How would you feel if your child was gay?

blackie4 · 09-10-2011 03:06PM

I know it can be difficult for a parent if their child is gay, but it is completely outside of their control. If they are disappointed, worried, etc., it is for the parent to deal with those emotions and above all, try not to make the child feel as if they have done something or chosen something wrong. It really isn't a choice for them and if the world is less accepting of gay people, well the more tolerant and accepting we try to be as parents will make a difference in the future.

willmunny1990 wrote: »

Personally, and I'm slightly ashamed to say this, but I'd be very disappointed.

I have no problem with gay people, I know a few and get on with them just fine. But, I would be devastated if I found out my child was gay. It would be an unmitigated disaster in my view.

Why? First of all for selfish reasons. I would love to be a grandfather one day and would find it hard to accept of being deprived that aspiration.

Secondly, I think gay people are unfortunately still heavily discriminated against in life. Especially when they are younger and in School. And it is not my wish to have my son go through hardships like this.

So, how would you feel if your child was gay?

FruitLover · 09-10-2011 03:19PM

Interesting...

Killer Pigeon · 09-10-2011 03:23PM

FruitLover wrote: »

Interesting...

Yes, I always had my doubts about After Hours...

hondasam · 09-10-2011 03:42PM

TylerIE wrote: »

You did say I would "Not be happy about it.... would come to accept it but never be happy about it" the same as disappointment, in fact worse it suggests anger.

This thread is about how parents would react... a parents reaction has a big effect on how children find their coming out experience. Some children, including a lot of LGBT children do die by suicide. Some of the LGBT suicides are due to parental reactions. Some due to other issues. Thats what it has to do with it. Suicide rates among LGBT youth are disproportionately high versus the general population. We dont have figures for Ireland (personal experience shows it being disproportionately higher though), the figures I seen for the States (but cant remember source) were up to 10 times higher versus "Straight" youths. Try telling the families that lost their son after reacting badly, and then lost him again when he died that it "has nothing to do with it".

The bullying comes into it in that kids have enough to be worrying about without parents adding to it.

Your sig comes into it because if you have such an affinity for a cause you should know better. Compassion and caring should be your buzzwords - not "I wouldnt be happy about it and would come to accept it".

You can deny that all you want. You and anybody else who wants to say "it has nothing to do with it". Unfortunately some mothers and fathers realise it has plenty to do with it.

not happy is not the same as disappointed and I'm not angry.

You have decided I'm not compassionate or caring enough for my sig, I have changed it.

you can sit there and judge me all you want, this thread was not about suicide. This is my last post on this subject.

Aishae · 09-10-2011 03:46PM

seriously - ive advocated the stance that folks coming out need to meet their folks in the middle. itll probably be a shock and they may take a bit of time to wrap their heads around it.
no reason to say 'mum, love me or f*ck off' which is sadly a suggestion i have seen.
your parent shouldnt impose their dreams upon you when you clearly do not share those aspirations. but your parents are people too and deserve a chance, they might need help to understand.

but the fact that the parents need understanding does not do away with the fact that many who realise they are gay also need a huge amount of understanding. and while times have changed there is still plenty of homophobia out there. they could do without 'feeling' like they are getting it in their own home/from their parents.
i say 'feeling' because, there might well not be homophobia behind the way the parent reacted however that might be how the child interprets it.

its rare that you will find 100% acceptance from the moment you come out (to your folks) - many might be ok with it but at first need to wrap their heads around it, realise that their dreams for their child (while possibly irrational) have altered and finally come to the conclusion that their son/daughter is still the same person.
while that is happening though - the child/older adult son/daughter might be having trouble with that very reaction. they might feel its like a rejection.
but things must take their course.

so, the best thing to do... talk to each other so the parents can come to understand and so the son/daughter doesnt feel rejected.

Shenshen · 09-10-2011 03:47PM

willmunny1990 wrote: »

Personally, and I'm slightly ashamed to say this, but I'd be very disappointed.

I have no problem with gay people, I know a few and get on with them just fine. But, I would be devastated if I found out my child was gay. It would be an unmitigated disaster in my view.

Why? First of all for selfish reasons. I would love to be a grandfather one day and would find it hard to accept of being deprived that aspiration.

Secondly, I think gay people are unfortunately still heavily discriminated against in life. Especially when they are younger and in School. And it is not my wish to have my son go through hardships like this.

So, how would you feel if your child was gay?

Not all that different, to be honest. A bit more protective probably, since it's true that gays still have a much harder life than straights.

Other than that, I would be supportive about them finding the partner of their choice (or not, whatever the choice may be), and hopeful that they will live a good and happy live.

Would you be equally devastated if you found out your child could not have children for other biological reasons?
Have you heard about the concept of adoption?

4leto · 09-10-2011 03:56PM

I went to school with someone who got married had kids then in his mid 30s he had a breakdown, then he came out as gay and moved to England.

Dudess · 09-10-2011 03:57PM

Wouldn't care, apart from a bit of concern that they'd be given abuse about it.

efb · 09-10-2011 04:15PM

lads and lassies why is this even been discussed, if you don't think you can unconditionally love your children, if it depends on other variances; sexuality, gender, physical attributes, perhaps you need to reconsider having children.

A parent's love for their child should be unconditional, if you don't feel you can grant a child that, don't have any.

cifzz · 09-10-2011 04:17PM

Gay or straight i think parents do worry about who their kids are dating because worrying is something that comes naturally to parents. I know when I was a teenager it wrecked my head when my mum kept asking questions about the new fella and where we were going to and what time I'd be home. It was very annoying at the time but when I look at it now I'm glad cause it shows that my parents care about me because they love me.

When I have kids I'll worry about where they're off to and who their with because it's my baby and I want to make sure they'll be ok. Gay or straight it won't matter to me as long as I know that I can trust the person they're with and that they're safe because at the end of the day my baby is my baby and always will be.

On a separate note regarding bullying, when I was in school my cousin was bullied for being dyslexic while at the same time I really enjoyed reading, more so than watching tv and for that I was also bullied, quite moronic but just goes to show that there are some sad sad individuals who just take out their ignorant frustrations on anyone regarding anything.

A wise and loving parent should prepare their child (gay, straight or other) for the real world and teach them how to deal with bullies as despite our best efforts it's highly likely your children will encounter them at any stage from montessori, primary school straight through to the workplace.

cifzz · 09-10-2011 04:18PM

efb wrote: »

lads and lassies why is this even been discussed, if you don't think you can unconditionally love your children, if it depends on other variances; sexuality, gender, physical attributes, perhaps you need to reconsider having children.

A parent's love for their child should be unconditional, if you don't feel you can grant a child that, don't have any.

well said

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4 · 09-10-2011 04:21PM

Duggy747 wrote: »

If my son was gay I'd disown him if he ever became the over-the-top, dramatic camp type in my house!! That position is already taken and nobody is stealing my thunder :pac:

what if.......he gave you....your very own PHOTO SHOOT!
http://www.hairstylescolors.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/jay-manuel.jpg

Latchy · 09-10-2011 04:30PM

As long as they were happy in themselfs ...that's all that would matter .

billybudd · 09-10-2011 05:29PM

efb wrote: »

lads and lassies why is this even been discussed, if you don't think you can unconditionally love your children, if it depends on other variances; sexuality, gender, physical attributes, perhaps you need to reconsider having children.

A parent's love for their child should be unconditional, if you don't feel you can grant a child that, don't have any.

I for one think it has been a great discussion up until now, it is especially great that a broad amount of people from different back grounds can discuss a subject like this and proves that on some levels Ireland is a progressive place, I am also sure that some people have changed their mentality towards this subject based on the different prospective put across from the above mentioned spectrum of people, all in all a very good thread. you can say love is unconditional but it does have clauses.

Dudess · 09-10-2011 05:37PM

Lol at people who think it's a choice.

efb · 09-10-2011 05:38PM

billybudd wrote: »

you can say love is unconditional but it does have clauses.[/COLOR]

unconditional love* (T&C apply)

*no queers,crips,wimminz,gingers,shorties

billybudd · 09-10-2011 05:40PM

:pac:

efb wrote: »

unconditional love* (T&C apply)

*no queers,crips,wimminz,gingers,shorties

:pac:
womminz are ok, the good looking ones anyway.:D

efb · 09-10-2011 05:41PM

billybudd wrote: »

:pac:
:pac:
womminz are ok, the good looking ones anyway.:D

so incest is ok...:eek:

Aishae · 09-10-2011 05:42PM

i think part of the problem here is the interpretation of unconditional.
for some that means to love your child regardless of what they do and thats where it ends, if you have any problem accepting your childs actions or revelations then its not unconditional love.

for others its not so black and white. you might be so shocked, it never crossed your mind your child might be gay. you need to wrap your head around this. it doesnt mean you dont love your child.

if you kick your child out, refuse to talk to them or go absolutely ape and make your child feel like a piece of crap on your shoe then no, thats not on. i dont think 'all' people who react like this do not love their kids. but they have serious problems with their perceptions of the world and ive no time for that though

billybudd · 09-10-2011 05:42PM

Dudess wrote: »

Lol at people who think it's a choice.

Isnt it though? a percentage of people choose not to be gay! even though they have those tendencies.

billybudd · 09-10-2011 05:43PM

efb wrote: »

so incest is ok...:eek:

My head hurts.

efb · 09-10-2011 05:44PM

billybudd wrote: »

Isnt it though? a percentage of people choose not to be gay! even though they have those tendencies.

they may choose not to act on their homosexual urges, doesnt stop them happening...

efb · 09-10-2011 05:46PM

celibacy is a choice, homosexuality isn't

billybudd · 09-10-2011 05:47PM

Aishae wrote: »

i think part of the problem here is the interpretation of unconditional.
for some that means to love your child regardless of what they do and thats where it ends, if you have any problem accepting your childs actions or revelations then its not unconditional love.

for others its not so black and white. you might be so shocked, it never crossed your mind your child might be gay. you need to wrap your head around this. it doesnt mean you dont love your child.

if you kick your child out, refuse to talk to them or go absolutely ape and make your child feel like a piece of crap on your shoe then no, thats not on. i dont think 'all' people who react like this do not love their kids. but they have serious problems with their perceptions of the world and ive no time for that though

Great, which i think would be a lot of parents reaction.

billybudd · 09-10-2011 05:49PM

efb wrote: »

they may choose not to act on their homosexual urges, doesnt stop them happening...

What i meant was that some choose to not accept it as a choice and live a conventional lifstyle, marriage kids etc etc.

Mike 1972 · 09-10-2011 05:50PM

efb wrote: »

celibacy is a choice

Sometimes

Dudess · 09-10-2011 05:53PM

billybudd wrote: »

Isnt it though? a percentage of people choose not to be gay! even though they have those tendencies.

That's rather skewed logic. Just because some people choose to deny/hide their homosexual tendencies doesn't mean having those tendencies in the first place is a choice...

4leto · 09-10-2011 05:56PM

billybudd wrote: »

Isnt it though? a percentage of people choose not to be gay! even though they have those tendencies.

But for some it most certainly isn't

There is a scale the Kinsey scale

Rating Description
0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Bisexual
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
X Asexual, nonsexual

It is a clever test, we have no control over our arousal, so they tested for increase in blood flow to sexual organs while the subjects were viewing straight and gay porn.

The 0 and the 6s are rare the rest of us wonder from 1 to 5. So yes some can choose to be gay but for others there is no choice. The Greeks and the Romans marched on it, Australia was founded on it \nd we all know about prisons and navys,

Batsy · 09-10-2011 06:00PM

I wouldn't want any gay children. I'd want them to be normal.

billybudd · 09-10-2011 06:01PM

Dudess wrote: »

That's rather skewed logic. Just because some people choose to deny/hide their homosexual tendencies doesn't mean having those tendencies in the first place is a choice...

Sorry i was just pondering it, i know you cannot choose your sexuality, but you can choose to ignore it.

How would you feel if your child was gay?

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