Friend of a friend stories

gav86mn · 03-10-2011 03:20PM

I heard of a fella in my year in school was on a night out. Came home without a girl so decided to watch a bit of porn and have a hand shandy before going to bed. next thing he knows he wakes up with the porn on the menu screen on the dvd player and his mum and dad standing over him and him with his lad in his hand. poor guy was just exhausted

Sam Vimes · 03-10-2011 03:21PM

sensibleken wrote: »

that and black lice dont actually exist

A minor inconvenience!

livinsane · 03-10-2011 03:28PM

Friend of a friend was driving one night and picked up a hitchhiker. After a while he thought the guy seemed a bit weird and started getting freaked out. So he says to your man, I think the boot is open. Pulls over the car and asks the hitchhiker to get out and close it. So he gets out and the driver pulls off leaving him there. When he got home, he noticed that the hitchhiker had left his bag by the passenger seat. He looked into it and found a rope and a knife. True story!

Malari · 03-10-2011 03:29PM

notwise wrote: »

Has anyone ever heard this one?! It was actually a friend of a friend of a friend so I have to be sceptical but I still love it!!

this girl is out in Limerick (apparently) one night and gets with this really nice guy. They hit it off and she ends up going home with him.
Next morning he has to work and sleeps in so he's rushing to get ready and he says to her just sleep on and let yourself out and write your number on a piece of paper so i can ring you.
So she got up anyway and is getting ready to go, delighted with herself as she really likes this guy!
Goes to the bathroom and ends updoing a huge poo that wont flush. She tries and tries but can't get rid of it.
In the end she really needed to get going so she decides to scoop it up and put it ina plastic bag and take it with her.
So she writes a little note with her number and a "call me" and out she goes.
But she forgot to take the bag of poo which she left beside her little note!!

If anyone knows that girl pls confirm to me that it's true!!

Heard two that I thought this story was going to morph into...

One was that she got stuck in between the front door and porch door with the bag of poo

The other was that the person was having dinner with the boyfriend's parents at their house and went upstairs to the loo. Huge poo, won't flush, so uses a plastic bag to pick it up and launch it out of the window. Comes back to table and they are all looking at the conservatory glass roof, where the poo has landed and is sliding down the glass. :eek:

I don't care if they are true, friend of a friend stories are feckin hilarious

Plazaman · 03-10-2011 03:30PM

So a friend of mine picks up this gorgeous Chinese girl at a nightclub and goes back to her place. She tells him to make a drink for them whilst she slips into something more comfortable. She comes out wearing a see through negligee and tells my friend she will do ANYTHING he wants.

"Excellent" he says, "how about a 69?"

"Fúck off" she shouts back, "I not cooking this hour of the night"

Must be through true?

Big Nasty · 03-10-2011 03:37PM

Malari wrote: »

Heard two that I thought this story was going to morph into...

One was that she got stuck in between the front door and porch door with the bag of poo

The other was that the person was having dinner with the boyfriend's parents at their house and went upstairs to the loo. Huge poo, won't flush, so uses a plastic bag to pick it up and launch it out of the window. Comes back to table and they are all looking at the conservatory glass roof, where the poo has landed and is sliding down the glass. :eek:

I don't care if they are true, friend of a friend stories are feckin hilarious

That was in one of the early Podge & Rodge shows - only it was a fella it happened to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgsVHJp9dJM

03-10-2011 03:46PM

You know the one about the late night burger place, where a group of guys and one girl (always just the one girl) get their takeaways, girl says her burger tastes funny and throws it in the bin. The following day the girl gets a mouth infection, turns out she has a STD in her mouth, says it's impossible... she hasn't given oral sex in years, it must be the burger. The police go and find her half eaten burger in the bin (cause that's totally likely) and forensics run tests (totally plausible) and it turns out there's a number of different sperm samples found in the burger.

My boyfriend told me this story, cause it totally happened to people he knew in south England in the 80s. Was miffed when I found the same story in various places in the internet from various parts of the world, because obviously that story is so completely believable that it can't have been urban legend, right?

notwise · 03-10-2011 03:56PM

Friend of a friend was just about to have sex with a guy who was about to lose his virginity. she lets him take control only to find he's going for her belly button rather than the obvious place!!
Names were mentioned so true or not: what a heartless bitch!!

sensibleken · 03-10-2011 04:19PM

Deleted User wrote: »

You know the one about the late night burger place, where a group of guys and one girl (always just the one girl) get their takeaways, girl says her burger tastes funny and throws it in the bin. The following day the girl gets a mouth infection, turns out she has a STD in her mouth, says it's impossible... she hasn't given oral sex in years, it must be the burger. The police go and find her half eaten burger in the bin (cause that's totally likely) and forensics run tests (totally plausible) and it turns out there's a number of different sperm samples found in the burger.

My boyfriend told me this story, cause it totally happened to people he knew in south England in the 80s. Was miffed when I found the same story in various places in the internet from various parts of the world, because obviously that story is so completely believable that it can't have been urban legend, right?

an old friend of mine said this happened to her boss, word for word almost, she said she would tell loads of people and see how long it got back to her as an urban legend. this was about 10 years ago, a lot later that the 80s.

the old std from fast food is quite a classic

IdidIt · 03-10-2011 04:23PM

Friend of a friend was asked to look after a mates old dog while away on Holidays for two weeks. After about a week the dog bite the dust so he called his mate to break the bad news.
His mate was heart broken and insisted that no one could bury the dog but him. Knowing his mate wouldn't be back for another week he decided to throw the dog in the freezer so it wouldn't decompose.

Once his mate got back he asked for him to bring the dog back to his place. My Friend of a friend's car was in the garage at the time so he had to hop on the Luas. He stuck the frozen dog into a rucksack and jumped on the Luas. On the luas some fella asked him what's in the bag? Not wanting to say a frozen dead dog, he just replied with some computer equipment. At the next stop, before he knew it the fella was running out the door with his backpack.....

That story is so watertight how could it not be true?

mikemac · 03-10-2011 04:23PM

Friend of a friend was getting a taxi late at night

She got driven away and attacked, there was a black guy lying on the floor in the back and she never saw him.

Watch out girls

That was an email going around work, must be true

Malari · 03-10-2011 04:24PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

That was in one of the early Podge & Rodge shows - only it was a fella it happened to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgsVHJp9dJM

Ah, so that's where he got it from. I never watched P & R

Funny though.

foxyboxer · 03-10-2011 04:42PM

A friend of a friend right, was by the bus station in Cork one afternoon. He saw a shifty looking 'foreigner' fella, right, with a beige rain jacket. He thought to himself "That might be the 96fm fugitive"...so he goes up right and is all "Are you the fugitive! ARE YOU THE 96FM FUGITIVE!!!!, give me my TEN GRAND!!!!"

Didn't yer man smack him one and leg it down Oliver Plunkett Street like!

:rolleyes:

Hrududu · 03-10-2011 04:58PM

IdidIt wrote: »

Friend of a friend was asked to look after a mates old dog while away on Holidays for two weeks. After about a week the dog bite the dust so he called his mate to break the bad news.
His mate was heart broken and insisted that no one could bury the dog but him. Knowing his mate wouldn't be back for another week he decided to throw the dog in the freezer so it wouldn't decompose.

Once his mate got back he asked for him to bring the dog back to his place. My Friend of a friend's car was in the garage at the time so he had to hop on the Luas. He stuck the frozen dog into a rucksack and jumped on the Luas. On the luas some fella asked him what's in the bag? Not wanting to say a frozen dead dog, he just replied with some computer equipment. At the next stop, before he knew it the fella was running out the door with his backpack.....

That story is so watertight how could it not be true?

Noooo. I've been telling this one aswell. Christ I'm never telling another story again.

rebel10 · 03-10-2011 05:53PM

Sam Vimes wrote: »

The story doesn't even make sense. If you can only get black lice from direct contact with rotting corpses and she had no direct contact with rotting corpses then she can't have black lice

Well apologies, I knew very little about the after-effects of having sex with a corpse, thankfully, when I was first told the story.

Nhead · 03-10-2011 06:07PM

mikemac wrote: »

Friend of a friend was getting the Bus Éireann in Doughiska in Galway, home to many non-nationals in the city. Little Africa some say. Little Odessa is another name

A black lady left her buggy at the bus stop
The bus driver pointed this out but
"I don't care, sure the social welfare will buy me a new one"

I was in Kildare and I heard two auld ones saying they had seen this, after I read it on boards. Cracked me up.

mattjack · 03-10-2011 06:21PM

Friend of a friend of mine as his wife conceived one of their children on a beach with the surf lapping around their feet.Nine months later the child was born with flippers instead of feet and could catch a sardine in its mouth if ya threw it him.

Amber Lamps · 03-10-2011 06:50PM

A friend of a friend was throwing a surprise 18th birthday for his sister. She was due back at 8 so all the family and friends hid in the back dinning room of the house before she got in. They heard her arrive home and she went into the sitting room and then into the kitchen. She let the dog in from the back garden and they heard her go back to the sitting room.
After waiting for a good few minutes and realizing she wasn't going to go into the adjoining living room anytime soon they decided to open the doors and surprise her.
Only to find her spread legged on the sofa with a tin of dog food smeared over herself and the dog having a right old feed.

TPD · 03-10-2011 07:28PM

A friend of a friend's brother's girlfriend had a pet snake for years, all normal and grand. It stops eating for a while, she starts getting worried. One night she wakes up to find it out of its tank laying alongside her. She brings it to the vet the next day. Turns out, it had been starving itself and sizing her up for its next meal!

Laughed in yer mans face as I finished his story for him.

mattjack · 03-10-2011 07:31PM

Amber Lamps wrote: »

A friend of a friend was throwing a surprise 18th birthday for his sister. She was due back at 8 so all the family and friends hid in the back dinning room of the house before she got in. They heard her arrive home and she went into the sitting room and then into the kitchen. She let the dog in from the back garden and they heard her go back to the sitting room.
After waiting for a good few minutes and realizing she wasn't going to go into the adjoining living room anytime soon they decided to open the doors and surprise her.
Only to find her spread legged on the sofa with a tin of dog food smeared over herself and the dog having a right old feed.

I was there...what a party.

Shane-KornSpace · 03-10-2011 08:03PM

TPD wrote: »

A friend of a friend's brother's girlfriend had a pet snake for years, all normal and grand. It stops eating for a while, she starts getting worried. One night she wakes up to find it out of its tank laying alongside her. She brings it to the vet the next day. Turns out, it had been starving itself and sizing her up for its next meal!

Laughed in yer mans face as I finished his story for him.

To this day I am still hearing people tell this story. And when I tell them it's not true at all, they get very defensive and insist on it being true. Despite me finishing the story haha

Dan133269 · 03-10-2011 08:15PM

TPD wrote: »

A friend of a friend's brother's girlfriend had a pet snake for years, all normal and grand. It stops eating for a while, she starts getting worried. One night she wakes up to find it out of its tank laying alongside her. She brings it to the vet the next day. Turns out, it had been starving itself and sizing her up for its next meal!

Laughed in yer mans face as I finished his story for him.

Friend of mine from Limerick told me that one, she said she knew the girl in question!

Amber Lamps wrote: »

A friend of a friend was throwing a surprise 18th birthday for his sister. She was due back at 8 so all the family and friends hid in the back dinning room of the house before she got in. They heard her arrive home and she went into the sitting room and then into the kitchen. She let the dog in from the back garden and they heard her go back to the sitting room.
After waiting for a good few minutes and realizing she wasn't going to go into the adjoining living room anytime soon they decided to open the doors and surprise her.
Only to find her spread legged on the sofa with a tin of dog food smeared over herself and the dog having a right old feed.

Heard that one on Graham Norton a few years ago.

Deleted User wrote: »

You know the one about the late night burger place, where a group of guys and one girl (always just the one girl) get their takeaways, girl says her burger tastes funny and throws it in the bin. The following day the girl gets a mouth infection, turns out she has a STD in her mouth, says it's impossible... she hasn't given oral sex in years, it must be the burger. The police go and find her half eaten burger in the bin (cause that's totally likely) and forensics run tests (totally plausible) and it turns out there's a number of different sperm samples found in the burger.

My boyfriend told me this story, cause it totally happened to people he knew in south England in the 80s. Was miffed when I found the same story in various places in the internet from various parts of the world, because obviously that story is so completely believable that it can't have been urban legend, right?

That one was doing the rounds in Waterford about 12 years ago. Apparently McDonald's was definitely going to get closed down because of it. Myself and my friends didn't go there for a while thinking there was a genuine chance we'd get the creme of sum young guy in our burger!

Sentid · 03-10-2011 08:30PM

bowsie010 wrote: »

What about the old "friend of a friend" went to a new chinese in town and got a microchip from a dog lodged in his tooth.

True Story.

Tipperary

:pac:

CapriSunFun · 03-10-2011 10:01PM

Aoifey! wrote: »

Did ya hear the one about the couple and the skittles?

Friend of a friend wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, so he put 3 skittles up her. Tried to get em out with his tongue. He got out 4 and didn't think anything more of it. Next day he had a rash all over his face. Turns out the fourth was a nest of crabs.

I heard it was Starburst. Disgusting either way.

Anyone else hear of the friend of a friend who got a kitkat chunky stuck up her *ahem* and had to go to A&E to get it removed?

Wesc. · 03-10-2011 10:37PM

Ever hear of the on who got a brick stuck up her clit? Heard there was blood everywhere when they had to force it out..:eek:

03-10-2011 11:16PM

Wesc. wrote: »

Ever hear of the on who got a brick stuck up her clit? Heard there was blood everywhere when they had to force it out..:eek:

Up hey CLIT?! That's just not possible. I pity your girlfriends

Dolbert · 03-10-2011 11:23PM

OMG did you hear about the toddler that disappeared in Tesco, the security guards put the place on 'lockdown'

and found a couple of Romanians with the kid in the toilets, they had cut her hair and had her dressed like one of their own :eek::eek::eek:

It happened in my friends local Tesco, her mam knows some people who were there at the time :rolleyes:

meoklmrk91 · 03-10-2011 11:51PM

IdidIt wrote: »

Friend of a friend was asked to look after a mates old dog while away on Holidays for two weeks. After about a week the dog bite the dust so he called his mate to break the bad news.
His mate was heart broken and insisted that no one could bury the dog but him. Knowing his mate wouldn't be back for another week he decided to throw the dog in the freezer so it wouldn't decompose.

Once his mate got back he asked for him to bring the dog back to his place. My Friend of a friend's car was in the garage at the time so he had to hop on the Luas. He stuck the frozen dog into a rucksack and jumped on the Luas. On the luas some fella asked him what's in the bag? Not wanting to say a frozen dead dog, he just replied with some computer equipment. At the next stop, before he knew it the fella was running out the door with his backpack.....

That story is so watertight how could it not be true?

Nearly sure that is a PJ Gallgher gag from one of his DVD's the first one I think. Except the dog isn't frozen and it's a larger dog a lab or something so they have to put it into a suitcase.

The King of Moo · 04-10-2011 12:06AM

I've heard this one claimed as true twice, I'm surprised it hasn't been mentioned.
Maybe people only tell it to me and no-one else as they think I'm a big racist and would like it. (I don't condone racist stories! Anyway, this is more of a story about racism)

Anyway:

A friend of a friend's fuddy duddy old spinster Aunt is on holiday in Las Vegas in a fancy big hotel. It's her first time abroad.
On her last night she heads out of her room to have a lovely meal in a restaurant and gets into the lift to go downstairs.
As she's waiting for the lift doors to close, two black men get into the lift and stand behind her. She's a bit nervous as she's had a very sheltered life without meeting people from other cultures and is a bit casually racist, assuming all of the negative stereotypes are true.

Just then (this is the part where the storyteller always struggles to make it sound plausible) she thinks she hears one of the men say "hit the floor" and she immediately gets down on her knees and screams "Please, don't hurt me!".

The two men burst out laughing and when the lift stops at their floor they get out, still laughing, as, of course, one of them had actually said "hit first floor" (as in the button: again, not very believable- a variation is "hit down" mistaken for "get down").

About a minute after the men leave, the fuddy-duddy aunt gets up off the ground and goes straight back to her room, locking herself in till the morning.

At the crack of dawn the next day, she goes to reception to settle the bill.

When she tells the receptionist what room she's in, he says "Sorry ma'am, but your bill's already been paid."

Confused, she says "That's not possible, I haven't paid yet."

He replies "I know ma'am, but one of our other guests paid for you. He left this.."

and he hands her a bouquet of flowers with a note attached.

Now even more confused, she takes the flowers and opens up the note.
It reads:

"Thank you for the biggest laugh I've had in a long time!

Yours,

Eddie Murphy."

04-10-2011 12:41AM

Dolorous wrote: »

OMG did you hear about the toddler that disappeared in Tesco, the security guards put the place on 'lockdown' and found a couple of Romanians with the kid in the toilets, they had cut her hair and had her dressed like one of their own :eek::eek::eek:

It happened in my friends local Tesco, her mam knows some people who were there at the time :rolleyes:

Did that appear on AH a few weeks ago?

Saw it somewhere very recently!

Friend of a friend stories

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