Weird work colleagues

wilkie2006

About a fortnight ago a new guy started at my office. He's about 40 years old, really posh-sounding and wears a suit that used to be smart in the early 80s but is now really shabby and stained (no one else dressing formally though). Anyway, it took everyone about a day to realise what an oddball he is. For example:

- He farts constantly and without any discretion. The worst instance was a few days ago when I was in a small room, on a phone call that was to last about an hour. He comes into the room, sticks a post-it note with a message for me on the computer screen I'm looking at (which was f@cking annoying in and of itself), farts silently and leaves. It took about 30 seconds to hit me and, honest to God, it was so potent it was like being punched in the face. I had to sit through it for another 50 minutes.

- On his first day we had a lunch to welcome him to the company. We got loads of Thai dishes and were sharing it around. While the rest of us used plates and cutlery, he picked at everything with his hands, including sticking his fingers into the different sauces and licking them (in between dips).

- He started bitching about my other colleagues after only 3-4 days. In front of about 5 of us he had this exchange with my boss:
Boss: Has Adam given you a breakdown...
Oddball: Oh God, yes he has!! Isn't he awful??! I don't know how you all put up with him.
Boss: Eh... I meant a breakdown of those costs...?

- He won't ask you a question from a distance. He'll always come over to your desk (silently), stand right behind you and wait until you kind sense his presence and turn around (the worst times are when you don't realise he's there, turn around for something else and find that your nose is about half a foot away from his balls).

- He bought a pack of 5 pens (which is another strange bit of behaviour) for - let's say - a fiver, took one out of the pack and asked my boss if he'd like to buy the rest off him for 4 quid.

- He is what can only be described as an aggressive sh@tter. We have a small office with only 2 toilets (like the ones in your house). At least every 3 days there's an incident in the gents where the bowl is, well, covered in matter. It's f@cking gross. My boss went nuts when he saw the state of it the first time and the new guy tried to blame my colleague (this never happened before he joined and everyone knows it's him)!

Please tell me that this isn't just my burden to shoulder!!!

pokertalk

since i have loads of ocd's i think i was always the weird guy in every job

cocoshovel

Dear god that a strange man. He would irritate the ****e out of me, and to be honest I think id have to tell him not to ever come near me again.

Eathrin

When there are SO many people looking for work these days, how do you end up with the likes of him?

stupidusername

Domo230 wrote: »

Does he work in IT by any chance?

You get a lot of oddballs there. It used to make me feel decidedly normal.

Offence officially taken. :mad:

wilkie2006

pokertalk wrote: »

since i have loads of ocd's i think i was always the weird guy in every job

Oh, I think that OCD is very different to what this new guy has. I think he's just strange full stop. A bit of OCD is harmless to other people...

wilkie2006

Cian A wrote: »

When there are SO many people looking for work these days, how do end up with the likes of him?

He's bloody unpleasant but I have to give him credit where it's due; he's actually very good at his job... so he'll be sticking around for a while, I'm sure.

wilkie2006

Domo230 wrote: »

Does he work in IT by any chance?

You get a lot of oddballs there. It used to make me feel decidedly normal.

No, but he works with maths and statistics.

Hande hoche!

sleep with him...

Jesus Wept

wilkie2006 wrote: »

- He bought a pack of 5 pens (which is another strange bit of behaviour) for - let's say - a fiver, took one out of the pack and asked my boss if he'd like to buy the rest off him for 4 quid.

I admire his entrepreneurial spirit.

Eathrin

wilkie2006 wrote: »

He's bloody unpleasant but I have to give him credit where it's due; he's actually very good at his job... so he'll be sticking around for a while, I'm sure.

But these socially awkward people are just the worst, not worth it IMO.
No let me rephrase that, not socially awkward, just plain weird.

danniemcq

girl here at work bit one of her "team" (hate that expression) on their work night out

groovie

Domo230 wrote: »

Does he work in IT by any chance?
You get a lot of oddballs there.

Reported.

1966

yeah sounds a right nut-job alright but every workplace has them..........from the David Brent type, to the ones who talk constantly about their lives/children/house incessantly as if anyone cares, to the office geek............fraid we just have to put up with them.

At least he's good at what he does, always a killer having to put up with oddness and laziness

I was going to ask the same question as Domo as I feel the same way but I think I wont...

Mr.Crinklewood

Is he called Eric?

Eroticfishcake

groovie wrote: »

Reported.

I assume you are taking the p1ss saying you reported that. Try working in the Public sector or being a banker and see what abuse you will have to put up with. Loads of oddballs are working in IT, I think it's a fair enough comment.

bebostunnah

Eroticfishcake wrote: »

I assume you are taking the p1ss saying you reported that. Try working in the Public sector or being a banker and see what abuse you will have to put up with. Loads of oddballs are working in IT, I think it's a fair enough comment.

Reported

ringadingding

bebostunnah wrote: »

Reported

Reported

yeppydeppy

Come on IT oddballs! Let's untie!

Stiffler2

I.T. only put on the fasade of being oddballs so you stupid end users don't bother us so we can read boards all day while at the same time blocking internet access for everyone else



muuhhhhahaahahhahaha




Also - Reported :rolleyes:

SisterAnn

It's true about IT. I also work in the industry (peripherally) and I'll tell you what - Office Space made sense. How else would that Milton character work in the story? That is why he is funny - satire of something real and painfully familiar. Offices are where wierdos live.

but ah - reported anyway.

Patatronic

OP: Is he on a 6-month probation, by any chance? Any way to give him the boot? Sounds like he is just not suited to working with human beings. *Ugh*

CardBordWindow

I work with a guy, who's also very odd.

He's in an open plan office with a good few people, but he will often use speakerphone when he's on a call. Not just business calls! He was onto his doctor before, which was kinda awkward.
He makes some personal calls and speaks in Afrikaans, and speaks it very loudly. It can be annoying when you're talking to a customer.

He often just asks a question. Refers to nobody, just out with a question! Often I could be working away, minding my own business, and he's looking at me, waiting on a answer.

He also does the silent wait approach at times, kinda like the guy in the OP, only he just stares towards you until you make eye contact, and then he'll talk to you.

Ray Palmer

Worked with a guy who used to suddenly statrt talking about subjects other than we were talking about randomly. Talking about a software issue then he would suddenly start talking about really random things. I mean really random like the size of an ant's brain or toy he had as a kid. Then back on topic and off again.
One day he just disappeared from work. Left his coat,wallet,keys etc... never came back! A year later a guy rang up saying his name was Jean Picard want to talk to the boss. It was him looking for a reference! He changed his name to the captian of the Enterprise! A while later I was working in another company and it turns out the same guy worked there and did something similar and had changed his name between then and when he worked with me. Met him again in another company a year or two later and again a different name. All his names were sci-fi or comic book names.

If he was on the run he did a terrible job as he stayed in the same address! Truely odd

Auvers

Ray Palmer wrote: »

Left his coat,wallet,keys etc... never came back! A year later a guy rang up saying his name was Jean Picard want to talk to the boss. It was him looking for a reference! He changed his name to the captian of the Enterprise!

love it

Tomk1

wilkie2006 wrote: »

- He started bitching about my other colleagues after only 3-4 days. In front of about 5 of us he had this exchange with my boss:
Boss: Has Adam given you a breakdown...
Oddball: Oh God, yes he has!! Isn't he awful??! I don't know how you all put up with him.
Boss: Eh... I meant a breakdown of those costs...?

now thats funny I've an idea bitch about him to a bunch of interweb strangers normalers.

wilkie2006 wrote: »

- He won't ask you a question from a distance. He'll always come over to your desk (silently), stand right behind you and wait until you kind sense his presence and turn around.

Terrible he won't shout 'Hey you' across the room, it sounds more like respect, waiting untill your not busy, like interrupting you in the middle of a phone call or an important strain of thought (not to be confused with starring blankly at the ceiling)

wilkie2006 wrote: »

- He is what can only be described as an aggressive sh@tter. We have a small office with only 2 toilets (like the ones in your house). At least every 3 days there's an incident in the gents where the bowl is, well, covered in matter. It's f@cking gross. My boss went nuts when he saw the state of it the first time and the new guy tried to blame my colleague (this never happened before he joined and everyone knows it's him)!

Maybe he suffers from IBS or Crohn's disease, real embarrassing for someone new to have, stress can be a trigger also Thai & indian food big no-no but suprisingly chinese curry actually calms IBS (Indian curry the opposite)

Will there be afterwork Xmass-drinkys? Time to break some...win...err ice.

blatantrereg

op made me think of this

InkSlinger67

Aggressive Sh1tting....if ever there was an undiscovered Olympic sport!

Guaranteed Gold for Ireland btw

Teyla Emmagan

Tomk1 wrote: »

Maybe he suffers from IBS or Crohn's disease, real embarrassing for someone new to have, stress can be a trigger also Thai & indian food big no-no but suprisingly chinese curry actually calms IBS (Indian curry the opposite)

Will there be afterwork Xmass-drinkys? Time to break some...win...err ice.

Maybe he does, but surely he can still use a toilet brush?

Nothingbetter2d

Domo230 wrote: »

Does he work in IT by any chance?

You get a lot of oddballs there. It used to make me feel decidedly normal.

to be fair not all us IT are oddballs.... i found most of the oddballs ive worked with are in admin/clerical positions.

ILikeBananas

and op made me think of this (Aladdin's cave of annoying workmate stories)

Captain Darling

Does this man also go by the online handle of Flutterinbantam?

kfallon

InkSlinger67 wrote: »

Aggressive Sh1tting....if ever there was an undiscovered Olympic sport!

Guaranteed Gold for Ireland btw

Been in training for years for this.....move over Ronnie Delaney, your time is up :P

COYW

1966 wrote: »

to the ones who talk constantly about their lives/children/house incessantly as if anyone cares, to the office geek............fraid we just have to put up with them

Drives me mad! I am a relative newbie in my place of work. I like to keep clear separation between my personal and professional life. I go in, do my job and then like to detach myself from work when I go home. The people I work with like to discuss every single aspect of their personal lives in detail but I prefer not too. On a daily basis, I get questioned on anything from family life, to religion, to god knows what and it really gets up my nose.

OldGoat

Hang on. Your boss doesn't supply pens for staff? What kind of a ****e job is that to work in?
I applaud the new bloke for pointing that out in such a whimsical way. As for his retort to the "Has Adam given you a breakdown?" Comic genius.
You should be thankful.

oldyouth

I really want to be like that new bloke. I'm sick of going through life being polite. Fart at will, scratch me billocks when it's itchy, abuse my colleagues and generally just act strange to see the reaction

Rock on new guy

danniemcq

Be nice to those in IT

we see what you browse on the internet when you are meant to be working.

oh yes you dirty dirty minions

FloatingVoter

OP, your new colleague may well be Dave McSavage in another cunning disguise. The trick now is to find the cameras.

Captain Darling

FloatingVoter wrote: »

OP, your new colleague may well be Dave McSavage in another cunning disguise. The trick now is to find the cameras.

Perhaps so. He has described him as being a total cunt after all.

OldGoat

I hope that no one thinks that there is any connection between my use of the phrase "Comic Genius" and FloatingVoters use of the name "Dave McSavage". That would make me sad.

curlzy

I have to win for the weirdest work colleague. He's a man I called "Mr Picky". He was about 5 foot, painfully thin and looked mild mannered, he wasn't, he sat directly opposite me (for the duration of his 6 month contract). He started every morning by holding a blank A4 page up in front of his face and began a half hour excavation of his nostrils, and eat the findings. Did he honestly think I couldn't see what he was doing, did he honestly think I thought he was reading a blank A4 page for half an hour, did he really think I couldn't figure out where his hand was in relation to his highly visible arms? Then after he'd finished his breakfast he'd start on his lunch, his fingernails, now don't get me wrong nail-biting doesn't really bother me too much but his man's nails were pretty much non-existent and he'd chew and chew and chew, it was quite painful to see. As a side dish he had ear wax, now I sh*t you not, he would have a good root around his ears and then suck his finger, the only person I've ever seen eating their earwax. Then of course there was his wonderful dandruff, coated anything he stood over for more than 2 minutes, it was on the photocopier, the printer, everything really. So yeah Mr Picky, defo my least favourite colleague, although it was nice that a side effect of working with him was I lost a few pounds from having my stomach turned a few times a day, it's just a pity I wasn't fat to begin with. It was almost worth working with him though, he really made you appreciate your normal colleagues. In fairness though I think it must by some kind of condition, self-cannibalism maybe? Anyways, hope he got help.

Captain Darling

curlzy wrote: »

I have to win for the weirdest work colleague. He's a man I called "Mr Picky". He was about 5 foot, painfully thin and looked mild mannered, he wasn't, he sat directly opposite me (for the duration of his 6 month contract). He started every morning by holding a blank A4 page up in front of his face and began a half hour excavation of his nostrils, and eat the findings. Did he honestly think I couldn't see what he was doing, did he honestly think I thought he was reading a blank A4 page for half an hour, did he really think I couldn't figure out where his hand was in relation to his highly visible arms? Then after he'd finished his breakfast he'd start on his lunch, his fingernails, now don't get me wrong nail-biting doesn't really bother me too much but his man's nails were pretty much non-existent and he'd chew and chew and chew, it was quite painful to see. As a side dish he had ear wax, now I sh*t you not, he would have a good root around his ears and then suck his finger, the only person I've ever seen eating their earwax. Then of course there was his wonderful dandruff, coated anything he stood over for more than 2 minutes, it was on the photocopier, the printer, everything really. So yeah Mr Picky, defo my least favourite colleague, although it was nice that a side effect of working with him was I lost a few pounds from having my stomach turned a few times a day, it's just a pity I wasn't fat to begin with. It was almost worth working with him though, he really made you appreciate your normal colleagues. In fairness though I think it must by some kind of condition, self-cannibalism maybe? Anyways, hope he got help.

Ah for fcuks sakes.

*pushes scone away*

I spat my coffee all over my keyboard when I read your story OP.

I'm going to have to follow this up by farting in every nook and cranny in our office today to become like that legend of a man.

I had a feed of pints, pizza and kebabs last night so my emissions are going to be vile.

working fool

I'm working with 2 brothers this week
40 & 50 years olds
Ones a racist and the other is a homophobe and they hate eachother !
It's great craic all together

Honey-ec

curlzy wrote: »

I have to win for the weirdest work colleague. He's a man I called "Mr Picky". He was about 5 foot, painfully thin and looked mild mannered, he wasn't, he sat directly opposite me (for the duration of his 6 month contract). He started every morning by holding a blank A4 page up in front of his face and began a half hour excavation of his nostrils, and eat the findings. Did he honestly think I couldn't see what he was doing, did he honestly think I thought he was reading a blank A4 page for half an hour, did he really think I couldn't figure out where his hand was in relation to his highly visible arms? Then after he'd finished his breakfast he'd start on his lunch, his fingernails, now don't get me wrong nail-biting doesn't really bother me too much but his man's nails were pretty much non-existent and he'd chew and chew and chew, it was quite painful to see. As a side dish he had ear wax, now I sh*t you not, he would have a good root around his ears and then suck his finger, the only person I've ever seen eating their earwax. Then of course there was his wonderful dandruff, coated anything he stood over for more than 2 minutes, it was on the photocopier, the printer, everything really. So yeah Mr Picky, defo my least favourite colleague, although it was nice that a side effect of working with him was I lost a few pounds from having my stomach turned a few times a day, it's just a pity I wasn't fat to begin with. It was almost worth working with him though, he really made you appreciate your normal colleagues. In fairness though I think it must by some kind of condition, self-cannibalism maybe? Anyways, hope he got help.

I have a feeling I'll be seeing my croissant again fairly soon thanks to that charming little anecdote...

Where's the puking smiley???

pow wow

I worked with a woman years ago who had an imaginary boyfriend. The guy was real (a lounge singer from Butlins who was 'famous' on the circuit) he just wasn't her boyfriend or anything to do with her. She'd have elaborate arguments with him on the phone (as in screeching down a phone with no-one on the other end) and once a day my boss used to put an empty call through to her saying, so all the office could hear, that it was this guy on the line. She'd fabricated an entire life that this guy was part of yet he had no idea who she was. We were never sure if playing into the fantasy was a hindrance or a help but we did most of the time because no-one wanted to be the one who pushed her over the edge.

And one time I worked with someone who used to poop on the floor instead of in the toilet bowl Not the same person. Ahem.

I worked in a place before and honest to god, the jacks were something out a horror film.

Every couple of weeks the jacks would be destroyed in sh1te. It always puzzled me how the unknown assaliant would get the to such a state. The only possible way that someone could cause the devestation I saw was if they stood 3 foot infront of the jacks, bent over and blunderbussed all over the wall, sistern, toilet, floor and event the paper dispenser.

pow wow

Reminds me of a friend's workplace...it was an office with no public admission and no creche yet one week every single sanitary disposal bin in the ladies room was stuffed full of dirty nappies. How anyone would stockpile enough smelly nappies to fill 6 of those grey bins isn't worth thinking about (let alone how they'd transport them) but the email that was sent from the top about it made it almost worth the smell, so I'm told

Honey-ec

Deleted User wrote: »

I worked in a place before and honest to god, the jacks were something out a horror film.

Every couple of weeks the jacks would be destroyed in sh1te. It always puzzled me how the unknown assaliant would get the to such a state. The only possible way that someone could cause the devestation I saw was if they stood 3 foot infront of the jacks, bent over and blunderbussed all over the wall, sistern, toilet, floor and event the paper dispenser.

We also had a phantom sh*tter in one of my previous jobs. HR (who were based in the UK) had to be called in over it and everything. I would dearly, dearly love to know what the fcuk is going on in someone's head that they behave like that.

endacl

Everybody is perfectly normal and pleasant everywhere I work. Unless.... feck...... maybe I'm the weirdo....