How would you feel if your child was gay?

jaffa20 · 09-10-2011 01:06AM

Op, as a gay son, I would be deeply saddened if my parents shared the same feelings as you. Imagine if your son was gay and had to read the same post.

Millicent · 09-10-2011 01:08AM

Paparazzo wrote: »

Is it coincidence that 3 out of the 5 people that thanked the OP are anti David Norris posters and Martin McGuinness supporters?

I'm not a David Norris supporter. Still a gay rights supporter. They're not mutually exclusive.

TylerIE · 09-10-2011 01:13AM

hondasam wrote: »

you are basing everything on your own experience and as far as you are concerned what you think is right and no one's else opinion or experience counts.

Yes when it comes to accepting your kids I am, and the majority of people here who have similar views, are right.

No matter how small a % of people wound up in the same situation as those I referred to, even one is too many. And 3 (that I know details of) last year is 3 too many. Ask any of their parents. I dont have recent figures on overall numbers, but if my experiences and my awareness dont count well thats fascinating how you really feel. Does it mean that we prevent needless death, but its ok for parents to reject kids - even if it contributes to SOME of these deaths? Think about it.

keep on judging me and making up your assumptions I don't care,you don't know me or anything about my life.

All I know is that you would be disappointed in your kids for being gay. and it would take some "coming to accept" for you to be happy with it.

I dont really want to know any more.

This isnt meant to be personal, but your signature draws comment as its part of every post you make.... Yet obviously only when it doesnt include young gay or lesbian people who fear rejection.

billybudd · 09-10-2011 01:13AM

jaffa20 wrote: »

Op, as a gay son, I would be deeply saddened if my parents shared the same feelings as you. Imagine if your son was gay and had to read the same post.

as a matter of interest, would you be devastated?

heate · 09-10-2011 01:17AM

Well I don't think it would bother me on the face of it.
However if my son turned into an effeminate over the top general embarrassment it would get on my nerves. Otherwise I can't see what difference it makes!

MonsterCookie · 09-10-2011 01:20AM

jaffa20 wrote: »

Op, as a gay son, I would be deeply saddened if my parents shared the same feelings as you. Imagine if your son was gay and had to read the same post.

Would you mind expanding this point please?

The op had two specific reasons for being disappointed...

jaffa20 · 09-10-2011 01:23AM

billybudd wrote: »

as a matter of interest, would you be devastated?

Not devastated as such but sad that they would be bothered by what other people think and what sexuality you're born with.

mlumley · 09-10-2011 01:24AM

One of my Son's is Gay. Tell ya, he's a lovely lass.
This is TRUE. He is my son, and I love him no matter what.

billybudd · 09-10-2011 01:37AM

jaffa20 wrote: »

Not devastated as such but sad that they would be bothered by what other people think and what sexuality you're born with.

i agree, but if a father or mother had this prenotion of what their child was going to do with their life, conventional home, babies between a man and woman who are in love like them and i know they are completely wrong having these expectations, but shouldnt they be given time to come to terms with it, i imagine that a lot of broken relationships between parents of gay children come about because of initial reactions rather than letting time have a chance to channel everything into constructive thoughts

hondasam · 09-10-2011 01:48AM

TylerIE wrote: »

Yes when it comes to accepting your kids I am, and the majority of people here who have similar views, are right.

No matter how small a % of people wound up in the same situation as those I referred to, even one is too many. And 3 (that I know details of) last year is 3 too many. Ask any of their parents. I dont have recent figures on overall numbers, but if my experiences and my awareness dont count well thats fascinating how you really feel. Does it mean that we prevent needless death, but its ok for parents to reject kids - even if it contributes to SOME of these deaths? Think about it.

All I know is that you would be disappointed in your kids for being gay. and it would take some "coming to accept" for you to be happy with it.

I dont really want to know any more.

This isnt meant to be personal, but your signature draws comment as its part of every post you make.... Yet obviously only when it doesnt include young gay or lesbian people who fear rejection.

I never said I would be disappointed in my kids, you said I would.
You are bringing suicide into this which is not what the thread is about.
You are also bringing bullying into this.

My sig!! why the obsession with my sig, what does it say to you?
how are you reading it?

Dave147 · 09-10-2011 01:48AM

hondasam wrote: »

I don't get your post, some of your best friends are gay but You don't want your kids to be gay, it's ok for everyone else's but not your family, this is been a hypocrite.

You would respect and love them so would every other parent. It's not about loving them.

WHAT? I'm straight, I would rather my children are straight. But if they were gay then that's what they are, I wouldn't find it hard to accept that but given the choice to have straight kids or gay kids I would choose straight. Don't call me a hypocrite because you don't know me, my friends being gay has nothing to do with what I want for my family, and it's 'being' not 'been', you can call me a pedant all you want.

I know someone who doesn't talk to his son because he's gay so don't give me that crap. Not everyone has unconditional love for their kids.

hondasam · 09-10-2011 02:01AM

Dave147 wrote: »

WHAT? I'm straight, I would rather my children are straight. But if they were gay then that's what they are, I wouldn't find it hard to accept that but given the choice to have straight kids or gay kids I would choose straight. Don't call me a hypocrite because you don't know me, my friends being gay has nothing to do with what I want for my family, and it's 'being' not 'been', you can call me a pedant all you want.

I know someone who doesn't talk to his son because he's gay so don't give me that crap. Not everyone has unconditional love for their kids.

Why mention you have gay friends at all, is that to make you look better and to let people know you have nothing against gay people.
I said I would not be happy but I did not go on about my gay friends.

starbelgrade · 09-10-2011 02:01AM

Dave147 wrote: »

I know someone who doesn't talk to his son because he's gay

What a fucking tool.

Peep O'Day · 09-10-2011 02:03AM

Paparazzo wrote: »

Is it coincidence that 3 out of the 5 people that thanked the OP are anti David Norris posters and Martin McGuinness supporters?

err sinn féin are all for gay rights ffs :rolleyes:

oohh look who thanked your post what a surprise there!

Peep O'Day · 09-10-2011 02:04AM

starbelgrade wrote: »

What a fucking tool.

hey no need for that, the son can't help what he is :pac:

starbelgrade · 09-10-2011 02:12AM

Peep O'Day wrote: »

err sinn féin are all for gay rights

Martin Mc Guinness has spent a lot of time in this election campaign trying to beat off a Gay.

SandraManson · 09-10-2011 02:13AM

Well it's their own decision in life; it's like imagine the whole world was gay, and straight people would be frowned upon. It's something you feel a strong connection to when you're born; something you feel you want to be. But either way, it shouldn't matter to other people another persons orientation/religion/culture/nationality as the only thing that truly matters is the person he is on the inside, and not on the outside. You know, telling a person not to be gay, is like telling them not to be themselves.

Dave147 · 09-10-2011 02:43AM

hondasam wrote: »

Why mention you have gay friends at all, is that to make you look better and to let people know you have nothing against gay people.
I said I would not be happy but I did not go on about my gay friends.

Because I felt it was relevant, if I want to mention it it's my own business, stop nitpicking and remove that chip from your shoulder, your posts are annoying and childish. I let people know I have nothing against gay people by saying "I have nothing against gay people". Anyway I've made my point, you're just one of those pain in the ass self righteous posters that try to pick at people's posts to feel clever.

I didn't 'go on' about my gay friends by the way.. I mentioned I had gay friends, since I was 13 no less, that's obviously positively impacted my attitude towards them, so it is relevant.

Dave147 · 09-10-2011 02:44AM

starbelgrade wrote: »

What a fucking tool.

I agree, the son happens to be an extremely nice guy and his father not so much. That's life.

hondasam · 09-10-2011 03:21AM

Dave147 wrote: »

Because I felt it was relevant, if I want to mention it it's my own business, stop nitpicking and remove that chip from your shoulder, your posts are annoying and childish. I let people know I have nothing against gay people by saying "I have nothing against gay people". Anyway I've made my point, you're just one of those pain in the ass self righteous posters that try to pick at people's posts to feel clever.

I didn't 'go on' about my gay friends by the way.. I mentioned I had gay friends, since I was 13 no less, that's obviously positively impacted my attitude towards them, so it is relevant.

How have I a chip on my shoulder, that makes no sense at all.
I have no idea why you are directing your aggression at me. I did not nitpick your post, have you read all the thread?

cofy · 09-10-2011 03:32AM

For gods sake live and let live, there are much worse things in life if people allow life to happen and just let people live their lives.

TylerIE · 09-10-2011 03:51AM

hondasam wrote: »

I never said I would be disappointed in my kids, you said I would.
You are bringing suicide into this which is not what the thread is about.
You are also bringing bullying into this.

My sig!! why the obsession with my sig, what does it say to you?
how are you reading it?

You did say I would "Not be happy about it.... would come to accept it but never be happy about it" the same as disappointment, in fact worse it suggests anger.

This thread is about how parents would react... a parents reaction has a big effect on how children find their coming out experience. Some children, including a lot of LGBT children do die by suicide. Some of the LGBT suicides are due to parental reactions. Some due to other issues. Thats what it has to do with it. Suicide rates among LGBT youth are disproportionately high versus the general population. We dont have figures for Ireland (personal experience shows it being disproportionately higher though), the figures I seen for the States (but cant remember source) were up to 10 times higher versus "Straight" youths. Try telling the families that lost their son after reacting badly, and then lost him again when he died that it "has nothing to do with it".

The bullying comes into it in that kids have enough to be worrying about without parents adding to it.

Your sig comes into it because if you have such an affinity for a cause you should know better. Compassion and caring should be your buzzwords - not "I wouldnt be happy about it and would come to accept it".

You can deny that all you want. You and anybody else who wants to say "it has nothing to do with it". Unfortunately some mothers and fathers realise it has plenty to do with it.

Meesared · 09-10-2011 07:31AM

SandraManson wrote: »

Well it's their own decision in life; it's like imagine the whole world was gay, and straight people would be frowned upon. It's something you feel a strong connection to when you're born; something you feel you want to be. But either way, it shouldn't matter to other people another persons orientation/religion/culture/nationality as the only thing that truly matters is the person he is on the inside, and not on the outside. You know, telling a person not to be gay, is like telling them not to be themselves.

Not a decision

BanzaiBk · 09-10-2011 10:04AM

The one word that always appears in these threads is 'decision'. If straight people are so worried about all this then stop having gay babies.

pragmatic1 · 09-10-2011 12:09PM

Siuin wrote: »

Gee, sorry- I was under the assumption that the OP wanted our honest answers and not just what the PC police think we should be saying :rolleyes:

He wants to know how WE as parents would feel about it, not the gay kid. This would be my honest reaction, like it or not. I wouldn't try to change the child, but I personally think that it's ridiculous when one sex tries to emulate to the other in terms of men dressing in drag or women shaving off their hair and donning men's clothes. Yes, it's a free world and they can dress how they please, but it would change how I would interact with my child, and I would dislike this aspect of their behaviour, but not them themselves.

And yes, I am aware that butch/camp doesn't NECESSARILY mean gay, and neither does cross dressing, but from personal experience, I've never met a camp straight man and, as for lesbians, I've never encountered one. Unless you count attention-starved college girls 'experimenting' before a group of men in clubs.

You're allowed to have your own views. Just dont get all butthurt and play the victim when someone rightly calls then stupid.

Meesared · 09-10-2011 12:58PM

Siuin wrote: »

Gee, sorry- I was under the assumption that the OP wanted our honest answers and not just what the PC police think we should be saying :rolleyes:

He wants to know how WE as parents would feel about it, not the gay kid. This would be my honest reaction, like it or not. I wouldn't try to change the child, but I personally think that it's ridiculous when one sex tries to emulate to the other in terms of men dressing in drag or women shaving off their hair and donning men's clothes. Yes, it's a free world and they can dress how they please, but it would change how I would interact with my child, and I would dislike this aspect of their behaviour, but not them themselves.

And yes, I am aware that butch/camp doesn't NECESSARILY mean gay, and neither does cross dressing, but from personal experience, I've never met a camp straight man and, as for lesbians, I've never encountered one. Unless you count attention-starved college girls 'experimenting' before a group of men in clubs.

A male teacher I had at school was seriously camp and is happily married with kids, so there you go

bronte · 09-10-2011 01:11PM

oranbhoy67 wrote: »

Not at all. im giving a straight answer to a straight question on how i feel on such a topic.. i could lie & say " oh it makes no diffrence to me he`ll always be my kid etc etc"... truth is .. that as a parent you want your child to follow in the same path as you & as human beings we are put here on earth to mate with the opposite sex & reproduce if possible in a normal healthy sexual relationship & thats what i want for my child.

Jesus that's depressing.
You want your child to follow the same path as you? Did it ever occur to you that your child has no obligation whatsoever to follow in your footsteps?
If you had children merely so that you could watch them repeat your own actions you probably should have thought a bit before you did.
Your children are not responsible for feeding your ego.

TylerIE · 09-10-2011 01:23PM

oranbhoy67 wrote: »

Not at all. im giving a straight answer to a straight question on how i feel on such a topic.. i could lie & say " oh it makes no diffrence to me he`ll always be my kid etc etc"... truth is .. that as a parent you want your child to follow in the same path as you & as human beings we are put here on earth to mate with the opposite sex & reproduce if possible in a normal healthy sexual relationship & thats what i want for my child.

So a human beings main purpose on earth is to mate & reproduce?
What about single people? What about those who dont mate? Are their lives wasted?

And you say a "Normal healthy sexual relationship"? Il let normal slide as Il assume you mean its the type of relationship the majority engage in. Its perfectly normal for gay people to have gay relationships.

However "healthy" - if one has a son who has a relationship with another man theres no reason for that to be unhealthy? In fact its perfectly health for gay people to have sex with other gay men? (assuming safe sex unless in long term committed relationship, just like hetrosexual people).

Killer Pigeon · 09-10-2011 02:58PM

My name is URL wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBmw_dvhnpk

To all,

Effeminate males are not always gay and masculine males are not always straight. Similarly, masculine females are not always lesbians and feminine females are not always straight. Seen as we're now living in a society that is becoming more and more metrosexual (coupled with other factors), traditional stereotypes are becoming increasingly irrelevant.

Killer Pigeon · 09-10-2011 03:05PM

Also guuuuyyyys! 'Milk' is on RTÉ tonight!
It's gonna be fabulawwwwwwss! *Waves index finger*

How would you feel if your child was gay?

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