How the hell do I decide this one?!

Cullen82

Alright alright alright, Long time since I last posted ! Good to be back:D

I have a right head melting situation so looking for words of wisdom/advice whatever, I'm over in Africa working as a Tour Leader for an Overland Company....So I start the job in mid October, I've come to the end of my first trip and fly back to Nairobi to start my next one tomorrow and work my way down over 3 months to Cape Town again...Happy days eh? Well it would be only for the fact that I met someone on the trip who I tried not to become attached to..... but did....and so did she. We said goodbye to each other this morning and shes on her way back home in a few days......to CANADA....I've never met someone so made for me in my entire life...shes fecking A - mazing. I'm 28 by the way.

She wants me to go visit her in Canada after my next trip (circa April) which I most certainly want to do, In fact I'm more excited about seeing her again than seeing this unbelievably amazing continent again.....It's easily possible for me to do it during my next break between trips but if I decide to go, For me, it means Im serious about this girl being "the one" which will in turn will mean I'll end up leaving this "dream job" for whats obviously going to be a risk (the relationship) whatever way I look at it.

Any thoughts? The job is basically gone if I want any sort of future with her...I've already begun thinking of WH Visa for Canada.

Thanks After Hours,

Cullen82

AckwelFoley

You're asking AH for advice about a girl?


LOL.

pickarooney

Don't decide anything until after your next trip, but by all means keep in contact with her. If you still feel as strongly about one another after that then you'll soon come to understand what means most to you.

jester77

snyper wrote: »

You're asking AH for advice about a girl?


LOL.

That's not very helpful

Why not have her visit, in the mean time - skype, lots of lube and a man sized box of tissues.

jackiebaron

Kill her. Problem solved.

tommy21

Cullen82 wrote: »

Alright alright alright, Long time since I last posted ! Good to be back:D

I have a right head melting situation so looking for words of wisdom/advice whatever, I'm over in Africa working as a Tour Leader for an Overland Company....So I start the job in mid October, I've come to the end of my first trip and fly back to Nairobi to start my next one tomorrow and work my way down over 3 months to Cape Town again...Happy days eh? Well it would be only for the fact that I met someone on the trip who I tried not to become attached to..... but did....and so did she. We said goodbye to each other this morning and shes on her way back home in a few days......to CANADA....I've never met someone so made for me in my entire life...shes fecking A - mazing. I'm 28 by the way.

She wants me to go visit her in Canada after my next trip (circa April) which I most certainly want to do, In fact I'm more excited about seeing her again than seeing this unbelievably amazing continent again.....It's easily possible for me to do it during my next break between trips but if I decide to go, For me, it means Im serious about this girl being "the one" which will in turn will mean I'll end up leaving this "dream job" for whats obviously going to be a risk (the relationship) whatever way I look at it.

Any thoughts? The job is basically gone if I want any sort of future with her...I've already begun thinking of WH Visa for Canada.

Thanks After Hours,

Cullen82

Can't she come visit you? Hard to get and all that .

tommy21

You are young (ish) grasshopper, but you will learn (eh).

AckwelFoley

tommy21 wrote: »

Can't she come visit you? Hard to get and all that .

My thoughts exactly

Cuddlesworth

FFS man your in Africa, stick your penis into something else. Like a Baboon or Zebra.

ro_chez

Cullen82 wrote: »

Alright alright alright, Long time since I last posted ! Good to be back:D

I have a right head melting situation so looking for words of wisdom/advice whatever, I'm over in Africa working as a Tour Leader for an Overland Company....So I start the job in mid October, I've come to the end of my first trip and fly back to Nairobi to start my next one tomorrow and work my way down over 3 months to Cape Town again...Happy days eh? Well it would be only for the fact that I met someone on the trip who I tried not to become attached to..... but did....and so did she. We said goodbye to each other this morning and shes on her way back home in a few days......to CANADA....I've never met someone so made for me in my entire life...shes fecking A - mazing. I'm 28 by the way.

She wants me to go visit her in Canada after my next trip (circa April) which I most certainly want to do, In fact I'm more excited about seeing her again than seeing this unbelievably amazing continent again.....It's easily possible for me to do it during my next break between trips but if I decide to go, For me, it means Im serious about this girl being "the one" which will in turn will mean I'll end up leaving this "dream job" for whats obviously going to be a risk (the relationship) whatever way I look at it.

Any thoughts? The job is basically gone if I want any sort of future with her...I've already begun thinking of WH Visa for Canada.

Thanks After Hours,

Cullen82

Has she got big tits and gives good head?

scientific1982

Go for the girl OP. If you dont you might regret it for the rest of your life.

Cullen82

Nah mate, She wont be coming back here any time soon. The idea was that if things were working out I could work over there and see how it went...We've spent the past 3 Months in each others pockets so another holiday won't decide anything!

And YEAH damn right I'm asking AH for advice on a girl!

Funny you mention I should kill her, I literally saved her life last month - Maybe I shouldnt have and Id have opne less decision to make eh!

Coriolanus

First build a dungeon underneath your mud hut in Darkest Africa.
Then go to Canada as planned but before leaving, drug her and mail her to yourself in Africa.
You should get there before her whereupon you can stick her in the dungeon and keep her as a sex slave.
Oh, make a detour to Ireland on the way home. Boots are selling the MAP over the counter now so grab a few.

AckwelFoley

Cullen82 wrote: »

Nah mate, She wont be coming back here any time soon. The idea was that if things were working out I could work over there and see how it went...We've spent the past 3 Months in each others pockets so another holiday won't decide anything!

And YEAH damn right I'm asking AH for advice on a girl!

Funny you mention I should kill her, I literally saved her life last month - Maybe I shouldnt have and Id have opne less decision to make eh!

Dude-

3 months?? The first year of a relationship is called the honeymoon period. Its all love and oral... But i wouldnt advise you making life decisions based on 3 months with a woman.

A woman is like an onion and all that.. you havent even peeled off the first layer..

Scarydoll

Visit her in April and see how things go from there. Don't go and leave your job just yet.

Badgermonkey

What sort of career progression does your current position offer?

The answer to that question may determine your next move but to be honest fcuk the job, go after her.

Pherekydes

Jeez, how difficult is this?

Get a season ticket on the Churchill to Timbuktoo* DC3. See your gal once a year. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.




*Churchill and Timbuktoo are probably the nearest Ryanair flies to Toronto and Nairobi, respectively. Get a bus the rest of the way. Oxygen mask is extra. Toilet is extra. Qualified pilot is extra.

Cullen82

snyper wrote: »

Dude-

3 months?? The first year of a relationship is called the honeymoon period. Its all love and oral... But i wouldnt advise you making life decisions based on 3 months with a woman.

A woman is like an onion and all that.. you havent even peeled off the first layer..

I know you're dead right, I've thought about this also. I've had several long term relationsips 2/3 years and believe I have my head screwed on the right way.

But considering your post, How do you suggest in these circumstances I continue/progress the relationship AFTER the honeymoon period we've been having? I cant do it on skype so I either forget about her or go to Canada to see her................

STForSale

If she's leaving you even after you saved her life, she is obviously an ungreatful b1tch.
Move on is my advise.

fakearms123

Love can develop over time, sometimes you might fall in love within the first second of meeting someone and sometimes love jumps up on after a few months or even years of knowing someone, its a very complicated funny thing love. From the sounds of things you have already made up your mind. Take the risk, if you only thing you lose by going for this girl is your job then you will get over it but if you don't take the risk to find out if she's the one or whatever then you are most likely going to lose the best thing that can happen to someone and that is FALL IN LOVE AAWWWW best of luck!

Donal Og O Baelach

Cullen82 wrote: »

Alright alright alright, Long time since I last posted ! Good to be back:D

I have a right head melting situation so looking for words of wisdom/advice whatever, I'm over in Africa working as a Tour Leader for an Overland Company....So I start the job in mid October, I've come to the end of my first trip and fly back to Nairobi to start my next one tomorrow and work my way down over 3 months to Cape Town again...Happy days eh? Well it would be only for the fact that I met someone on the trip who I tried not to become attached to..... but did....and so did she. We said goodbye to each other this morning and shes on her way back home in a few days......to CANADA....I've never met someone so made for me in my entire life...shes fecking A - mazing. I'm 28 by the way.

She wants me to go visit her in Canada after my next trip (circa April) which I most certainly want to do, In fact I'm more excited about seeing her again than seeing this unbelievably amazing continent again.....It's easily possible for me to do it during my next break between trips but if I decide to go, For me, it means Im serious about this girl being "the one" which will in turn will mean I'll end up leaving this "dream job" for whats obviously going to be a risk (the relationship) whatever way I look at it.

Any thoughts? The job is basically gone if I want any sort of future with her...I've already begun thinking of WH Visa for Canada.

Thanks After Hours,

Cullen82

Come on Tommy, stop staring out that window. Your daughter will be over to take you for a drive on Saturday - take the blue pills with your cup of tea and get back into bed.

zumobishopreal

DO IT!

kerryman12

pickarooney wrote: »

Don't decide anything until after your next trip, but by all means keep in contact with her. If you still feel as strongly about one another after that then you'll soon come to understand what means most to you.

what he said.

PS
as you are in "deepest darkest africa" write a letter and post it - chics dig that stuff :pac: Alternatively get a SAT phone.

Swampy

What would facekicker do??

MIRMIR82

fakearms123 wrote: »

Love can develop over time, sometimes you might fall in love within the first second of meeting someone and sometimes love jumps up on after a few months or even years of knowing someone, its a very complicated funny thing love. From the sounds of things you have already made up your mind. Take the risk, if you only thing you lose by going for this girl is your job then you will get over it but if you don't take the risk to find out if she's the one or whatever then you are most likely going to lose the best thing that can happen to someone and that is FALL IN LOVE AAWWWW best of luck!

Awwww fakearms i didnt know you were so romantic.....pet:)

TPD

Flip a coin. If whatever decision the coin makes goes tits up, you can blame the coin and not yourself. Woo!

stovelid

Swampy wrote: »

What would facekicker do??

Get namechecked on boards for the next 1000 years despite being a one-trick pony?

ibarelycare

Cullen82 wrote: »

Alright alright alright, Long time since I last posted ! Good to be back:D

I have a right head melting situation so looking for words of wisdom/advice whatever, I'm over in Africa working as a Tour Leader for an Overland Company....So I start the job in mid October, I've come to the end of my first trip and fly back to Nairobi to start my next one tomorrow and work my way down over 3 months to Cape Town again...Happy days eh? Well it would be only for the fact that I met someone on the trip who I tried not to become attached to..... but did....and so did she. We said goodbye to each other this morning and shes on her way back home in a few days......to CANADA....I've never met someone so made for me in my entire life...shes fecking A - mazing. I'm 28 by the way.

She wants me to go visit her in Canada after my next trip (circa April) which I most certainly want to do, In fact I'm more excited about seeing her again than seeing this unbelievably amazing continent again.....It's easily possible for me to do it during my next break between trips but if I decide to go, For me, it means Im serious about this girl being "the one" which will in turn will mean I'll end up leaving this "dream job" for whats obviously going to be a risk (the relationship) whatever way I look at it.

Any thoughts? The job is basically gone if I want any sort of future with her...I've already begun thinking of WH Visa for Canada.

Thanks After Hours,

Cullen82

I knew something like this would happen you out there :P

Micky Dolenz

Is she pregnant? If not, be thankful of your lucky escape.

youcancallmeal

lol, posting a serious question in after hours :pac:

Anyway I did one of those 3 month Cape Town to Nairobi overland tours last year and I met and talked to a lot of the guides from the various different companies. Most of the Kenyans were just doing it to support their families, they had been at it for years and you could see any sense of wonder and interest had long ago been drained out of them. Most Europeans/Aus/Nz people I met said they got sick of it after their 3/4th time doing it and that the average length of time people do that job is a year. I'm sure you've met these old hands yourself? Basically my point is you'll probably be sick of that job in a year and then be left wondering what would have happened had you really tried hard to pursue the relationship with the Canadian girl?

On the other the fact you met her while she was on holidays and it was probably like a holiday to you too would be of concern. Also remember flying from Africa to Canada is going to cost you serious money!

ScumLord

Marry her on the sly, in Africa that makes her your property and she won't be able to go anywhere without your permission.

Duggy747

ScumLord wrote: »

Marry her on the sly, in Africa that makes her your property and she won't be able to go anywhere without your permission.

Hmm, buying some shackles wouldn't hurt either. Nothing worse than making her your property and she runs away because you left the door open.

jimthemental

snyper wrote: »

Dude-


A woman is like an onion and all that..they should be kept in the kitchen

What a horrible sentiment, the poor lad is pouring his heart out here:pac:

Lumen

Fly out to see her. Propose. If she says yes, don't come back. If she says no, go back to Africa.

Carpe corbiculida.

up for anything

Get a job guiding overland treks in Alaska. Then you've met her half way.

MagicSean

Africa is a ****hole. Go to Canada, become a mountie and marry her. Get free medical care for the rest of your life and own 10 guns for no reason at all. Simples.

pickarooney

k_mac wrote: »

Africa is a ****hole. Go to Canada, become a mountie and marry her. Get free medical care for the rest of your life and own 10 guns for no reason at all. Simples.

Medical care and guns would be much more useful in Africa though.

sanderelle

love is hard to find, i say go for it!! lovley story for the grandkids:)

Vicxas

But you have to fight the moose out in canada!

MagicSean

pickarooney wrote: »

Medical care and guns would be much more useful in Africa though.

Yeah but they don't have medicine in africa. And the children are the ones with the guns.

readyletsgo

You can always get another job dude! Your only 28.

But maybe you should talk to HER about how YOU feel. If she loves you, she will understand that you are in YOUR 'dream job' at the moment and maybe she can make it over to you sometimes for the next year, same as you can make it over to her on your breaks too.

stovelid

Best thing to do is to dither on baords about it so long that she'll end up banging one of her workmates in Canada.

AckwelFoley

Cullen82 wrote: »

But considering your post, How do you suggest in these circumstances I continue/progress the relationship AFTER the honeymoon period we've been having? I cant do it on skype so I either forget about her or go to Canada to see her................

Option a im afraid - forget about her.

Im bothered by the fact there has been no mention of her wanting to move as an option - its either canada or bust.

After 3 months of a relationship you have 9 more months left in the honeymoon period, but by that time you'll have made the big decision and the sacrafices by moving to canada... what sacrafices would she have made?

Anyhow, id suggest you shack up with an irish woman - they're better in the long run

stateofflux

id go for the holiday for a few weeks and see how it goes,
i wouldnt make any hard decisions decisions with your penis...you DO NOT want to end up quitting your job going to canada and being left high and dry & coming home broke with your tail between your legs and/or broken hearted over an infatuation that you didnt think through....

Jaxxy

I'd suggest chilling out about it. You don't HAVE to make any life changing decisions RIGHT NOW. Play it by ear, see how it goes. Go to see her when you plan on going to see her and take it one step at a time. When the time comes to make this decision it should be clear for you. You love her and want to be with her; job doesn't matter / You're unsure; she's probably not "the one".

EDIT: Also wanted to add that IMO there is no time limit on "honeymoon" periods. For some they can last only a couple of months (weeks in some cases) and for others they can last years. It all depends on the relationship and the individuals involved, so don't make any decisions based on the idea that things could go tits up or lose their sparkle after a set amount of time.

Cullen82

UNBELIEEEEVABLY there's some sound advice on AH for such a risky question!

Thanks everyone, Sound;)

IBarelyCare :):) haha it's been a while, thanks for your input! I've actually already openly admitted before coming here that the only way I would leave this job within the next few years was for a woman - I just didnt expect to meet her within my first week. Seriously though, You know me and you should know if I come out with a comment so openly such as "I have never met or felt for anyone like this in my life " then it's not your average girl....I really think this is it!

As for her not making effort - She has made her feelings clear to me. Also I don't have any motives to settle in Ireland and for years now I've been open to settling wherever I meet the right person, I'd be more than happy to try Canada - I've spent more than 6 of the last 10 years abroad ,be it Spain, Oz, Africa or wherever else I've travelled/lived so homesick is not something I worry about.

For now, I reckon I'll finish my next trip, then get a ridiculously expensive return flight Nairobi - Toronto & Visit her for a few weeks....If I don;t think its right Ill go back to my job in Africa and if it looks like its working I'll maybe do one more trip in Africa and return to hopefully give it a proper go in Canada with her on a Working Holiday Visa.

Right thanks everyone, I've to try and get out of Jo'Burg now. Later

kerryman12

best of luck to you

Cullen82

Reviving an old Thread of mine, In need of advice more than ever!

Basically I fcked up!

Went to see this girl in Canada for 4 weeks & it went well for a while but then it went a bit sour - spending 24/7 together was tough and I was a bit of an asshole during this time. Only reason I can offer is that I see now how I resented the fact that I was being asked to choose between my dream girl and the job I am currently in and felt serious pressure this whole time....but thats just an excuse...I still shouldnt have done it and given her more respect in that sense.

Anyway I made a huge mistake. I told her I needed time to think after my trip over there and asked that we didnt speak about the future as I was finding it difficult. So we kept in touch (not enough on my part ill admit although it was very hard given my job in Africa ie not much internet) and eventually when I came back to her to tell her I wanted to see her again she was pissed off with me that I thought I could just decide this for her....She was right. I've since given her a lot of space and not a lot of contact. She made it clear she was making plans without me and so I tried to move on after making a serious effort to dissuade her - respectfully. So I did.....

Listen I know I've been an effing banker, For everyone that knows me on Boards I'm not capable of doing this normally and very embarrassed about it all. I don't need to hear how selfish and inconsiderate I've been - Ive been aware for this for long time now and aware that I've made my bed and need lie in it......but ffs I've made a huge mistake. She HAS since been in touch with me - basically to tell me she was annoyed that she no longer got exicted to see my emails because I had been such an ass to her.....I saw this as her possibly (guessing) making an attempt to get back in touch...my response I kept short thinking it best to show her that I was not gonna pressure her anymore and apologised to her that she felt the way she did because of me...that was 2 weeks ago.


Do you think there's much chance I can regain her trust?

Cullen82

Cullen82 wrote: »

Do you think there's much chance I can regain her trust?

I mean, Is there any way I can win her back

Micky Dolenz

Probably not.

westendgirlie

Oh dear