to see a counsellor this week. Maybe you should do the same!

    I am worried about finding someone new as this was true love.

    I hope above helps you are not alone this happens, life has up's and downs this is how life is.


    S


«13

Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Sully - felt it was best to split your reply into your own thread.
    Hope this is OK but felt your response may have led the other thread off on a tangent.

    Taltos


  • #3
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    I am sorry to hear that you find yourself in this situation today. It must be very upsetting. I know it must be very hard to have to think about her with someone else, but just because she ended up in bed with this man does not mean she doesn't love you.

    Don't despair, your marriage can still work out, if you want it to. Your wife felt neglected, and she took steps to try and feel appreciated. You can bet your bottom dollar that this affair will fizzle out sooner rather than later. Just try and give her all the attention you can right now, I know this might be hard, but say nothing about knowing what you know yet. Sometimes when a woman has an affair it is just a cry for help. It could be her way of saying that she is looking for more from you so if you would like to save your marriage pull out all the stops, pamper her, and see if that will bring results.

    All I am saying is that it is not the end, there are still options open to you if you feel you can try them before giving up. Who knows, she may have been having sex with this other man but she might prefer if it had been you.

    Best of Luck.


  • #4
    Gonzor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 257 ✭✭Gonzor


    Not meaning to insult your intelligence Sully, but are you absolutely 100% sure its your wifes blog. Is her name/picture on it?

    The only reason I ask is because about a year ago I found a blog that I was absoluetly positive was my best mates, and I read it religiously (and secretly) for months, then about a year later he put up a picture of himself, and low and behold it was the wrong guy- but I was so sure for that full year that it was actually my mate.


  • #5
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    Thank you Lorna for your reply. It is just so raw I am unable to think clearly. All I can think about is the other man. I would like to destroy his marriage as he has done to me.


  • #6
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    Taltos wrote: »
    Sully - felt it was best to split your reply into your own thread.
    Hope this is OK but felt your response may have led the other thread off on a tangent.

    Taltos


    No problem first time on here.


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  • #7
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    Gonzor wrote: »
    Not meaning to insult your intelligence Sully, but are you absolutely 100% sure its your wifes blog. Is her name/picture on it?

    The only reason I ask is because about a year ago I found a blog that I was absoluetly positive was my best mates, and I read it religiously (and secretly) for months, then about a year later he put up a picture of himself, and low and behold it was the wrong guy- but I was so sure for that full year that it was actually my mate.


    110% it is her with pictures.


  • #8
    Gonzor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 257 ✭✭Gonzor


    You say your wife only cheated last week, and that she doesnt know you know yet.

    If I was you Id be inclined to say something fast before she goes to meet up with the guy again for round 2....

    Im no expert on this kinda thing, but Id be of the opinion that if you dont nip this in the bud they might end up going off together.

    As for telling the other guys wife. Most people here will probably say dont do it, your acting on impulse and that this "revenge" wont make anything better. WHich is one way of looking at it.

    But I know if it was me, and I was that wife and I had kids with him, I would definetly want to know if he was cheating.


  • #9
    dixiefly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 2,960 ✭✭✭dixiefly


    Sully,
    Very sorry to hear your story. it's a pity that you two didnt get a chance to work on things before this happened.

    I am not one for blogging & dont track them and am absolutely flabbergasted that your wife would broadcast this in detail in a blog that you or someone else she knows could access. That's why I wondered the same thing as Gonzor. It could be a stupid quextion but is there any chance that she could have been set up and someone posted a fake blog but that does sound very unlikely.

    I am not sure what would do in the same circumstances but find it difficult to believe that I would not confront her if things had been anyway ok in the marriage. Also, if I knew the man's wife I would tell her - I just think I would want to be told especially when someone is blogging about it in the web!


  • #10
    Da Shins Kelly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,047 ✭✭✭Da Shins Kelly


    It seems strange that she'd do something like that. Kinda like she wanted to be caught or something. I think it would be best to simply end it and get out of there.


  • #11
    Will I Amnt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,222 ✭✭✭✭Will I Amnt


    Lorna123 wrote: »
    It could be her way of saying that she is looking for more from you so if you would like to save your marriage pull out all the stops, pamper her, and see if that will bring results.
    Have to totally disagree with that.
    Her way of saying???sorry but I don't buy that at all,why not just..........say.

    I can't speak for anybody else but the last thing I would be doing after finding out my wife was cheating would be pampering her.


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  • #12
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Print it off as a record and confront her about it.


  • #13
    Paddy Bateman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 178 ✭✭Paddy Bateman


    Sully 79 wrote: »
    Hi there, I am going through something very similar. My wife of nearly 5 years had an affair last week. She does not know I know yet. I happened to come across her blog. And it detailed the whole relationship.

    Like you I took the relationship at times for granted and when another man showed her attention she fell for him. The other man has a wife and a couple of kids. They met last week and had passionate sex for 5 hours. I feel sick at the thoughts of this.

    I have no idea what happens next, how can the relationship work if there is no trust.

    I think my marriage is over.


    She is sleeping in the spare room. I can't sleep without havin a few beers.


    I think I am going to see a counsellor this week. Maybe you should do the same!

    I am worried about finding someone new as this was true love.

    I hope above helps you are not alone this happens, life has up's and downs this is how life is.


    S
    Can you link to the blog so we can better advise?


  • #14
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    cambo2008 wrote: »
    Have to totally disagree with that.
    Her way of saying???sorry but I don't buy that at all,why not just..........say.

    I can't speak for anybody else but the last thing I would be doing after finding out my wife was cheating would be pampering her.

    I can fully understand why you would want to say that Cambo2008 because it would be a normal reaction, but I have first hand experience of this kind of thing and while all cases are definitely not the same I know of a case where a woman was having an affair because she felt neglected by her husband. She only ever loved her husband and if he had at any stage pampered her or shown her his love the affair would never have happened. All this woman ever wanted was for her husband to show her the same attention as her lover. I was just suggesting this in case this might be the case with Sully. I didn't suggest it was her way of saying sorry, but her way of showing she was not happy with how things were going in the marriage. Not for one minute suggesting either that it is the right thing to do at all, there are better ways, but she just got the opportunity and she took it because she was feeling low at the time.

    Wishing you well Sully and hope this matter gets resolved without too much pain.


  • #15
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    Da Shins Kelly wrote: »
    It seems strange that she'd do something like that. Kinda like she wanted to be caught or something. I think it would be best to simply end it and get out of there.


    Hard very hard to end 8 years of my life knowing her. She is away this week for work so will go through Counselling and find the real reason behind this.

    It was a private blog so, she has no idea that I would have access to it.
    But she did give me access just ages ago.


    I cannot forget what she has done, I will make sure the lad knows I know and wreck his head.

    I will let her know next week on her return.


    I have learnt very quickly being in a relationship has it's up's and downs but to betray trust can never be forgiven.


  • #16
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    [Quote=Paddy Bateman;


    S[/Quote]
    Can you link to the blog so we can better advise?[/Quote]


    No chance Paddy.


  • #17
    dixiefly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 2,960 ✭✭✭dixiefly


    I know that if it was me there is no way I would let this go for another weekk. How can you even trust her when she is away this week?

    Why dont you print it off and give it to her just before she goes? She deserves a shock impact. Your week wont be worth living if you havent confronted her (in my opinion anyway).


  • #18
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    I can fully understand why you would want to say that Cambo2008 because it would be a normal reaction, but I have first hand experience of this kind of thing and while all cases are definitely not the same I know of a case where a woman was having an affair because she felt neglected by her husband. She only ever loved her husband and if he had at any stage pampered her or shown her his love the affair would never have happened. All this woman ever wanted was for her husband to show her the same attention as her lover. I was just suggesting this in case this might be the case with Sully. I didn't suggest it was her way of saying sorry, but her way of showing she was not happy with how things were going in the marriage. Not for one minute suggesting either that it is the right thing to do at all, there are better ways, but she just got the opportunity and she took it because she was feeling low at the time.

    Wishing you well Sully and hope this matter gets resolved without too much pain.[/Quote]

    Hi Lorna


    Marriage is a bumpy road, my wife finds it boring and mondain! She want's passion everyday of the week not sure how other people relationship are but I doubt it happens daily.


  • #19
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    dixiefly wrote: »
    I know that if it was me there is no way I would let this go for another weekk. How can you even trust her when she is away this week?

    Why dont you print it off and give it to her just before she goes? She deserves a shock impact. Your week wont be worth living if you havent confronted her (in my opinion anyway).


    Yeah had thought about the shock impact, she may not board the plan. My week will be spent sending the other bloke extracts of blog and wrecking his head!!!!

    I think he will let her know the game is up!

    And it will all be out next Sunday.

    Thanks for advice


  • #20
    Paddy Bateman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 178 ✭✭Paddy Bateman


    Sully 79 wrote: »
    dixiefly wrote: »
    I know that if it was me there is no way I would let this go for another weekk. How can you even trust her when she is away this week?

    Why dont you print it off and give it to her just before she goes? She deserves a shock impact. Your week wont be worth living if you havent confronted her (in my opinion anyway).


    Yeah had thought about the shock impact, she may not board the plan. My week will be spent sending the other bloke extracts of blog and wrecking his head!!!!

    I think he will let her know the game is up!

    And it will all be out next Sunday.

    Thanks for advice
    You should keep your dignity at least


  • #21
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    Paddy Bateman wrote: »
    Sully 79 wrote: »
    dixiefly wrote: »
    I know that if it was me there is no way I would let this go for another weekk. How can you even trust her when she is away this week?

    Why dont you print it off and give it to her just before she goes? She deserves a shock impact. Your week wont be worth living if you havent confronted her (in my opinion anyway).


    Yeah had thought about the shock impact, she may not board the plan. My week will be spent sending the other bloke extracts of blog and wrecking his head!!!!

    I think he will let her know the game is up!

    And it will all be out next Sunday.

    Thanks for advice
    You should keep your dignity at least


    Meaning!


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  • #22
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Paddy Bateman infracted.

    As per the forum charter, there is zero tolerance for muppetry on this forum.

    Either offer civil, mature and constructive advice on whatever information the OP has offered, refrain from posting or lose your posting rights to the forum.

    Please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter and abide by them.

    If any poster has an issue with a post or poster then please use the report function and let the moderators deal with them rather than allow them to drag the thread off-topic.

    Many thanks


  • #23
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Sully 79 wrote: »
    Meaning!

    Whats the point in directing your anger at this other bloke. Your wife is the one who betrayed you. Focus on her.

    Playing stupid games with this other man will achieve nothing.


  • #24
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Chinafoot wrote: »
    Whats the point in directing your anger at this other bloke. Your wife is the one who betrayed you. Focus on her.

    Playing stupid games with this other man will achieve nothing.

    Exactly!!! Your wife is the one who should be loyal to you. Don't degrade yourself by contacting the other guy.


  • #25
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    Chinafoot wrote: »
    Sully 79 wrote: »
    Meaning!

    Whats the point in directing your anger at this other bloke. Your wife is the one who betrayed you. Focus on her.

    Playing stupid games with this other man will achieve nothing.


    I know just hurting at the moment and it has just happened. I don't see why he should get away scot free. I think he has done this many times before. He has a wife and kids.


  • #26
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Sully 79 wrote: »
    I know just hurting at the moment and it has just happened. I don't see why he should get away scot free. I think he has done this many times before. He has a wife and kids.

    My heart goes out to you and I would recommend you sort out your own house before going after him. If your wife gets a tip off then she can prepare answers for you rather than having to talk off the hoof when confronted by you face to face.

    Tell his wife once you are sorted.


  • #27
    Paddy Bateman
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 178 ✭✭Paddy Bateman


    I am a friend wrote: »
    Chinafoot wrote: »
    Whats the point in directing your anger at this other bloke. Your wife is the one who betrayed you. Focus on her.

    Playing stupid games with this other man will achieve nothing.

    Exactly!!! Your wife is the one who should be loyal to you. Don't degrade yourself by contacting the other guy.
    This is my point exactly


  • #28
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    I am a friend wrote: »
    Sully 79 wrote: »
    I know just hurting at the moment and it has just happened. I don't see why he should get away scot free. I think he has done this many times before. He has a wife and kids.

    My heart goes out to you and I would recommend you sort out your own house before going after him. If your wife gets a tip off then she can prepare answers for you rather than having to talk off the hoof when confronted by you face to face.

    Tell his wife once you are sorted.



    Good point, I will weigh this up.

    Thank you


  • #29
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Sully 79 wrote: »
    Good point, I will weigh this up.

    Thank you

    Yep don't do anything rash and make sure you print out that blog for reference.


  • #30
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Paddy Bateman - if you have not already read our charter do so immediately. Continued posts in this style will just result in a ban.

    Regards
    Taltos


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  • #31
    Sully 79
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Sully 79


    I am numb !


This discussion has been closed.
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