Funerals

guitarzero · 03-12-2011 04:52AM #1

I was wondering how people feel about them, perhaps more so in the city/ suburbs. Where I'm from there really isnt a community a vibe, people know each other by name (thats it) and will give each other in passing nod bar a few of the neighbours who are perhaps more tightly knit.
So in a sense, especially in the younger generations theres a new sense of feeling a bit isolated and unfamiliar with those around us. A funeral is a very sensitive situation where you, in some sense, put your heart on your sleeve and display your most heartfelt tears to folks who you dont really know that well. After all these years spending time with someone you love and who was so dear to you, you now, in front of semi strangers, fight back tears, perhaps deliver a heartfelt speech, etc.

In the country maybe it feels more natural as theres a stronger sense of community and familiarity but I've seen a few funerals in the last couple of years and it didnt seem right that young children or even young adults cried their hearts out in front of folks they barely knew.

Maybe I'm wrong...

Saila · 03-12-2011 04:55AM

hate them with a passion. Im not even going to my own

Jesus Wept · 03-12-2011 04:55AM

You're right, they are entirely weird. A lot of people turn up to be seen to be there.

policarp · 03-12-2011 04:57AM

It's a respect thing.

Jezzabelle · 03-12-2011 04:59AM

I don't think people who have lost someone are concerned about displaying their emotions in front of others, familiar to them or not. It's a traumatic time and the main thing is grieving for the person you lost. You are never going to know everyone at a funeral as so lots of people will be there who may be unknown to you, but close friends of the deceased or other family members.

Maybe this can be associated with being young or slightly immature, but I used to feel awkward at funerals and think it was "intrusive" to attend unless you are close to the person who died but after losing someone close to me I think different. Even in the depths of your grief I found it a small bit comforting know that people, even those less well known to you, are there for you in a small way and strangely it does mean alot.

guitarzero · 03-12-2011 05:04AM

policarp wrote: »

It's a respect thing.

Yeah, and I appreciate that. But what about the whole thing of 200+ folks gawking at you while you stare at your family member who is now dead. Its a fair stretch of acquainting considering you probably never brushed shoulders with this person in the past.

Also, its only a respect thing because of the principle of the custom in its origins. Communities were extremely tightly knit and funerals in this context make some sense. You had the wake, talking to people of importance and relevance, people who were of support, the familiarity etc. People who you know will see you again.

Now it just seems odd. Many of these people will just go back not knowing you or perhaps even ignoring you.

im invisible · 03-12-2011 05:05AM

I hate other peoples funerals, i never know how to sympathise, or what to say or do...

chucken1 · 03-12-2011 05:06AM

I really hope it never happens here where you're "invited" to a funeral

guitarzero · 03-12-2011 05:08AM

im invisible wrote: »

I hate other peoples funerals, i never know how to sympathise, or what to say or do...

I just do whats expected - "Sorry for your loss" and then fade into the crowd. I've not had this happen to me but have attended 3 in the last 5 years so I cant comment as someone who has actually lived the experience. I just sometimes wonder about the whole thing in this particular context, I can appreciate how subjective it could be though.

guitarzero · 03-12-2011 05:09AM

chucken1 wrote: »

I really hope it never happens here where you're "invited" to a funeral

Thats dumb. I've never shown public disapproval.

chucken1 · 03-12-2011 05:18AM

guitarzero wrote: »

Thats dumb. I've never shown public disapproval.

Ive seen and been 'invited' to funerals. (Not in Ireland)

I was only saying I hope it never happens here.

guitarzero · 03-12-2011 05:20AM

chucken1 wrote: »

Ive seen and been 'invited' to funerals. (Not in Ireland)

I was only saying I hope it never happens here.

Wooopsey, my bad.

Chuck Stone · 03-12-2011 05:40AM

I hope I never have to die.

I couldn't bear all those gobshites that turn up to funerals.

policarp · 03-12-2011 05:54AM

Saila wrote: »

hate them with a passion. Im not even going to my own

You'll be a late arrival for the afters then?

Saila · 03-12-2011 06:00AM

policarp wrote: »

You'll be a late arrival for the afters then?

no Ill be in the oven

ashes to ashes dust to dust wind

policarp · 03-12-2011 06:08AM

Saila wrote: »

no Ill be in the oven

ashes to ashes dust to dust wind

Simple as that?

df1985 · 03-12-2011 08:51AM

More the merrier at a funeral, its a show of respect and a testament to the impact the person had.

There were people at both my parents funerals who i had never seen before and will never see again, but they told me things Ill always remember.I was even more proud of my parents, if thats possible.

Ellis Dee · 03-12-2011 09:03AM

Saila wrote: »

---
ashes to ashes dust to dust

I suppose it's a bit of a community thing in rural areas and small towns and everyone knows the deceased or at least some of his or her family members.

There's also a lot of reciprocity involved; they were at your uncle Jack's funeral and now you're at ...

I sometimes justify absence from a funeral to myself by thinking: "Well, he won't be going to mine, either!";)

That ashes to dust thing reminds me of a ditty we learned as kids:

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
if God doesn't have you, the Devil must.":)

Optimalprimerib · 03-12-2011 10:37AM

I think the older you get, the more important it is to go to them. My father loves funerals. If he knows someone ill of health, he is nearly planning the travel arrangements before they die.

Myself, I think it Is a sign of respect to the family if you show your face.

03-12-2011 10:49AM

At a family funeral years ago, I always remember what an uncle of mine who lived the most part of his life in London said to me,

"Ireland, a great place to die in, a c*nt of a place to live in".

Abi · 03-12-2011 11:09AM

im invisible wrote: »

I hate other peoples funerals, i never know how to sympathise, or what to say or do...

Well theres very little that you can say or do, just offer your condolences and offer your help if anyone needs it.

Whenever a funeral comes about in my family, I've always offered to do a reading because I can hold it together and I don't mind speaking in front of other people. Some people aren't keen on it, and especially if they know they will probably get very upset.

The only other thing you can do is check on family closest to the deceased, and just be company for them if they need it.

stovelid · 03-12-2011 11:16AM

I'm from the city and it's true, we don't care about the dead. You just want to get them into the ground as soon as possible so you can go and have a Mochachino.

You obviously have to be from the country to understand grief.

Clareboy · 03-12-2011 05:54PM

All this running to funerals seems to be a particularly Irish thing. When you die in this country, you can be certain that there will be hundreds at your funeral, but most of those people would never visit you or give a damn about you in life. The whole funeral racket just shows up the Irish for the race of hypocrites that they are!

Scruffles · 03-12-2011 11:23PM

funerals are extremely weird.
purely taken from own POV...
its a bunch of people faffing about together,wearing black,saying sorry for the loss to each other-what the hell is that about? why say sorry unless were involved in the demise of whoever it is?

its about competing with each other to see can buy the poshest wreath or flowers.
its about free food/drink if they werent like any of our family and to cheap to put that sort of crap on.

the few funerals that have gone to,have only gone because have been dragged along but its also supposed to be respect to go.

in ireland do they still take photos of the person in their coffin?
the irish rellies over here do it,had only gone in there with them all to see what the body felt like as did not understand [and still dont] the concept of death ,and they were stood there getting photos,apparently a old tradition in ireland.

Callan57 · 03-12-2011 11:34PM

I would have been quite cynical about the whole funeral, paying respects lark until my father's death. It's amazing the impact seeing someone who has made an effort to attend has on you ... it can be amazingly consoling to see a friend when you are feeling raw and torn up inside.

Funerals are probably traditionally one of the few occasions when public displays of emotion are acceptable to us Irish. I don't think we do the whole hugging and kissing in public bit easily ... I always found the touchy feely carry on of Mary McAleese slightly embarrassing & I tend to question the sincerity.

I am totally and utterly against the open coffin display of the deceased though ... and God help them it they put me on display like that. I'll haunt the bloody lot of them ...

sh1tstirrer · 03-12-2011 11:49PM

Scruffles wrote: »

in ireland do they still take photos of the person in their coffin?
the irish rellies over here do it,had only gone in there with them all to see what the body felt like as did not understand [and still dont] the concept of death ,and they were stood there getting photos,apparently a old tradition in ireland.

Apparently not. I have never heard of it in Ireland. Why would anyone want to take a photo of a dead person

What plans have you for your corpse when you die seeing that you are against funerals? Will you be fed to the foxes?

senorwipesalot · 03-12-2011 11:58PM

Local politicians love a good funeral even though they never met the deceased.They came out of the woodwork for my grandparents funerals.

ballsymchugh · 04-12-2011 12:01AM

Clareboy wrote: »

All this running to funerals seems to be a particularly Irish thing. When you die in this country, you can be certain that there will be hundreds at your funeral, but most of those people would never visit you or give a damn about you in life. The whole funeral racket just shows up the Irish for the race of hypocrites that they are!

what's hypocritical about extending condolences? unless you're a local politician of course, who'll no doubt sign the book at the back of the church with the relevant title.
while it may feel that they don't give a damn about you in life, the fact that they've taken time out to bother shaking your hand, even if they say nothing, means a lot.
maybe you have to be in that position to appreciate it more.

KamiKazeKitten · 04-12-2011 12:05AM

I think it's just nice to show support for the family, after all the dead person ain't gonna know.
If any politicians turn up at my funeral I swear I'll come back as a zombie and chase them out of the place! (I would say eat their braaains but I reckon someone got there before me)

finbarrk · 04-12-2011 12:08AM

Clareboy wrote: »

All this running to funerals seems to be a particularly Irish thing. When you die in this country, you can be certain that there will be hundreds at your funeral, but most of those people would never visit you or give a damn about you in life. The whole funeral racket just shows up the Irish for the race of hypocrites that they are!

A bit bitter there Clareman. Coming from the home of the big funerals.

the groutch · 04-12-2011 12:08AM

Real Answer: I don't like funerals, they make me feel really uncomfortable.

AH Answer: I love them, women are easier to score when they're sad and vunerable.

Funerals

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