Bridesmaids costs!

Chocoholic84 · 21-01-2012 06:57PM

Absolutely I agree that €300 is much too expensive to be paying for bridesmaid dresses - my own wedding dress cost that much

I went into a local bridal shop and saw the most gorgeous BM dresses for €250, then I went online & ordered them off RK Bridal - they took about 2 months to arrive, and they're amazing, and they were only $122 each! Got hit with a 70quid customs charge but it still worked out way cheaper so I'm delighted.

The girls have their own shoes, I'm not too bothered about shoes to be honest, as long as they're silver. I will get them earrings as their pressie, and will also be paying for their hair & make up. Not tans, as that's up to them if they want one. I won't be having one myself as I'm extremely pale and tans just don't suit me. When I tell some people this they look at me as if I have 2 heads, and ask why I wouldn't like even a little bit of colour. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T SUIT ME & I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN OOMPA LOOMPA THAT'S WHY! Grrr. Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent there...:D

Shellygoose · 22-01-2012 12:27AM

I have paid for my 3 BM's dresses, they will wear their own shoes or buy new ones, their choice. I intend to buy them each a necklace as their present. Hair and makeup is being done by friends of mine as their present to us. If they wish to get tan/nails etc they will pay themselves.

I have never heard of paying for your bridal parties accomodation, paying for the parents yes, but not the rest of them. The way I see it is, if you hadnt asked these people to be part of your bridal party, then they would most certainly be asked as a guest, and therefore have to pay for their own clothing/shoes/tan/nails/accomodation etc.

My bridesmaids fully understand the costs involved in a wedding and they dont mind paying for these things, but it was discussed and agreed upon when I asked them to be my BM's....communication is the key i think

toadfly · 22-01-2012 10:00AM

I haven't discussed it with the girls yet but I will buy dresses & jewellery. Also pay for hair & makeup. Doubt I'll buy shoes as dresses are full length so any shoes will do. Am undecided about paying for tan but think I will if I get get it for around €20. we are getting three rooms free so parents and chief BM will get them. We will probably pay for room for best man too.

what2do · 22-01-2012 12:47PM

On the shoes... have to say that if they are in short dresses it looks best if they are all in the same or very similiar shoes. If I'd wear them again I'd have no problem paying for them myself but judging by replies there are varying opinions on this.

Have to say I was a bridesmaid to a very upfront bride who said what she was and wasn't paying for and once we knew that worked out perfectly. There was no speculating or gossiping!

saa · 22-01-2012 03:05PM

Hmm maybe you could get dresses made for 150 each ish?

I just remember that was the figure my friend quoted me when she got a formal dress made,
the bridesmaid dresses don't even have to be typical formal wear

Moonbeam · 23-01-2012 01:41AM

I have budgeted 100 euro each for my bridesmaids dresses, I really can not see much of a reason to pay much more.
We need to wait and see what the dresses are like before we decide about shoes and I will pay for their hair and make up.
I will also pay their accommodation costs as they will all need to stay.
This is all part of the wedding budget and I would not expect them to have to be at a loss themselves.

qwerty13 · 23-01-2012 12:22PM

Shellygoose wrote: »

I have paid for my 3 BM's dresses, they will wear their own shoes or buy new ones, their choice. I intend to buy them each a necklace as their present. Hair and makeup is being done by friends of mine as their present to us. If they wish to get tan/nails etc they will pay themselves.

I have never heard of paying for your bridal parties accomodation, paying for the parents yes, but not the rest of them. The way I see it is, if you hadnt asked these people to be part of your bridal party, then they would most certainly be asked as a guest, and therefore have to pay for their own clothing/shoes/tan/nails/accomodation etc.

My bridesmaids fully understand the costs involved in a wedding and they dont mind paying for these things, but it was discussed and agreed upon when I asked them to be my BM's....communication is the key i think

In any wedding I've been at, accommodation for the wedding party was paid for - including bridesmaids/groomsmen. I think it is only fair, as they've more than likely had to put themselves out/spend their time on wedding stuff.

I think it is a bit much to say "their choice" about shoes/tan/nails - because they will probably feel that they have to do these things, and it will end up be out of their own pockets. I think these things should be offered - I don't think it is fair to ask anyone to be a bridesmaid/groomsman, and have them out of pocket.

Always number 1 · 23-01-2012 09:59PM

Chocoholic84 wrote: »

Absolutely I agree that €300 is much too expensive to be paying for bridesmaid dresses - my own wedding dress cost that much

I went into a local bridal shop and saw the most gorgeous BM dresses for €250, then I went online & ordered them off RK Bridal - they took about 2 months to arrive, and they're amazing, and they were only $122 each! Got hit with a 70quid customs charge but it still worked out way cheaper so I'm delighted.

The girls have their own shoes, I'm not too bothered about shoes to be honest, as long as they're silver. I will get them earrings as their pressie, and will also be paying for their hair & make up. Not tans, as that's up to them if they want one. I won't be having one myself as I'm extremely pale and tans just don't suit me. When I tell some people this they look at me as if I have 2 heads, and ask why I wouldn't like even a little bit of colour. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T SUIT ME & I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN OOMPA LOOMPA THAT'S WHY! Grrr. Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent there...:D

or a tango-ent? :P
Despite what people say, I looked in every Debenhams and Monsoon for size 20 dresses for 1 of my bridesmaids and couldn't get one that didn't look like a tent so I bought my girls dessy dresses on houseofbrides.com - they are fab and with customs worked out about €350 for 3.
So, in response to what I paid for, their dresses and the alterations. They all wanted different shoes in silver so they paid for them themselves. I paid for their hair and make up but let them choose what style/look they wanted to go with themselves.
For their gift, I got them a necklace and ear-rings and each of them has a Pandora bracelet so I got each of them a charm. I did not pay for their hotel accommodation or handbags for them and they didn't seem to mind.

silly · 24-01-2012 10:35AM

I don't think accommodation needs to be paid for the bridal party. If they weren't in the bridal party they would still be at the wedding, pay for their own accomodation, and outfit etc.
We got 4 rooms from our hotel ( you have to ask!) so parents and chief bm and best man were sorted, as they probably did most of the planning of wedding things (hens/stags etc)

silly · 24-01-2012 10:38AM

Bride101 wrote: »

Hi Silly! I've just had a look at those mirrors, they are lovely. I think I'll order them!
.

I got little ones shaped like handbags. Had their names and the date of the wedding engraved on them. They loved them.

itsallaboutme!! · 24-01-2012 10:59AM

Bride101 wrote: »

After a long search I have decided to buy my bridesmaids dresses online. The dresses in the bridal shops here are so expensive, I really wasn't expecting to have to pay the guts of €300 per dress. I have four bridesmaids and my buget just doesn't stretch that far!

So, am I supposed to buy shoes, a bag and jewellry aswell? Am I supposed to buy them a gift, or do I let them keep the dress? Do I cover the cost of their hair & make up too?

I don't want to come across as mean but money is tight. I'd have been happy with one bridesmaid but I had to even the sides up!

I think if you want all your BM's to look a certain way then it is only fair that you cover all the costs.

I was BM for a friend of mine last summer and she wanted us all in the same dress,same shoes,same bag,jewelery,hair,makeup etc and she covered all the costs.

I would have been happy to pay for my own dress,shoes whatever as long I got to choose them.I also would have happpily done my own hair,makeup nails and tan BUT the bride wanted us all (3) to look the same and so she paid.

As far as paying for BM's accomodation,in my opinion, if the venue is a good bit away from home then I would pay for them BUT that is my opinion so each to their own.

I am getting married next year and I will be paying for everything for my BM. I will only have one and she is my sister!We could have had up to 5 BM's and groomsmen but due to budget we decided to have one instead!

allquestions · 24-01-2012 11:05AM

Always number 1 wrote: »

or a tango-ent? :P
Despite what people say, I looked in every Debenhams and Monsoon for size 20 dresses for 1 of my bridesmaids and couldn't get one that didn't look like a tent so I bought my girls dessy dresses on houseofbrides.com - they are fab and with customs worked out about €350 for 3.
So, in response to what I paid for, their dresses and the alterations. They all wanted different shoes in silver so they paid for them themselves. I paid for their hair and make up but let them choose what style/look they wanted to go with themselves.
For their gift, I got them a necklace and ear-rings and each of them has a Pandora bracelet so I got each of them a charm. I did not pay for their hotel accommodation or handbags for them and they didn't seem to mind.

I know you've said that you've had bother getting larger dresses, but I have definately got ones before in Debenhams, though you might need to try the bigger stores - the one in Dublin usually has plenty; and if you check out their online catalogue you'll see what's available. I think they've started doing a thing where you can order dresses to be sent between stores, so you can get dresses sent to a certain store (in NI & GB only yet as far as I remember) but if you're anywhere near the border, this might be an option too.

ynul31f47k6b59 · 25-01-2012 03:00PM

I'm looking online for my BM dresses. I'm only having two, but I'll be covering their dresses, shoes, hair & make-up, and have seen gorgeous Newbridge necklaces that I'll be giving to them on the morning as a gift. I'll be letting them keep the whole lot & have warned both that we expect no gift from either of them, that agreeing to be my BMs was gift enough.

We won't be paying for accommodation for the bridal party - we just can't afford it, and I feel that it's one way of cutting costs down without being overly miserly. I've been a BM twice and I've never had my room paid for. I'd be paying for my room if I was going as a guest anyway.

I thought all of this was fairly acceptable but now I'm afraid that I'm just going to come across as a right mean b!tch and should I try to save an extra few quid over the next few months just to pay for their rooms?

qwerty13 · 25-01-2012 06:23PM

Ingrid Ashy Quartet wrote: »

... I'll be covering their dresses, shoes, hair & make-up, and have seen gorgeous Newbridge necklaces that I'll be giving to them on the morning as a gift. I'll be letting them keep the whole lot & have warned both that we expect no gift from either of them, that agreeing to be my BMs was gift enough.

I'm shocked that there would ever be the slightest question that they wouldn't keep their dress, shoes and gift - surely this would never be in any doubt?? :eek:

Personally, I think the rooms should be paid for - I mean it isn't as though the BM can sit back and have a nice relaxing day with their partners/friends; I don't think they could relax until after the meal, so (to me) the point about them paying for their own room if they were going as a guest is irrelevant - because their day won't be a fraction as relaxed as a guest, because it will be spent helping you to be relaxed! This is especially true if they have to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding.

lazygal · 25-01-2012 06:30PM

qwerty13 wrote: »

I'm shocked that there would ever be the slightest question that they wouldn't keep their dress, shoes and gift - surely this would never be in any doubt?? :eek:

Personally, I think the rooms should be paid for - I mean it isn't as though the BM can sit back and have a nice relaxing day with their partners/friends; I don't think they could relax until after the meal, so (to me) the point about them paying for their own room if they were going as a guest is irrelevant - because their day won't be a fraction as relaxed as a guest, because it will be spent helping you to be relaxed! This is especially true if they have to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding.

Huge +1. What good would a dress be to the bride after the wedding? I'm amazed some people can think its ok not to pay for this, yet will spend hundreds on flowers, dresses for the BMs and vintage cars. Shows a real warped set of priorities to me, no wonder most people hate being asked to be in a bridal party. Maybe its the people you hang out with but anyone I know who has been in a bridal party hasn't had to pay for their room and would think it really stingy on the part of the couple not to. This kind of thing should be budgeted for from the start.

tinkerbell · 25-01-2012 07:41PM

qwerty13 wrote: »

I'm shocked that there would ever be the slightest question that they wouldn't keep their dress, shoes and gift - surely this would never be in any doubt?? :eek:

Personally, I think the rooms should be paid for - I mean it isn't as though the BM can sit back and have a nice relaxing day with their partners/friends; I don't think they could relax until after the meal, so (to me) the point about them paying for their own room if they were going as a guest is irrelevant - because their day won't be a fraction as relaxed as a guest, because it will be spent helping you to be relaxed! This is especially true if they have to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding.

lazygal wrote: »

Maybe its the people you hang out with but anyone I know who has been in a bridal party hasn't had to pay for their room and would think it really stingy on the part of the couple not to. This kind of thing should be budgeted for from the start.

I completely disagree. If you were going to the wedding away, you'd be most likely staying over so you'd have to pay for your own room anyway.

And I think this whole idea of a bridesmaid not being able to be relaxed on the day is ridiculous. I've done all the organising myself, I wouldn't dream of asking my bridesmaid to help me with stuff like organising invitations, blah blah blah. I think some brides tend to put their bridesmaids through slave labour coming up to the big day. Also, my bridesmaid will be just like any other guest at the reception - there's no need of this "helping me to be relaxed", a bride does not need a babysitter :rolleyes:

ynul31f47k6b59 · 25-01-2012 07:47PM

qwerty13 wrote: »

I'm shocked that there would ever be the slightest question that they wouldn't keep their dress, shoes and gift - surely this would never be in any doubt?? :eek:

Personally, I think the rooms should be paid for - I mean it isn't as though the BM can sit back and have a nice relaxing day with their partners/friends; I don't think they could relax until after the meal, so (to me) the point about them paying for their own room if they were going as a guest is irrelevant - because their day won't be a fraction as relaxed as a guest, because it will be spent helping you to be relaxed! This is especially true if they have to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding.

lazygal wrote: »

Huge +1. What good would a dress be to the bride after the wedding? I'm amazed some people can think its ok not to pay for this, yet will spend hundreds on flowers, dresses for the BMs and vintage cars. Shows a real warped set of priorities to me, no wonder most people hate being asked to be in a bridal party. Maybe its the people you hang out with but anyone I know who has been in a bridal party hasn't had to pay for their room and would think it really stingy on the part of the couple not to. This kind of thing should be budgeted for from the start.

Jesus, I'm not that bad! The comment about letting them keep the stuff was in regard to an earlier comment when someone said they'd suggest asking for the dresses back to sell them after the wedding!! I'd never do that, ever. Probably should have quoted the post!

Lazygal, we certainly won't be spending hundreds on anything unnecessary. We're not getting a professional videographer, a friend is doing the photos as a present, the dresses are coming from an online store, flowers will be bought locally, and we're not having vintage cars/personalised number plates or the like. As I mentioned, I can start putting some extra money away now to cover the cost of their rooms - I've only just started planning the wedding in the last week, as you can appreciate I've never done ANYTHING like this before - I feel you were being a bit harsh there to be honest, it's not as if I expect everything for nothing. I don't. I just haven't a clue what "the done thing" is at weddings, because I've never been in charge of one before! We just want to get married, and I want to make sure that nobody feels used or let down.

lazygal · 25-01-2012 07:50PM

My sister did nothing, apart from help out (her offer) to set up the ceremony space the day before the wedding. No matter what, bridesmaids are expected to turn up earlier for hair, makeup, give of their time for photos, that's the minimum. I didn't expect her to help me plan but equally from the start of wedding planning we budgeted for all the expenses we'd incur, including accomodation. I don't get how a bride doesn't realise having three bridesmaids will mean three dresses, pair of shoes, faces and hair to be done. How can a couple drop money on things like flowers, a DJ, cars and not pay for their wedding party? I seriously don't get it, maybe others don't think they should pay for people they've asked to give of their time in a non-guest capacity on the day but that's not how we saw it.

ynul31f47k6b59 · 25-01-2012 07:51PM

tinkerbell wrote: »

And I think this whole idea of a bridesmaid not being able to be relaxed on the day is ridiculous. I've done all the organising myself, I wouldn't dream of asking my bridesmaid to help me with stuff like organising invitations, blah blah blah. I think some brides tend to put their bridesmaids through slave labour coming up to the big day. Also, my bridesmaid will be just like any other guest at the reception - there's no need of this "helping me to be relaxed", a bride does not need a babysitter :rolleyes:

+1 On this - I'm doing it all myself too and am perfectly happy doing it! I don't see any reason why a Bridesmaid should be fussing on the day - on both occasions I did it (a long, long time ago) - neither Bride wanted or needed me to help "relax" her.

qwerty13 · 25-01-2012 08:10PM

lazygal wrote: »

My sister did nothing, apart from help out (her offer) to set up the ceremony space the day before the wedding. No matter what, bridesmaids are expected to turn up earlier for hair, makeup, give of their time for photos, that's the minimum.

Not to mention GM/BM taking presents and cards, the hotel will tend to check things with GM/BM, speeches, people asking GM/BM to get the bride or groom so that they can have a word, photographers asking them to round people up etc etc etc. My point is that any GM/BM who is decent will spent a fair amount of their day doing nice things for the bride and groom so that they can fully relax and enjoy their day (no need for any sarky rolls-eyes),and so in return, I feel that it is just common courtesy to pay for the room.

ynul31f47k6b59 · 25-01-2012 08:35PM

Best of luck to anyone getting married soon or planning a wedding, and I shall be firmly avoiding this end of Boards until after the big day - my god.

FIN

qwerty13 · 26-01-2012 02:20AM

Ingrid Ashy Quartet wrote: »

Jesus, I'm not that bad! The comment about letting them keep the stuff was in regard to an earlier comment when someone said they'd suggest asking for the dresses back to sell them after the wedding!! I'd never do that, ever. Probably should have quoted the post!

Hi Shanna, I didn't realise that you were responding to an earlier comment, sorry about that.

And I'm also sorry if I made you feel attacked - that wasn't my intention at all. I guess I just feel really strongly that it is a given that anyone you've asked to be a bridesmaid will be there for you before and during the big day; they'll be people that you can rely on to help you out, be a sounding board about ideas, will listen to you about stuff that drives you bonkers (families, numbers, kids going/not, things that you don't really want being strongly 'suggested' by direct family - on both sides!), and will be there to help sort out any little hassles on the day (which do happen!). I'm not talking about roping them into every tiny little detail, or making them do lots of work - but it still isn't like it's a 'no hassle' deal for bridesmaids! Of course it is hassle for them, and time out of their life, however small.

To me, it is an absolute given that anything to do with 'the look' on the big day is paid for (dress, hair, make-up, shoes, bag, accessories). I wouldn't feel comfortable with the jewellery that I'd like them to wear on the day also doubles as their 'thanks'. So I feel that paying for their accommodation is just a nice way of saying thanks, which I simply cannot imagine not doing. If you expect them to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding, or if location means that they must stay the night before, then I believe that both nights should be paid for by you. If there is an 'extra day' of people staying and having a bbq/party, then I don't believe that needs to be paid for - although I think it could be perceived as rude to put that point to people who have put themselves out for you before and during the big day.

Perhaps I could've put that a lot better in earlier posts, so if I've offended you, I am sorry, and I hope you know where I'm coming from now.

Bridesmaids costs!

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