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Weird work colleagues

2

Comments

  • #32
    ILikeBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 784 ✭✭✭ILikeBananas


    and op made me think of this (Aladdin's cave of annoying workmate stories)


  • #33
    Captain Darling
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,542 ✭✭✭Captain Darling


    Does this man also go by the online handle of Flutterinbantam?


  • #34
    kfallon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    InkSlinger67 wrote: »
    Aggressive Sh1tting....if ever there was an undiscovered Olympic sport!

    Guaranteed Gold for Ireland btw

    Been in training for years for this.....move over Ronnie Delaney, your time is up :P


  • #35
    COYW
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,927 ✭✭✭COYW


    1966 wrote: »
    to the ones who talk constantly about their lives/children/house incessantly as if anyone cares, to the office geek............fraid we just have to put up with them

    Drives me mad! I am a relative newbie in my place of work. I like to keep clear separation between my personal and professional life. I go in, do my job and then like to detach myself from work when I go home. The people I work with like to discuss every single aspect of their personal lives in detail but I prefer not too. On a daily basis, I get questioned on anything from family life, to religion, to god knows what and it really gets up my nose.


  • #36
    OldGoat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,647 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    Hang on. Your boss doesn't supply pens for staff? What kind of a ****e job is that to work in?
    I applaud the new bloke for pointing that out in such a whimsical way. As for his retort to the "Has Adam given you a breakdown?" Comic genius.
    You should be thankful.

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



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  • #37
    oldyouth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,754 ✭✭✭oldyouth


    I really want to be like that new bloke. I'm sick of going through life being polite. Fart at will, scratch me billocks when it's itchy, abuse my colleagues and generally just act strange to see the reaction

    Rock on new guy :p


  • #38
    danniemcq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    Be nice to those in IT

    we see what you browse on the internet when you are meant to be working.

    oh yes you dirty dirty minions


  • #39
    FloatingVoter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,133 ✭✭✭FloatingVoter


    OP, your new colleague may well be Dave McSavage in another cunning disguise. The trick now is to find the cameras.


  • #40
    Captain Darling
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,542 ✭✭✭Captain Darling


    FloatingVoter wrote: »
    OP, your new colleague may well be Dave McSavage in another cunning disguise. The trick now is to find the cameras.

    Perhaps so. He has described him as being a total cunt after all.


  • #41
    OldGoat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,647 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    I hope that no one thinks that there is any connection between my use of the phrase "Comic Genius" and FloatingVoters use of the name "Dave McSavage". That would make me sad.

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



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  • #42
    curlzy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,708 ✭✭✭curlzy


    I have to win for the weirdest work colleague. He's a man I called "Mr Picky". He was about 5 foot, painfully thin and looked mild mannered, he wasn't, he sat directly opposite me (for the duration of his 6 month contract). He started every morning by holding a blank A4 page up in front of his face and began a half hour excavation of his nostrils, and eat the findings. Did he honestly think I couldn't see what he was doing, did he honestly think I thought he was reading a blank A4 page for half an hour, did he really think I couldn't figure out where his hand was in relation to his highly visible arms? Then after he'd finished his breakfast he'd start on his lunch, his fingernails, now don't get me wrong nail-biting doesn't really bother me too much but his man's nails were pretty much non-existent and he'd chew and chew and chew, it was quite painful to see. As a side dish he had ear wax, now I sh*t you not, he would have a good root around his ears and then suck his finger, the only person I've ever seen eating their earwax. Then of course there was his wonderful dandruff, coated anything he stood over for more than 2 minutes, it was on the photocopier, the printer, everything really. So yeah Mr Picky, defo my least favourite colleague, although it was nice that a side effect of working with him was I lost a few pounds from having my stomach turned a few times a day, it's just a pity I wasn't fat to begin with. It was almost worth working with him though, he really made you appreciate your normal colleagues. In fairness though I think it must by some kind of condition, self-cannibalism maybe? Anyways, hope he got help.


  • #43
    Captain Darling
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,542 ✭✭✭Captain Darling


    curlzy wrote: »
    I have to win for the weirdest work colleague. He's a man I called "Mr Picky". He was about 5 foot, painfully thin and looked mild mannered, he wasn't, he sat directly opposite me (for the duration of his 6 month contract). He started every morning by holding a blank A4 page up in front of his face and began a half hour excavation of his nostrils, and eat the findings. Did he honestly think I couldn't see what he was doing, did he honestly think I thought he was reading a blank A4 page for half an hour, did he really think I couldn't figure out where his hand was in relation to his highly visible arms? Then after he'd finished his breakfast he'd start on his lunch, his fingernails, now don't get me wrong nail-biting doesn't really bother me too much but his man's nails were pretty much non-existent and he'd chew and chew and chew, it was quite painful to see. As a side dish he had ear wax, now I sh*t you not, he would have a good root around his ears and then suck his finger, the only person I've ever seen eating their earwax. Then of course there was his wonderful dandruff, coated anything he stood over for more than 2 minutes, it was on the photocopier, the printer, everything really. So yeah Mr Picky, defo my least favourite colleague, although it was nice that a side effect of working with him was I lost a few pounds from having my stomach turned a few times a day, it's just a pity I wasn't fat to begin with. It was almost worth working with him though, he really made you appreciate your normal colleagues. In fairness though I think it must by some kind of condition, self-cannibalism maybe? Anyways, hope he got help.

    Ah for fcuks sakes.

    *pushes scone away*


  • #44
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 511 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I spat my coffee all over my keyboard when I read your story OP.

    I'm going to have to follow this up by farting in every nook and cranny in our office today to become like that legend of a man.

    I had a feed of pints, pizza and kebabs last night so my emissions are going to be vile.


  • #45
    working fool
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 813 ✭✭✭working fool


    I'm working with 2 brothers this week
    40 & 50 years olds
    Ones a racist and the other is a homophobe and they hate eachother !
    It's great craic all together


  • #46
    Honey-ec
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    curlzy wrote: »
    I have to win for the weirdest work colleague. He's a man I called "Mr Picky". He was about 5 foot, painfully thin and looked mild mannered, he wasn't, he sat directly opposite me (for the duration of his 6 month contract). He started every morning by holding a blank A4 page up in front of his face and began a half hour excavation of his nostrils, and eat the findings. Did he honestly think I couldn't see what he was doing, did he honestly think I thought he was reading a blank A4 page for half an hour, did he really think I couldn't figure out where his hand was in relation to his highly visible arms? Then after he'd finished his breakfast he'd start on his lunch, his fingernails, now don't get me wrong nail-biting doesn't really bother me too much but his man's nails were pretty much non-existent and he'd chew and chew and chew, it was quite painful to see. As a side dish he had ear wax, now I sh*t you not, he would have a good root around his ears and then suck his finger, the only person I've ever seen eating their earwax. Then of course there was his wonderful dandruff, coated anything he stood over for more than 2 minutes, it was on the photocopier, the printer, everything really. So yeah Mr Picky, defo my least favourite colleague, although it was nice that a side effect of working with him was I lost a few pounds from having my stomach turned a few times a day, it's just a pity I wasn't fat to begin with. It was almost worth working with him though, he really made you appreciate your normal colleagues. In fairness though I think it must by some kind of condition, self-cannibalism maybe? Anyways, hope he got help.

    I have a feeling I'll be seeing my croissant again fairly soon thanks to that charming little anecdote...

    Where's the puking smiley???


  • #47
    pow wow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,288 ✭✭✭pow wow


    I worked with a woman years ago who had an imaginary boyfriend. The guy was real (a lounge singer from Butlins who was 'famous' on the circuit) he just wasn't her boyfriend or anything to do with her. She'd have elaborate arguments with him on the phone (as in screeching down a phone with no-one on the other end) and once a day my boss used to put an empty call through to her saying, so all the office could hear, that it was this guy on the line. She'd fabricated an entire life that this guy was part of yet he had no idea who she was. We were never sure if playing into the fantasy was a hindrance or a help but we did most of the time because no-one wanted to be the one who pushed her over the edge.

    And one time I worked with someone who used to poop on the floor instead of in the toilet bowl :D Not the same person. Ahem.


  • #48
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 511 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I worked in a place before and honest to god, the jacks were something out a horror film.

    Every couple of weeks the jacks would be destroyed in sh1te. It always puzzled me how the unknown assaliant would get the to such a state. The only possible way that someone could cause the devestation I saw was if they stood 3 foot infront of the jacks, bent over and blunderbussed all over the wall, sistern, toilet, floor and event the paper dispenser.


  • #49
    pow wow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,288 ✭✭✭pow wow


    Reminds me of a friend's workplace...it was an office with no public admission and no creche yet one week every single sanitary disposal bin in the ladies room was stuffed full of dirty nappies. How anyone would stockpile enough smelly nappies to fill 6 of those grey bins isn't worth thinking about (let alone how they'd transport them) but the email that was sent from the top about it made it almost worth the smell, so I'm told ;)


  • #50
    Honey-ec
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I worked in a place before and honest to god, the jacks were something out a horror film.

    Every couple of weeks the jacks would be destroyed in sh1te. It always puzzled me how the unknown assaliant would get the to such a state. The only possible way that someone could cause the devestation I saw was if they stood 3 foot infront of the jacks, bent over and blunderbussed all over the wall, sistern, toilet, floor and event the paper dispenser.

    We also had a phantom sh*tter in one of my previous jobs. HR (who were based in the UK) had to be called in over it and everything. I would dearly, dearly love to know what the fcuk is going on in someone's head that they behave like that.


  • #51
    endacl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,443 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Everybody is perfectly normal and pleasant everywhere I work. Unless.... feck...... maybe I'm the weirdo....


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  • #52
    William_Hicley
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 153 ✭✭William_Hicley


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I worked in a place before and honest to god, the jacks were something out a horror film.

    Every couple of weeks the jacks would be destroyed in sh1te. It always puzzled me how the unknown assaliant would get the to such a state. The only possible way that someone could cause the devestation I saw was if they stood 3 foot infront of the jacks, bent over and blunderbussed all over the wall, sistern, toilet, floor and event the paper dispenser.

    The Phantom ****ter strikes again! Every work place seems to have one :D


  • #53
    k.p.h
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,645 ✭✭✭k.p.h


    Aggressive sh|ts are better than passive sh|ts any day ...

    Great thread ...


  • #54
    Teyla Emmagan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,638 ✭✭✭Teyla Emmagan


    pow wow wrote: »
    I worked with a woman years ago who had an imaginary boyfriend. The guy was real (a lounge singer from Butlins who was 'famous' on the circuit) he just wasn't her boyfriend or anything to do with her. She'd have elaborate arguments with him on the phone (as in screeching down a phone with no-one on the other end) and once a day my boss used to put an empty call through to her saying, so all the office could hear, that it was this guy on the line. She'd fabricated an entire life that this guy was part of yet he had no idea who she was. We were never sure if playing into the fantasy was a hindrance or a help but we did most of the time because no-one wanted to be the one who pushed her over the edge.

    That is fantastic. Poor woman!


  • #55
    Cork24
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,663 ✭✭✭Cork24


    Whats a job without some weird cu*t who smells acts funny.. i have about 6 people who are weird.. one of them was learning to drive, and hes car stopped dead at the Roundabout, couldnt get it working again so he gets out and starts kicking the F**k out of his own car in the Middle of the round about.. and left the car and started to work back to work..

    one of the Van Drivers were telling us that he saw him at the Magic round about doing it.


  • #56
    Mike 1972
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,017 ✭✭✭Mike 1972


    Posted this in R&R a while back. However the guy in question is no longer with us owing to some ill advised comments regarding migrant workers.
    working fool wrote: »
    Ones a racist and the other is a homophobe and they hate eachother !

    Let me guess.......

    Theyre actually half brothers and one is gay while the other is mixed race ?
    Cork24 wrote: »
    hes car stopped dead at the Roundabout, couldnt get it working again so he gets out and starts kicking the F**k out of his own car in the Middle of the round about.. and left the car and started to work back to work...

    You work with Basil Fawlty ?


  • #57
    COYW
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,927 ✭✭✭COYW


    William_Hicley wrote: »
    The Phantom ****ter strikes again! Every work place seems to have one :D

    We don't have one but we do have a phantom who stuffs toilet paper down the sinks and leaves the water running. One other lad, carries a box of corn flakes around with him all morning in a tesco bag, everywhere he goes, including the toilet.


  • #58
    working fool
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 813 ✭✭✭working fool


    Mike 1972 wrote: »
    Posted this in R&R a while back. However the guy in question is no longer with us owing to some ill advised comments regarding migrant workers.
    working fool wrote: »
    Ones a racist and the other is a homophobe and they hate eachother !

    Let me guess.......

    Theyre actually half brothers and one is gay while the other is mixed race ?
    Cork24 wrote: »
    hes car stopped dead at the Roundabout, couldnt get it working again so he gets out and starts kicking the F**k out of his own car in the Middle of the round about.. and left the car and started to work back to work...

    You work with Basil Fawlty ?

    Nope !
    There from Navan , if that helps ?


  • #59
    ringadingding
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,010 ✭✭✭ringadingding


    It never fails to amaze me the amount of people who have actually managed to get jobs, and then have no idea to behave in a work environment.

    The lack of toilet training, especially amongst males is a sham. Not flushing is rife as is leaving **** stains everywhere, I don't understand how these people cant see that one of their colleagues has to clean up after them.

    I once worked with a crazy German chef, the waiter done something to offend him, the chef put a silver platter into the pizza oven for half an hour, took it out, put a cold sandwhich on it and handed it to the waiter as if it was a cold plate, the waiters screams echoed through the restaurant, the red hot platter had melted his skin, the chef went for a fag, and walked back in 5 mins later as though nothing had happened, and never mentioned it again.


  • #60
    silvervixen84
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 6,485 Mod ✭✭✭✭silvervixen84


    I'm the weird one at my office, and I'm not in IT :P


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  • #61
    DEFTLEFTHAND
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,499 ✭✭✭✭DEFTLEFTHAND


    Whats with people desecrating public/work toilet bowels in such a foul manner. Do they do the same when they're at home.


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