average recession wedding gift??

mossyhennebry

Just wondering what the average cash wedding gift is these days?

Best friends will be very generous, Grandparents can't be expected to give too much - so what's the general average?

Just curious as we booked our venue last week and trying to make a realistic guesstimate as to how much we may owe after the day.

Toots

Ooooh, can is opened - worms are everywhere!!!

I'll just say what will probably be repeated all the way down this thread, and has been said many times before on wedding present value threads:

Don't try to offset the cost of the reception against the predicted value of gifts. Work out your budget, and plan a wedding that you could afford if you didn't get cash gifts, then treat any cash gifts as a bonus.

You never know what people will give, and even if there is an average, there's no guarantee that will reflect what your guests give. If the average was €100 per couple, you could still very easily end up with €800, and a load of kitchen goods. Particularly with the (and I hate using this expression) 'current economic climate', a lot more people I've spoken to about this have started giving non cash gifts. Like you could buy a nice piece of crystal for €50 that would be a very suitable wedding gift, so if someone couldn't afford to give €100, but think a €50 might look a bit scabby in a card, this would be a good option for them.

mossyhennebry

i'll start tidying up these worms soon!

those comments are very true, toots. we are actually going to set up a gift account in our local interior designers shop. The lady that works here helped out when we first decorated our house and we never got around to buying some house stuff that we would really like. for example - curtains, rugs, large wall clocks, coffee tables, book cases, etc.

The shop owner simply sets up the gift account and keeps a list of every person/couple who contributes to the gift. People can contribute as little or as much as they feel appropriate - and every contributor gets put on the list. As the married couple, we will never know how much 'John and Mary' contributed as opposed to 'Granny and Grandad'.

This way we dont end up with multiple toasters, and other stuff that we may not necessarily have chosen ourselves.

are we saying that 50e is a realistic amount to estimate per head?

BC

You need to make sure you can afford the wedding even if you get no cash in presents.

tomcollins97

Be prepard not to be given cash. Many people who are strapped for cash will buy an ornamental gift that you will be unable to put a price on an thus say they were 'mean'

A wedding is an expensive day for guests so don't be expecting too much.

mossyhennebry

two close friends recently got married - one in Athlone and one in Carlow. We discussed budgets, costings and presents very frankly. They didn't do too bad on presents. I think 50e would be a conservative estimate.

With regards to not spending more on the wedding day than we can afford - €7.50 isnt going to get much of a wedding!! haha

hunnymonster

I think the point is that if you are relying on gifts to pay for the wedding then you're taking a huge risk. It's much better to wait until you can afford it or scale the plans back. Just because one couple did well, it doesn't mean it will be repeated.

mossyhennebry

by no means am I expecting it to be a money-making exercise...but it's booked now and the deposit is paid. Between our own savings over the next few months and 'donations' from both sets of parents - we will have it covered.

amdublin

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Just wondering what the average cash wedding gift is these days?

Best friends will be very generous, Grandparents can't be expected to give too much - so what's the general average?

Just curious as we booked our venue last week and trying to make a realistic guesstimate as to how much we may owe after the day.

Are you inviting your guests to pay for your wedding or to celebrate your wedding?

What if everyone buys you a silver photo frame?

Diddler1977

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Just wondering what the average cash wedding gift is these days?

Best friends will be very generous, Grandparents can't be expected to give too much - so what's the general average?

Just curious as we booked our venue last week and trying to make a realistic guesstimate as to how much we may owe after the day.

One option would be to sell tickets to your wedding - at least you will make a guaranteed amount and it will save you having to make a "realistic guesstimate" as to how much you will owe after the day.

Or you could save for the day, and pay for your wedding from your savings and be glad to see your friends and family on the day bearing gifts....or not!

John Mason

myself and partner do not give cash gifts for weddings or any other ocassion.

we buy presents.

i would be running your wedding budget on the basis that no-one gives you cash.

seamus

Diddler1977 wrote: »

One option would be to sell tickets to your wedding - at least you will make a guaranteed amount and it will save you having to make a "realistic guesstimate" as to how much you will owe after the day.

Or you could save for the day, and pay for your wedding from your savings and be glad to see your friends and family on the day bearing gifts....or not!

There's no reason to jump down the guy's throat. He/she is going upon the realistic basis that people will give them money, so why not factor that into the calculations?

However, as irishbird points out, some people have an ethical/mental/other block about giving cash and will always provide a gift, even if it's a gift voucher and not cash.

Others will buy ornaments and the like - you *will* end up with more wine glasses than you could ever need.

Others will give you nothing.

So it's next to impossible come up with any kind of realistic figure as to how much hard cash (if any) you will have the day after the wedding.

So budget as if you'll have none and consider any cash afterwards to be a bonus.

If you're looking to set up a wedding registry/gift list and are trying to determine what's a reasonably-priced gift for someone to buy from the registry, then gifts between €25 and €50 would be reasonable. If someone wants to spend more money, they can buy multiple gifts, but those who are short on cash can also afford to buy an individual item.

galah

here's a dilemma though - we got married last year, while the recession wasnt totally in full swing yet - and people were very generous. Now a lot of these people are getting married this year, and our cash flow isnt that fantastic at the moment, so for us, it may be difficult to match the degree of generosity - what to do?

(this is not about covering costs for weddings, but obviously you don't want to be seen to be mean by not giving an at least similar amount of cash).

Any ideas?

LoanShark

Getting Married next Saturday,

To date we have got about

8x €100 Cheques/Cash

Two Lamps

Her family are paying for the Photographer, my Mum bought the wine,Her parents gave a BIG donation last year..

But it ain't all about the money my family and friends have to travel and stay in hotel as do some of her family..SO, We are not expecting a big cash cow, which is fine, We just want to get married!

hunnymonster

irishbird wrote: »

myself and partner do not give cash gifts for weddings or any other ocassion.

we buy presents.

even if you know the couple / person would prefer cask? why?

Diddler1977

galah wrote: »

(this is not about covering costs for weddings, but obviously you don't want to be seen to be mean by not giving an at least similar amount of cash).

Any ideas?

Friends don't judge people as being mean just because they don't give similar size cash presents.

Give what you can afford and know that you were invited so that you could celebrate their special day with them - you were not invited specifically so they could get a gift from you.

John Mason

hunnymonster wrote: »

even if you know the couple / person would prefer cask? why?

few reasons why i dont give cash ; -

1. i find it very crass - this the main reason. I would hope people invite me to their wedding to help them celebrate their day, not help them pay for the wedding;

2. if i am expected to pay E100 a meal, i want something decent, not the muck you get served at weddings;

hunnymonster

irishbird wrote: »

1. i find it very crass - this the main reason. I would hope people invite me to their wedding to help them celebrate their day, not help them pay for the wedding;

I would hope so too and I imagine for the most part people do invite the people they want there to celebrate their day but if a couple are already living together and you know they'll hate the glasses/photo frame/ lamp, would it not be better to allow them choose something they prefer or give nothing if that suits you better. I know a local charity shop did very well when we got engaged as we just don't have room for the stuff we were given.

How Strange

hunnymonster wrote: »

I would hope so too and I imagine for the most part people do invite the people they want there to celebrate their day but if a couple are already living together and you know they'll hate the glasses/photo frame/ lamp, would it not be better to allow them choose something they prefer or give nothing if that suits you better. I know a local charity shop did very well when we got engaged as we just don't have room for the stuff we were given.

I agree 100%.

Cash may seem crass but it's more useful than an apartment full of lamps, cutlery and other things that people think will be really useful to you.

Our apartment is bursting at the seams and we just don't have room for anything else. On the other hand we are at a stage when we need to start doing things around the place as we're living there 5 year so things need to be updated or replaced.

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple. They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

That's how I see it anyway, and I am single so have not had a wedding.

whatdoicare

A fantastic idea I've come across gift wise, is to go to the parents and offer to pay for a part of the wedding.
I'm getting married in a few months and word must have gotten around about this idea as:
A close friend bought the cake topper
Brother bought the cake
Uncle bought my dress (I didn't get an expensive dress- ebay is my friend)
Parents paid for photographer
A few friends all chipped in together and bought my hair and make up package
Fiancees mam bought us flights to honey moon and his sisters bought a voucher for a hotel website.
Cousin bought my hair tiara thingy and another bought my shoes
Fiancees cousins chipped in for suit rental for grooms men.
I thought it was fantastic and as you can see I appreciate and remember what everyone bought and it really really helped us out!
It's much better than getting a cash gift and much more personal!
Just a idea, if that helps.

Alliandre

RoverJames wrote: »

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple. They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

That's how I see it anyway, and I am single so have not had a wedding.

I would absolutely hate to think that people wouldn't go to my wedding because they can't afford to give us €100. I want to share our special day with our friends and family and I honestly don't care if we don't get any presents. Obviously if we get any, it's a plus, but we're not having a wedding to get presents/money.

Dostoevsky

Wedding lists make so much sense when the alternative is 800 candle holders, 110 lamps, 70 knives, forks and the rest.

This is just a modern version of the 8,000,000 toasters which the average bride and groom had to endure until the 1990s. They are just not very creative or thoughtful gifts. (to put it mildly)

On the other hand, the wedding list itself is redundant for those of us who have not got our home yet - where will we put all the stuff? And how do we know it will fit in the house we want? Is it the right colour/ does it match everything else?

But I'd rather have stuff stored in a garage that we will have some use for than multiple versions of stuff in it that we'll have no use for.

Overall, then, money makes much more sense as a wedding gift in our particular circumstance. If we had just bought a house, a wedding list would make more sense. But having multiple versions of wedding presents is an absolute waste at any time, particularly during a recession.

Toots

Dostoevsky wrote: »

Wedding lists make so much sense when the alternative is 800 candle holders, 110 lamps, 70 knives, forks and the rest.

This is just a modern version of the 8,000,000 toasters which the average bride and groom had to endure until the 1990s. They are just not very creative or thoughtful gifts. (to put it mildly)

LOL at the idea of that many toasters, you could use them as bricks to build a house!!

Wedding lists are a good idea, however if you're having one at a particular store, make sure it's one that has prices to suit all budgets. A relative of my OH's got married last year and had their wedding list in Brown Thomas, so we went in to get something for them and the cheapest thing on the list was €150!! There had been other things that were cheaper, but they'd already been bought! Needless to say we bought them something somewhere else!

mossyhennebry

mossyhennebry wrote: »

The shop owner simply sets up the gift account and keeps a list of every person/couple who contributes to the gift. People can contribute as little or as much as they feel appropriate - and every contributor gets put on the list. As the married couple, we will never know how much 'John and Mary' contributed as opposed to 'Granny and Grandad'.

I'm going off topic as I'm not going to comment on the average amount but I think this is a very very very bad idea.

For a start, how on earth are you going to know if the nice lady in the interior design shop is being honest about how much is being put on your account?

and secondly, if she goes into liquidation, you can kiss every single penny of that money goodbye.

I would steer well clear.

Toots

Deleted User wrote: »

nd secondly, if she goes into liquidation, you can kiss every single penny of that money goodbye.

I would steer well clear.

That is actually a very good point, and unfortunately it is a real risk today.

tatli_lokma

+1 to above post

mossyhennebry wrote: »

The shop owner simply sets up the gift account and keeps a list of every person/couple who contributes to the gift. People can contribute as little or as much as they feel appropriate - and every contributor gets put on the list. As the married couple, we will never know how much 'John and Mary' contributed as opposed to 'Granny and Grandad'.

you're putting a lot of trust in the lady in the interior shop - if you are not told who gave what, then how in hell will you know if €100 was given or €1000 other than the lady in the shop telling you? For all you know she could be skimming €10 off every gift? She could get €1000 and tell you she got €800! No disrespect to the lady in the shop - i don't mean to say that this is what she is or will do, but personally I wouldn't tell people to pay into an account and just 'trust' the shopowner to tell me honestly what the final amount was!

sillysocks

If you were going to use the wedding list idea Id' recommend Arnotts - we set up a small list there for our wedding after a few people specifically asked if we had a list.

The list was great, people bought online or in store and we got a list of everything everyone bought. After the wedding you can review the list and if you change your mind on anything you can take vouchers for the value of it instead. We also got something like 5% of the value of gifts in a voucher as a bonus too.
Because they've such a good variety of stuff in Arnotts you can use the vouchers for anything then, even some new clothes for yourselves after the wedding

As other people say you're probably better to stick with a bigger company with the 'current climate'. Guests can order online as well.

sillysocks

sillysocks wrote: »

As other people say you're probably better to stick with a bigger company with the 'current climate'. Guests can order online as well.

Arnotts are in financial difficulty currently. They bought land at the height of the boom and have just had a huge cash injection to keep them in business. Just saying is all

welfarequestion

As others have said I'd steer clear of any idea of relying on presents to pay off your wedding. Partially because - from the way it was phrased in your original post - it is crass, and also because you can't rely on anything.

We had a small enough wedding mainly because that was what we wanted but also because of the cost. We had enough saved beforehand to pay for the wedding outright so we had no loans and no reliance on gifts. As it happened because of our living circumstances at the moment we did mainly get cash,but if we had received all household appliances etc we would have been fine with that too. TBH asking what the average gift is doesn't really reflect well on you or what you are expecting of the day. Certainly any gifts we did recieve were greatly appreciated, and ok maybe cash was more useful to us for future lives, but we never said "ok 180 guests times 50 euro means we'll make 9,000e"

Forget about the gifts, concentrate on what you want on your wedding day, cut out extras like open bar/seat covers/favours if needs be but do not get yourself into debt based on what you might get.

Sorry if it seems harsh:o

Diddler1977

RoverJames wrote: »

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple.

An empty card!!!! you mean they had written nothing in it???? No best wishes for the couple getting married????

You do know that a card is not intended as a money envelope don't you?

Diddler1977

RoverJames wrote: »

They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

Wrong. It shouldn't cost the guests any money to attend.

When you decide to throw a party, you must also decide to foot the bill. Guests do not pay for parties that they are invited to.

Diddler1977

Diddler1977 wrote: »

An empty card!!!! you mean they had written nothing in it???? No best wishes for the couple getting married????

You do know that a card is not intended as a money envelope don't you?

In do indeed but not giving a gift to someone is rather rotten of folk I reckon, as I have said earlier if you're out of work or a pensioner fair enough but otherwise it's bad form in my eyes. The couple in question had out on a great day for all the guests and clearly had gone to great expense. One of them had lost their job just before the wedding and they had no honey moon. They weren't complaining at all about the cards, 'twas the grooms man told me, I thought it was p1ss poor form from some people. It was young living it up couples who were the in my eyes the culprits, not those with kids, mortgages etc.

Diddler1977

Diddler1977 wrote: »

Wrong. It shouldn't cost the guests any money to attend.

When you decide to throw a party, you must also decide to foot the bill. Guests do not pay for parties that they are invited to.

Are you for real, you reckon cash as a wedding gift is not the way to go :rolleyes:
You must be one of these tight folk who turn up at barbeques and the like without bringing anything.

Diddler1977

RoverJames wrote: »

Are you for real, you reckon cash as a wedding gift is not the way to go :rolleyes:
You must be one of these tight folk who turn up at barbeques and the like without bringing anything.

I don't invite people to a wedding party I am throwing and then expect them to pay for it.

Diddler1977

Diddler1977 wrote: »

I don't invite people to a wedding party I am throwing and then expect them to pay for it.

In fairness you have the right idea, turning up empty handed at all the ones you were invited to over the years will probably guarantee no one will bring a gift for you, if they turn up at all

sharms

RoverJames wrote: »

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple. They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

That's how I see it anyway, and I am single so have not had a wedding.

OH MY LORD how obnoxious...yes weddings are expensive and personally any wedding I attend I give 150 Euro for myself and prob 250 it's both myself and my boyfriend going. I can afford to and I only go to weddings of people I actually care about... not the one's where you're invited to make up numbers...

Anyways I give that because I want to but never under any circumstances do I feel that people should have to give a gift or money to a certain amount. When I get married I'll do so because I actually want to marry to person I am with, I wont be relying on other people to pay for that. It's so rude.. I'm inviting you to my wedding now please pay for own dinner etc.

Lovely

sharms

sharms wrote: »

OH MY LORD how obnoxious...yes weddings are expensive and personally any wedding I attend I give 150 Euro for myself and prob 250 it's both myself and my boyfriend going. I can afford to and I only go to weddings of people I actually care about... not the one's where you're invited to make up numbers...



Lovely

I agree with you, I only go to peoples weddings that I care about too, thankfully folks I don't care about haven't invited me. Why don't you give an empty card ?

I'm far from obnoxious too Darling

gleep

Here's one for you. If you invite 200 guests and bank on getting €50 from each, then they turn up and only 50 of them have matched your expected gift, will you regret inviting them? Will you be disappointed?

If so then it's time to scale back. And you're a horrible person!:p Lol!

mossyhennebry

welfarequestion wrote: »

As others have said I'd steer clear of any idea of relying on presents to pay off your wedding.

...if we had received all household appliances etc we would have been fine with that too.

...cut out extras like open bar/seat covers/favours if needs be but do not get yourself into debt based on what you might get.

Sorry if it seems harsh:o

In no shape or form am I expecting gifts to pay off the wedding. Although whatever cash gifts we do receive will go directly towards the cost of the wedding meal. This is seperate to the costs related to suits, flowers, the dress, hair makeup etc.

Somehow - I find it hard to believe that if you received household appliances like juicers, coffee makers, kettles and toasters that you would have been fine with that. What would you have done with all these gifts? give them away to a charity shop? try to sell them?

As it stands - we have a mortgage and are both very grounded people. We will not be having an open bar or favours. Seat covers are included. We are not in the habit of spending money just to look good.

gleep wrote: »

...will you regret inviting them? Will you be disappointed?

If so then it's time to scale back. And you're a horrible person!:p Lol!

Regret inviting people - no. Be a little disappointed - maybe. We have some close friends and a few more people we are friendly with. We would never turn up to a party or a barbeque empty handed, and certainly not to a wedding. I don't think anyone would turn up to a wedding empty handed.

The reason I started this thread was to get an idea of the average present.

If all the silly, argumentative, opinionated replies were deleted - there are only a handful of people who actually answered the question.

gleep

OK, I'd say €100/€150 per couple would be average right now, but I'm also saying don't bank on it, thats all. You don't know people's real financial situation, a lot of your friends will be like so many and have been living beyond their means for years. So they might not be able to stump up the expected gift.

If all the silly, argumentative, opinionated replies were deleted - there are only a handful of people who actually answered the question.

You do realise you're on Boards, right? ;-)

mossyhennebry

Thats fine gleep - i was estimating €50 per person as a conservative guess.

We recently attended 3 weddings and each gift was cash.

I think it's totally pointless giving a gift to a couple who have a newly built house decorated how they want it.

iguana

All right people, I know this is always a heated subject but keep it civil, anymore sniping and I'll be handing out infractions.

Diddler1977

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Just wondering what the average cash wedding gift is these days?

Best friends will be very generous, Grandparents can't be expected to give too much - so what's the general average?

Just curious as we booked our venue last week and trying to make a realistic guesstimate as to how much we may owe after the day.

I normally give 75-150 euro from myself - depending my humour.

However, I don't like it when I am looked upon as a cash cow or when the B&G think that I should cover the cost of my dinner because they invited me to celebrate their big day.

I would like to think that my friends would be glad to have me at their wedding and enjoying it with them whether I had brought a gift or not.

I also think a card with a nice inscription can be just as thoughtful as a chq. for 200 euro.

But that is just me.......I don't go throwing parties so my friends can foot the bill;)

killiank

I almost always have given cash as a gift at weddings. Ive often tried to suss out what the people in question want. Not by asking them directly but say asking the best man. In general cash has been the preferred option. If there is a wedding gift list then yeah id happily buy something from it.

My sister got married a little while back & some time after the wedding I called over to the house & she had boxes of silverware & crystal glasses stuff. She simply didnt have room on the shelves for half of it. So she ended up bringing them back & not getting anywhere near their value & basically traded the most of them in against a watch for herself & her husband.

I am getting married myself over the next year & I am fortunate to have the money saved for my wedding. If people bring presents great if they dont - well and good. Plenty of people have falled on hard times & id hate them not to come to the wedding because they felt they needed to bring a gift. Its an expensive enough for people already booking into hotels/getting hair done/ taking days off work etc. In the current climate (as FF would say) I woudlnt be expecting as much in presents as a year or two ago but I think in general the hotels arent taking the p!ss as much either.

mossyhennebry

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Although whatever cash gifts we do receive will go directly towards the cost of the wedding meal.

Does this mean you will be opening cards at the wedding?

killiank

Deleted User wrote: »

Does this mean you will be opening cards at the wedding?

you might need to wash the dishes after the meal to make up the balance,

John Mason

hunnymonster wrote: »

I would hope so too and I imagine for the most part people do invite the people they want there to celebrate their day but if a couple are already living together and you know they'll hate the glasses/photo frame/ lamp, would it not be better to allow them choose something they prefer or give nothing if that suits you better. I know a local charity shop did very well when we got engaged as we just don't have room for the stuff we were given.

i usually buy things like vouchers for afternoon tea in the clarion; woodies; ikea; hotair balloon rides etc.

if they are registered well and good, i will get something off the list but i do not give cash under any circumstances and tbh my cousin got married in september and they go very little cash, mainly vouchers and gifts.

OP do not rely on cash. really if you need the money given to you to help start your married life to pay for your wedding, you are starting married life on the wrong foot

hunnymonster

irishbird wrote: »

i usually buy things like vouchers for afternoon tea in the clarion; woodies; ikea; hotair balloon rides etc.

ALl great gifts if they are the right gift for the person/people in question but would not suit everyone.

amdublin

I find this topic crass. Are you inviting people for their presence or for their wallets?

To answer your question:
When I go to a wedding as a couple I give €100 plus a gift worth aprox €25 (newbridge silver/crystal or the like)

When I go on my own I give €100

My own wedding: I asked for no gifts.
I wanted people's presence, not their presents

I am not in the habbit of inviting people to my parties and expecting them to pay.

And I certainly don't like being invited to a party that someone else is throwing and being expected to pay for it. What's that all about

Just be grateful for people celebrating your day with you. Who cares what they give? Who cares if you have a house full of toasters. You shouldn't be having a wedding/throwing a party if you are relying on other people to pay for it.

Toots

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Thats fine gleep - i was estimating €50 per person as a conservative guess.

We recently attended 3 weddings and each gift was cash.

I think it's totally pointless giving a gift to a couple who have a newly built house decorated how they want it.

You might think that, but your guests' opinions may differ. They may want to give you a nice pair of candlesticks, or glassware, that you'll have to look back on for the rest of your lives. In my experience, older generations are often more inclined to give gifts of this nature for that reason.