Funerals

suzie987 wrote: »

Another weird thing about funerals/deaths - people judge how entitled you are to grief! What I mean is people seem to be quick to say afterwards:-

"Oh did you see 'whats-her-name', sure she barely knew 'so-and-so' and she didn't stop crying the whole time!"

I hate this! Funerals are very emotive

flip the coin there...

there's also the one who doesn't happen to be crying at the funeral, who may be emotionally drained and just can't cry anymore, and may crack a smile at something going on at the time

"what the hell, why are they laughing, they should be in bits!!"

had a chat with a girl over the weekend here in england, and for some reason we were talking about funerals. she said in 33 years of life she's never seen a dead person. i thought that was strange, but given the way that you're invited to funerals over here, it's not surprising.
the support at an irish funeral, where people take time out (even if they're just showing their face) to turn up can be very comforting.
inviting someone to a funeral just seems strange.

I like how we do funerals. I've had a few family funerals and been really overwhelmed and grateful at the effort people will make to attend. When my Granddad died we had people drive straight from Cork to Donegal and back, for an hour, just to show their respect. And it really helps to see a concerned face and an open pair of arms when you need the support. And they can be very emotional affairs naturally, but crying is cathartic. I have wept for people I've never even met in the past

I was at only one funeral in England and it was the oddest affair. Very few people there, no one in the slightest bit emotional, no talking about the deceased, all very detached, almost like a work thing. I think I'd rather have people wailing in the aisles at mine in contrast

But I don't really like the shaking hands thing - when you see a few hundred people stand up to march past a crying family, it just seems like too much to ask of them, especially when you know half the family won't have a clue who they are shaking hands with and would just rather go home. And then you have all the cute hoors who race to the top of the queue so they can be 'seen' and go!

On balance though, Irish funerals can be pretty great. I've been to absolute heartbreakers and also funerals which were full of laughter and warm memories. And they do get people together to remember the desceased in whatever what is appropriate, and that mightn't happen otherwise. It would be a lot worse to pass away and have not have all your friends and family in the one place laughing or grieving, IMO anyway.

I avoid them where possible, i find them so awkward and uncomfortable. Unless its someone very close to me then i'm not going, i dont care if its an uncle or an aunt, i havent seen most of them in years so why should i go to their funeral/wake.

A friend of mine (whose parents are both dead) goes to every funeral going purely because his parents knew that person...which IMO is totally ridiculous. He's at funerals almost every week, its such a waste of time especially when he has to introduce himself to some of the deceaseds family and they still probably havent a clue who he is....but he seems to enjoy it!

iguana wrote: »

Was that in England too because most funerals I've been to have been a laugh riot on occasion. Maybe not the really tragic funerals like when a young person dies but a huge part of Irish funerals involves telling funny stories about the dead person and everyone cracking up laughing. It's a very healthy practise too as communal laughter is a good relief for grief.

no, that was at home. it's usually mentioned by someone who just turns up out of the blue for the funeral but hasn't been part of the wake, so doesn't really know what state the bereaved have been in.

guitarzero wrote: »

I was wondering how people feel about them, perhaps more so in the city/ suburbs. Where I'm from there really isnt a community a vibe, people know each other by name (thats it) and will give each other in passing nod bar a few of the neighbours who are perhaps more tightly knit.
So in a sense, especially in the younger generations theres a new sense of feeling a bit isolated and unfamiliar with those around us. A funeral is a very sensitive situation where you, in some sense, put your heart on your sleeve and display your most heartfelt tears to folks who you dont really know that well. After all these years spending time with someone you love and who was so dear to you, you now, in front of semi strangers, fight back tears, perhaps deliver a heartfelt speech, etc.

In the country maybe it feels more natural as theres a stronger sense of community and familiarity but I've seen a few funerals in the last couple of years and it didnt seem right that young children or even young adults cried their hearts out in front of folks they barely knew.

Maybe I'm wrong...

usually you only see the people you know - you don't bother with the people you dont' - lots of people cry and funerals, weddings, etc. if they want to cry and the sadness of the situation let them. Its a respect thing.

senorwipesalot wrote: »

Local politicians love a good funeral even though they never met the deceased.They came out of the woodwork for my grandparents funerals.

they always do

I've being to a few funerals in my time, mostly of aged family relatives, I can't really say I felt anything to be truthful ( and I had gotten a nasty cold around the time of the last one and it was the last thing I wanted to do as such but still did it out of respect. )

There is one exception, though. Where a young cousin died suddenly, now THAT one took me some time to get over. I don't remember crying or anything, just felt numb with shock, caused a bit of a downward spiral in my life for a while but I fortunately overcame it.

I acknowledge that I'm not overly keen on how Irish funerals play out - or at least the whole ' drinking to excess ' part of it. That said, I still think the way we handle funerals in one intense swoop is better than what happens in England. I said it before in a similar topic that its good how Irish funerals just get the deed over and done with ASAP, I don't think I could bear the English system.