How the hell do I decide this one?!

opinion guy · 16-09-2011 01:06AM

Jess16 wrote: »

I have one answer for you -largely obvious.

Advice

Um I wasn't talking to you I was talking to the OP.

Also it should be pretty obvious that my meaning was 'tell the girl your sorry you've been an ass instead of a bunch of randomers on an internet forum'

niamhsiobhan · 16-09-2011 01:12AM

Was going to post some abvice on here to you OP, but then I read opinion guy's post. He totally sumed up what I was going to say. At this stage it sounds like you screwed up a good bit so far, I think honesty is the best policy. Come clean about how you feel, be romantic and be genuine. Email her a link to this post to show how much the whole situation has played on your mind, if that's what it will take to grab her attention.

If that fails, then you can walk away knowing you tried your best and did what you can do. It won't eat you up as much later.

Fingers and toes crossed for you, I'm a biatch for romance and love stories!

Cullen82 · 16-09-2011 01:13AM

Jess16 wrote: »

Er, how have you been an ass here exactly -for wanting a little time to think before making someone the centre of your universe!?

Unless I'm missing something, she should be apologising to you for throwing her toys out of the pram over what was a very sensible decision on your behalf

Not exactly, I was an ass while in Canada.

The asking for time to think was fine, She gave me that. Its when I came back with my mind made up 2 Months later it must have seemed out of the blue....I guess I went back in a little fast. I did apologise for it in the end, I didnt stay in touch enough before getting back in touch and she felt very hurt that I wouldnt make any commitments.

I don't think I showed her enough respect. I want to make up for that.

*Whoever mentioned about me being an ass again, In fairness everyone makes mistakes. I did'nt cheat on her or anything - far from it - but I do recognise it as a mistake as we were quite close & she deserved a lot more.

AgileMyth · 16-09-2011 01:15AM

Plane to Canada brother. Soon as possible. Time to stop pissing about and do something about it or you will regret it.

Jess16 · 16-09-2011 01:16AM

Give the guy a break, he was clearly confused and wanted third party opinions. I'm sure he's aware that he could have just opened up and apologised to the girl but he evidently wanted feedback from other people about the situation first.

EDIT: Oh ok, so the issue is that you made your mind up, got cold feet and changed it again -which she didnt like?
Well that's fair enough I guess. Perhaps just explain to her that you weren't meaning to mess her about but that you were simply confused and acted in accordance with how you truly felt at the time. People are allowed to be confused, just be honest about it so she understands why.

Cullen82 · 16-09-2011 01:18AM

niamhsiobhan wrote: »

Was going to post some abvice on here to you OP, but then I read opinion guy's post. He totally sumed up what I was going to say. At this stage it sounds like you screwed up a good bit so far, I think honesty is the best policy. Come clean about how you feel, be romantic and be genuine. Email her a link to this post to show how much the whole situation has played on your mind, if that's what it will take to grab her attention.

If that fails, then you can walk away knowing you tried your best and did what you can do. It won't eat you up as much later.

Fingers and toes crossed for you, I'm a biatch for romance and love stories!

Thanks.

Again, I've never been one to mess anyone around. I actually tried my hardest to do everything but in this instance - making false promises eg. I asked for time before making any promises (like promising I would leave the job)....normally I might just say yeah we'll plan something for future whilst not being sure of what I wanted.

I fcked up by not staying in touch and then coming back all guns blazing as if she should be ready for me.....silly!

Opinionguy: Ive already apologised for all of this to her. I did'nt seem to be enough and since then I have been giving her space in hope that she would give me a chance.

ringadingding · 16-09-2011 01:18AM

What's the worst that can happen if you go over there ? Get knocked back, reverse a bit and within a few months your back where you started, or it could work out.

It's always easier going backwards than to move onwards

Cullen82 · 16-09-2011 01:26AM

ringadingding wrote: »

What's the worst that can happen if you go over there ? Get knocked back, reverse a bit and within a few months your back where you started, or it could work out.

It's always easier going backwards than to move onwards

Well I've thought about doing this alright.....Major turn off being that it could totally freak her out....

I know it must seem like I have nothing to lose right now but I think I do...the girl...I'm trying to make an intelligent decision re what way would be best to go about it rather than start out on the wrong foot and ruin it before I get anywhere.

Cheers for the replies by the way

beks101 · 16-09-2011 01:40AM

AckwelFoley wrote: »

Dude-
Its all love and oral...
QUOTE]

I love this. I want a tattoo of this.

OP - play it by ear. You might feel differently in a month. Canadian winters are tough!

Edit: just read the last few pages and I would say, ask yourself why you fcuked it up the first time. If you win her back there's a distinct chance it will happen again.

Do you really see your life in Canada with this girl? If you were so resentful the last time you were with her, maybe it's too much of an ask. Maybe it's not what you really want, and you only think it is now because she's so out of reach.

Good luck!

niamhsiobhan · 16-09-2011 01:42AM

Yea like you could go the all way over there and it might give you a result. It also might make you look like you should be in a padded room. So maybe just do it via email, phone or whatever. I wouldn't go the over there unless you have at least an inkling that she will accept you. You'll only end up with a massively bruised ego and a booted self esteem! Your trying to minimize the emotional damage to yourself and her after all!

Don't think you should beat yourself up too much either. In general the situation isn't exactly normal, and so your reaction to it can't be normal either. You did have a lot to weigh up and consider. I appreciate that she doesn't see it like that, as a girl in her situation, I wouldn't either. You'd just be another man bastard!! She'll come around though I think. Otherwise why would she have gotten into contact with you again? Your obviously on her mind for whatever reason . . .

What's your next move the OP!???? I'm totally loving this by the way ( not your emotional turmoil like just the story in general! )

Cullen82 · 16-09-2011 01:52AM

niamhsiobhan wrote: »

What's your next move the OP!???? I'm totally loving this by the way ( not your emotional turmoil like just the story in general! )

Well you see I'm pretty much in the dark about her plans.

More than a few of my emails at the time were asking her about the future etc. I told her I was ready to leave the job.....only for her to post on FBook that she was planning her travels. I felt this to be humiliating at the time but took it on the chin as a way for her to say "F You" to me.....On the other hand she could very well have made these plans by now.

Either way I'm still gonna make my next move. This will sound effing cheesy - I need her to know that she's the only person I have on my mind and that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to convince her that I'm still the cheeky fcker she once fell for, That I will never let her down again and that I'll make her happy.

Realistically I think I should probably drop her an email asking how she is & tell her whats happening in my life right now. Tell her that I'd like us to be back talking like before...and say sorry....will take quite a while to word

niamhsiobhan · 16-09-2011 02:25AM

The F.book thing could just have been a F.U. moment that she had, coz obviously she's pissed. It may not be true at all. On the other hand, it could be true. But either way, it's not like your looking to settle down and marry her tomorrow. You just need to get the nod from her that ye can start again from fresh and get to know each other all over again and then start progressing to something a lot more serious. There's no reason that her plans to travel should hinder communication with you. It sounds like ye both have a lot happening in your lives, and all the plans ye made should still go ahead you know until ye both decide that ye want to pursue this to another level.

You really don't have a lot to lose at this stage do you?
When are you going to send the email, I don't want to be pushy but I don't want you to back out of it. Do it when you have the nerve! I'm a huge believer in fate. If it's meant to be, it will happen for you, whether it's now next year you know.

On a side note, you do know Dr.Phil learned his trade from me. . . .

Reamer Fanny · 16-09-2011 02:52AM

Drop the hand problem solved

mconigol · 16-09-2011 08:58AM

Hold on a sec...you're the one turning your life on it's head and she's pissed? Are you pissed that she didn't stay in Africa? Works both ways...

Orando Broom · 16-09-2011 09:05AM

k.p.h wrote: »

Your forgetting about the AIDS..

It would probably be the good AIDS, it's not really a problem.

Uriel. · 16-09-2011 09:15AM

Orando Broom wrote: »

It would probably be the good AIDS, it's not really a problem.

??
Alcohol Induced Dizzy Spells ???

Wibbs · 16-09-2011 09:28AM

bradyle wrote: »

Eh i'd go for the big romantic gesture...what are the chances of you being able to turn up in Canada with an engagement ring (only do that if you're 100% sure shes the one) if no engagement ring something silly and romantic...As much as you are giving her space which is nice and all not the way to win her back in my opinion...id send her letters describing undying love...not texts or phone calls or emails...go for old fashioned romance...

IMHO Do NOT do this. Only works in the movies or if the woman is in love with you and not in "I'm not sure, hes rushing me" mode.

would definitely would win me over...then again i'm a gigantic romantic...

It would win you over if you loved the other person/and were concerned about their commitment levels.

Cullen82 wrote: »

Opinionguy: Ive already apologised for all of this to her. I did'nt seem to be enough and since then I have been giving her space in hope that she would give me a chance.

Apologise once. If you're not sure they got the gist of that first apology, expand on it, but again only once. The more you apologise the more desperate you look. Plus all too easy to get into some fcuked up feedback loop of "I'm sorry. It's not enough. I'm sorry. It's not enough I'm sorry. It's not enough. I'm sorry. It's not enough. I'm sorry. It's not enough.....". Oh yes C only apologise if you're actually in the wrong. Don't apologise for "the quiet life" or as a means to emotionally leverage someone.

mconigol wrote: »

Hold on a sec...you're the one turning your life on it's head and she's pissed? Are you pissed that she didn't stay in Africa? Works both ways...

This. I'm getting the feeling of holiday romance/first love(on your side) you follow her over and do more of the driving of this relationship and then she gets cold feet. Probably hinted at this in the latter stages. Now I say hint, but many women's hints need a crack team of behavioral scientists, a Cray computer and the services of the Hubble telescope so can be easy to miss. Especially if your willy or heart is blocking your eyesight.

no1beemerfan · 16-09-2011 09:48AM

Apologise and ask her straight out if she wants ye to work. Sounds like she is stringing you along a bit and mabey getting you back for your lack of contact.

Tell her you want to be with her and NEED to know exactly where you stand with her.

16-09-2011 09:58AM

Strange, I've the exact same dilemma coming up next April aswell.

How the hell do I decide this one?!

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