Bridesmaids costs!

Bride101

After a long search I have decided to buy my bridesmaids dresses online. The dresses in the bridal shops here are so expensive, I really wasn't expecting to have to pay the guts of €300 per dress. I have four bridesmaids and my buget just doesn't stretch that far!

So, am I supposed to buy shoes, a bag and jewellry aswell? Am I supposed to buy them a gift, or do I let them keep the dress? Do I cover the cost of their hair & make up too?

I don't want to come across as mean but money is tight. I'd have been happy with one bridesmaid but I had to even the sides up!

Minier81

If you are happy for them to just wear shoes they already own then you won't have to buy new ones. Its not fair to expect bridesmaids to buy new shoes to go with the dresses you choose for your wedding. If the dresses are long their own shoes might do. Bags are harder, as everyone will see them so you'll need to buy some.

As for hair and make-up normally the bride would pay for these too. If they are good at doing their own make-up then let me off, but if not fair to expect the bridesmaids to fork out.

Personally I would make the present a piece of jewellery that they can wear on the day - kill 2 birds here!!

Why not look somewhere like Kildare village for Bridesmaids dresses - my cousin got 3 lovely dresses there for her bridesmaids for around a €100 each.

Cathmandooo

I believe the norm to be that the bride pays for bridesmaid dress, shoes, bouquet, hair, make up and you could buy jewellery as a gift.

If money is tight you could ask them if they'd mind if you tried to sell the dresses on afterwards. But you're buying them for them.

I don't see the need for buying bags

Bride101

I wouldn't expect them to buy new shoes or a bag - a pre existing pair of black peeptoes would be fine, and I know they all have a pair!

I guess I'll pick up some bags / jewellry off eBay so.

It just seems a bit much to pay for absolutely everything, if they were coming as regular guests chances are they'd buy a new frock and get their hair done anyway. If I was a bridesmaid I wouldn't expect to be on a total and utter freebie. Maybe that's just me though!

Dolbert

Try the Debenhams sales for bridesmaids dresses, you could pick them up for a song.

Bride101

The High Street is out unfortunately due to sizing.

Dolbert

Ah fair enough - afaik most of the Debenhams formal wear goes up to a 22.

Rew

My fiancee shopped around a lot got the dresses online for them all for about 300 total. Shoes on sale in Dorothy Perkins at 17 euro a pair. Jewelry off ebay. So it can def be done on a budget.

Cathmandooo

They'd be paying for their own accommodation so they're hardly getting everything as a freebie. Theyd probably give you and your partner a gift too.

Then you add in the time theyve spent helping you, the time going dress shopping, the time organising your hen night, gifts or games on the hen night, helping with the invites and mass booklets. Most bridesmaids do a lot of work, while I'm sure they're delighted to do it its still a lot of work so I wouldn't see it as a case of them having a freebie day and comparing them to what your normal guests fork out for themselves on the day

lazygal

I would think if you've asked people to help you by being part of the bridal party you absorb any and all costs. I only had one BM for this very reason, it was what I could afford. Did you not budget for the cost of several bridesmaids when you started planning the wedding? I'd be quite annoyed if I agreed to be a BM and had to pay for any part of my outfit. I know not everyone thinks that way but I wonder why people have more than one BM if they can't pay for it? We paid for all the outfits, accomodation, hair and makeup/hot shave and gave our GM and BM a nice gift to say thank you. I would have felt really cheeky asking my BM to sort out her own shoes, not everyone has a dressy pair of shoes so you might well be putting people on the spot asking them to sort it out themselves.

Dolbert

I've heard of people getting good results from Lightinthebox.com too for bridesmaids dresses.

Steveo.1985

Bride101 wrote: »

After a long search I have decided to buy my bridesmaids dresses online. The dresses in the bridal shops here are so expensive, I really wasn't expecting to have to pay the guts of €300 per dress. I have four bridesmaids and my buget just doesn't stretch that far!

So, am I supposed to buy shoes, a bag and jewellry aswell? Am I supposed to buy them a gift, or do I let them keep the dress? Do I cover the cost of their hair & make up too?

I don't want to come across as mean but money is tight. I'd have been happy with one bridesmaid but I had to even the sides up!

Hi myself and my girlfriend are getting married in September and my girlfriend has ordered all her bridesmaids dresses (5) from Tidebuy.com and she was really really happy with them and we paid about €400 for the lot. Hope this is of some help

Bride101

Cathmandooo wrote: »

They'd be paying for their own accommodation so they're hardly getting everything as a freebie. Theyd probably give you and your partner a gift too.

Then you add in the time theyve spent helping you, the time going dress shopping, the time organising your hen night, gifts or games on the hen night, helping with the invites and mass booklets. Most bridesmaids do a lot of work, while I'm sure they're delighted to do it its still a lot of work so I wouldn't see it as a case of them having a freebie day and comparing them to what your normal guests fork out for themselves on the day

I guess that depends on what your bridesmaids do. I've done all of the above myself and there's no hen. So essentially they have less to do than a guest, seeing as they don't have to think about what to wear Also, there's nobody forcing them to stay over.

Bride101

Bags, earrings and necklaces bought, courtesy of iOffer. So don't get your knickers in a twist people! Oh hang on... do I have to provide knickers?

Sleepy

Only if you have an objection to them going commando

(well, you did mention selling on the dresses!)

maryk123

If i was asked to be bridesmaid and asked to pay for my own dress because you have 4 and cant afford it I would be disgusted to be honest. Then you are moaning about having to pay for hair and jewellery. that is just mad. you asked them you pay for them. if you can afford it start cutting down on groomsmen and then bridesmaids. if i was asked to pay i would say no thank you.

Bride101

Wow. Bridezillas really do exist. Some of you are scary. I was just making the point that it is costing more to dress the bridesmaids than it is to dress the bride.

maryk123 - Get off your high horse, nowhere did I say I was going to ask the bridesmaids to buy their own dresses. Read the post again. Slowly.

I was merely asking if other brides were paying for everything from make up to shoes, along with gifts etc.

silly

Dolorous wrote: »

I've heard of people getting good results from Lightinthebox.com too for bridesmaids dresses.

I got my 4 bridesmaids dresses here, they were perfect! Only cost about €80 each + customs.
They wore their own shoes.
Dress was one shoulder so no necklace.
Bought bracelets in debenhams sale.
Earrings from Avon
Got them a personalised compact mirror on eBay only €12.50 each.
Paid for their tan (ask for a discount if you are paying for 5-6 tans)
Paid for their hair /makeup.
They keep their dresses.
No bags.

Midnight Sundance

I will be bridesmaid later in the year and the bride will pay for our dress, we'll get our own shoes, I'm glad of this because I do t want very high shoes whereas other bridesmaids do.
I wouldn't expect tan to be paid for but I would expect my hair and make up paid for.
Reasons being... The bride wants our hair a certain way and to look professsional in the photos, also if we all do our own make up then we could all come out different in photos. The professionals use make up designed for cameras and that last. Don't see why we should have to fork out to look a certain way that the bride wants.
She wouldn't allow it's to pay for that anyways.

Bride101

Hi Silly! I've just had a look at those mirrors, they are lovely. I think I'll order them!

Light In The Box is good, I got a dress from there before. My gripe with the €300 dresses here is that they are not worth €300, nowhere near it. The quality isn't any better than the China dresses. The mark up is enormous.

I was in a bridal shop a few months ago and there was a sales assistant in the back room unpacking a big box of dresses, taking them out of the plastic bags, steaming them and putting them out in the show room. I couldn't help but wonder if they were buying them for $40 a pop from Light In The Box or Dino Direct.

lazygal

Bride101 wrote: »

Wow. Bridezillas really do exist. Some of you are scary. I was just making the point that it is costing more to dress the bridesmaids than it is to dress the bride.

How is it being a Bridezilla to suggest that you, the bride, pay for the choices you made for your wedding? I would think its far more bridezilla-ish to ask how you can get away with not paying for the routine expenses incurred in being part of a bridal party. If it's costing more to dress your bridal party, that's your affair, not the fault of the party themselves.

Dolbert

lazygal wrote: »

How is it being a Bridezilla to suggest that you, the bride, pay for the choices you made for your wedding? I would think its far more bridezilla-ish to ask how you can get away with not paying for the routine expenses incurred in being part of a bridal party. If it's costing more to dress your bridal party, that's your affair, not the fault of the party themselves.

Eh, she never said she was trying to get out of it, just looking for suggestions of how to reduce the expense People can get the nose taken off them for simply asking a question in here it seems...

lazygal

Dolorous wrote: »

Eh, she never said she was trying to get out of it, just looking for suggestions of how to reduce the expense People can get the nose taken off them for simply asking a question in here it seems...

I made the point that most brides don't reduce those expenses, they pay for what they chose to have. Its common sense that if you are asking someone to be a part of your day, stand in photos and be part of the ceremony, you pay for them! She should have budgeted for this from the start, like any other wedding cost, not try to get ideas on how to cut back on things she should be paying for. and when people suggested that, the OP said those who suggested that were the bridezillas, which makes no sense.

Clare Bear

Add in accomodation in the hotel to that too if they're staying in the hotel (though I'm hearing of people lately that don't pay for the bridal party?? Thought that was a bit mean) Yep it's expensive having bridesmaids but that's weddings for you. Mine are wearing their own shoes. You don't have to go overboard on expensive jewellery, I don't see the need for a buying them bags provided they have small bouquets in whatever flower deal you're getting. If they're decent at doing their own make up you could save money that way but you'd have to pay for their hair. I mean they're doing you a favour at the end of the day is the way I see it, I don't want them forking out for anything. I've been bridesmaid and everything was paid for, I assumed it was the norm. Bridesmaid dresses are very expensive here so try online, lots of bargains to be had, just do your research.

whatdoicare

Monsoon is having an amazing sale at the moment - managed to get a silk dress (pale grey/lilac with teal floral print that would easily be a bridesmaids dress) for 27 euros down from 150 euros - they had all sizes up to 22. Worth checking out - they have some lovely stuff here in Limerick. Shoes and jewellery were on sale here too but I got the shoes in teal to go with the dress in new look for 12 euros and the bag and jewellery in accessorize for 5 and 3 euros.

Complete outfit for under 50 euro.

Even if you can't get all the same dress in the sizes - why not get different dresses all in the one colour? Or in complimentary shades. I've seen it done in Weddings and it really looks classy.

Hope that helps

amdublin

Bride101 wrote: »

Hi Silly! I've just had a look at those mirrors, they are lovely. I think I'll order them!

Light In The Box is good, I got a dress from there before. My gripe with the €300 dresses here is that they are not worth €300, nowhere near it. The quality isn't any better than the China dresses. The mark up is enormous.

I was in a bridal shop a few months ago and there was a sales assistant in the back room unpacking a big box of dresses, taking them out of the plastic bags, steaming them and putting them out in the show room. I couldn't help but wonder if they were buying them for $40 a pop from Light In The Box or Dino Direct.

Why are you buying those dresses then??

Go to debenhams and get the dresses there, they do plus sizes.

LBD

Clare Bear wrote: »

Add in accomodation in the hotel to that too if they're staying in the hotel (though I'm hearing of people lately that don't pay for the bridal party?? Thought that was a bit mean) Yep it's expensive having bridesmaids but that's weddings for you. Mine are wearing their own shoes. You don't have to go overboard on expensive jewellery, I don't see the need for a buying them bags provided they have small bouquets in whatever flower deal you're getting. If they're decent at doing their own make up you could save money that way but you'd have to pay for their hair. I mean they're doing you a favour at the end of the day is the way I see it, I don't want them forking out for anything. I've been bridesmaid and everything was paid for, I assumed it was the norm. Bridesmaid dresses are very expensive here so try online, lots of bargains to be had, just do your research.

And I would say don't include the cost of accomodation. People seem very split on this one. Boards is the only place I have heard of the bride and groom having to pay for bridal party accom. No one I know has paid for it and at the same time no bridesmaids I know have ever expected it! Just my opinion though no implying anyone is wrong!!!!

Like whatdoicare suggested when I got married I chose a colour but had the girls in different dresses. Worked out really well and looKed great!

We covered the cost of dresses, hair, makeup. One of the bridesmaids is a beautician so did the tan and nails free (I got her a special gift though). And I got them jewellery as a pressie! I bought them the shoes simply as all the dresses were different i wanted their shoes the same and I as chose them I wouldn't expect them to pay for them..

maryk123

I read it again slowly and still think the same thing.
not on a high horse at all. i just think if you ask someone you need to pay.
my opinion.

Monife

I only had one bridesmaid and I got her dress off Dino Direct. Made to her exact measurements and it fit her like a glove. It comes wrapped very small so you have to steam it to get the creases out and it's not the best made but you wouldn't notice it unless you had your eyes right beside the dress. Including shipping it was €65 and you could prob get a discount if you are ordering more than one.

She used her own shoes. Didn't want tan as she is very pale. Paid for her hair and makeup (€50 in total) and I am so glad I did because it really transformed her and she looked gorgeous and totally the part (she is usually quite hippy-ish and I had her in a fuschia floor length dress )

I got her an antique necklace from Newbridge for €40 as a pressie and she wore it on the day.

So total cost for 1 bridesmaid = €155 (Oh and my Dad paid for her room, which wasn't expensive at all)

ElleEm

Bride101 wrote: »

After a long search I have decided to buy my bridesmaids dresses online. The dresses in the bridal shops here are so expensive, I really wasn't expecting to have to pay the guts of €300 per dress. I have four bridesmaids and my buget just doesn't stretch that far!

So, am I supposed to buy shoes, a bag and jewellry aswell? Am I supposed to buy them a gift, or do I let them keep the dress? Do I cover the cost of their hair & make up too?

I don't want to come across as mean but money is tight. I'd have been happy with one bridesmaid but I had to even the sides up!

If you want them to have the same shoes, same hair, same bag and same jewellry as each other, then you should pay for them.

You asked them to do you a favour by being part of your Bridal party, so you should pay for all the bits that YOU require them to have on the day.

I thought that was obvious for weddings.

Toots

Do you mind me asking what sizes you're looking for? A friend of mine had 5 bridesmaids ranging in size from a 4 up to a 26 I think, and she said she got the dresses for a good bargain. I can't remember where she got them but I can find out if you like.

Chocoholic84

Absolutely I agree that €300 is much too expensive to be paying for bridesmaid dresses - my own wedding dress cost that much

I went into a local bridal shop and saw the most gorgeous BM dresses for €250, then I went online & ordered them off RK Bridal - they took about 2 months to arrive, and they're amazing, and they were only $122 each! Got hit with a 70quid customs charge but it still worked out way cheaper so I'm delighted.

The girls have their own shoes, I'm not too bothered about shoes to be honest, as long as they're silver. I will get them earrings as their pressie, and will also be paying for their hair & make up. Not tans, as that's up to them if they want one. I won't be having one myself as I'm extremely pale and tans just don't suit me. When I tell some people this they look at me as if I have 2 heads, and ask why I wouldn't like even a little bit of colour. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T SUIT ME & I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN OOMPA LOOMPA THAT'S WHY! Grrr. Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent there...:D

Shellygoose

I have paid for my 3 BM's dresses, they will wear their own shoes or buy new ones, their choice. I intend to buy them each a necklace as their present. Hair and makeup is being done by friends of mine as their present to us. If they wish to get tan/nails etc they will pay themselves.

I have never heard of paying for your bridal parties accomodation, paying for the parents yes, but not the rest of them. The way I see it is, if you hadnt asked these people to be part of your bridal party, then they would most certainly be asked as a guest, and therefore have to pay for their own clothing/shoes/tan/nails/accomodation etc.

My bridesmaids fully understand the costs involved in a wedding and they dont mind paying for these things, but it was discussed and agreed upon when I asked them to be my BM's....communication is the key i think

toadfly

I haven't discussed it with the girls yet but I will buy dresses & jewellery. Also pay for hair & makeup. Doubt I'll buy shoes as dresses are full length so any shoes will do. Am undecided about paying for tan but think I will if I get get it for around €20. we are getting three rooms free so parents and chief BM will get them. We will probably pay for room for best man too.

what2do

On the shoes... have to say that if they are in short dresses it looks best if they are all in the same or very similiar shoes. If I'd wear them again I'd have no problem paying for them myself but judging by replies there are varying opinions on this.

Have to say I was a bridesmaid to a very upfront bride who said what she was and wasn't paying for and once we knew that worked out perfectly. There was no speculating or gossiping!

saa

Hmm maybe you could get dresses made for 150 each ish?

I just remember that was the figure my friend quoted me when she got a formal dress made,
the bridesmaid dresses don't even have to be typical formal wear

Moonbeam

I have budgeted 100 euro each for my bridesmaids dresses, I really can not see much of a reason to pay much more.
We need to wait and see what the dresses are like before we decide about shoes and I will pay for their hair and make up.
I will also pay their accommodation costs as they will all need to stay.
This is all part of the wedding budget and I would not expect them to have to be at a loss themselves.

qwerty13

Shellygoose wrote: »

I have paid for my 3 BM's dresses, they will wear their own shoes or buy new ones, their choice. I intend to buy them each a necklace as their present. Hair and makeup is being done by friends of mine as their present to us. If they wish to get tan/nails etc they will pay themselves.

I have never heard of paying for your bridal parties accomodation, paying for the parents yes, but not the rest of them. The way I see it is, if you hadnt asked these people to be part of your bridal party, then they would most certainly be asked as a guest, and therefore have to pay for their own clothing/shoes/tan/nails/accomodation etc.

My bridesmaids fully understand the costs involved in a wedding and they dont mind paying for these things, but it was discussed and agreed upon when I asked them to be my BM's....communication is the key i think

In any wedding I've been at, accommodation for the wedding party was paid for - including bridesmaids/groomsmen. I think it is only fair, as they've more than likely had to put themselves out/spend their time on wedding stuff.

I think it is a bit much to say "their choice" about shoes/tan/nails - because they will probably feel that they have to do these things, and it will end up be out of their own pockets. I think these things should be offered - I don't think it is fair to ask anyone to be a bridesmaid/groomsman, and have them out of pocket.

Always number 1

Chocoholic84 wrote: »

Absolutely I agree that €300 is much too expensive to be paying for bridesmaid dresses - my own wedding dress cost that much

I went into a local bridal shop and saw the most gorgeous BM dresses for €250, then I went online & ordered them off RK Bridal - they took about 2 months to arrive, and they're amazing, and they were only $122 each! Got hit with a 70quid customs charge but it still worked out way cheaper so I'm delighted.

The girls have their own shoes, I'm not too bothered about shoes to be honest, as long as they're silver. I will get them earrings as their pressie, and will also be paying for their hair & make up. Not tans, as that's up to them if they want one. I won't be having one myself as I'm extremely pale and tans just don't suit me. When I tell some people this they look at me as if I have 2 heads, and ask why I wouldn't like even a little bit of colour. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T SUIT ME & I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN OOMPA LOOMPA THAT'S WHY! Grrr. Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent there...:D

or a tango-ent? :P
Despite what people say, I looked in every Debenhams and Monsoon for size 20 dresses for 1 of my bridesmaids and couldn't get one that didn't look like a tent so I bought my girls dessy dresses on houseofbrides.com - they are fab and with customs worked out about €350 for 3.
So, in response to what I paid for, their dresses and the alterations. They all wanted different shoes in silver so they paid for them themselves. I paid for their hair and make up but let them choose what style/look they wanted to go with themselves.
For their gift, I got them a necklace and ear-rings and each of them has a Pandora bracelet so I got each of them a charm. I did not pay for their hotel accommodation or handbags for them and they didn't seem to mind.

silly

I don't think accommodation needs to be paid for the bridal party. If they weren't in the bridal party they would still be at the wedding, pay for their own accomodation, and outfit etc.
We got 4 rooms from our hotel ( you have to ask!) so parents and chief bm and best man were sorted, as they probably did most of the planning of wedding things (hens/stags etc)

silly

Bride101 wrote: »

Hi Silly! I've just had a look at those mirrors, they are lovely. I think I'll order them!
.

I got little ones shaped like handbags. Had their names and the date of the wedding engraved on them. They loved them.

itsallaboutme!!

Bride101 wrote: »

After a long search I have decided to buy my bridesmaids dresses online. The dresses in the bridal shops here are so expensive, I really wasn't expecting to have to pay the guts of €300 per dress. I have four bridesmaids and my buget just doesn't stretch that far!

So, am I supposed to buy shoes, a bag and jewellry aswell? Am I supposed to buy them a gift, or do I let them keep the dress? Do I cover the cost of their hair & make up too?

I don't want to come across as mean but money is tight. I'd have been happy with one bridesmaid but I had to even the sides up!

I think if you want all your BM's to look a certain way then it is only fair that you cover all the costs.

I was BM for a friend of mine last summer and she wanted us all in the same dress,same shoes,same bag,jewelery,hair,makeup etc and she covered all the costs.

I would have been happy to pay for my own dress,shoes whatever as long I got to choose them.I also would have happpily done my own hair,makeup nails and tan BUT the bride wanted us all (3) to look the same and so she paid.

As far as paying for BM's accomodation,in my opinion, if the venue is a good bit away from home then I would pay for them BUT that is my opinion so each to their own.

I am getting married next year and I will be paying for everything for my BM. I will only have one and she is my sister!We could have had up to 5 BM's and groomsmen but due to budget we decided to have one instead!

allquestions

Always number 1 wrote: »

or a tango-ent? :P
Despite what people say, I looked in every Debenhams and Monsoon for size 20 dresses for 1 of my bridesmaids and couldn't get one that didn't look like a tent so I bought my girls dessy dresses on houseofbrides.com - they are fab and with customs worked out about €350 for 3.
So, in response to what I paid for, their dresses and the alterations. They all wanted different shoes in silver so they paid for them themselves. I paid for their hair and make up but let them choose what style/look they wanted to go with themselves.
For their gift, I got them a necklace and ear-rings and each of them has a Pandora bracelet so I got each of them a charm. I did not pay for their hotel accommodation or handbags for them and they didn't seem to mind.

I know you've said that you've had bother getting larger dresses, but I have definately got ones before in Debenhams, though you might need to try the bigger stores - the one in Dublin usually has plenty; and if you check out their online catalogue you'll see what's available. I think they've started doing a thing where you can order dresses to be sent between stores, so you can get dresses sent to a certain store (in NI & GB only yet as far as I remember) but if you're anywhere near the border, this might be an option too.

ynul31f47k6b59

I'm looking online for my BM dresses. I'm only having two, but I'll be covering their dresses, shoes, hair & make-up, and have seen gorgeous Newbridge necklaces that I'll be giving to them on the morning as a gift. I'll be letting them keep the whole lot & have warned both that we expect no gift from either of them, that agreeing to be my BMs was gift enough.

We won't be paying for accommodation for the bridal party - we just can't afford it, and I feel that it's one way of cutting costs down without being overly miserly. I've been a BM twice and I've never had my room paid for. I'd be paying for my room if I was going as a guest anyway.

I thought all of this was fairly acceptable but now I'm afraid that I'm just going to come across as a right mean b!tch and should I try to save an extra few quid over the next few months just to pay for their rooms?

qwerty13

Ingrid Ashy Quartet wrote: »

... I'll be covering their dresses, shoes, hair & make-up, and have seen gorgeous Newbridge necklaces that I'll be giving to them on the morning as a gift. I'll be letting them keep the whole lot & have warned both that we expect no gift from either of them, that agreeing to be my BMs was gift enough.

I'm shocked that there would ever be the slightest question that they wouldn't keep their dress, shoes and gift - surely this would never be in any doubt?? :eek:

Personally, I think the rooms should be paid for - I mean it isn't as though the BM can sit back and have a nice relaxing day with their partners/friends; I don't think they could relax until after the meal, so (to me) the point about them paying for their own room if they were going as a guest is irrelevant - because their day won't be a fraction as relaxed as a guest, because it will be spent helping you to be relaxed! This is especially true if they have to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding.

lazygal

qwerty13 wrote: »

I'm shocked that there would ever be the slightest question that they wouldn't keep their dress, shoes and gift - surely this would never be in any doubt?? :eek:

Personally, I think the rooms should be paid for - I mean it isn't as though the BM can sit back and have a nice relaxing day with their partners/friends; I don't think they could relax until after the meal, so (to me) the point about them paying for their own room if they were going as a guest is irrelevant - because their day won't be a fraction as relaxed as a guest, because it will be spent helping you to be relaxed! This is especially true if they have to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding.

Huge +1. What good would a dress be to the bride after the wedding? I'm amazed some people can think its ok not to pay for this, yet will spend hundreds on flowers, dresses for the BMs and vintage cars. Shows a real warped set of priorities to me, no wonder most people hate being asked to be in a bridal party. Maybe its the people you hang out with but anyone I know who has been in a bridal party hasn't had to pay for their room and would think it really stingy on the part of the couple not to. This kind of thing should be budgeted for from the start.

tinkerbell

qwerty13 wrote: »

I'm shocked that there would ever be the slightest question that they wouldn't keep their dress, shoes and gift - surely this would never be in any doubt?? :eek:

Personally, I think the rooms should be paid for - I mean it isn't as though the BM can sit back and have a nice relaxing day with their partners/friends; I don't think they could relax until after the meal, so (to me) the point about them paying for their own room if they were going as a guest is irrelevant - because their day won't be a fraction as relaxed as a guest, because it will be spent helping you to be relaxed! This is especially true if they have to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding.

lazygal wrote: »

Maybe its the people you hang out with but anyone I know who has been in a bridal party hasn't had to pay for their room and would think it really stingy on the part of the couple not to. This kind of thing should be budgeted for from the start.

I completely disagree. If you were going to the wedding away, you'd be most likely staying over so you'd have to pay for your own room anyway.

And I think this whole idea of a bridesmaid not being able to be relaxed on the day is ridiculous. I've done all the organising myself, I wouldn't dream of asking my bridesmaid to help me with stuff like organising invitations, blah blah blah. I think some brides tend to put their bridesmaids through slave labour coming up to the big day. Also, my bridesmaid will be just like any other guest at the reception - there's no need of this "helping me to be relaxed", a bride does not need a babysitter :rolleyes:

ynul31f47k6b59

qwerty13 wrote: »

I'm shocked that there would ever be the slightest question that they wouldn't keep their dress, shoes and gift - surely this would never be in any doubt?? :eek:

Personally, I think the rooms should be paid for - I mean it isn't as though the BM can sit back and have a nice relaxing day with their partners/friends; I don't think they could relax until after the meal, so (to me) the point about them paying for their own room if they were going as a guest is irrelevant - because their day won't be a fraction as relaxed as a guest, because it will be spent helping you to be relaxed! This is especially true if they have to stay in the hotel the night before the wedding.

lazygal wrote: »

Huge +1. What good would a dress be to the bride after the wedding? I'm amazed some people can think its ok not to pay for this, yet will spend hundreds on flowers, dresses for the BMs and vintage cars. Shows a real warped set of priorities to me, no wonder most people hate being asked to be in a bridal party. Maybe its the people you hang out with but anyone I know who has been in a bridal party hasn't had to pay for their room and would think it really stingy on the part of the couple not to. This kind of thing should be budgeted for from the start.

Jesus, I'm not that bad! The comment about letting them keep the stuff was in regard to an earlier comment when someone said they'd suggest asking for the dresses back to sell them after the wedding!! I'd never do that, ever. Probably should have quoted the post!

Lazygal, we certainly won't be spending hundreds on anything unnecessary. We're not getting a professional videographer, a friend is doing the photos as a present, the dresses are coming from an online store, flowers will be bought locally, and we're not having vintage cars/personalised number plates or the like. As I mentioned, I can start putting some extra money away now to cover the cost of their rooms - I've only just started planning the wedding in the last week, as you can appreciate I've never done ANYTHING like this before - I feel you were being a bit harsh there to be honest, it's not as if I expect everything for nothing. I don't. I just haven't a clue what "the done thing" is at weddings, because I've never been in charge of one before! We just want to get married, and I want to make sure that nobody feels used or let down.

lazygal

My sister did nothing, apart from help out (her offer) to set up the ceremony space the day before the wedding. No matter what, bridesmaids are expected to turn up earlier for hair, makeup, give of their time for photos, that's the minimum. I didn't expect her to help me plan but equally from the start of wedding planning we budgeted for all the expenses we'd incur, including accomodation. I don't get how a bride doesn't realise having three bridesmaids will mean three dresses, pair of shoes, faces and hair to be done. How can a couple drop money on things like flowers, a DJ, cars and not pay for their wedding party? I seriously don't get it, maybe others don't think they should pay for people they've asked to give of their time in a non-guest capacity on the day but that's not how we saw it.

ynul31f47k6b59

tinkerbell wrote: »

And I think this whole idea of a bridesmaid not being able to be relaxed on the day is ridiculous. I've done all the organising myself, I wouldn't dream of asking my bridesmaid to help me with stuff like organising invitations, blah blah blah. I think some brides tend to put their bridesmaids through slave labour coming up to the big day. Also, my bridesmaid will be just like any other guest at the reception - there's no need of this "helping me to be relaxed", a bride does not need a babysitter :rolleyes:

+1 On this - I'm doing it all myself too and am perfectly happy doing it! I don't see any reason why a Bridesmaid should be fussing on the day - on both occasions I did it (a long, long time ago) - neither Bride wanted or needed me to help "relax" her.

qwerty13

lazygal wrote: »

My sister did nothing, apart from help out (her offer) to set up the ceremony space the day before the wedding. No matter what, bridesmaids are expected to turn up earlier for hair, makeup, give of their time for photos, that's the minimum.

Not to mention GM/BM taking presents and cards, the hotel will tend to check things with GM/BM, speeches, people asking GM/BM to get the bride or groom so that they can have a word, photographers asking them to round people up etc etc etc. My point is that any GM/BM who is decent will spent a fair amount of their day doing nice things for the bride and groom so that they can fully relax and enjoy their day (no need for any sarky rolls-eyes),and so in return, I feel that it is just common courtesy to pay for the room.