I'm Writing A Book...

Sindri

Any suggestions?

Plots, characters, twists and the like?


Now away my pretties and write my book for me.

DirtyBollox

i've read it already, its shite

stupidusername

I'll be your central character so :cool:

davet82

good thread and i'm here first but i'm just drawing a blank here... FCUK!

Sindri

DirtyBollox wrote: »

i've read it already, its shite

Well then, most eloquent sir, what should I change?

Temptamperu

You could have a plane going weeeerr BOOSSSSHHH into a bridge that goes eeeerrrrr ruueeeeeennnnn SPLASSSHH and then another explosion that goes BOOOM ratttattattataaa BABOOM.

I learned everything I know from The Micheal Bay School of story telling :cool:

Sindri

stupidusername wrote: »

I'll be your central character so :cool:

I like, a character who hates his own name, a metaphor for self hate.

Well done stupidusername.:)

stupidusername

Sindri wrote: »

I like, a character who hates his own name, a metaphor for self hate.

Well done stupidusername.:)

I'M A SHE!! :mad:

chin_grin

Well done OP.

I'm reading and typing on a thread on boards.ie instead of writing a book!


Go me.

Sindri

chin_grin wrote: »

Well done OP.

I'm reading and typing on a thread on boards.ie instead of writing a book!


Go me.

This, This will be the epilogue.

Inspiring. Inspiring...

foxyboxer

You should have a man and a woman, who initially loathe each other.
After a series of misunderstandings and despite their initial misgivings, they begin to develop 'feelings' for each other.

However, an obstacle comes up which prevents them from getting together. for example, he has to enlist and fight in a war or she is offered a new job in a foreign country.

The twist would be that they overcome these obstacles, hook up and live happily ever after.

Trust me, this has never been done before.

Sindri

stupidusername wrote: »

I'M A SHE!! :mad:

Not any more you ain't.

For this to be realistic, and to be made into a successful movie it looks like it's the snip for you.

You can play yourself in the movie

MickySticks

Trent can help you OP.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055716814

stupidusername

Sindri wrote: »

Not any more you ain't.

For this to be realistic, and to be made into a successful movie it looks like it's the snip for you.

You can play yourself in the movie

please no

though i imagine a male central character would be more likely to make a best seller

saa

I was saving this for someone special...
A highschool girl who lacks confidence because she wears glasses and always has her hair tied up. At a school dance she gets a big red cup of punch knocked onto her dress by the captain of the football team. She is completely humiliated, in private he apoligises to her and then kisses her in the heat of the awkward moment.
To catch his attention she hits up Big sassy Rhonda who gives her a make over, suddenly she is now accepted by her peers and the captain notices her, but the thing is he saw her inner beauty all along. And everyone breaks into dance.

You can send the royalties cheque to 27 Willbrook Drive, Tub of Curry, Ireland.

Dravokivich

What ever you do, don't open up the first paragraph describing the fúcking weather.

davet82

Dravokivich wrote: »

What ever you do, don't open up the first paragraph describing the fúcking weather.

gonna have to re-do that first paragraph Sindri

tbh

I'll write the first 3 paragraphs, you carry on.

I can't exactly explain how I got here. I can't remember anything that happened to me before I found myself standing at this wall. I do know it's not a dream, because I can feel the rough stone under my hands, the sun on my back, and I can smell the freshly cut grass from the garden next door.

A woman walks by. She nods and says "hello", looking at me with thinly disguised suspicion. She looks as though she knows me, and she does - kind of. I know her. I just haven't seen her in nearly 30 years. My heart is pounding. I turn my head and face forward. I'm looking at a house, my house, and through the window I can a small child playing with lego. It's me. Aged 10.

The door opens. My mother - who is younger than me now - steps onto the porch. "who are you?" she asks. "what do you want?"

Temptamperu

For Bella Swan, there is one thing more important than life itself: Edward Cullen. But being in love with a vampire is even more dangerous than Bella could ever have imagined. Edward has already rescued Bella from the clutches of one evil vampire, but now, as their daring relationship threatens all that is near and dear to them, they realize their troubles may be just beginning...

I smashed my head of the keyboard and this happened :eek:

Seachmall

How about a character who's suffering from hallucinations, they get really bad and worsen the bullying he suffers.

As a result he goes to a psychiatrist for help, of course the psychiatrist is suffering from his own problems which help him to relate to the kid (this adds "depth" to the characters).

They go back and forth and learn a lot from each other but somethings not right, something you just can't put your finger on... and then BANG! it hits you; The psychiatrist is one of the child's hallucinations (this adds a "twist" to the plot).

Call it, "The Child Who Had Hallucinations".

Or maybe instead of hallucinations the kid can see dead people. And the psychiatrist is one of those dead people. And maybe in stead of "The Child Who Had Hallucinations" call it "The Sixth Sense". And maybe instead of characters you can relate to you cast Haley Joel Osment.

mattjack

Seachmall wrote: »

How about a character who's suffering from hallucinations, they get really bad and worsen the bullying he suffers.

As a result he goes to a psychiatrist for help, of course the psychiatrist is suffering from his own problems which help him to relate to the kid (this adds "depth" to the characters).

They go back and forth and learn a lot from each other but somethings not right, something you just can't put your finger on... and then BANG! it hits you; The psychiatrist is one of the child's hallucinations (this adds a "twist" to the plot).

Call it, "The Child Who Had Hallucinations".

Or maybe instead of hallucinations the kid can see dead people. And the psychiatrist is one of those dead people. And maybe in stead of "The Child Who Had Hallucinations" call it "The Sixth Sense". And maybe instead of characters you can relate to you cast Haley Joel Osment.

That's roughly the OP's life story already.

Deus Ex Machina

Are you genuinely, seriously writing a book? Really? You know a serious piece of fiction is life's work, not to be taken lightly? It will require every inch of your intellect, soul and being. You need to rid your mind of clutter, which includes every single thing everyone you know tells you, everything you hear in the media, basically every cultural experience you've had which could be characterised as "mainstream" unless you've got a way of looking at it that's weird new and unusual. It may be the case that you're lucky, and your inner monologue is nuts and original enough to be worthy of publication in its own right, otherwise you need to join the long line of souls who wish to work night and day to become something special.


Make no mistake, if you're serious, you've chosen one of the hardest professions in the world.

Best, best, best of luck if you really are serious. Don't listen to anyone's negative bull****. And remember, you've got to wade through a mountain of shît before you get anywhere worthwhile.

spankmaster2000

Dan is a food critic, with a passion for bird-watching.
He spends his lunchtimes every day sitting in the park, watching a particular pigeon waddle around, and, developing a fondness for him; christens him "Stephen".

Meanwhile, problems develop at home for Dan, and he suspects his wife of infidelity. Night after night, he has nightmares that his wife is secretly meeting someone else.
One nightmare reveals his rival to be none other than Stephen.
(This then develops to Stephen muscling in on his job as well.)

This culminates in a climax where Dan finds Stephen in the park one lunchtime, and begins an epic showdown.

The epilogue to the story is told from the point of view of a young couple witnessing the fight; and reveal it to in fact be a single pigeon fighting with his own reflection in a window.

matt-dublin

do you read books???

has anyone here red pubes??

Seachmall

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

intellect

Best give up now, OP.

Sindri

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Are you genuinely, seriously writing a book? Really? You know a serious piece of fiction is life's work, not to be taken lightly? It will require every inch of your intellect, soul and being. You need to rid your mind of clutter, which includes every single thing everyone you know tells you, everything you hear in the media, basically every cultural experience you've had which could be characterised as "mainstream" unless you've got a way of looking at it that's weird new and unusual. It may be the case that you're lucky, and your inner monologue is nuts and original enough to be worthy of publication in its own right, otherwise you need to join the long line of souls who wish to work night and day to become something special.


Make no mistake, if you're serious, you've chosen one of the hardest professions in the world.

Best, best, best of luck if you really are serious. Don't listen to anyone's negative bull****. And remember, you've got to wade through a mountain of shît before you get anywhere worthwhile.

I am serious yes.

And I have synesthesia as well as benign creativity.

The idea I have is fairly original and I think I have the ability to write it in a new style.

Thanks a lot for your support:)

lastlaugh

You are an ex FF councillor turned dole scrounger who has recently hooked up with a Roma girl and are now also a heavy Heroin user and you have a feeling you might be HIV positive.

Branded a scumbag wherever you go, you have many an interesting adventure in an around the City center.

Eathrin

List of Legendary boards threads

So much material here...

Deus Ex Machina

Sindri wrote: »

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Are you genuinely, seriously writing a book? Really? You know a serious piece of fiction is life's work, not to be taken lightly? It will require every inch of your intellect, soul and being. You need to rid your mind of clutter, which includes every single thing everyone you know tells you, everything you hear in the media, basically every cultural experience you've had which could be characterised as "mainstream" unless you've got a way of looking at it that's weird new and unusual. It may be the case that you're lucky, and your inner monologue is nuts and original enough to be worthy of publication in its own right, otherwise you need to join the long line of souls who wish to work night and day to become something special.


Make no mistake, if you're serious, you've chosen one of the hardest professions in the world.

Best, best, best of luck if you really are serious. Don't listen to anyone's negative bull****. And remember, you've got to wade through a mountain of shît before you get anywhere worthwhile.

I am serious yes.

And I have synesthesia as well as benign creativity.

The idea I have is fairly original and I think I have the ability to write it in a new style.

Thanks a lot for your support:)

Now Op I really mean this, it's not not not bullshît, believe me. If you have a genuinely original idea (a belief rarely reachable unless you've read and read and read and read, the you need to decide that it's your life. When you pick up a fork of steak and potato you need to be thinking of it. When you turn of the light to go to bed you need to be thinking of it. When you are wiping your ass you need to be thinking of it. It has to be real real real real. Don't fućk around and don't let fuçkers fuçk around with you. You literally have to be the most confident motherfuçker under the sun if a single word you write is to worth anything.

If you can do this you will move mountains to achieve your goal and I wish you
Luck every inch of the way. It is not easy.

Temptamperu

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Now Op I really mean this, it's not not not bullshît, believe me. If you have a genuinely original idea (a belief rarely reachable unless you've read and read and read and read, the you need to decide that it's your life. When you pick up a fork of steak and potato you need to be thinking of it. When you turn of the light to go to bed you need to be thinking of it. When you are wiping your ass you need to be thinking of it. It has to be real real real real. Don't fućk around and don't let fuçkers fuçk around with you. You literally have to be the most confident motherfuçker under the sun if a single word you write is to worth anything.

If you can do this you will move mountains to achieve your goal and I wish you
Luck every inch of the way. It is not easy.

Dont mind him, if Meave Binchey can do it anyone can.

Sindri

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Now Op I really mean this, it's not not not bullshît, believe me. If you have a genuinely original idea (a belief rarely reachable unless you've read and read and read and read, the you need to decide that it's your life. When you pick up a fork of steak and potato you need to be thinking of it. When you turn of the light to go to bed you need to be thinking of it. When you are wiping your ass you need to be thinking of it. It has to be real real real real. Don't fućk around and don't let fuçkers fuçk around with you. You literally have to be the most confident motherfuçker under the sun if a single word you write is to worth anything.

If you can do this you will move mountains to achieve your goal and I wish you
Luck every inch of the way. It is not easy.

Yes, it is original, and I have read many many many books, some of the greatest works of mostly western literature from an early age.

Thanks for your advice, it helps a lot.

Are you a writer perchance?

Ellis Dee

A guy in the United States wrote a book and gave it the title "The Day I Fucked a Duck". Several publishers rejected it but, undeterred, he reworked it and changed the title to "The Day I Fucked a Duck and Made a Million Dollars".:)

It, too, was rejected, but he laboured on, rewrote it extensively and gave it the title "The Day I Fucked a Duck, Made a Million Dollars and Found Jesus". It was an instant bestseller.:)

jester77

foxyboxer wrote: »

You should have a man and a woman, who initially loathe each other.
After a series of misunderstandings and despite their initial misgivings, they begin to develop 'feelings' for each other.

However, an obstacle comes up which prevents them from getting together. for example, he has to enlist and fight in a war or she is offered a new job in a foreign country.

The twist would be that they overcome these obstacles, hook up and live happily ever after.

Trust me, this has never been done before.

I like this, we could even put an Irish twist on it. They initially loathed each other because she worked in the public service and he worked in the private sector.

The obstacle could be the recession, she now has to pay a pension levy so had to sell her car. He became unemployed and had to move home to mammy and daddy, and now had no money for travelling to meet her. So now they have this big barrier of not being able to visit each other.

Plazaman

Sindri wrote: »

I like, a character who hates his own name, a metaphor for self hate.

Well done stupidusername.:)

stupidusername wrote: »

I'M A SHE!! :mad:

Sindri wrote: »

Not any more you ain't.

For this to be realistic, and to be made into a successful movie it looks like it's the snip for you.

You can play yourself in the movie

Wait a minute!!!! A female has to have "the snip" in order or play a male????

Where's this set ? Thailand, Thigh-land or Tie Land?

Deus Ex Machina

Sindri wrote: »

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Now Op I really mean this, it's not not not bullshît, believe me. If you have a genuinely original idea (a belief rarely reachable unless you've read and read and read and read, the you need to decide that it's your life. When you pick up a fork of steak and potato you need to be thinking of it. When you turn of the light to go to bed you need to be thinking of it. When you are wiping your ass you need to be thinking of it. It has to be real real real real. Don't fućk around and don't let fuçkers fuçk around with you. You literally have to be the most confident motherfuçker under the sun if a single word you write is to worth anything.

If you can do this you will move mountains to achieve your goal and I wish you
Luck every inch of the way. It is not easy.

Yes, it is original, and I have read many many many books, some of the greatest works of mostly western literature from an early age.

Thanks for your advice, it helps a lot.

Are you a writer perchance?

Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.

Temptamperu

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.

I leik your blog



spelling was on purpose

cynder

I would love to write a book.

Think it would be a dystopian future.

Ireland is a prison island surrounded by 300 meter high walls, 5 meters thick, all rivers are gated off.

Lots of violence and only one guaranteed means of escape.... Death

Sindri

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.

What have you wrote?

TeddyTedson

I've tried to write a short story a while back. It turned out to be quite difficult. I must get back onto it though.
Here's what I got so far.

Oink oink oink goes the pig - day in, day out...dwindle

Moo moo moo goes the cow - day in, day out...dwindle

Fap fap fap goes the farmer :eek: All over the floor and bed....day in, day out..dwindle.


Another early morning rise at the old gale ranch for recently widowed farmer Michael Cosgrave. But Michael was excited on this particular morning as he had all his friends coming around to celebrate after being elected number one ranch in all of 2011. He cleaned himself and his bed up and put on his best cotton socks, and out to work he went in the breezy spring air.
"Mornin Mickey" yelped Francis, as Michael began milking his beloved dairy cows.
"Ah Francy my old flower trump" replied Michael and the two began chatting about farm life. Francis was another farmer who had far too much time on his hands now that he had just sold almost all of his land to developers for 43million euros.

By 2PM the farm work was all finished and two headed over to McQuids pub for some dinner and lashings of guinness.
The pair had only just began their 8th pint when local drug dealers entered the pub.
"G'way on ahowa dhat back t' yeer aul pub down tha Glen" cried Michael, knowing the drug dealers intentions.
But the drug deals were having none of it, and forced both Francis and Michael to the ground, and forced many drugs down their mouths and inject each of them with heroin.
Laughing amongst themselves, the drug dealers left the pub, but the damage had been done.

Bad Panda

Collate the top 5000 (or so) most thanked posts on boards and use that text to turn in a story...should make for some seriously sh!tty reading...

...I'm banking on it rivalling any Ross O'Carroll Kelly publishing.

Man meets woman falls in love explodes there all done . You just have to expand on it but thats the plot .

Could involve a dog but u might want to keep that for the sequel

Sky King

Ross O'Carroll Kelly is a shit sandwich.

I read one of those books and wanted my money back - and I hadn't even paid for the fuckin thing.

Conbhar

How about having it set in deepest rural ireland and the plot centred around a deeply religious family(Mother Father Son and Daughter) whos son has just accused the local priest(who is a close personal friend of the family) of sexually abusing him for the past 5 years. The son is secretly a little ****e and has made up the sexual abuse claims against the priest because the priest knows the boy physically and mentally abuses his little sister(the priest knows this because the little daughter confided in him while she was at confession and as the priest hears this he decides to confront the boy with the truth) The ongoing story can then reflect on 1. (the parents who struggle with the conflict between their deep religious beliefs and the bombshell that their son has just dropped on them) 2. (The innocent priest whos whole life falls apart and his seemingly fruitless attempts to clear his name) And 3. (The little daughter who feels as though the whole situation that has happened is somehow her fault and she just dosent know what to do to make it right)

Deus Ex Machina

Sindri wrote: »

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.

What have you wrote?

I wish to preserve my anonymity so I won't be very specific, but I have had a few pieces published in magazines (short fiction) and I always have a manuscripts on the go which I send to a publishing house more as practices than as something I wish to have published (although that's not what I'm thinking when I write them haha!). A lot of writers never got published before 30, so I suspect you and I are in the same boat. Din'g give up and write as weird as you see the world. Don't write a self censored, self conscious pile of shït. Any cünt you meet in the street can do that.

RichieC

I have many ideas but zero talent. I would do well in hollywood.

Sky King

A young woman who lives with her scone baking gran-aunt has to stop a rugged handsome yet dastardly businessman (who is also a pilot fireman ) from buying her farm and putting her in a home for the bewildered.

It's a race against the clock to save the farm and get felt up in the hay barn.


????

Sindri

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

I wish to preserve my anonymity so I won't be very specific, but I have had a few pieces published in magazines (short fiction) and I always have a manuscripts on the go which I send to a publishing house more as practices than as something I wish to have published (although that's not what I'm thinking when I write them haha!). A lot of writers never got published before 30, so I suspect you and I are in the same boat. Din'g give up and write as weird as you see the world. Don't write a self censored, self conscious pile of shït. Any cünt you meet in the street can do that.

You are enlightening to say the least:), I can feel the angst and frustration in your posts. I always thought you were a writer or something because of your username.

Deus Ex Machina

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Sindri wrote: »

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Yes I am a writer. A shît writer who hopes one day to be decent. It's not easy but it is absolutely worthwhile.

What have you wrote?

I wish to preserve my anonymity so I won't be very specific, but I have had a few pieces published in magazines (short fiction) and I always have a manuscripts on the go which I send to a publishing house more as practices than as something I wish to have published (although that's not what I'm thinking when I write them haha!). A lot of writers never got published before 30, so I suspect you and I are in the same boat. Din'g give up and write as weird as you see the world. Don't write a self censored, self conscious pile of shït. Any cünt you meet in the street can do that.

Sorry for the spelling and grammar. I'm usually a stickler for such things but now I'm steaming pissed and high, leave me off!!!

davoxx

seriously, you want our best ideas to write a book and then make a movie?

i'll tell you the same thing i told joanne rowling, write for kids, have wizards and pretend to be a dude ...kids are stupid, they like magic, and they like male role models ...

i'd like my cut (30%) to be paid to the mr scrathy, blue cross, eire ...

Morlar

If you want it to be really classy you should end it with

'And then he woke up and it was all a dream. The End.

The Booker prize people love that kind of stuff so they do.

Katgurl

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Sindri wrote: »

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Are you genuinely, seriously writing a book? Really? You know a serious piece of fiction is life's work, not to be taken lightly? It will require every inch of your intellect, soul and being. You need to rid your mind of clutter, which includes every single thing everyone you know tells you, everything you hear in the media, basically every cultural experience you've had which could be characterised as "mainstream" unless you've got a way of looking at it that's weird new and unusual. It may be the case that you're lucky, and your inner monologue is nuts and original enough to be worthy of publication in its own right, otherwise you need to join the long line of souls who wish to work night and day to become something special.


Make no mistake, if you're serious, you've chosen one of the hardest professions in the world.

Best, best, best of luck if you really are serious. Don't listen to anyone's negative bull****. And remember, you've got to wade through a mountain of shît before you get anywhere worthwhile.

I am serious yes.

And I have synesthesia as well as benign creativity.

The idea I have is fairly original and I think I have the ability to write it in a new style.

Thanks a lot for your support:)

Now Op I really mean this, it's not not not bullshît, believe me. If you have a genuinely original idea (a belief rarely reachable unless you've read and read and read and read, the you need to decide that it's your life. When you pick up a fork of steak and potato you need to be thinking of it. When you turn of the light to go to bed you need to be thinking of it. When you are wiping your ass you need to be thinking of it. It has to be real real real real. Don't fućk around and don't let fuçkers fuçk around with you. You literally have to be the most confident motherfuçker under the sun if a single word you write is to worth anything.

If you can do this you will move mountains to achieve your goal and I wish you
Luck every inch of the way. It is not easy.

What is with this melodrama? There are two novelists in my immediate family, it takes certain discipline yeah but the above is a bit of a stretch.