Men asking their girlfriend's father for permission to propose to her

ILikeBananas · 29-11-2011 03:10PM #1

What's your feelings on this topic?

Personally I've mixed feelings on the whole thing:

On the positive side it shows respect and is like an acceptance from the girls family.

On the negative side it's kind of backward and completely sexist. It's like "Be quiet woman, the men are talking now". Like why not ask the mother for her permission? And why doesn't the girl contact the guys family and say "John has asked me to marry him but I wanted to see if it was ok with you first before I accepted". Sounds crazy right? But that's exactly what's happening the other way round.

In the end, like most men, I'd probably end up doing whatever it was I thought she wanted me to do.

Snakeblood · 29-11-2011 03:13PM

ILikeBananas wrote: »

What's your feelings on this topic?

Personally I've mixed feelings on the whole thing:

On the positive side it shows respect and is like an acceptance from the girls family.

On the negative side it's kind of backward and completely sexist. It's like "Be quiet woman, the men are talking now". Like why not ask the mother for her permission? And why doesn't the girl contact the guys family and say "John has asked me to marry him but I wanted to see if it was ok with you first before I accepted". Sounds crazy right? But that's exactly what's happening the other way round.

In the end, like most men, I'd probably end up doing whatever it was I thought she wanted me to do.

I'M AGIN IT.*

*Except for the fruit of my loins.

Jen Pigs Fly · 29-11-2011 03:14PM

It has no bearing on me either way - if I man I loved asked me to marry him I wouldn't care if he asked my father or not, if I loved him and wanted to be with him I'd say yes regardless.

I wouldn't say no just because he didn't ask my dad!
I also wouldn't care if he asked or not, my dad can't really stop me marrying who I want!
(Oh yea 21st century woman FTW :cool:)

Dotrel · 29-11-2011 03:14PM

They should ask. But accompanying that they should also be paid a dowry for such an undertaking. Several cattle and some land should suffice.

Morag · 29-11-2011 03:15PM

Asking the blessing of both parents is nice, not permission, they don't need permission to marry.

smash · 29-11-2011 03:15PM

If I had a daughter and her bf asked for my permission to propose to her then I'd lose respect for him to be honest.

Alpish · 29-11-2011 03:16PM

smash wrote: »

If I had a daughter and her bf asked for my permission to propose to her then I'd lose respect for him to be honest.

Why?

dilallio · 29-11-2011 03:17PM

I don't think there's need to ask for 'permission'.

It would be nice though, and demonstrate respect, if the groom-to-be, informed the parents, AFTER asking the girl of course, before announcing it to friends.

One of my friends recently found out of her daughter's engagement through a Facebook status-update.

She has a good relationship with her daughter who lives on the other side of the world, but she was so disappointed that her daughter had not called her to let her know.

29-11-2011 03:17PM

I can understand that some people might like it but for me it's no, no, no

Sykk · 29-11-2011 03:17PM

ILikeBananas wrote: »

What's your feelings on this topic?

The only way it's sexist is if you're discussing a dowry. Asking permission of the father is a sign of respect. Calling it sexist is just more feminist bs.

foxyboxer · 29-11-2011 03:17PM

It's tradition. An outdated one but still a nice tradition.

It stems from the idea that he'll probably be paying for it (or contributing a lot) so it's a small price to pay!

smash · 29-11-2011 03:17PM

Alpish wrote: »

Why?

Because I think it's pathetic. That's just my opinion. Be your own fúcking person... if you want to do something then do it.

LeeHoffmann · 29-11-2011 03:18PM

I wouldn't say no just because he didn't ask my dad!

I'd say no if he did ask my Dad! :mad: :pac:

minidazzler · 29-11-2011 03:18PM

Alpish wrote: »

smash wrote: »

If I had a daughter and her bf asked for my permission to propose to her then I'd lose respect for him to be honest.

Why?

It shows a lack of respect for the daughter.

LeeHoffmann · 29-11-2011 03:19PM

It stems from the idea that he'll probably be paying for it

^ I think this is also an outdated tradition nowadays, no?

Alpish · 29-11-2011 03:20PM

smash wrote: »

Because I think it's pathetic. That's just my opinion. Be your own fúcking person... if you want to do something then do it.

Ya i understand be your own person and all that. But if I asked my gf's parents and they said no I'd still marry her anyway. I think it's more a way of informing them that your doing it rather than actually making a decision based on their answer.

foxyboxer · 29-11-2011 03:21PM

minidazzler wrote: »

It shows a lack of respect for the daughter.

We could argue that telling children that Santa Claus exists shows a lack of respect for their intelligence. :pac:

helimachoptor · 29-11-2011 03:23PM

I did, not because he had to give but i knew my OH would want me to.
I get on very well with her dad.

However on the day i popped the question I called him, me in Dub and him in mayo, i took him by surprise and confused the fook out of him.
He ended up ringing my OHs mam who was away to tell her that my GF was in hospital

foxyboxer · 29-11-2011 03:23PM

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

^ I think this is also an outdated tradition nowadays, no?

So is marriage itself

It means he approves of you sticking your mickey into his daughter officially.

Malari · 29-11-2011 03:23PM

If I was getting married I'd definitely want to be the one to tell my parents that happy news face to face for the first time.

And I agree, I think it would show a lack of respect for me if my boyfriend thought asking my father would be appropriate.

Sooopie · 29-11-2011 03:24PM

I think its rather sweet

LeeHoffmann · 29-11-2011 03:24PM

However on the day i popped the question I called him, me in Dub and him in mayo, i took him by surprise and confused the fook out of him.
He ended up ringing my OHs mam who was away to tell her that my GF was in hospital

:pac: What did you say to the poor man to give him that impression?

minidazzler · 29-11-2011 03:24PM

foxyboxer wrote: »

minidazzler wrote: »

It shows a lack of respect for the daughter.

We could argue that telling children that Santa Claus exists shows a lack of respect for their intelligence. :pac:

Ah yeah, but they are stupid though,,,,

Dudess · 29-11-2011 03:25PM

Sykk wrote: »

Calling it sexist is just more feminist bs.

But it is sexist. Why not ask the mother? Why not deem a yes from his girlfriend to be sufficient?

Nowadays the intention behind it is nothing harmful, and no badness is meant - it's often even meant in a nice way. Some women would be highly offended by it - I wouldn't be offended or call off the engagement, but I'd be a bit annoyed. It's a stupid, pointless tradition and has its roots in a time when all that "feminist bs" didn't exist and women had far fewer rights. Why should the girl's father have the final say? If he says no, is the guy going to put a halt to the engagement?

Saying it to her parents before proposing is different though - that's not asking for permission, it's just letting them in on the news. I don't see why anyone else should have to know beforehand though.

LeeHoffmann · 29-11-2011 03:25PM

So is marriage itself

Marriage is many things - a tradition, a legal contract, a declaration of love and commitment...

aujopimur · 29-11-2011 03:25PM

3 of my daughters boyfriends asked me, while it did not expect them to, it was nice if a bit old fashioned for them to do so.
Having said that I'd say their mothers had a word in their ears, great lads they are.

smash · 29-11-2011 03:25PM

Alpish wrote: »

Ya i understand be your own person and all that. But if I asked my gf's parents and they said no I'd still marry her anyway. I think it's more a way of informing them that your doing it rather than actually making a decision based on their answer.

But she might say no when you propose anyway. And her parents down't own her, so why ask them in the first place. Especially if you don't care.

Malari · 29-11-2011 03:26PM

foxyboxer wrote: »

We could argue that telling children that Santa Claus exists shows a lack of respect for their intelligence. :pac:

Nah, inisting to an 8 year old who has figured out the "secret" of Santa that he still exists would be insulting to the child's intelligence!

A grown woman's decision to marry is a different thing

ejmaztec · 29-11-2011 03:26PM

Being a greedy opportunistic parent, I would prefer to approach a multi-millionaire complete stranger and *ask him politely if he'd like to marry my daughter.

* might include extreme violence, or threats of

PrettyBoy · 29-11-2011 03:26PM

Dudess wrote: »

But it is sexist. Why not ask the mother?

No, it's not sexist, it's just a tradition, like the tradition of a father walking his daughter up the aisle and giving her away.

LeeHoffmann · 29-11-2011 03:27PM

No, it's not sexist, it's just a tradition, like the tradition of a father walking his daughter up the aisle and giving her away

also a sexist tradition

Not sure what people are voting for when they clicked bastard

Men asking their girlfriend's father for permission to propose to her

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