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I'm Writing A Book...

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Comments

  • #32
    Ellis Dee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,510 ✭✭✭Ellis Dee


    A guy in the United States wrote a book and gave it the title "The Day I Fucked a Duck". Several publishers rejected it but, undeterred, he reworked it and changed the title to "The Day I Fucked a Duck and Made a Million Dollars".:)

    It, too, was rejected, but he laboured on, rewrote it extensively and gave it the title "The Day I Fucked a Duck, Made a Million Dollars and Found Jesus". It was an instant bestseller.:)


  • #33
    jester77
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,264 ✭✭✭✭jester77


    foxyboxer wrote: »
    You should have a man and a woman, who initially loathe each other.
    After a series of misunderstandings and despite their initial misgivings, they begin to develop 'feelings' for each other.

    However, an obstacle comes up which prevents them from getting together. for example, he has to enlist and fight in a war or she is offered a new job in a foreign country.

    The twist would be that they overcome these obstacles, hook up and live happily ever after.

    Trust me, this has never been done before.

    I like this, we could even put an Irish twist on it. They initially loathed each other because she worked in the public service and he worked in the private sector.

    The obstacle could be the recession, she now has to pay a pension levy so had to sell her car. He became unemployed and had to move home to mammy and daddy, and now had no money for travelling to meet her. So now they have this big barrier of not being able to visit each other.


  • #34
    Plazaman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,037 ✭✭✭Plazaman


    Sindri wrote: »
    I like, a character who hates his own name, a metaphor for self hate.

    Well done stupidusername.:)
    stupidusername wrote: »
    I'M A SHE!! :mad:
    Sindri wrote: »
    Not any more you ain't.

    For this to be realistic, and to be made into a successful movie it looks like it's the snip for you.

    You can play yourself in the movie

    Wait a minute!!!! A female has to have "the snip" in order or play a male????

    Where's this set ? Thailand, Thigh-land or Tie Land?


  • #35
    Deus Ex Machina
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭Deus Ex Machina


    Sindri wrote: »
    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    Now Op I really mean this, it's not not not bullshît, believe me. If you have a genuinely original idea (a belief rarely reachable unless you've read and read and read and read, the you need to decide that it's your life. When you pick up a fork of steak and potato you need to be thinking of it. When you turn of the light to go to bed you need to be thinking of it. When you are wiping your ass you need to be thinking of it. It has to be real real real real. Don't fućk around and don't let fuçkers fuçk around with you. You literally have to be the most confident motherfuçker under the sun if a single word you write is to worth anything.

    If you can do this you will move mountains to achieve your goal and I wish you
    Luck every inch of the way. It is not easy.

    Yes, it is original, and I have read many many many books, some of the greatest works of mostly western literature from an early age.

    Thanks for your advice, it helps a lot.

    Are you a writer perchance?


    Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.


  • #36
    Temptamperu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,303 ✭✭✭Temptamperu


    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.
    I leik your blog :)



    spelling was on purpose


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  • #37
    cynder
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    I would love to write a book.

    Think it would be a dystopian future.

    Ireland is a prison island surrounded by 300 meter high walls, 5 meters thick, all rivers are gated off.

    Lots of violence and only one guaranteed means of escape.... Death


  • #38
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.

    What have you wrote?


  • #39
    TeddyTedson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,758 ✭✭✭✭TeddyTedson


    I've tried to write a short story a while back. It turned out to be quite difficult. I must get back onto it though.
    Here's what I got so far.
    Oink oink oink goes the pig - day in, day out...dwindle

    Moo moo moo goes the cow - day in, day out...dwindle

    Fap fap fap goes the farmer :eek: All over the floor and bed....day in, day out..dwindle.


    Another early morning rise at the old gale ranch for recently widowed farmer Michael Cosgrave. But Michael was excited on this particular morning as he had all his friends coming around to celebrate after being elected number one ranch in all of 2011. He cleaned himself and his bed up and put on his best cotton socks, and out to work he went in the breezy spring air.
    "Mornin Mickey" yelped Francis, as Michael began milking his beloved dairy cows.
    "Ah Francy my old flower trump" replied Michael and the two began chatting about farm life. Francis was another farmer who had far too much time on his hands now that he had just sold almost all of his land to developers for 43million euros.

    By 2PM the farm work was all finished and two headed over to McQuids pub for some dinner and lashings of guinness.
    The pair had only just began their 8th pint when local drug dealers entered the pub.
    "G'way on ahowa dhat back t' yeer aul pub down tha Glen" cried Michael, knowing the drug dealers intentions.
    But the drug deals were having none of it, and forced both Francis and Michael to the ground, and forced many drugs down their mouths and inject each of them with heroin.
    Laughing amongst themselves, the drug dealers left the pub, but the damage had been done.


  • #40
    Bad Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,205 ✭✭✭Bad Panda


    Collate the top 5000 (or so) most thanked posts on boards and use that text to turn in a story...should make for some seriously sh!tty reading...

    ...I'm banking on it rivalling any Ross O'Carroll Kelly publishing.


  • #41
    Gemma Damaged Gynecologist
    Posts: 1,060 ✭✭✭ Gemma Damaged Gynecologist


    Man meets woman falls in love explodes there all done . You just have to expand on it but thats the plot .

    Could involve a dog but u might want to keep that for the sequel


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  • #42
    Sky King
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    Ross O'Carroll Kelly is a shit sandwich.

    I read one of those books and wanted my money back - and I hadn't even paid for the fuckin thing.


  • #43
    Conbhar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 227 ✭✭Conbhar


    How about having it set in deepest rural ireland and the plot centred around a deeply religious family(Mother Father Son and Daughter) whos son has just accused the local priest(who is a close personal friend of the family) of sexually abusing him for the past 5 years. The son is secretly a little ****e and has made up the sexual abuse claims against the priest because the priest knows the boy physically and mentally abuses his little sister(the priest knows this because the little daughter confided in him while she was at confession and as the priest hears this he decides to confront the boy with the truth) The ongoing story can then reflect on 1. (the parents who struggle with the conflict between their deep religious beliefs and the bombshell that their son has just dropped on them) 2. (The innocent priest whos whole life falls apart and his seemingly fruitless attempts to clear his name) And 3. (The little daughter who feels as though the whole situation that has happened is somehow her fault and she just dosent know what to do to make it right)


  • #44
    Deus Ex Machina
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭Deus Ex Machina


    Sindri wrote: »
    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.

    What have you wrote?

    I wish to preserve my anonymity so I won't be very specific, but I have had a few pieces published in magazines (short fiction) and I always have a manuscripts on the go which I send to a publishing house more as practices than as something I wish to have published (although that's not what I'm thinking when I write them haha!). A lot of writers never got published before 30, so I suspect you and I are in the same boat. Din'g give up and write as weird as you see the world. Don't write a self censored, self conscious pile of shït. Any cünt you meet in the street can do that.


  • #45
    RichieC
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,331 ✭✭✭RichieC


    I have many ideas but zero talent. I would do well in hollywood.


  • #46
    Sky King
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    A young woman who lives with her scone baking gran-aunt has to stop a rugged handsome yet dastardly businessman (who is also a pilot fireman ) from buying her farm and putting her in a home for the bewildered.

    It's a race against the clock to save the farm and get felt up in the hay barn.


    ????


  • #47
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    I wish to preserve my anonymity so I won't be very specific, but I have had a few pieces published in magazines (short fiction) and I always have a manuscripts on the go which I send to a publishing house more as practices than as something I wish to have published (although that's not what I'm thinking when I write them haha!). A lot of writers never got published before 30, so I suspect you and I are in the same boat. Din'g give up and write as weird as you see the world. Don't write a self censored, self conscious pile of shït. Any cünt you meet in the street can do that.

    You are enlightening to say the least:), I can feel the angst and frustration in your posts. I always thought you were a writer or something because of your username.


  • #48
    Deus Ex Machina
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭Deus Ex Machina


    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    Sindri wrote: »
    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.

    What have you wrote?

    I wish to preserve my anonymity so I won't be very specific, but I have had a few pieces published in magazines (short fiction) and I always have a manuscripts on the go which I send to a publishing house more as practices than as something I wish to have published (although that's not what I'm thinking when I write them haha!). A lot of writers never got published before 30, so I suspect you and I are in the same boat. Din'g give up and write as weird as you see the world. Don't write a self censored, self conscious pile of shït. Any cünt you meet in the street can do that.

    Sorry for the spelling and grammar. I'm usually a stickler for such things but now I'm steaming pissed and high, leave me off!!!


  • #49
    davoxx
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,514 ✭✭✭davoxx


    seriously, you want our best ideas to write a book and then make a movie?

    i'll tell you the same thing i told joanne rowling, write for kids, have wizards and pretend to be a dude ...kids are stupid, they like magic, and they like male role models ...

    i'd like my cut (30%) to be paid to the mr scrathy, blue cross, eire ...


  • #50
    Morlar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,273 ✭✭✭Morlar


    If you want it to be really classy you should end it with

    'And then he woke up and it was all a dream. The End.

    The Booker prize people love that kind of stuff so they do.


  • #51
    Katgurl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,145 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    Sindri wrote: »
    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    Are you genuinely, seriously writing a book? Really? You know a serious piece of fiction is life's work, not to be taken lightly? It will require every inch of your intellect, soul and being. You need to rid your mind of clutter, which includes every single thing everyone you know tells you, everything you hear in the media, basically every cultural experience you've had which could be characterised as "mainstream" unless you've got a way of looking at it that's weird new and unusual. It may be the case that you're lucky, and your inner monologue is nuts and original enough to be worthy of publication in its own right, otherwise you need to join the long line of souls who wish to work night and day to become something special.


    Make no mistake, if you're serious, you've chosen one of the hardest professions in the world.

    Best, best, best of luck if you really are serious. Don't listen to anyone's negative bull****. And remember, you've got to wade through a mountain of shît before you get anywhere worthwhile.

    I am serious yes.

    And I have synesthesia as well as benign creativity.

    The idea I have is fairly original and I think I have the ability to write it in a new style.

    Thanks a lot for your support:)

    Now Op I really mean this, it's not not not bullshît, believe me. If you have a genuinely original idea (a belief rarely reachable unless you've read and read and read and read, the you need to decide that it's your life. When you pick up a fork of steak and potato you need to be thinking of it. When you turn of the light to go to bed you need to be thinking of it. When you are wiping your ass you need to be thinking of it. It has to be real real real real. Don't fućk around and don't let fuçkers fuçk around with you. You literally have to be the most confident motherfuçker under the sun if a single word you write is to worth anything.

    If you can do this you will move mountains to achieve your goal and I wish you
    Luck every inch of the way. It is not easy.


    What is with this melodrama? There are two novelists in my immediate family, it takes certain discipline yeah but the above is a bit of a stretch.


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