Liz Jones - Sperm Thief

Cochore

I called his bluff and told him there was no way I would want a baby with him, given he didn’t earn any money. Yet the truth was, I had hatched a plan that many will doubtless find shocking. Because he wouldn’t give me what I wanted, I decided to steal it from him. I resolved to steal his sperm from him in the middle of the night. I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals.
The ‘theft’ itself was alarmingly easy to carry out. One night, after sex, I took the used condom and, in the privacy of the bathroom, I did what I had to do. Bingo.

I don’t understand why more men aren’t wise to this risk — maybe sex addles their brain. So let me offer a warning to men wishing to avoid any chance of unwanted fatherhood: if a woman disappears to the loo immediately after sex, I suggest you find out exactly what she is up to.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html

It's hard to tell if she considers no part of her life to be private or if she's just trolling for page clicks.

GaelMonfils

haha, was reading this earlier today (and only because the notion of someone stealing sperm fascinated me!)

Wouldnt mind waking up with some chick trying to steal my sperm!;):cool:

admiralofthefleet

she used a turkey baster, now he needs a hanger and some gin

D1stant

Daily Mail - Intellect Thief

starbelgrade

I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals.

Lazy bitch wouldn't even cook him a home made dinner.

hondasam

Lazy bastard wouldn't even get rid of his own used condom. He will next time.

Wolfe Tone

Its times like that you need a sister to give the bitch a slap for you


So what should we do with used condoms? Out the window? They block the jacks so its a risk to flush.

GaelMonfils

mackg wrote: »

I thought sperm died after being out of the body for a few seconds?

nope, they can last for weeks in water. I put some in my sea monkeys 2 months ago and they are still going strong

starbelgrade

hondasam wrote: »

Lazy bastard wouldn't even get rid of his own used condom. He will next time.

He'll probably microwave it.

mackg

Wouldn't poking holes in the condom have been an awful lot easier and far less weird?

EDIT: I checked it there and they die in like 3 hours just in a room, its if they get absorbed into clothes they die fast.

aidan_walsh

I'll bet she cooks a great rabbit stew.

im invisible

Pics? im not sure where i stand on this issue, i need pics...

starbelgrade

mackg wrote: »

Wouldn't poking holes in the condom have been an awful lot easier and far less weird?

It'd be fairly weird if he was wearing it at the time.

whatdoicare

Cochore wrote: »

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html

It's hard to tell if she considers no part of her life to be private or if she's just trolling for page clicks.

She looks like a crazy cat lady! Oh look.......she is!

starbelgrade

I think this is a case of the Daily Mail spermongering.

hondasam

starbelgrade wrote: »

He'll probably microwave it.

what was she doing with him in the first place, he would not sleep with her,he moved in because it was nearer to work.
She smacks of desperation, fecking woman, making an ass of herself and now telling the world about it.

mackg

starbelgrade wrote: »

It'd be fairly weird if he was wearing it at the time.

Please refrain from making posts that give me the mental image of my dick getting poked with a needle *shudder*.

tony1kenobi

She wanted to have a child to have something to show from the relationship.

The c*nt has everything she deserves.

I just feel sorry for her cat.Having to spend the rest of it's days with that horrible cock wallet.

And I hate cats.

OutlawPete

tony1kenobi wrote: »

..cock wallet.

Wtf is a cock wallet?

RDM_83 again

Very confused by this article, she doesn't want to be with either guy, and the first guy is clearly not going to be a financial asset in terms of child support why didn;t she just have AI or a few drunken one night stands?

hondasam

tony1kenobi wrote: »

She wanted to have a child to have something to show from the relationship.

The c*nt has everything she deserves.

I think she just wanted a child and was prepared to get it what ever way she could. He did not matter.

Alan b.

lesson learnd, always dump it in her eye, that way by the time she gets the stinging to stop, along with her vision back, it'll be too late.

Alopex

how is there no law covering this. That is evil.

Hasmunch

For any tl;drs out there

Woman wants babies, tries everything to steal sperm and get pregnant. Doesnt work.
Gets old childless and writes article about it.

The end

Saila

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

So what should we do with used condoms? Out the window? They block the jacks so its a risk to flush.

get her to swallow

no not the rubber!

seeing_ie

<snip>
mod: please don't bring PI into AH

ceadaoin.

This woman is a professional troll. Just look at her story about the Somalian famine, it makes Alison O'Riordan look like a pulitzer prize winning journalist.

She's probably paid a 6 figure salary to make up this sh!te.

Dravokivich

I saw something like that in a tv show once. There was a woman sleeping around trying to find the perfect partner to mate with. She put the used condoms into the freezer.

stupidusername

More like Jizz Jones,wha? :pac:

Rubecula

starbelgrade wrote: »

It'd be fairly weird if he was wearing it at the time.

Dear lord that is the funniest thing I have read for days hours minutes.

Nearly choked on my weetabix.

Snakeblood

Liz Jones is. Well, she's Liz Jones. I'm not sure there's a more accurate descriptor, given I can't say cunt.

token56

Do some condoms not contain spermicide too?

Squarewave

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/liz-jones-launches-used-condom-appeal-201111034504/

PeterIanStaker

She clearly has issues or is making this all up. Does anyone think this would happen in real life? I hope not.

Dotrel

Squarewave wrote: »

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/liz-jones-launches-used-condom-appeal-201111034504/

The head on her. No wonder she had to steal the stuff.

LeeHoffmann

if a woman disappears to the loo immediately after sex, I suggest you find out exactly what she is up to.

I don't think anyone needs to know exactly what she's doing

PrincessLola

This woman is attention seeking and batsh*t crazy, but the article is trying to make it look like stealing a man's sperm is something all women do or contemplate doing.
Its giving the basement dwellers another excuse to hate women

Women can't be trusted. They take what they can from men without caring what the man wants, just so long as it makes them happy. When things go wrong though, it's always the mans fault.

case in point. :rolleyes:

Snakeblood

PrincessLola wrote: »

This woman is attention seeking and batsh*t crazy, but the article is trying to make it look like stealing a man's sperm is something all women do or contemplate doing.

This is established fact:


General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: [very nervous] Lord, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first began?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: I... no, no. I don't, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, Jack, Jack, listen... tell me, tell me, Jack. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory?
General Jack D. Ripper: [somewhat embarassed] Well, I, uh... I... I... first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No.
General Jack D. Ripper: But I... I do deny them my essence.

LeeHoffmann

why does General Jack D. Ripper have Obama's voice when I read that?

Abi

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

So what should we do with used condoms? Out the window? They block the jacks so its a risk to flush.

Fill it up with water and drain it down sink or jacks or something.


I'd say she even smells of crazy. Mad stuff.

Wetai

"I don’t understand why more men aren’t wise to this risk — maybe sex addles their brain. So let me offer a warning to men wishing to avoid any chance of unwanted fatherhood: if a woman disappears to the loo immediately after sex, I suggest you find out exactly what she is up to. "
She's acting as if she's performing a public service by warning people about this :rolleyes:

She's probably expecting to get child support-type payments from him now if it had worked. :l.

starbelgrade

LiamN wrote: »

if a woman disappears to the loo immediately after sex, I suggest you find out exactly what she is up to.

Normally it's just a huers bath.

floorpie

mackg wrote: »

Wouldn't poking holes in the condom have been an awful lot easier and far less weird?

On the other hand, poking holes would mean it'd leak when she's sneaking off to the bathroom.

Don't want to get Liz Jones pregnant...do or don't poke holes in condom?! It's a trap

earpiece

In that photo it looks like she's got something in her mouth she's keeping for later!

Snakeblood

floorpie wrote: »

On the other hand, poking holes would mean it'd leak when she's sneaking off to the bathroom.

Don't want to get Liz Jones pregnant...do or don't poke holes in condom?! It's a trap

Best solution is for no one ever to have sex with Liz Jones. EVER.

Dotrel

He could have saved us from this whole article by just shooting off in her face at the end of the deed. Nothing says "I like things as they are" like a face full of jizz.

Feisar

Anyone watch Bad Teacher? Cameron Diaz's character says Chicago Bulls players bring their condoms with them after a one night stand.

super_furry

I know it's not right to wish death on anyone but if the people who write for the Daily Mail had simply never been, I think the world would be a slightly brighter place.

Snakeblood

super_furry wrote: »

I know it's not right to wish death on anyone but if the people who write for the Daily Mail had simply never been, I think the world would be a slightly brighter place.

Console yourself with the idea that they manage to combine easily proven ineptitude with their malevolence. Someone who is good at engineering agenda driven bile is much harder to spot.

stovelid

I love the way the way they try and turn some statistically remote batshit occurence into an epidemic via steroidal journalism.

Abi

stovelid wrote: »

I love the way the way they try and turn some statistically remote batshit occurence into an epidemic via steroidal journalism.

Will you have sex with me? I don't want a baby :pac: