Liz Jones - Sperm Thief

Cochore · 04-11-2011 02:10AM #1

I called his bluff and told him there was no way I would want a baby with him, given he didn’t earn any money. Yet the truth was, I had hatched a plan that many will doubtless find shocking. Because he wouldn’t give me what I wanted, I decided to steal it from him. I resolved to steal his sperm from him in the middle of the night. I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals.
The ‘theft’ itself was alarmingly easy to carry out. One night, after sex, I took the used condom and, in the privacy of the bathroom, I did what I had to do. Bingo.

I don’t understand why more men aren’t wise to this risk — maybe sex addles their brain. So let me offer a warning to men wishing to avoid any chance of unwanted fatherhood: if a woman disappears to the loo immediately after sex, I suggest you find out exactly what she is up to.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html

It's hard to tell if she considers no part of her life to be private or if she's just trolling for page clicks.

GaelMonfils · 04-11-2011 02:14AM

haha, was reading this earlier today (and only because the notion of someone stealing sperm fascinated me!)

Wouldnt mind waking up with some chick trying to steal my sperm!;):cool:

admiralofthefleet · 04-11-2011 02:14AM

she used a turkey baster, now he needs a hanger and some gin

starbelgrade · 04-11-2011 02:14AM

I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals.

Lazy bitch wouldn't even cook him a home made dinner.

D1stant · 04-11-2011 02:14AM

Daily Mail - Intellect Thief

hondasam · 04-11-2011 02:18AM

Lazy bastard wouldn't even get rid of his own used condom. He will next time.

Wolfe Tone · 04-11-2011 02:19AM

Its times like that you need a sister to give the bitch a slap for you

So what should we do with used condoms? Out the window? They block the jacks so its a risk to flush.

GaelMonfils · 04-11-2011 02:19AM

mackg wrote: »

I thought sperm died after being out of the body for a few seconds?

nope, they can last for weeks in water. I put some in my sea monkeys 2 months ago and they are still going strong

starbelgrade · 04-11-2011 02:19AM

hondasam wrote: »

Lazy bastard wouldn't even get rid of his own used condom. He will next time.

He'll probably microwave it.

mackg · 04-11-2011 02:20AM

Wouldn't poking holes in the condom have been an awful lot easier and far less weird?

EDIT: I checked it there and they die in like 3 hours just in a room, its if they get absorbed into clothes they die fast.

aidan_walsh · 04-11-2011 02:20AM

I'll bet she cooks a great rabbit stew.

im invisible · 04-11-2011 02:20AM

Pics? im not sure where i stand on this issue, i need pics...

starbelgrade · 04-11-2011 02:21AM

mackg wrote: »

Wouldn't poking holes in the condom have been an awful lot easier and far less weird?

It'd be fairly weird if he was wearing it at the time.

whatdoicare · 04-11-2011 02:22AM

Cochore wrote: »

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html

It's hard to tell if she considers no part of her life to be private or if she's just trolling for page clicks.

She looks like a crazy cat lady! Oh look.......she is!

starbelgrade · 04-11-2011 02:22AM

I think this is a case of the Daily Mail spermongering.

hondasam · 04-11-2011 02:23AM

starbelgrade wrote: »

He'll probably microwave it.

what was she doing with him in the first place, he would not sleep with her,he moved in because it was nearer to work.
She smacks of desperation, fecking woman, making an ass of herself and now telling the world about it.

mackg · 04-11-2011 02:26AM

starbelgrade wrote: »

It'd be fairly weird if he was wearing it at the time.

Please refrain from making posts that give me the mental image of my dick getting poked with a needle *shudder*.

tony1kenobi · 04-11-2011 02:26AM

She wanted to have a child to have something to show from the relationship.

The c*nt has everything she deserves.

I just feel sorry for her cat.Having to spend the rest of it's days with that horrible cock wallet.

And I hate cats.

OutlawPete · 04-11-2011 02:28AM

tony1kenobi wrote: »

..cock wallet.

Wtf is a cock wallet?

RDM_83 again · 04-11-2011 02:35AM

Very confused by this article, she doesn't want to be with either guy, and the first guy is clearly not going to be a financial asset in terms of child support why didn;t she just have AI or a few drunken one night stands?

hondasam · 04-11-2011 02:36AM

tony1kenobi wrote: »

She wanted to have a child to have something to show from the relationship.

The c*nt has everything she deserves.

I think she just wanted a child and was prepared to get it what ever way she could. He did not matter.

Alan b. · 04-11-2011 02:58AM

lesson learnd, always dump it in her eye, that way by the time she gets the stinging to stop, along with her vision back, it'll be too late.

Alopex · 04-11-2011 03:04AM

how is there no law covering this. That is evil.

Hasmunch · 04-11-2011 03:18AM

For any tl;drs out there

Woman wants babies, tries everything to steal sperm and get pregnant. Doesnt work.
Gets old childless and writes article about it.

The end

Saila · 04-11-2011 04:23AM

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

So what should we do with used condoms? Out the window? They block the jacks so its a risk to flush.

get her to swallow

no not the rubber!

seeing_ie · 04-11-2011 05:19AM

<snip>
mod: please don't bring PI into AH

ceadaoin. · 04-11-2011 09:25AM

This woman is a professional troll. Just look at her story about the Somalian famine, it makes Alison O'Riordan look like a pulitzer prize winning journalist.

She's probably paid a 6 figure salary to make up this sh!te.

Dravokivich · 04-11-2011 09:38AM

I saw something like that in a tv show once. There was a woman sleeping around trying to find the perfect partner to mate with. She put the used condoms into the freezer.