average recession wedding gift??

Monife · 14-10-2011 05:24PM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Just hand over the cash.
It's a no brainer - no wondering what they like/would want.

They wan't cash.
Even if they don't tell you - they wan't cash.

How much is appropriate??
Anything less than €150 is unusual to my knowledge.

But you will find that people you think have plenty give a tiny present, and those who you think have nothing pull out all the stops.

I wouldn't like to turn up personally with less than €200...so I don't!

Gosh, wish I had more guests like you at my wedding

We got mainly actual presents than cash. My mother paid for my dress and my dad paid for the meal (50 guests, meal at a hotel, reception back at my dads pub). Then family and the 3 friends I allowed my mother invite all got us gifts like newbridge candle holders, wine glasses, photoframes, bed linen etc We got a little bit of cash of a few people. To my disgust we got a deep fat fryer, I had told the OH under no circumstances was a deep fat fryer ever entering our house (much to his disappointment) and he was only delighted we got one :pac:

iguana · 14-10-2011 05:31PM

All right people, cut it out with the sniping or I'm handing out infractions.

amdublin · 14-10-2011 10:39PM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Just hand over the cash.
It's a no brainer - no wondering what they like/would want.

They wan't cash.
Even if they don't tell you - they wan't cash.

How much is appropriate??
Anything less than €150 is unusual to my knowledge.

But you will find that people you think have plenty give a tiny present, and those who you think have nothing pull out all the stops.

I wouldn't like to turn up personally with less than €200...so I don't!

I don't want cash

I don't want anything except people to come to the party that I've decided to throw to celebrate my wedding and have a great night.

Simple as.

eyescreamcone · 14-10-2011 10:43PM

amdublin wrote: »

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Just hand over the cash.
It's a no brainer - no wondering what they like/would want.

They wan't cash.
Even if they don't tell you - they wan't cash.

How much is appropriate??
Anything less than €150 is unusual to my knowledge.

But you will find that people you think have plenty give a tiny present, and those who you think have nothing pull out all the stops.

I wouldn't like to turn up personally with less than €200...so I don't!

I don't want cash

I don't want anything except people to come to the party that I've decided to throw to celebrate my wedding and have a great night.

Simple as.

Well u will get presents.
If you don't want anything then give it all to charity.

Yeah, right!

devotional1993 · 14-10-2011 10:47PM

my advice is to not get married-worst mistake any man can make.

allthedoyles · 14-10-2011 10:49PM

When we got married many moons ago , we got 15 wall clocks .

Nowadays we give €100 when invited to full bash .

amdublin · 14-10-2011 11:35PM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Well u will get presents.
If you don't want anything then give it all to charity.

Yeah, right!

You seem to think that someone would not do this?

eyescreamcone · 14-10-2011 11:45PM

amdublin wrote: »

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Well u will get presents.
If you don't want anything then give it all to charity.

Yeah, right!

You seem to think that someone would not do this?

Maybe someone very rich might contemplate giving all their presents to charity!

Not too many ordinary people would do this.

iguana · 14-10-2011 11:54PM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Maybe someone very rich might contemplate giving all their presents to charity!

Not too many ordinary people would do this.

Plenty of people do it. I did, as did many of my friends. None of us are rich, some even have sizeable debt. It's extremely common in my experience.

Some people don't want to gain anything from a wedding but a marriage.

eyescreamcone · 15-10-2011 12:01AM

iguana wrote: »

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Maybe someone very rich might contemplate giving all their presents to charity!

Not too many ordinary people would do this.

Plenty of people do it. I did, as did many of my friends. None of us are rich, some even have sizeable debt. It's extremely common in my experience.

Some people don't want to gain anything from a wedding but a marriage.

Your group of friends are not the norm.
This is only my opinion.

amdublin · 15-10-2011 12:11AM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Your group of friends are not the norm.
This is only my opinion.

Yes they may not be the norm......but that is not to say they are wrong...

I can only speak for myself:
I have everything I need so therefore I don't want gifts -money whatever.

If I throw I party I never ever expect my guests to pay for it... I am intrigued that there are people out there who think the opposite tbh.

John Mason · 15-10-2011 10:46AM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Your group of friends are not the norm.
This is only my opinion.

i have done it, and so have most of my friends.

may be it is normal:cool:

ionapaul · 15-10-2011 10:58AM

TonyStark wrote: »

I think it's pretty crass to expect a couple starting out in married life to pay for a meal for someone attending the wedding. At the very least pay for what you eat..otherwise you will be gossiped about and branded a skinflint. If you can't afford to at least do this don't go.

On the other side of the coin giving something non cash as a present is a tried and trusted method of off loading some boxed up bit of junk that's gathering dust in your attic.

Wow, still amazed that people are now expected to give €100 per person / €200 per couple - that's a lot of dough for a day out! I can easily afford to give that (similarly I could continue to drink as much milk as I currently do if a litre of milk cost €10...affordability isn't always relevant is it!) or indeed more as I've been going to only 1 wedding a year in recent years but didn't know the goalposts have moved so much in terms of expected cash gift. Are we really expected to be seen to 'pay' for our meal by way of cash gift / do the married couple not expect to pay for most of the celebration themselves?

I'm not married so I've no real idea of all the financials and expectations involved, my close friends and family members have been getting married in recent years and I wouldn't have thought any of them would be relying on cash gifts to pay for anything, they were all in good financial stead, maybe it is a different story for those who need to borrow the money for the wedding?

dresstoimpress · 15-10-2011 11:10AM

I don't think this thread is about expectations. but in hindsight, what was actually received in gifts for an average wedding.
Our average gift was about €95 a person, this is including generous gifts from our parents, and the few people who attended and gave us nothing. I also included children who attended when calculating the average and cash gifts from people who didn't attend the wedding.
I was shocked how generous so many people are, and we definitely didn't expect to receive so much.

sh1tstirrer · 15-10-2011 11:16AM

RoverJames wrote: »

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple. They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

That's how I see it anyway, and I am single so have not had a wedding.

Maybe they should have charged their guests a fee to come to their wedding :rolleyes:

kandr10 · 16-10-2011 08:40PM

I don't specify to my friends what I want for birthday/christmas. Some people gave us engagement presents, but we didn't tell them what to get then. So why is a wedding any different? Be grateful for whatever you do get.

eyescreamcone · 16-10-2011 10:23PM

kandr10 wrote: »

I don't specify to my friends what I want for birthday/christmas. Some people gave us engagement presents, but we didn't tell them what to get then. So why is a wedding any different? Be grateful for whatever you do get.

It is traditional to give a wedding present.
If you didn't bring a present you would be unusual.

MazG · 17-10-2011 02:20AM

Yes, it is traditional to give a wedding present. I think most people would agree with that statement. But it is still extremely bad manners to firstly assume that everyone must give a gift and then demand that it come in the form of cash (or a donation to charity, or toasters, or Waterford crystal, or whatever), and then get miffed if the 'cash value' of the gift isn't above a certain minimum amount (for some reason, this seems to be the cost of the meal, though how the guest is supposed to know this is beyond me - perhaps they're supposed to ring the hotel and find out and plan the gift accordingly). It is the perogative of the giver to decide what the gift will be. Having said that, I don't have a problem with a couple who express a preference for cash, crystal or whatever when asked by a friend or relative what they would like.

I realise that the end result is much the same, but you can see for yourself from the posts on this thread the annoyance that is caused when a couple pre-emptively demands their preference.

Someone way back in last year's section of the thread compared it to marching into your granny's house the week before your birthday and demanding that she get you the present that you want. I thought that was a pretty good comparison myself.

For the record, I got married in June and as I recall the most common cash gift we received was €150 -€200 per couple. Some gave less, but certainly don't think they were stingy or mean, in fact I actually can't remember now which guests gave what amount.

kandr10 · 17-10-2011 03:19PM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

It is traditional to give a wedding present.
If you didn't bring a present you would be unusual.

I didn't say that it wasn't.

I'm saying people give gifts for lots of occasions so why would you put in special requests (ie money only) for a wedding when it's not done otherwise.

campo · 17-10-2011 03:46PM

kandr10 wrote: »

I didn't say that it wasn't.

I'm saying people give gifts for lots of occasions so why would you put in special requests (ie money only) for a wedding when it's not done otherwise.

But playing devils advocate if it was a funeral and the family asked for no flowers or dontation only to some charity you would not be offended.
But if a couple getting married who has no use of gifts wheter it be toasters or otherwise state that they would prefer money as a gift people get there nose up.

I spoke to a few guest who will be attending my wedding over the weeked and told them straight out not to buy a present that if they did want to give anything and they did not have to ( infact a few I told flat out give nothing as they cant affod anything ) to give cash in a card and they were delighted at this as most of them said they would not have a clue what to buy us anyway so suits everyone.

Now I know it does not work this way for every wedding but if I was invited to a wedding and couple asked for just cash I would not mind I would just give the same amount of cash that I would have spent on their present better going to them then brown thomas or where ever

John Mason · 17-10-2011 05:48PM

campo wrote: »

But playing devils advocate if it was a funeral and the family asked for no flowers or dontation only to some charity you would not be offended.
But if a couple getting married who has no use of gifts wheter it be toasters or otherwise state that they would prefer money as a gift people get there nose up.

thats not comparing like with like though unless you have registered yourself as a charity. if you have by all means send a copy of your CHY with your invites

kandr10 · 17-10-2011 07:02PM

campo wrote: »

kandr10 wrote: »

I didn't say that it wasn't.

I'm saying people give gifts for lots of occasions so why would you put in special requests (ie money only) for a wedding when it's not done otherwise.

But playing devils advocate if it was a funeral and the family asked for no flowers or dontation only to some charity you would not be offended.
But if a couple getting married who has no use of gifts wheter it be toasters or otherwise state that they would prefer money as a gift people get there nose up.

I spoke to a few guest who will be attending my wedding over the weeked and told them straight out not to buy a present that if they did want to give anything and they did not have to ( infact a few I told flat out give nothing as they cant affod anything ) to give cash in a card and they were delighted at this as most of them said they would not have a clue what to buy us anyway so suits everyone.

Now I know it does not work this way for every wedding but if I was invited to a wedding and couple asked for just cash I would not mind I would just give the same amount of cash that I would have spent on their present better going to them then brown thomas or where ever

Well you've made a good point - funeral is only acceptable time to say you would prefer one thing over another.

Diddler1977 · 17-10-2011 10:05PM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

It is traditional to give a wedding present.
If you didn't bring a present you would be unusual.

It is traditional to give a gift at weddings but it is not traditional to "pay for your meal"

amdublin · 17-10-2011 10:11PM

campo wrote: »

But playing devils advocate if it was a funeral and the family asked for no flowers or dontation only to some charity you would not be offended.
But if a couple getting married who has no use of gifts wheter it be toasters or otherwise state that they would prefer money as a gift people get there nose up.

I spoke to a few guest who will be attending my wedding over the weeked and told them straight out not to buy a present that if they did want to give anything and they did not have to ( infact a few I told flat out give nothing as they cant affod anything ) to give cash in a card and they were delighted at this as most of them said they would not have a clue what to buy us anyway so suits everyone.

Now I know it does not work this way for every wedding but if I was invited to a wedding and couple asked for just cash I would not mind I would just give the same amount of cash that I would have spent on their present better going to them then brown thomas or where ever

But flowers at a funeral aren't really a "gift"...

MazG · 18-10-2011 02:51AM

campo wrote: »

But playing devils advocate if it was a funeral and the family asked for no flowers or dontation only to some charity you would not be offended.
But if a couple getting married who has no use of gifts wheter it be toasters or otherwise state that they would prefer money as a gift people get there nose up.

I spoke to a few guest who will be attending my wedding over the weeked and told them straight out not to buy a present that if they did want to give anything and they did not have to ( infact a few I told flat out give nothing as they cant affod anything ) to give cash in a card and they were delighted at this as most of them said they would not have a clue what to buy us anyway so suits everyone.

Now I know it does not work this way for every wedding but if I was invited to a wedding and couple asked for just cash I would not mind I would just give the same amount of cash that I would have spent on their present better going to them then brown thomas or where ever

Interesting point about the funeral issue, but I agree with amdublin that flowers at a funeral aren't a gift in the same sense as a birthday or wedding gift.

As for the rest of your post. I don't have any problem at all with you responding honestly to your guests when asked what your preference for a gift would be because 1) if a guest says 'I'm getting you a wedding present, do you have any preference?' then you are not being rude by assuming that they must give a present and 2) you are answering a direct question truthfully.

Would it get my back up if a couple made clear their wish for cash (or other) as a present before being asked. Yes. Would I go so far as to go "Humph, X&Y are being rude, so I will teach them a lesson and buy them a hideous gift"? Probably not. Might be tempted though, depending on the couple in question

average recession wedding gift??

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