The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

smash · 13-12-2011 04:15PM

@AeoNGriM : I just read your whole post in the voice of podge and rodge for some reason. You type like they talk!

matt-dublin · 13-12-2011 04:19PM

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

did a bird up the brown thomas one time in my old punto , near some run down warehouses and all was going ok till i got a hum of something , took my lad out and was covered in poo and i didnt speak 1 word to her after that , quiet aukward drive to leave her home , i went home and sat in a bath for about an hour feeling dirty

So basically instead of having a shower and washing off you literally sat there swimming in her sh1t????

Kanoe · 13-12-2011 04:20PM

AeoNGriM wrote: »

and after she comes a few times I'm fit to burst.

...'Aye....sea turtles!'

poor thing you must have been exhausted.

Eircom_Sucks · 13-12-2011 04:25PM

MugMugs wrote: »

You shoved Captain Love Rod up some girls Chocolate Star Fish and you're suprised that the high chance of you being pebble dashed actually occured?

Shame on her for not clearing the chamber.

Shame on you for not asking.

she was in her jam rag and didnt wanna go that route

urban myth , i heard a womans ass hole is cleaner than her mouth ??

cherryghost · 13-12-2011 04:26PM

I have two bad experiences that I can remember of.

First one myself and my ex had gone down the country for a weekend away. We ended up in a B&B. Went out that night and got plastered. Came back and we started going at it. All of a sudden the headboard broke at the seams and fell to floor, followed by a leg of the bed cracking off. Needless to say we ended up rolling off the bed, and in the process my penis getting bent to a severely painful degree.

I got dressed and went out to the back garden of the B&B and got a mossy log and put it under the bed. I shoved the bed right up into the wall so the headboard wouldn't fall down. We left first thing the next morning, no breakfast or anything. Never got a phonecall or anything though!

Another time was at another ex's cousin's wedding, we stayed at a hotel. The usual happened, get plastered at it, having a laugh with the family I never met before, with the exception of my ex's family. So anyway there we were at it when I got a text on my phone, low and behold it's my ex's sister, which read out 'where the **** are you <name>, im hot and wet 4 you!' Needless to say my ex threw me out of the apartment straight away and I just lay outside the room totally clueless as to what happened. I rang her sister and as it turns out she sent the text to me instead of her fiancé. I have the same first name as her fiancé so yeah...

Anyways I eventually got back in to sleep on the floor for the rest of the night, my ex was still in a bit of a tizzy over it. The next morning was extremely quiet and embarrassing at the breakfast table.

Eircom_Sucks · 13-12-2011 04:26PM

matt-dublin wrote: »

So basically instead of having a shower and washing off you literally sat there swimming in her sh1t????

yes matt i did

god i didnt even think of that , thanks man

booboo88 · 13-12-2011 04:37PM

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Similarly don't ruin this thread with inane flirting. If you want to swap jizz and fanny batter do it via PM where I don't have to goddamnwell deal with it.

Fanny batter?? Just eughh....

matt-dublin · 13-12-2011 04:42PM

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

yes matt i did

god i didnt even think of that , thanks man

i like to bring these things to people's attention, so not only was it all over your flute but it was all over every part of your body that touched the water....

your pooper touching her poop and so forth,

i hope you didn't dunk your head, i can only imaging the resulting pink eye and smelly hair....

Eircom_Sucks · 13-12-2011 04:52PM

matt-dublin wrote: »

i like to bring these things to people's attention, so not only was it all over your flute but it was all over every part of your body that touched the water....

your pooper touching her poop and so forth,

i hope you didn't dunk your head, i can only imaging the resulting pink eye and smelly hair....

watching too much american tv

Welruc · 13-12-2011 04:53PM

matt-dublin wrote: »

i like to bring these things to people's attention, so not only was it all over your flute but it was all over every part of your body that touched the water....

your pooper touching her poop and so forth,

i hope you didn't dunk your head, i can only imaging the resulting pink eye and smelly hair....

I wouldn't have thought that would bother you matt considering your current location!!!

saintsaltynuts · 13-12-2011 04:53PM

Had a bird sitting on my knob one night trying to put it in her fanny just then i put me hand on her bum.Felt.... then discovered she had a hairy hole with a couple of chips of shyte on me fingers it was some fooked up ****.Still banged her though!

Africa · 13-12-2011 05:19PM

Byor at college in a wee IT in the country. I was out on a mad one, just made single, out of a bad relationship so I was happy. Friend of a friend who, well, lets say is not the most attractive, has had a crush on me for months. Anyway, due to wearing a scarf, i was literally reeled in on the dance floor. Bit of a kiss, then decided I needed a drink.

Fast forward a few blank hours, and im in her house. She is upstairs and she says are we going to bed. I am a bit on autopilot... I went up and then realised what I was doing. First attempt to get out was pretend I had no johnsons. She said its fine, shes on the pill. Drunk brain vs sense here, one saying GO FOR IT other going IT WONT WORK! Cue some awkward fumbling for a bit, till I noted the time and used that as the excuse.

I made the excuse of having an exam the next day and needing rest, and managed to bail. Thankfully didnt happen again, but there certainly were awkward moments after that being friend of a friend, and not a big college either.

Ive more, but thats that for today.

Siuin · 13-12-2011 05:35PM

Africa wrote: »

Byor at college in a wee IT in the country. I was out on a mad one, just made single, out of a bad relationship so I was happy. Friend of a friend who, well, lets say is not the most attractive, has had a crush on me for months. Anyway, due to wearing a scarf, i was literally reeled in on the dance floor. Bit of a kiss, then decided I needed a drink.

Fast forward a few blank hours, and im in her house. She is upstairs and she says are we going to bed. I am a bit on autopilot... I went up and then realised what I was doing. First attempt to get out was pretend I had no johnsons. She said its fine, shes on the pill. Drunk brain vs sense here, one saying GO FOR IT other going IT WONT WORK! Cue some awkward fumbling for a bit, till I noted the time and used that as the excuse.

I made the excuse of having an exam the next day and needing rest, and managed to bail. Thankfully didnt happen again, but there certainly were awkward moments after that being friend of a friend, and not a big college either.

Ive more, but thats that for today.

Awh, this contains no sex at all at all

Lucky for you- anyone who'd have a ONS without a condom is more than likely crawling...

13-12-2011 05:38PM

Gummy Panda wrote: »

WTF?!? someone threw their number up?

No.., I'm not stupid! I threw my mate's number up...

stupidusername · 13-12-2011 05:39PM

Siuin wrote: »

Awh, this contains no sex at all at all
Lucky for you- anyone who'd have a ONS without a condom is more than likely crawling...

That's a mighty big assumption to make.

Siuin · 13-12-2011 05:44PM

stupidusername wrote: »

That's a mighty big assumption to make.

In fairness, if people don't use condoms when having sex with multiple strangers, they're taking a huge risk and it would be very unsurprising if they clocked up a few STIs or STDs if they persisted in doing so

amacachi · 13-12-2011 05:45PM

Before reading this thread I didn't realise how often sex finishes with the woman seriously assaulting the guy.

Stiffler2 · 13-12-2011 05:55PM

foodie66 wrote: »

Can you not just use contraception like most adults? You said your wife doesn't like it yet you won't replace that 'method' with something that satisfies both of you? Makes loads of sense :rolleyes:

We do use contraception, she's on the pill.
I don't wear johnnies. I know she can still get pregnant despite me pulling out at the end.

But I don't care, such is the fear I see when I see kids.
I reallyyyyy don't want em.

housetypeb · 13-12-2011 06:17PM

Stiffler2 wrote: »

We do use contraception, she's on the pill.
I don't wear johnnies. I know she can still get pregnant despite me pulling out at the end.

But I don't care, such is the fear I see when I see kids.
I reallyyyyy don't want em.

Then get a vasectomy.

matt-dublin · 13-12-2011 06:27PM

bring it to PI folks....

chimmy chonga · 13-12-2011 06:39PM

I used to think I was great in bed 'till I found out that my last two girlfriends had asthma!

MagicSean · 13-12-2011 06:46PM

This might have been mentioned already but why exactly did the op feel the need to add "with someone" to the title.

44leto · 13-12-2011 06:57PM

MagicSean wrote: »

This might have been mentioned already but why exactly did the op feel the need to add "with someone" to the title.

The thread would have descended into a ****.

Iwasfrozen · 13-12-2011 07:00PM

MagicSean wrote: »

This might have been mentioned already but why exactly did the op feel the need to add "with someone" to the title.

**** isn't sex.

stupidusername · 13-12-2011 07:04PM

Siuin wrote: »

In fairness, if people don't use condoms when having sex with multiple strangers, they're taking a huge risk and it would be very unsurprising if they clocked up a few STIs or STDs if they persisted in doing so

Of course it does,but I was saying that just because someone does it once doesn't mean they're infested

MagicSean · 13-12-2011 07:07PM

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

**** isn't sex.

That's my point.

Big Nasty · 13-12-2011 07:08PM

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

**** isn't sex.

So if you were forced to **** a priest of when you were an altar boy that wouldn't have been sexual abuse?

Siuin · 13-12-2011 07:18PM

stupidusername wrote: »

Of course it does,but I was saying that just because someone does it once doesn't mean they're infested

Increases the likelihood.
'Crawling' is perhaps a harsh term, but they sure as hell are stupid to not use a condom in a day and age where sex with the wrong person can get you AIDS and kill you. A bit of common sense goes a long way.

stupidusername · 13-12-2011 09:55PM

Siuin wrote: »

Increases the likelihood.
'Crawling' is perhaps a harsh term, but they sure as hell are stupid to not use a condom in a day and age where sex with the wrong person can get you AIDS and kill you. A bit of common sense goes a long way.

Oh my god is that how you get AIDS? Yes of course it's stupid.

minidazzler · 13-12-2011 10:17PM

Siuin wrote: »

Increases the likelihood.
'Crawling' is perhaps a harsh term, but they sure as hell are stupid to not use a condom in a day and age where sex with the wrong person can get you AIDS and kill you. A bit of common sense goes a long way.

Life'll kill you, STD's are like Pokemon, gotta catch 'em all.

The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

Comments