How would you feel if your child was gay?

reeta

Plautus wrote: »

Seems straightforward to me: sexuality doesn't matter to the poster. Does it to you? If so, that means you disagree with each other. What's stupid here?

What is stupid here is that obvously every parent wants their son/daughter to be straight.. My son is 20 and if he told me he was gay I would be upset for him, not me, as he will encounter name calling, bullying and gay bashing.. but for me once he was happy, i would be happy, if you think being gay is easy you are you are living in a fantasy world...

TylerIE

reeta wrote: »

What is stupid here is that obvously every parent wants their son/daughter to be straight.. My son is 20 and if he told me he was gay I would be upset for him, not me, as he will encounter name calling, bullying and gay bashing.. but for me once he was happy, i would be happy, if you think being gay is easy you are you are living in a fantasy world...

There are a growing number of parents for whom sexuality of their children is just not an issue, just like there are a growing number of people in society in general who feel that way. One of my family is of that mindset and coming out to him wasnt even coming out - it was after I came out to everybody else in the family I said "by the by I came out to X, Y and Z" - sexuality is such a non issue for him and it was in many ways a great silent support knowing that he wouldnt care less.

Aishae

I'm gay and have never been gay bashed - i know others who have and who have not.
The last time I was called a lesbo, I was 12 and I didn't know I was gay then. But I was bullied for my name, the fact I tan easily, my hearing being crap, hairy legs and playing with dolls till I was 13.

Plautus

reeta wrote: »

What is stupid here is that obvously every parent wants their son/daughter to be straight.. My son is 20 and if he told me he was gay I would be upset for him, not me, as he will encounter name calling, bullying and gay bashing.. but for me once he was happy, i would be happy, if you think being gay is easy you are you are living in a fantasy world...

There is nothing in the person's post that suggests that a gay person's life can't be made difficult by other people and bullies. That person merely said that no, their child's sexuality (either way) is not a problem for them whatever about others. And no, it is not a self-evident truth that all parents or potential parents want their children to be straight. We're seeing decidedly different responses in this thread.

And alleging stupidity was a bit much on your part. It doesn't seem to fit.

willmunny1990

Apart from the grandparent issue I myself have no problem with my child being gay, but the fact of the matter is, large sections of society does care and that matters a lot to me, its easy when you're hiding in front of a computer to say "who cares what society thinks" and the like but the truth is, it does matter for his/her well being. It matters alot.

Plautus

willmunny1990 wrote: »

Apart from the grandparent issue I myself have no problem with my child being gay, but the fact of the matter is, large sections of society does care and that matters a lot to me, its easy when you're hiding in front of a computer to say "who cares what society thinks" and the like but the truth is, it does matter for his/her well being. It matters alot.

I think Will that nobody would have a problem with you having worries about your child's situation given the reality of homophobic abuse and bullying. But saying the child's sexuality disappoints you seems to be blaming the bullied one, not those doing the bullying. The words do carry quite different connotations.

hondasam

TylerIE wrote: »

You promote suicide charities... your 1life banner and your link to console...

Do you have any idea how many gay teens die every year by suicide... Fear of coming out, fear of rejection, fear of being a disappointment, and worse still actual rejection - by family, friends, society.

I used to think the Catholic Church was bad with "Love the Sinner not the sin" - but your signature stinks of hypocrisy.

Im glad your honest about your opinion, but you need to seriously re consider. And I recognise you wouldnt reject them outright, but the disappointment and hurt that parents express is often almost as big a problem for many gay youth.

You would be disappointed... and "come to accept" it. Do you love your children if they are straight, but not if they are gay?

Only two weeks ago a 14 year old teen - Jamey Rodemeyer - died by suicide in the US.

Mary Griffith used to want her son to change. She felt he was condemned to eternal damnation. Now shed be delighted to have her son, Bobby, back - instead he jumped of a freeway bridge and died. Now shes a campaigner who encourages parents to accept their kids regardless. Her not liking it lost her son, and shes the first to admit it.

Its not just the states - Im personally aware of three gay teens who died by suicide in Ireland last year - two after horrendous ongoing bullying, another after his boyfriend died - but nobody knew it was his boyfriend as they were on the same football team and considered macho etc and they feared rejection and abuse from their families, friends, team mates.

I also know many others who have turned to drink, cocaine and ecstasy with persistent virtual girlfriends in order to keep the daddy and mammy happy.

A parents role is to love and support their children. < Note the full stop. Unconditional love.

Yes things are often more difficult for LGBT youths, and this video is a tribute to 250 people, including Jamey, who died due to their sexuality. Most of the names featured died by suicide. Parental unconditional acceptance would help a lot - not disappointment, and a coming round period.

I do not have to justify myself to you or anyone else and my link and sig has nothing to do with this thread.
This thread is not about bullying. Did I say I would not support them, No I did not.
Unconditional love, this the same if they turn out to be murderers or rapists?

Plautus

hondasam wrote: »

I do not have to justify myself to you or anyone else and my link and sig has nothing to do with this thread.
This thread is not about bullying. Did I say I would not support them, No I did not.
Unconditional love, this the same if they turn out to be murders or rapists?

Obviously not. Those are actions which harm others. Unconditional love isn't to mean the tolerance of misbehaviour. A child who is a homosexual is not at all similar to a child who is a rapist or murderer

TylerIE

willmunny1990 wrote: »

Apart from the grandparent issue I myself have no problem with my child being gay, but the fact of the matter is, large sections of society does care and that matters a lot to me, its easy when you're hiding in front of a computer to say "who cares what society thinks" and the like but the truth is, it does matter for his/her well being. It matters alot.

Large sections of society may care, but that doesnt mean you should be adding to their numbers.

It matters if your child is hurt, but you can help minimise the hurt by loving them and reacting well. It means so much for many LGBT individuals when they have the full support of family - not having to worry about their shock, disappointment, etc.

wonderfulname

The simple fact is that a lot of people, especially older generations, greatly overestimate how much of the population have negative attitudes towards gay people, over 70% of the country want us to have full marriage rights never mind simply don't want to physically or verbally assault gay people, the bullying thing is a non issue, especially with regards teens.

Paparazzo

I have a child due in 2 weeks. Only negative thing i can say about having a gay child is, if i had a choice, i'd go with a stright one. But if i had a choice with sex, i'd go with a boy. if i had a choice with hair colour, i'd go with not ginger It all makes no difference really.
But no matter what the child comes out like, I'll love it with all my heart. I don't care if it has two heads. And to be honest, if you don't think the same when your wife/partner is preggers, you really shouldn't be having children.

hondasam

Plautus wrote: »

Obviously not. Those are actions which harm others. Unconditional love isn't to mean the tolerance of misbehaviour. A child who is a homosexual is not at all similar to a child who is a rapist or murderer

It's not Unconditional love so? is there a time when It's ok not to love them

calabi yau

Id be ****ing thrilled if he lives to make that choice, as I lie here beside him on the Oncology ward of Crumlin hospital, 3 years old. Come on OP, you dont know how lucky you are.

Millicent

calabi yau wrote: »

Id be ****ing thrilled if he lives to make that choice, as I lie here beside him on the Oncology ward of Crumlin hospital, 3 years old. Come on OP, you dont know how lucky you are.

Sorry to hear that.

calabi yau

Millicent wrote: »

Sorry to hear that.

Sorry, I dont want to play on peoples emotions but some things just dont matter a ****, thats all im saying

Mountainsandh

I have a small child who is a little gender confused atm, not a worry as he is so little, but as parents do, my mind gets carried away, and I do worry about how he may be perceived in playschool, then school soon.

I have absolutely no problem with the being gay part, have gay family and very close friend, no worries about no grand children, that may never happen even with a straight child... every family evolves differently.

Whatever happens, whoever he happens to be, that doesn't worry me, provided he's a good person. The word "disappointed" would absolutely not come into it, unless he turned out to be a thief or something.

My worries are solely for the welfare of my boy, that he may (n)ever get bullied, or have more hardship than another boy in school.

Plautus

hondasam wrote: »

It's not Unconditional love so? is there a time when It's ok not to love them

Well, there's an obvious difference between a person's actions and their personality and/or sexuality.

You should unconditionally love who the person is, not necessarily all of what they do. Which is why unconditional love doesn't lead to condoning misbehaviour and crime. And being gay, and having a gay sex-life and gay partner, is not misbehaviour except in the eyes of certain religious sects which I'd prefer not to discuss (but whose teachings, needless to say, I abhor.) Being gay is pretty harmless.

TylerIE

hondasam wrote: »

I do not have to justify myself to you or anyone else

No you dont.

and my link and sig has nothing to do with this thread.

Keep telling yourself that. It does - Iv seen the scars - literally. And been to some of the funerals. So if you think Suicide Prevention is a valuable cause, then accepting LGBT individuals as they are is a key part of that - without saying to them "wait till I get used to it" or "Id be disappointed If my kids were gay and would have to get used to it".

This thread is not about bullying. Did I say I would not support them, No I did not.
Unconditional love, this the same if they turn out to be murderers or rapists?

Bullying is part of what some say that children would have to put up with. A big part of helping young LGBT people come to terms with themselves is is parental acceptance.


We are not certainly talking about murderers or rapists (and Its unfortunate you putting homosexuality in the same category as them) - although some would say you should still love your children then, even if you dislike what they did.

This stinks of what you often get from the Right wing side of love one another, blah blah blah, except if the person is gay. Talk whatever excuses you want - like you said you dont have to justify yourself here - but you certainly seem to have a skewed view of life.

Paparazzo

calabi yau wrote: »

Id be ****ing thrilled if he lives to make that choice, as I lie here beside him on the Oncology ward of Crumlin hospital, 3 years old. Come on OP, you dont know how lucky you are.

Decisions like your childs sexuality are almost comical when you're in your position, hope your little guy is doing ok.

Millicent

calabi yau wrote: »

Sorry, I dont want to play on peoples emotions but some things just dont matter a ****, thats all im saying

No need to say sorry. It does put things in perspective. Hope he's doing well.

calabi yau

Paparazzo wrote: »

Decisions like your childs sexuality are almost comical when you're in your position, hope your little guy is doing ok.

Hes a fighter mate, hes come a long way but we have a long way to go. Im a regular poster, this is not my usual username. Didnt just register to land an emotive bombshell but some people might recognise my usual username and I dont want that. After hours gives me a good laugh which is always needed.

Anyway, it has put a lot of things into perspective for me and I thought id share, because we all love our kids to an unfathomable extent regardless of what they do. No, I wouldnt like him to murder someone but his sexuality IS trivial. If the OP doesnt already have kids, he will know what I mean when he does. You would take a bullet for them.

MonsterCookie

CoolHat wrote: »

Boards.ie answer: "i'd have no issue with my child being gay "

The Truth: while with some it wouldnt make a difference, with others it would. I'd put money on there would be more parents having an issue with it than not.


Conclusion: All you're going to get is lies on here.
What guy, girl or current parent is honestly going to come out on here and speak their true opinions. This is a "Politically Correct" thread. You'll never get genuine feedback.

Ok I'll take the bait:)

If my son or daughters are gay, I'd be more worried for them for non-selfish reasons, but would not love them any less.

I think that any significant non-conformance would only increase the chances of them being victimised or otherwise treated badly.

The fact that they are gay, per se, would not really disturb me.

calabi yau

MonsterCookie wrote: »

Ok I'll take the bait:)

If my son or daughters are gay, I'd be more worried for them for non-selfish reasons, but would not love them any less.

I think that any significant non-conformance would only increase the chances of them being victimised or otherwise treated badly.

The fact that they are gay, per se, would not really disturb me.

I understand this point aswell, I guess I feel society has come a long way and these kind of prejudices are on the way out. Watched V For Vendetta recently though which deals with a big brother governments dim view of homosexuality which got me thinking that the fact the a film like this is made could mean that it feels like an uphill struggle for a lot of people in the world. I think Ireland has come a long way though. Prejudice is generally laughed off the stage and seems mostly to come from a minority of the older generation.

billybudd

MonsterCookie wrote: »

Ok I'll take the bait:)

If my son or daughters are gay, I'd be more worried for them for non-selfish reasons, but would not love them any less.

I think that any significant non-conformance would only increase the chances of them being victimised or otherwise treated badly.

The fact that they are gay, per se, would not really disturb me.

Exactly, most people it would be their own ego that is devastated, you would want to be a perfect person to just take it in your stride, unless you knew for awhile and had time to proccess it, thankfully we have moved on from disowning to trying to deal with it.

HUNK

I can honestly say I'd be 100% okay with it

hondasam

TylerIE wrote: »

No you dont.



Keep telling yourself that. It does - Iv seen the scars - literally. And been to some of the funerals. So if you think Suicide Prevention is a valuable cause, then accepting LGBT individuals as they are is a key part of that - without saying to them "wait till I get used to it" or "Id be disappointed If my kids were gay and would have to get used to it".




Bullying is part of what some say that children would have to put up with. A big part of helping young LGBT people come to terms with themselves is is parental acceptance.


We are not certainly talking about murderers or rapists (and Its unfortunate you putting homosexuality in the same category as them) - although some would say you should still love your children then, even if you dislike what they did.

This stinks of what you often get from the Right wing side of love one another, blah blah blah, except if the person is gay. Talk whatever excuses you want - like you said you dont have to justify yourself here - but you certainly seem to have a skewed view of life.

you are basing everything on your own experience and as far as you are concerned what you think is right and no one's else opinion or experience counts.

keep on judging me and making up your assumptions I don't care,you don't know me or anything about my life.

Paparazzo

Is it coincidence that 3 out of the 5 people that thanked the OP are anti David Norris posters and Martin McGuinness supporters?

billybudd

Paparazzo wrote: »

Is it coincidence that 3 out of the 5 people that thanked the OP are anti David Norris posters and Martin McGuinness supporters?

There is a lot to be anti norriss about and him being gay is not one of them.

Plautus

billybudd wrote: »

There is a lot to be anti norriss about and him being gay is not one of them.

Indeed, I'm not voting for Norris either so it'd be better if we didn't get sidetracked by that. I'm also pretty sure that not everyone who thanked the OP, or even the OP himself, are homophobic. I also wonder if people meant to say they'd be worried for their child rather than being disappointed by their child.

Paparazzo

billybudd wrote: »

There is a lot to be anti norriss about and him being gay is not one of them.

I didn't think so. Thought it was purely coincidence myself.