Best Insults you've ever heard?

goalscoringhero · 17-09-2011 11:56PM

Il peli del tuo culo sono cosi lunghi che quando scorreggi ti frusti la schiena da jole

The hair in your a*se is so long that when you fart you whip yourself.

Eurovisionmad · 17-09-2011 11:57PM

She has a face like a painters radio.

gypsy_rose · 18-09-2011 12:03AM

I wouldn't ride you into battle!

Edit: someone already posted that so here's another one.

Your mother's so fat, when she went to school she sat beside everybody

Kevin Duffy · 18-09-2011 12:19AM

Jesus, these are some poor insults, it's like Churchill, Wilde, Groucho Marx et al never existed.

"Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did."
Groucho Marx

My own contribution, after spending an evening with a woman who bored me and everyone around us to tears with tales of how great she was and lots of bitching, then stopped to look in a shop window on the way home, "No no, those are clothes for women much younger and slimmer than you".

My favourite though is from Clement Freud to a heckler - "Sir, let us perform together as a pantomime horse. I'll be the front end, you can just be yourself".

steddyeddy · 18-09-2011 12:24AM

A lovely comentary about sicilians!

charlemont · 18-09-2011 12:36AM

PISS ON YOUR ASS, I was in stitches when I heard it, Our local madman Jerry got glassed with a pint glass in the forehead by his woman and while he dragged her out onto the street she actually pissed herself, She was paralytic drunk, Staggering along with piss all over her legs, Jerry was screaming some abuse at her.

tvercetti · 18-09-2011 12:38AM

Check your letterbox to see if your balls have been delivered

bigtuna · 18-09-2011 12:42AM

I'd rather get up on a Monday morning than get up on that.

epgc3fyqirnbsx · 18-09-2011 12:46AM

Why do you call her Bebo?

Everyone's been on her

Solnskaya · 18-09-2011 12:51AM

I was looking for some new insults, but these are all crap. And old.
"eat sh1t and die" was a favorite of mine for a while. Old now too though.

languagenerd · 18-09-2011 12:54AM

I don't give a shit, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give one to. :P

chrisbuckley · 18-09-2011 12:54AM

yer a dashed wall babby, yer aul lad wanked on a wall and the sun hatched ye.

STBR · 18-09-2011 12:58AM

"I'd agree with you but then we would both be wrong".

STBR · 18-09-2011 12:59AM

"I've been called worse things by better people".

steddyeddy · 18-09-2011 01:25AM

Dis-craic your arse and make your face jealous!

Smuckie · 18-09-2011 04:18PM

I wouldn't ride you if ya came with pedals

Einhard · 18-09-2011 04:38PM

You're an itchy boil on the anus of humanity.

I wouldn't piss on ye if ye were on fire.

Welruc · 18-09-2011 04:44PM

She looks like her face was on fire and someone tried to put it out with the back of a shovel

Redlion · 18-09-2011 05:20PM

I wouldn't ride her into battle!

flakey21 · 18-09-2011 05:57PM

she's seen more mickeys then walt Disney

AJ1 · 19-09-2011 07:49AM

I've seen better legs in a snackbox

tallus · 19-09-2011 08:18AM

I hope your rabbit dies, and you can't sell his hutch

HalloweenJack · 19-09-2011 09:27AM

You dog's abortion!

jonnyfingers · 19-09-2011 10:24AM

I called my girlfriend a cunt of a bitch on Valentine's Day.

Was pretty please with myself really.

backinexile · 19-09-2011 10:41AM

Larry Murphy wouldn't take you to the woods!!!

Sync · 19-09-2011 11:27AM

If I had a bag of willys I wouldn't give her one :P

homerhop · 19-09-2011 12:42PM

Biggest put down i heard on school bus infront of everyone many years ago.........

<Joe> looking out the window at tractor ploughing
<Mary> "ya Joe...its a tractor ploughing a field, ya never see one of them before?"
<Joe> "WOW Mary...Is it the same one that ploughed your face?"

Crazy Horse 6 · 19-09-2011 12:43PM

You support FF

super_furry · 19-09-2011 12:43PM

"The best part of you dribbled down your mother's leg"

jackie1974 · 19-09-2011 05:59PM

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

I am enclosing two tickets for the first night of my show, bring a friend .... If you have one.

Winston Churhills reply

I cant possibly make the first night, it will have to be the second ..... If you have one.

Best Insults you've ever heard?

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