The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

casio4 wrote: »

what's pink and fluffy?

pink fluff

Shameless rewording of the 'What's brown and sticky? joke'

"Is that Fanny Browne over there?"

Bloke walks into a pub. Says to the barman... Pint please.
The barman pulls a guiness and leaves it to settle and walks away.
Next the bloke hears.. Howya handsome and turns around but noone there.
A few seconds later he hears..Wow your hair looks great did you get it cut.
He looks over and it seemed to come from the bowl of nuts on the bar. The barman returns and gives him his pint. Bloke says...Whats the story with them nuts????






Barman says: Oh they're complimentary.

Lon.C wrote: »

Bloke walks into a pub. Says to the barman... Pint please.
The barman pulls a guiness and leaves it to settle and walks away.
Next the bloke hears.. Howya handsome and turns around but noone there.
A few seconds later he hears..Wow your hair looks great did you get it cut.
He looks over and it seemed to come from the bowl of nuts on the bar. The barman returns and gives him his pint. Bloke says...Whats the story with them nuts????



Barman says: Oh they're complimentary.

The same guy hears someone shout "wanker" and looks behind him, there's no one there. A moment later he hears someone shout "prick" and looks around, he is the only person in the bar except for the barman. He says to the barman "did you just call me a prick" The barman replies "No mate, it must be the cigarette machine, its out of order".

Three guys were having a beer in a bar in London. They were all
relative newly-weds and they were talking about their wives.

The first man said he'd married a woman from India. He told her
that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple
of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and
dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from the Phillipines. He gave
his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day
he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw that his house was
clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the
table.

The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep
the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and
hot food on the table for every meal. He said that the first day
he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by
the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he
could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has
some difficulty when he pees.

What has 2 wings and a halo?

A chinese phone

Thor the god of thunder for one weekend a year is allowed down to earth. So on this night he comes down and is thinking "What will I do" So he goes to a nightclub.
In the nightclub he looks around and drinks and gets merry and a girl comes up to him and says "Would you like to danthh". He says ok and they go out dancing and dance the night away.
At the end of the night she says do you want to come back to my plathhhh. He agrees and they go back to her place.
They stay there all weekend long, riding like theres no tomorrow and eventually he has to go home he thinks I should tell her my name anyway.
He says "by the way I'm Thor" and she say "Your thor Im tho thor I cant pith"

pudzey101 wrote: »

BBC News today:

A 4-year-old boy has memorised virtually every bus service in the capital.
Ishaal Yewale can tell you which bus route to take, day or night.
His father, Jayant, says that Ishaal's always been fascinated with public transport and has been reading bus maps for the past eight months.

Is anyone suspicious of this or am I just paranoid?

HaHa, good one.

Lon.C wrote: »

Bloke walks into a pub. Says to the barman... Pint please.
The barman pulls a guiness and leaves it to settle and walks away.
Next the bloke hears.. Howya handsome and turns around but noone there.
A few seconds later he hears..Wow your hair looks great did you get it cut.
He looks over and it seemed to come from the bowl of nuts on the bar. The barman returns and gives him his pint. Bloke says...Whats the story with them nuts????






Barman says: Oh they're complimentary.

TheChevron wrote: »

The same guy hears someone shout "wanker" and looks behind him, there's no one there. A moment later he hears someone shout "prick" and looks around, he is the only person in the bar except for the barman. He says to the barman "did you just call me a prick" The barman replies "No mate, it must be the cigarette machine, its out of order".

A minute later he hears a voice saying "Lend us a fiver, please?". He looks around. Still no one there. He hears it again. "Lend us a few quid? Even two quid, please?". He says to the barman "Did you hear that?". The barman says "Yeah, sorry, the jukebox is broke."