The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

starlit

I can't really comment!

battser

She had hairy nipples. That is all I can even type about the experience before I continue on from page 6

qwerty93

Dunno if this even counts but sur look it il giv it a go..
In a nightclub and this alrite one starts grindin up against me, after a few minutes she tells me shes "coming home with me"..happy days, got home anyway down to the business with her and with me strummin away at her for a while to her apparent enjoyment , then the fcuking biting of my neck began, i was fairli hammered and paid no notice, when i was ready to get down and do the deed she tells me she " doesnt do it on the first time" ffs if you act like that in a nightclub with lads a bit more is expected out of ya i think! persuaded her into giving me a hand shandy which was crap and woke up the next day with a neck like a plum tree..

cul-2008

hahaha this thread is priceless - trying to read it here with the parents sitting opposite me trying not to burst out laughing!

and as for the tags for this post...bahaha

"is it in yet?, matt-dublin likes boys, swap jizz & fanny batter, taco tits. fancy., virgins 1 and all"

not really bad, but then again, it never is ...........

when i was in college i was going out wit a guy for a while, sex ALL the time, fab, couldnt get enough etc etc.
anyway, one day he went down on me, great, finished me off lovely, fair play to him! he went to bathroom and then came back saying hey, listen, do you think your period is due?

i was like WTF:eek::eek::eek: oh my god, embarrassment from hell.
thought about it................turned out i had dyed my hair (head hair) red that day and when i was in shower it had travelled down!!!!

he was spitting out red hair dye from his mouth!

Slattsy

bebostunnah wrote: »

One lad gave me a lick out though not where i was expecting, shoved his tongue right up my brown hole, little did he know i was off sick from college for 3 days due to diarrhorea, needless to say he didnt stay long

Its called a shower !!!!

matt-dublin

cul-2008 wrote: »

hahaha this thread is priceless - trying to read it here with the parents sitting opposite me trying not to burst out laughing!

and as for the tags for this post...bahaha

"is it in yet?, matt-dublin likes boys, swap jizz & fanny batter, taco tits. fancy., virgins 1 and all"

And I get an infraction for telling someone they need to shower more often??????

Really dr.b??

richymcdermott

I remember me & my ex doing hollywood roleplay sex. I wish I never chose Sean Connery when I asked her to "sit on my face.

sebastianlieken

I once had sex with a female clown. She twisted my penis into a poodle.

kmart6

matt-dublin wrote: »

And I get an infraction for telling someone they need to shower more often??????

Really dr.b??

More for calling the poster a minger I'd say!

dr.bollocko

matt-dublin wrote: »

And I get an infraction for telling someone they need to shower more often??????

Really dr.b??

Didn't cop that until now man.

They were all added by sitebanned troll bebowhateverthefeck.

I have removed the tags.... I guess I could siteban them again but it won't make much odds.

sebastianlieken

sebastianlieken wrote: »

I once had sex with a female clown. She twisted my penis into a poodle.

come to think of it.... Biko?

mattjack

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Didn't cop that until now man.

They were all added by sitebanned troll bebowhateverthefeck.

I have removed the tags.... I guess I could siteban them again but it won't make much odds.

Don't worry about Bollocko .....you're are doing sterling work..... keeping the standards high. :pac::pac:

44leto

sebastianlieken wrote: »

I once had sex with a female clown. She twisted my penis into a poodle.

I would love to have sex with a female clown, it would be worth a twisted penis.

sebastianlieken

44leto wrote: »

I would love to have sex with a female clown, it would be worth a twisted penis.

Just watch out for the squirters!

Celly Smunt

sebastianlieken wrote: »

Just watch out for the squirters!

Weirdo!

Go straight for the squirters!

stoneill

No such thing as worst sex ever.

Gannicus

A girl farted in my face when I went down on her. That's right farted not queefed Well needless to say I left after that happened.

Phoenix Park

bigpints wrote: »

hmmmmmm, were to start with this one, havent even told my good friends this one, hope you enjoy

was in prague one weekend on a stags and with all stags you find yourself in the highest of upstanding places to go on a night out with your friends, strip clubs mainly........

so after many beers, many nightclubs and strip clubs me and one of my friends went on the pull and clicked these two girls who had no word of english, but absolutley stunning, me not having sex for over the three month mark was very horny and gagging for some sex, no talking needed and we were all headed back to hotel, my friend had his own room so we went our seperate ways, get her back to the room when after about 30 seconds into fooling around the phone rings, the security guard asks that i get rid of the prostitute in my room (wasnt a prostitute), cleared that up by trying to ask the girl if she was a prostitute by making money hand gestures to the girl (smooth) who was not impressed, nodded the head to say no im not a prostitute and without even mentioning the security guard she was on her way out the door. (BALLS) So what i think anyone with 3 months of no sex i ran after her with my cock absolutley rock solid, the friction in the pants as i went after her was actually kinds nice, eventually tucked the little guy under the belt to hide the stalker and did my best to get her back.

Not rememebering she couldnt speak any english i said i was sorry and tried to explain the whole security guard incident to her but could see by her face she had no idea what i was saying, i even remember putting on a stupid czech accent and kept speaking english which obviously made no difference, oh the confusion.

Eventually she bought back into the irish charm with the czech accent and things were looking up (literally). But we couldnt go back to mine so down a smelly alley seemed like a good choice since i was so horny and just wanted to shoot and go to bed. So down some alley we went, after about 10-15 seconds of kissing and my cock pumping like a sore thumb she unbuckled my belt, i thought i was going to cum right there, im usually not bad in the bedroom, 15, somtimes 20 minutes, but this girl was ridiculously good looking and 3 months outside the bedroom few drinks on me and that little breeze hitting me as she took down my bottoms and i thought im just going to spooge right here.

i literally prayed right there, "PLEASE DONT CUM, PLEASE DONT CUM, PLEASE DONT CUM", "just give me 2 minutes please", sure she couldnt speak any english so was literally speaking out loud, still kissing she went to grab my tootsie roll and i quickly slapped it away, was like a girl on a first date when ya want a feel of her funbags, but if she gave that one tug i would have exploded, i didnt know what to do, she must have thought i didnt like foreplay or something (not that it was the best surrondings) and pulled out a condom, i thought ok maybe if we get that on i wont be so bad, but she grabbed the thing like a joystick, felt amazing but it was all comming (literally) to an end and just as she pulled back the condom over the worm i let out this very unfortunate YYEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Looked to the heavens and enjoyed the 2-3 seconds of pleasure and then said............ "BALLOX"

When i looked backed down the girl was bending over and had no idea that id just jizzed myself. I looked down at that unbelivable bum and thought what could have been, i turned the girl around pointed to the little guy and the look of disappointment was almost as bad as mine. I apologized to the girl and went on my way. Never had that problem since, of course i told the lads that i was a stallion the night before.

just seen this one now, different gravy, made my day

Teyla Emmagan

Big Steve wrote: »

A girl farted in my face when I went down on her. That's right farted not queefed Well needless to say I left after that happened.

Fussy! She was probably just relaxed and enjoying herself. You should have taken it as a compliment

John Doe1

update: new years

I went to bed with a girl, was good until she squeeezed my testicles too much!! the agony:(

Big Knox

A few years ago a friend of mine was after a girl we know through a different social circle, anyway we're all out one night and he gets chatting to her and whatever happens he gets her number.

Anyway a few days later they arrange to meet and go for a spin. So he drives out to a local beach with her that night. He gets to the empty car park and pulls up. Without saying anything he just opens his zip and pulls his pants down displaying himself (hes renowned for **** like this). To say he didn't get the reaction he wanted is an understatement. She immediately starts pissing herself laughing uncontrollably so much so she has to open the door and get out of the car.

So she's standing there in tears laughing at him. Him feeling the absolute d1ckhead that he is he pulls the door closed and drives off leaving her there. 15 miles away from town!!!

Obviously the story got back to pretty much everyone and he is now that guy!! :pac:

John Doe1

Big Knox wrote: »

A few years ago a friend of mine was after a girl we know through a different social circle, anyway we're all out one night and he gets chatting to her and whatever happens he gets her number.

Anyway a few days later they arrange to meet and go for a spin. So he drives out to a local beach with her that night. He gets to the empty car park and pulls up. Without saying anything he just opens his zip and pulls his pants down displaying himself (hes renowned for **** like this). To say he didn't get the reaction he wanted is an understatement. She immediately starts pissing herself laughing uncontrollably so much so she has to open the door and get out of the car.

So she's standing there in tears laughing at him. Him feeling the absolute d1ckhead that he is he pulls the door closed and drives off leaving her there. 15 miles away from town!!!

Obviously the story got back to pretty much everyone and he is now that guy!! :pac:

Ah big knox I specifically told you not to tell that on an internet forum:o

Nothingbetter2d

cruiser178 wrote: »

Either the time I broke my virginity which was in a graveyard after school, with the school bike, I wondered afterwards is this what sex is all about, man that was crap. Inexperience eh.
Or the time I snapped my banjo string, FÚUUCCCK!!! that was painful, according to the "lady" who had many orgasms I might add :cool:, my face was a picture.

i bet you replaced your banjo string with her g string.... it probably sounded funny.

Viral Vector

Big Steve wrote: »

A girl farted in my face when I went down on her. That's right farted not queefed Well needless to say I left after that happened.

Same...horrified!

Also a girl bled in me bed and we were too drunk to notice! She ruined my favorite sheets!

GO_Bear

Not really disgusting or all that embarrasing,

Was out with some friends and ended up chatting up and scoring a very pretty woman, much prettier than I normally end up with, or deserve !

So all going well, few shift's in the club then back to her apartment, quickly nude up and begin the deed, the sex is fantastic, however I was in the " I'm so locked stage" where you can get it up but just can't cum, as it was mentioned already in the thread I think, the "drunken sex god state".

Typical I have average stamina, but jesus that night I was like an energiser bunny with nothing happening, at this stage she has cum three times ( if she was honest har har har ) and still nothing for me, now I think she must have taken it as a personnel insult that she could not make me cum, or she did not know this drunken higher state of sex being, because she would not let up at all, she was determined to make me come and she began asking me if everything was alright ...

I said it was fine, blamed it on everything ... " Oh I have never came from blowjobs ", " its those **** extra safe condoms " and so on so forth, at this stage I just wanted to spoon and go to sleep, i'm a long time smoker and don't have the athletic energy for this ****

So she rips off the johnny and starts pumping it like a water cannon, now I am going red raw .... the fustration is getting to her and she's starting to be just plain rough, no real rythmn, and in general a bad handie, knowing I had to interviene to have any hope, I make an excuse to use the bathroom and ran in, deciding it needed a gentler touch .. I began masturbating in the bathroom to try bring myself closer, a few minutes of smooth rythmnic masturbation I am almost there ........ but too my horror I overshot the mark and blew one of the most pleasurable loads of my life all over her bathroom

I go back into bed and she still won't let up, she won't rest until she made me cum, and I can hardly tell her I knocked one off in her jacks now can I .... needless to say it was a long night after that .... but I began to sober up after that


In hindsight its probably more a story of the best **** I have ever had ...

tallus

John Doe1 wrote: »

I'm pretty much a god in bed

That's not the way your mother tells it