average recession wedding gift??

guideanna · 13-10-2011 03:27PM

Well said Evonatron, i hate the expectations to give a certain amount at weddings.
I don't believe in giving nothin if your attending someones' wedding i think you should always give something but give what you can afford to give not what someone tell you you should be giving.

Lots of people out of work these days and lots of people with big mortgages so i'd be the same as you, just want a local wedding that everyone can look forward to attending without the pressure to stay overnight, travel halfway accross the country and pay for 5* bar prices.
To me the most important thing is that we and our guests enjoy the day. I would hate to think i was putting someone under pressure to find the money to attend my wedding.

campo · 14-10-2011 01:23AM

Ok so getting married next year and have a dilemna myself a future mrs.campo have lived together for past 3 years and we have everything we need in the house so when it comes to gifts been honest we would prefer cash or one4all vouchers we are going into debt as it is for the wedding so every little bit helps.

But how do we let guest know that we would prefer cash

also seen in previous post that some users think that couples accepting cash is vulgur or they are money grabbers trying to pay for there wedding
this is total rubbish as I said we already live together and have every house hold item we need, and if a couple is willing to pay for your transport to venue, feed you for the whole day supply plenty of drink and entertainment the least a guest could do is stick 20e into a card surely.

This is my 2nd wedding and I remember during my 1st we invited a load of people who we barely knew you know the types great aunt betsy and cousin vera we got 5 toasters, countless sets of plates and 1 person bought a jug that I thought was a antique but saw it later in a shop for 5e
Promised myself that this time around I will only have the people we really want there but how to avoid getting all those presents you dont need or want

rant over

amdublin · 14-10-2011 07:53AM

campo wrote: »

Ok so getting married next year and have a dilemna myself a future mrs.campo have lived together for past 3 years and we have everything we need in the house so when it comes to gifts been honest we would prefer cash or one4all vouchers we are going into debt as it is for the wedding so every little bit helps.

But how do we let guest know that we would prefer cash

also seen in previous post that some users think that couples accepting cash is vulgur or they are money grabbers trying to pay for there wedding
this is total rubbish as I said we already live together and have every house hold item we need, and if a couple is willing to pay for your transport to venue, feed you for the whole day supply plenty of drink and entertainment the least a guest could do is stick 20e into a card surely.

This is my 2nd wedding and I remember during my 1st we invited a load of people who we barely knew you know the types great aunt betsy and cousin vera we got 5 toasters, countless sets of plates and 1 person bought a jug that I thought was a antique but saw it later in a shop for 5e
Promised myself that this time around I will only have the people we really want there but how to avoid getting all those presents you dont need or want

rant over

:eek:
If you have everything you need why do you want money?

:rolleyes:
Why do you feel that people should stick 20e in a card to pay you for a party you decided to throw?

Anyhoo, to answer your question:
In your situation probably best that you either charge 20e at the door.
Or you could look into selling tickets in advance?

Gatica · 14-10-2011 08:43AM

I think that's a bit unfair. I think preferring a 20 over a toaster is the same as someone preferring one gift above another, i.e. which is why so many couples do a gift-registry - so they don't end up with 5 toasters.
It's poor form to demand gifts or have particularly high/expensive expectations in general, birthday or wedding, but I do think it's certainly not odd to think that you're likely to get a gift for your wedding, and it's not poor form to have a preference if people will be getting you a gift.
I myself wouldn't like to get someone a present they'd have no use for. So I'm happy to know in advance what a couple would like or prefer, whether it's a gift, cash or both.

Diddler1977 · 14-10-2011 08:52AM

campo wrote: »

Ok so getting married next year and have a dilemna myself a future mrs.campo have lived together for past 3 years and we have everything we need in the house so when it comes to gifts been honest we would prefer cash or one4all vouchers we are going into debt as it is for the wedding so every little bit helps.

But how do we let guest know that we would prefer cash

also seen in previous post that some users think that couples accepting cash is vulgur or they are money grabbers trying to pay for there wedding
this is total rubbish as I said we already live together and have every house hold item we need, and if a couple is willing to pay for your transport to venue, feed you for the whole day supply plenty of drink and entertainment the least a guest could do is stick 20e into a card surely.

This is my 2nd wedding and I remember during my 1st we invited a load of people who we barely knew you know the types great aunt betsy and cousin vera we got 5 toasters, countless sets of plates and 1 person bought a jug that I thought was a antique but saw it later in a shop for 5e
Promised myself that this time around I will only have the people we really want there but how to avoid getting all those presents you dont need or want

rant over

Include an envelope with your invitation. You could print something on it like:

We've paid for your transport, fed you for the whole day and supplied plenty of drink and entertainment. Stick your 20e in here. PS. Thanks for celebrating our day with us oh and thanks also for paying for a party we chose to throw (but don't expect to pay for).

John Mason · 14-10-2011 09:01AM

campo wrote: »

Ok so getting married next year and have a dilemna myself a future mrs.campo have lived together for past 3 years and we have everything we need in the house so when it comes to gifts been honest we would prefer cash or one4all vouchers we are going into debt as it is for the wedding so every little bit helps.

Campo, you know why people give gifts at a wedding dont you ?

NO :eek: okay, i will explain it to you, it is to help the new couple set up their life together.

As you already have everything you need NO GIFT IS APPLICABLE in your case.

If you want everyone to pay to attend the wedding you have two options: -

1. Contact Hello or OK
2. Issue tickets

campo · 14-10-2011 09:34AM

irishbird wrote: »

Campo, you know why people give gifts at a wedding dont you ?

NO :eek: okay, i will explain it to you, it is to help the new couple set up their life together.

As you already have everything you need NO GIFT IS APPLICABLE in your case.

If you want everyone to pay to attend the wedding you have two options: -

1. Contact Hello or OK
2. Issue tickets

As I thought silly replies people do realise it is 2011 right , and if a gift is a way for a new couple to set up life together then what better gift then cash or one4all vouchers that they can use for something hey actually want and need, Got be honest if I had any guest that thinks they way the people from above thinks I would prefer them not to go at all I know when I am invited to a wedding I take it as a honour that the couple want me to share there special day.
Also I would know how much that couple spent to have me there so the least I would do is put cash into an envelope for them

And if other posters dont like the fact couples now look for cash I suggest you should not go to the wedding because ye would probably complain about it all day and ruin someones day who is there to enjoy it and share the couples special day

14-10-2011 09:37AM

I am getting married for the second time soon, we are having a small enough wedding, I wouldn't dream of asking for money I think it so rude. I don't care if people give us nothing we invited them to our wedding, however if people are going to get us presents I think they should ask us what sort of present we would like. There is one person who I am telling not to spend more that 50, because I know she would spend more and she doesn't have it.

campo · 14-10-2011 09:40AM

Diddler1977 wrote: »

Include an envelope with your invitation. You could print something on it like:

We've paid for your transport, fed you for the whole day and supplied plenty of drink and entertainment. Stick your 20e in here. PS. Thanks for celebrating our day with us oh and thanks also for paying for a party we chose to throw (but don't expect to pay for).

ya like 20e from each guest is going to cover the cost of a wedding
I am not looking for guest to pay for our day I am able to do this myself but what is the point in getting loads of crap we dont need

campo · 14-10-2011 09:45AM

mariaalice wrote: »

I am getting married for the second time soon, we are having a small enough wedding, I wouldn't dream of asking for money I think it so rude. I don't care if people give us nothing we invited them to our wedding, however if people are going to get us presents I think they should ask us what sort of present we would like. There is one person who I am telling not to spend more that 50, because I know she would spend more and she doesn't have it.

I would not expcet anyone of my guest to pay over 50e I think that is maybe even a bit high been honest I think 20e per head is plenty, I am having 60 guest so not big by any means and for people thinking I am looking for my wedding to be paid for please tell me where I can have a wedding for 1200e

D3PO · 14-10-2011 09:52AM

campo wrote: »

people thinking I am looking for my wedding to be paid for please tell me where I can have a wedding for 1200e

registry office. you can do it for under 200 quid I think. Anything else you want to spend is for bells and whistles.

its complete ignorance to expect any gift from any guest. if you get them then great. even if it is 10 toasters.

its the thought that counts.

campo · 14-10-2011 10:02AM

D3PO wrote: »

registry office. you can do it for under 200 quid I think. Anything else you want to spend is for bells and whistles.

its complete ignorance to expect any gift from any guest. if you get them then great. even if it is 10 toasters.

its the thought that counts.

Maybe every one is right and I am wrong , We were just going to go to Vegas and do it ourself but then family friends kicked wanted to share the day with us blah blah blah ,

30Min · 14-10-2011 10:14AM

irishbird wrote: »

i usually buy things like vouchers for afternoon tea in the clarion; woodies; ikea; hotair balloon rides etc.

if they are registered well and good, i will get something off the list but i do not give cash under any circumstances and tbh my cousin got married in september and they go very little cash, mainly vouchers and gifts.

OP do not rely on cash. really if you need the money given to you to help start your married life to pay for your wedding, you are starting married life on the wrong foot

Woodies....Ikea.....yuck !! How crass :P

14-10-2011 11:00AM

30Min wrote: »

Woodies....Ikea.....yuck !! How crass :P

This is a joke right?

why is it crass?

gimmick · 14-10-2011 11:16AM

My attitude on this is solid - if you cannot afford to give a decent present, be it cash, a voucher or a thing, do not go to the wedding. We have had to say no to weddings before because we were so skint.

I been at a few weddings in the last 2 months. Some of the more stingey presents were - a cake holder (who needs a cake holder?), a €50 meal voucher (this froma close friend), a cutlery set which looked like it was assembled over years of Christmas crackers to name but 3. Another turned up without even a card (this fella showed up at my friends door 3 weeks before the wedding wondering why he didn't get an invite, so the buddy paniced and invited him then).

The other side of it is people who "suggest" what you do for them. An acquaintance of mine put on their invites "if you are unsure what to do for a presnt, we are going to such and such for our honeymoon and we would be delighted if you upped our credit there", and famously on the Football365 forum a fella came on saying that they were going to put "minimum contribution €xxx" on their invites. He was jeered away from ever postingt here again!!!

campo · 14-10-2011 11:41AM

Cheers gimmick your post is on the button

Betty Draper · 14-10-2011 11:48AM

campo wrote: »

I would not expcet anyone of my guest to pay over 50e I think that is maybe even a bit high been honest I think 20e per head is plenty, I am having 60 guest so not big by any means and for people thinking I am looking for my wedding to be paid for please tell me where I can have a wedding for 1200e

Oh, I can. Our wedding is costing 2k, for about 100 people.

Would you like details, it would save you all the hassle of doing up the envelopes looking for money:pac:

Our invites are saying "No presents required - just your presence".

We are inviting people we want to share the day with us. I really dont people wasiting their hard earned cash on us.

Gimmick,i think your attitude is really sad, imagine your best friend had lost his job and therefore couldn't afford to buy a decent present, you would tell him not to bother coming. I find that heartbreaking.

Also, it would mean cos my brother is a student has no money, that I would have to tell him not come

LeeHoffmann · 14-10-2011 11:55AM

We were just going to go to Vegas and do it ourself but then family friends kicked wanted to share the day with us

don't want to derail the thread, but I've had this experience too. We originally just wanted to go to Italy with the immediate family and very close friends - 30 people all in all (there's 13 people in his immediate family!) - but then I heard that my wider extended family were all looking forward to the wedding and planning for it - i.e. they all assumed they were all invited. One person even said to me ''I'm going whether you invite me or not''. :eek: I was gobsmacked, really didn't know what to say to that. In the end, we couldn't afford to pay for a big wedding in Italy and not wanting to offend or upset anyone, we changed our plans and are having the usual big wedding in Ireland. This doesn't make me think it's ok to ask for gifts or money or whatever. But it shows that it's not the case that the couple always desperately want all these people at their big party for 'their special day' - sometimes it's the other way around and the couple have to invite hordes of people to share in what is, for them, one of the most important and special days of their lives.

gimmick · 14-10-2011 12:30PM

Betty Draper wrote: »

Oh, I can. Our wedding is costing 2k, for about 100 people.

Would you like details, it would save you all the hassle of doing up the envelopes looking for money:pac:

Our invites are saying "No presents required - just your presence".

We are inviting people we want to share the day with us. I really dont people wasiting their hard earned cash on us.

Gimmick,i think your attitude is really sad, imagine your best friend had lost his job and therefore couldn't afford to buy a decent present, you would tell him not to bother coming. I find that heartbreaking.

Also, it would mean cos my brother is a student has no money, that I would have to tell him not come

Heartbreaking? Good grief. I would never tell somebody not to bother coming. They would be invited afterall. We all know people have bad circumstances. Of course it would be 100% understabable and acceptable in that regard. I just think many are using recessions as excuses as to not be decent with their gift giving. Heartbreaking?

I actually find invites which have that to be patronising in the extreme. Its been done a million times over as well.

Monife · 14-10-2011 12:34PM

I wouldn't want a guest to be worrying about how to afford a present and stressing about it and would rather their presence. A good handful of my close friends declined an invitation to my wedding (just in August gone) because they said they couldn't afford it (even though accomodation was only €40 per room and drink was DIRT cheap) and this seriously upset me. I told them all not to get us any presents but hey what can you do.

On the other hand, one couple came to our wedding, and didn't even give us a card. Like c'mon, how scabby can you get. Like I don't expect presents, cash or otherwise, just really happy that people come to the wedding, but a card I think is a must to mark the occasion. It is nice to look back on your cards and the heartfelt messages.

campo · 14-10-2011 12:41PM

Monife wrote: »

I wouldn't want a guest to be worrying about how to afford a present and stressing about it and would rather their presence. A good handful of my close friends declined an invitation to my wedding (just in August gone) because they said they couldn't afford it (even though accomodation was only €40 per room and drink was DIRT cheap) and this seriously upset me. I told them all not to get us any presents but hey what can you do.

On the other hand, one couple came to our wedding, and didn't even give us a card. Like c'mon, how scabby can you get. Like I don't expect presents, cash or otherwise, just really happy that people come to the wedding, but a card I think is a must to mark the occasion. It is nice to look back on your cards and the heartfelt messages.

Totally agree if a guest came to me and said they could not afford to go I would tell them not to worry about presents and stuff like that, and to come and maybe drink mineral water or something ( transport there and back is free )

campo · 14-10-2011 12:43PM

May I also apologies for derailing this thread that was not my intention and I say a lot of people might have the wrong idea of me ( nothing I can do about that ) But everyone has the own personall circumstances and thinks in a different way to others not saying anyone is wrong in there opinion

eyescreamcone · 14-10-2011 12:53PM

Recently got married.
The amount of wine glass sets we got was unbelievable haha
I would have rather'd some wine than all the glass

Most of it will never come out of the boxes

BostonB · 14-10-2011 01:00PM

gimmick wrote: »

My attitude on this is solid - if you cannot afford to give a decent present, be it cash, a voucher or a thing, do not go to the wedding. We have had to say no to weddings before because we were so skint. ...

That implies (for me) that the wedding is solely about money.

That someone is family, or simply a friend isn't enough.

amdublin · 14-10-2011 01:22PM

campo wrote: »

May I also apologies for derailing this thread that was not my intention and I say a lot of people might have the wrong idea of me ( nothing I can do about that ) But everyone has the own personall circumstances and thinks in a different way to others not saying anyone is wrong in there opinion

Oh don't worry I've got the right idea of you alright :rolleyes:

30Min · 14-10-2011 01:35PM

BostonB wrote: »

That implies (for me) that the wedding is solely about money.

That someone is family, or simply a friend isn't enough.

It implies that for me also.....I think that is shallow and pathetic.

However- people are entitled to live their lives as they wish.

campo · 14-10-2011 01:52PM

amdublin wrote: »

Oh don't worry I've got the right idea of you alright :rolleyes:

Really then dont keep it to yourself do share with the rest of the group

gimmick · 14-10-2011 02:11PM

BostonB wrote: »

That implies (for me) that the wedding is solely about money.

That someone is family, or simply a friend isn't enough.

This thread is about money isn't it? If I cannot afford to go to a wedding I do not go. Thats hardly rocket science is it? But yes, I am shallow and pathetic. To me, going to a wedding involves the present, the boozing, the accomadation etc.

whatdoicare · 14-10-2011 02:13PM

I think it's the decent thing to do to put even some money or something in a card for the couple. It's not about who wants what/ they don't deserve it/they have loads of money/we're skint/they shouldn't have had a wedding blah blah whatever excuse you have.
It's just the decent thing. No matter what spin you put on it - going to someones wedding and giving nothing is just plain not a nice thing to do.

If I went to a wedding and gave nothing - well, I can't even imagine it, I just couldn't be that mean. I wish everyone well in their wedding - no matter what kind of a wedding they had and I think I'd be disgusted with myself if I didn't treat my friends and family like, and as was proven on our special day, they would treat me!

Don't get me wrong, we weren't expecting anyone to give money and we were genuinely shocked by the generosity of our friends and family (we even tried to give some back to people who we thought went a bit overboard!) but we treated our friends and family the very same way - it was our pleasure to give to them!

Roar · 14-10-2011 02:17PM

To be honest, if I'm going to a full wedding I'd be ashamed to go without at least €150 in a card, depending on how well I know the couple. I would have thought that was pretty standard?

average recession wedding gift??

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