How come Irish people don't date like in other countries?

Sticjones · 08-09-2011 03:41PM

Because we are in a good Catholic country and this "dating" filth has no place in the institution of marriage.

The King of Moo · 08-09-2011 05:01PM

It's probably the lingering hangover of our Catholic repression of anything involving the opposite sex.
Hence some Irish people are unable to relate to their opposite sex in a normal fashion. Not to be unfair, but this does seem to be a little more common with men's attitude towards women, but there's people at fault on both sides.

Hence we have an awkward, often confrontational method of meeting people in pubs and nightclubs in pursuit of sex, as some people are unable to relate to the opposite sex in any other fashion.

Thankfully this seems to be on the way out. There's still a lot of cavepeople out there, and I personally know a few men with a very immature attitude to women, whom they see as frightening, mysterious, pernicious creatures.
But most people nowadays are a long way from the old Irish stereotype, and it's actually fairly common for people to date now.

I've always preferred to meet women in normal situations, like at work, or other everyday situations than in a pub/club, and it's quite common for people to go on dates to the cinema/restaurant than instead of just going to the pub.
It's just not as rigid as the formalised American way of dating.

Celly Smunt · 08-09-2011 05:24PM

Iranian style all the way!

Frank Black · 08-09-2011 05:33PM

Because despite the desperate affectations of our young folk, we're not American, that's why!

Celly Smunt · 08-09-2011 05:33PM

black francis wrote: »

Because despite the desperate affectations of our young folk, we're not American, that's why!

unless you head south of tallaght.

professore · 08-09-2011 05:40PM

Kazakh style FTW:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftY2p0L8F-Q

impr0v · 08-09-2011 05:43PM

The King of Moo wrote: »

...and I personally know a few men with a very immature attitude to women, whom they see as frightening, mysterious, pernicious creatures.

Most of the women I know are frightening, mysterious and pernicious creatures.

NothingMan · 08-09-2011 05:44PM

A lot of my relationships have stemmed from a drunken smooch or at least meeting in a bar and getting a number and going from there. There's nothing wrong with that way of doing things and it's not something I consciously would do.

I think to do something more direct (ie. Sober) is terrifying as you have no idea where you stand when you ask the person out. At least if you have broken the ice with a drunken swirl of the tongues there's maybe a 30% chance they might actaully find you attractive enough to see sober.

When I was a young teenager things were much more innocent and asking someone out while from school was daunting and took over a year to build up the courage to ask a girl out then fumbled my words so much she didn't understand me. It all worked out, she asked me out by email a week later

. If only we had texting...

gargleblaster · 08-09-2011 05:44PM

As an American, I'm baffled by this "American style" of dating that people are referring to. People are all different and prefer different styles of dating/going out/seeing each other.

Also I'm shocked to hear that in Ireland once you go out with someone, it's assumed that you're seeing each other exclusively. After seeing some of the threads in the personal issues and relationship issues forums, I'm curious about that assertion.

NothingMan · 08-09-2011 05:52PM

gargleblaster wrote: »

Also I'm shocked to hear that in Ireland once you go out with someone, it's assumed that you're seeing each other exclusively. After seeing some of the threads in the personal issues and relationship issues forums, I'm curious about that assertion.

it's not necessarily assumed as such and I know plenty of people who have dated a couple of guys for a few dates to see how they panned out. But once you're in a situation where you're seeing someone regularly and are kissing etc... you kind of expect (maybe hope is better) that you're not swapping fluids with a second suitor too.

The King of Moo · 08-09-2011 05:55PM

Hhm, there was I thinking we'd move beyond our old-fashioned gender divide in this country, until I realised that I'm reading Fever Pitch (about football) and the girl beside me on the bus is reading How to Be a Woman(about being a woman).

Maybe we are completely unable to relate to each other after all! :pac:

k4kate · 08-09-2011 06:01PM

The King of Moo wrote: »

Hhm, there was I thinking we'd move beyond our old-fashioned gender divide in this country, until I realised that I'm reading Fever Pitch (about football) and the girl beside me on the bus is reading How to Be a Woman(about being a woman).

Maybe we are completely unable to relate to each other after all! :pac:

If "she" needs to read a book on "how" to be a woman, maybe it is someone in the process of hormone treatment for a sex change.
How would you find out?

1. Feel for gonads
2. Ask he/she to explain offside
3. Jesus, can't think of a 3rd, alcohol killin me brain cells

Orando Broom · 08-09-2011 06:15PM

I jump off really high walls, and climb trees and shout down the other men. Also I run really fast around the football field but only when she's watching. Then I fück her brains out. And marriage.

Orando Broom · 08-09-2011 06:16PM

k4kate wrote: »

If "she" needs to read a book on "how" to be a woman, maybe it is someone in the process of hormone treatment for a sex change.
How would you find out?

1. Feel for gonads
2. Ask he/she to explain offside
3. Jesus, can't think of a 3rd, alcohol killin me brain cells

**** in a Ricky Bobby quote and if she laughs like a drain, BINGO! You've met your first shemale.

gargleblaster · 08-09-2011 06:34PM

NothingMan wrote: »

it's not necessarily assumed as such and I know plenty of people who have dated a couple of guys for a few dates to see how they panned out. But once you're in a situation where you're seeing someone regularly and are kissing etc... you kind of expect (maybe hope is better) that you're not swapping fluids with a second suitor too.

Yeah see again, this only makes me wonder more, as I've read plenty of comments about kissing strangers in clubs. I suspect that, just like here in America, there's probably a wide variety of styles and expectations.

The King of Moo · 08-09-2011 07:12PM

k4kate wrote: »

If "she" needs to read a book on "how" to be a woman, maybe it is someone in the process of hormone treatment for a sex change.
How would you find out?

1. Feel for gonads
2. Ask he/she to explain offside
3. Jesus, can't think of a 3rd, alcohol killin me brain cells

I prodded her roughly on the shoulder and said "Here love, are ya readin' that book cos ya want to become a bird or just a better bird? Ya look like a fine filly ta me."

She got up just as I was lunging to perform a genital test for some reason.

Out of curiosity I just googled the book, and I remember reading a review about it being a poorly-written pseudo-feminist book comprised of sweeping generalisations and contradictions.

Here's a quote from an Amazon review:

think I am as liberal as they come). Eventually I acquiesced and started reading with few expectations (I had never heard of Caitlin Moran before I picked this up). I thought the prologue was great. It was genuinely funny (even made me laugh out loud a couple of times which almost never happens), well written, and engaging. The next few chapters were just good, though I felt like it could have done with some ruthless editing of the bits that weren't quite so funny or poignant to make it great. But towards the middle of the book things started to go downhill, pretty steeply.

One of the problems with the book is that the author talks as if everything is black or white, gloriously righteous or disgustingly evil. In the beginning when she is talking about obvious things (woman should have the same opportunities as men, etc..) this is fine. It's when she gets into more debatable arguments (strip clubs= evil, burlesque shows + pole dancing lessons= fantastic), even about things that I agree on (e.g. pro-choice, aethiesm) that this starts to grate. She treats the idea that any opinion other than her own could have any validity with contempt and doesn't really put forward any cogent arguments for her reasoning (but basically devolves into semi-coherent rants over and over again- and this is coming from someone who actually agrees with the broad points she is making!!).

She talks in sweeping generalizations and sometimes contradicts herself. More and more so as it goes on the book reads as if it has been written in a rush and never re-read or edited. When I started reading I was actually thinking the author is someone I would love to have round for dinner to have a conversation with, by the end of the book that idea seems more like an opportunity I'd run a mile from because I envision she would not let anyone else get a word in edgeways, shout down any opposing opinions and to be honest, I'm not sure she's actually a very nice person.

Something I also came to realize through the course of the book is although I think MOST of her opinions are right, it comes across as if she doesn't think they are right because she's sat down and tried to think things through objectively. It's because things have pissed her off or got in her way and so she has come up with arguments (and not necessarily well thought out ones) to justify the way she already feels.

I have to lecture this girl and explain to her why she's giving a poor impression of Irish women to some Irish men.

k4kate · 08-09-2011 07:20PM

The King of Moo wrote: »

I prodded her roughly on the shoulder and said "Here love, are ya readin' that book cos ya want to become a bird or just a better bird? Ya look like a fine filly ta me."

She got up just as I was lunging to perform a genital test for some reason.

Out of curiosity I just googled the book, and I remember reading a review about it being a poorly-written pseudo-feminist book comprised of sweeping generalisations and contradictions.

Here's a quote from an Amazon review:

I have to lecture this girl and explain to her why she's giving a poor impression of Irish women to some Irish men.

That quote from Amazon: I read about 5 sentences then fell asleep.

What kinda ****e are women reading?

The King of Moo · 08-09-2011 07:22PM

k4kate wrote: »

That quote from Amazon: I read about 5 sentences then fell asleep.

What kinda ****e are women reading?

Hopefully not that many are reading it.

I seem to remember it being panned as shallow and simplistic when it was released, though it has got quite a few 5-star reviews on Amazon.

k4kate · 08-09-2011 07:30PM

The King of Moo wrote: »

Hopefully not that many are reading it.

I seem to remember it being panned as shallow and simplistic when it was released, though it has got quite a few 5-star reviews on Amazon.

Difference between the sexes, do you know any man who would buy a book on being a man?

The King of Moo · 08-09-2011 07:39PM

k4kate wrote: »

Difference between the sexes, do you know any man who would buy a book on being a man?

Hhm, that's a good question.

I can't think of any man I know who's done such a thing.
Nor do I even know of such a book.

Though maybe "lads' mags" like Maxim and FHM would be a male equivalent.

They do seem to reflect changes in common conceptions of masculinity (from "drink beer and watch football, here's some tits!" to "drink beer and watch football and use moisturiser, here's some tits!"

Though maybe they reflect changes that happen organically, rather than guide them.

Napper Hawkins · 08-09-2011 07:41PM

k4kate wrote: »

Difference between the sexes, do you know any man who would buy a book on being a man?

There's plenty, they're called things like "Nuts" or "FHM" or "Sad **** Weekly".

EDIT: Curse thee King Of Moo!

k4kate · 08-09-2011 07:50PM

The King of Moo wrote: »

Hhm, that's a good question.

I can't think of any man I know who's done such a thing.
Nor do I even know of such a book.

Though maybe "lads' mags" like Maxim and FHM would be a male equivalent.

They do seem to reflect changes in common conceptions of masculinity (from "drink beer and watch football, here's some tits!" too "drink beer and watch football and use moisturiser, here's some tits!"

Though maybe they reflect changes that happen organically, rather than guide them.

Ha ha, and don't forget drink beer, watch fooball, use moisturiser, check regularly for testicular cancer: here's some tits

k4kate · 08-09-2011 07:51PM

OMG, I just realise I find tits sexy. I need to read that book on being a woman.

ScumLord · 08-09-2011 08:04PM

Napper Hawkins wrote: »

There's plenty, they're called things like "Nuts" or "FHM" or "Sad **** Weekly".

I hate those magazines, trying to pass themselves off as manly while peddling moisturiser and hair products.

gargleblaster · 08-09-2011 08:17PM

Napper Hawkins wrote: »

There's plenty, they're called things like "Nuts" or "FHM" or "Sad **** Weekly".

:pac:

sexter · 08-09-2011 08:56PM

We live in a seriously dysfunctional dating environment. A culture in which young people almost only have polygamous relationships, which are exclusively commenced in clubs. Many males are extroverted by nature and not afraid to approach women. Which results in rigorous competitiveness to meet the inevitably high standards of the females. Men are not judged by their intentions, but only by their superficial character and social status. The guys deemed most desirable are usually not interested in relationships and only want to use women for sex to get an ego boost. Yet all guys are judged by the actions of these types. Resulting in more reluctance from females.

starlit · 09-09-2011 03:47PM

Which kind of date are you referring too, date as in calender date or date as in 'dating/going out with'? Calender date is the same as the EU and British system its not American.

'Dating/going out with' is different here as it is in other countries because well, we just go out with one person at a time generally, of course people play the field but they don't just hop from one person to the next hop in and out of relationships all the time. Its the norm in American and the UK I suppose. But we tend to be similar to the UK regarding relationship dating. You go out with someone for a while maybe long term or short term serious or not. Its a bigger deal in america you are either a serious dater as in you only be in serious or not so serious relationships. While here and in the UK we tend to do a mixture of both.

The US is a lot more open in terms of dating compared to here. They go all out I suppose when it comes to the dating scene, they just happen to met and pick up people anywhere while here its different, more likely through a friend or a night out or at work its more likely to happen to meet people. We are a bit slow to embrace all aspects of dating like the US and UK in terms of speed dating and internet dating, they are slowly picking up here but very popular in other countries and is more successful than here. We like the traditional meeting of other people face to face at first say at a more traditional setting like a party or pub!?

The art of conversation and being interesting is more important than just being wined and dined! Hopeless romantics vary some aren't into that sort of thing others are but there is different I suppose than in other countries. A normal setting and not being forced or pushed into a relationship is better than having conform to societies ideals all the time!

Being unique and you wins out! Not just personality, depending what looks you go for or looks aren't important but other things are like intelligence, conversational skills, click well with someone, share common interest and views, compatibility in all areas, and on the same level as each other! All makes for a successful relationship to begin and flourish along with major compatibilities in the main areas, and being able to have a laugh, enjoy ones company, communication, compromising, loyalty, honestly, trustworthiness and friendship as well as being lovers! What makes them stand out from the crowd and make you want to fall in love with them and be with them!

A mixed bag really when it comes to dating here in Ireland a bit all over the place. Don't know if it will ever change don't think Ireland will in terms of the dating scene either its modern or old fashioned or old school depending on the partner(s)!

A new invention of dating might be what it needs but don't think Ireland will conform to other countries way of dating they just up date or change to their own liking to an Irish way of dating!? Don't think Ireland are meant to follow what other countries are doing think we fail badly at it but we are bad enough at dating don't think a better structure would make a difference cause we probably be awful at another way of dating!? What is it to be!?

Things can change, society has changed and evolved but dating don't think will change much here!

starlit · 09-09-2011 03:50PM

'Cause Ireland is a small Country! A lot harder to date in Ireland than in a bigger country or city!

gargleblaster · 09-09-2011 03:54PM

doovdela wrote: »

'Dating/going out with' is different here as it is in other countries because well, we just go out with one person at a time generally, of course people play the field but they don't just hop from one person to the next hop in and out of relationships all the time. Its the norm in American and the UK I suppose. But we tend to be similar to the UK regarding relationship dating. You go out with someone for a while maybe long term or short term serious or not. Its a bigger deal in america you are either a serious dater as in you only be in serious or not so serious relationships. While here and in the UK we tend to do a mixture of both.

The US is a lot more open in terms of dating compared to here. They go all out I suppose when it comes to the dating scene, they just happen to met and pick up people anywhere while here its different, more likely through a friend or a night out or at work its more likely to happen to meet people.

What's the difference between meeting a stranger on a night out and meeting one anywhere else?

We are a bit slow to embrace all aspects of dating like the US and UK in terms of speed dating and internet dating, they are slowly picking up here but very popular in other countries and is more successful than here. We like the traditional meeting of other people face to face at first say at a more traditional setting like a party or pub!?

Is there any evidence for this? Just a guess?

Where are you getting your insight into how people go about dating in America?

starlit · 09-09-2011 03:58PM

gargleblaster wrote: »

What's the difference between meeting a stranger on a night out and meeting one anywhere else?

Is there any evidence for this? Just a guess? I read that one of those cheaters' sites did quite well in Ireland actually.

Where are you getting your insight into how people go about dating in America?

Eh have been watching too much of 'how I met your mother!'

I know what you mean well I suppose, meeting a stranger on a night out and kissing them or going home with them is probably no different in meeting them anywhere else in a random place like a sports club or event or anywhere else I guess...

How come Irish people don't date like in other countries?

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