What to do if you're bad with women

Bipolar Joe · 04-09-2011 08:23PM

The King of Moo wrote: »

Unfortunately I don't think there's really a quick fix, especially if you want a natural reaction from women.

There's been lots of good advice about taking up hobbies, joining clubs and boosting your confidence I'd second.

Just don't rush it, allow yourself to gradually increase your confidence and comfort around women.

And I wouldn't focus too much on your appearance.
A relaxed sense of self-confidence is probably more important, it just might take time to build up.

But it works, just look at Serge Gainsbourg, Henry Kissinger or any of the not-so-physically-attractive men who've had great love lives.

[Comment about money].

Richard Hillman · 04-09-2011 08:26PM

How about getting that chip off your shoulder, that might help.

Instictively males go for the healthiest looking females because they have a better chance of raising your young. For females they want the strongest alpha male to look after them and their young. Its the circle of life, you just have to accept nature. So option 1 would be the best bet if you really want to make a big deal about it.

Marty McFly · 04-09-2011 08:28PM

It doesnt all boil down to looks, many a time ive been attracted to people who I normally wouldnt be and when i look back on it i dont know how I ever was, and im sure its the same way for some the women ive been with, looks are an important part but form most people love can be blind if you really connect with someone and feel the spark as they say.

Also as long as you keep talking about your lack of facial looks your never going to get anywhere if you dont believe in yourself no one else is going to. Just start believing in yourself and that what you have to offer is good enough for any woman.

The King of Moo · 04-09-2011 08:28PM

Oh, and don't pressure yourself into striving too hard to become an absolute ladykiller.

Very few men are really like that and I don't think a lot of women truly like a guy like that. Not in a serious way.

I think I'm fairly comfortable with women, but I maintain a slight geeky, bumbling confusion about me at times, which I like to think (entirely my own opinion!) lends me a quirky charm.

Don't expect perfection.

Try to be yourself, but more importantly, be happy and comfortable with yourself.

dirtypanties · 04-09-2011 08:29PM

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

Like everyone is saying, hobbyist type stuff is really your best bet. Think about it, you already know that the two of you have something in common. The thing with geeky stuff is generally a chick will be the only one there, and as a result will have every dude hanging off her. Geeky chicks are the holy grail to nerds like us, man, I know it. I don't recommend as such asking one of them out, because I know it happens all the damn time, but that girl could be an in to other ladies who might share the same interests who don't have time for hobbyist activities.

My Husband is a total nerd....Adds to his appeal IMO-There must be more women like me out there that like geek chic (+hopefully they will have clean panties;))

Don't give up OP-you never know who you might meet tomorrow/next week/next year:)

fonecrusher1 · 04-09-2011 08:31PM

OP when talking to girls you should maintain an eerie unending stare as shes yapping away at you. Throw in an occasional nod & say yeah i know... Keep staring even after she has left your company. Just keep doing this till your asked to leave the bar/club. Do the same in the taxi home & keep doing it till you fall asleep....

.......hold on what was the question?

wolf moon · 04-09-2011 08:37PM

LiamIRL82 wrote: »

If you don't have money women don't want to know you.

-

jimpump · 04-09-2011 08:42PM

NyanCat wrote: »

So being bad with women makes society think of you as a loser but what realy makes peoplethink badly of you is if you do something about it.

I went to an all boys school and nearly all my friends have always been guys so I havnt much experience with the opposite sex. Im not a virgin but Im still useless with them.

So it seems if you are bad with women you have a few options

1. Live with it: Older you get the bigger a loser society will see you as

Result:Loser

2. Nightclubs: I have tried them and any time I come over to a women I get treated bad. like really bad. I have enver been treated so badly in my lifeand I will never let anyone do that to me again.

Result: Doesnt seem to work (maybe if I was good looking I would at least be given a chance)

3.Pick up artist:They have a really bad reputation but upon looking it up some of it seems like it might work. Not like I have much to lose.
Result:Might work but if anyone found out then they wouldthink you
are yet again a Loser

4. Hang out with people who are good with women:I knew 1 person who was good with women but he was scum. So it seems being a good person is not a requirement to get women but if you can't get a girl then society will still think yourea freak.
Result: If you found the right role modelthis might work but I havnt got one.

5.Hobbies/clubs:This is what people recommend but I think this one is the one truely loser one.If I am doing a hobby it's because I love doing it,not to meet women. I will never take up a hobby just to meet women.Thats what a real loser would do. I enjoy sports/nerdy things and never meet women.
Result: Loser

6.Prostitution: When I getlonely this seems like it would tide me over but it'snot what I wan't. From the other thread apparently lot'sof people will think Im a loser or a bad person fordoing this too.
Result:Loser

7. Become rich/trophy wife:
Having your wife not really care about you would be depressing.Not to mention she might be cheating on you.
Result: Depressing

Do any of you consider yourselves good with women or know somone who is?

What would you do if you were bad with women? Would you try improve or just accept it?

I am smart, athletic, succesfull at almost everything I put mymind to. If I had probems with any other areaof my life I would be able to seek help and not be judged. Unfortunately this is the area of my life I have trouble with.The one area where help that works is unavailable or seeking help makes you a pariah.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

reading this has givin me the best laugh in a long long time

thanks OP

Eve_Dublin · 04-09-2011 08:43PM

Right OP, I think I'm a good bit older than you and I'm going to give you some advice as someone whose been chatted up a fair bit in her life (most women have been by the time they hit 31) and this is what I found got my attention (disclaimer: I'm nice to ALL men approach me unless they're out and pricks...)

- See the very hot chick in the corner with the big, grumpy face on her who think she's the hottest woman in the bar and has a few men hovering around her trying to pluck up the courage to talk to her? Chances are, she's not going to talk to you. She's going to be a wagon if you talk to her and possibly rude. See the other good-looking girl whose laughing and has a big, open face and doesn't seem so full of herself but perhaps is not the first woman you'd clap your eyes on when you walk into the bar? She's your best bet.

Classic mistake of many men: approaching ht women who are so obviously bitches and have a million men vying for their attention. I can spot them a mile off...why can't you?

I know not to approach the man in a Rugby jersey waving his willy about in a bar...why can't men spot the female equivalent???

- Be cool, be friendly and listen. Ask questions. We love a man who is interested in what we have to say and not just our boobage. Be genuinely interested in her. If you're not GENUINELY interested in what she has to say, make your excuses and leave. We know if a man is being sincere or just trying to get into our knickers. We've had years of experience of it and we might be slightly/very hostile if you continue on with this insincerity just because we've our baps out.

- Don't take yourself so seriously. Work on your sense of humour and relax. Women LOVE funny men. If you don't see her laughing at your jokes, you've got a humour clash. Move on. Make your jokes and stories inclusive. Find common ground for things to laugh about. If she doesn't click with your humour, bite the bullet and leave. It's going nowhere. Keep your dignity and move on.

- Low self-esteem in not an attractive trait in either gender. We all suffer from it now and then and some more than others. Don't go in with the frame of mind that she's out of your league. You don't know that and really, these league tables are subjective. We can sense if a man is unsure of himself. You're as good as anyone...this girl might not be the one for you but that doesn't make you any less of a person, it just means you don't click. Sad fatc for both genders that the person you fancy doesn't always fancy you back. Finding someone is not easy but don't discount the process before you even started.

I've met most of my exes in bars...not Copper Face Jacks style bars but bars around the Camden area when I lived in Dublin. Relaxed and with people who are open to talking to randomers...or at least they were when I lived there.

-My biggest piece of advice is approach approachable girls. If you approach someone who clearly doesn't want to be approached then you do so at your own risk and you'll be on here complaining about what a bunch of wagons we all are I know the men I shouldn't go near so I don't and I've had no problems. Use your gut instinct. Does she seem nice and approachable? Have you made a bit of eye contact prior to the advances? Don't think only with your dick or you'll get burned....we know the deal.

Good luck!

opinion guy · 04-09-2011 08:46PM

NyanCat wrote: »

Now this is a start but tbh all the advise I get is common sense. I know the common sense stuf, what I dont know is the little nuances that people who women go crazy for do. I am already way behind and need to catch up. I might in time do okay but I dont want to do okay. I want to do great. I want to know I am showing my best self to the world and am the kind of guy a girl would love to get with.

I think a good start would be for me to get into great shape and to see what I can do about my face. Even if appearance isnt everything It will certainly help me get my foot in the door and not get shot down straight away. (Interestingly enough it would also help in otehr ways, attractive people are more likely to get promoted, could be the best career move I make)

If its common sense then try applying it.
If you want to be good then practice.
If you want to be great then practice alot more.
There are no 'little nuances who people who women go crazy for do'
There is not magic bullet for those.
Just time and practice

Getting into shape can help but its necessary.
Er - what can you do about your face ? That seems off topic. And frankly you are dodging the issue - which is to build confidence in your conversational skills with women. Even if you go off see a surgeona nd come back looking like Brad Pitts younger brother you are still going to have to learn the conversation stuff.

You may not want to hear it - but its all about time and practice - as pretty much anything else is in life. There isn't a magic bullet

WallyGUFC · 04-09-2011 08:48PM

Bullseye1 wrote: »

Just realise some women are just as nervous as some men when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. They are not some holy grail.

"Never put the pussy on a pedastal!"

What film is that again?

Bipolar Joe · 04-09-2011 08:48PM

WallyGUFC wrote: »

"Never put the pussy on a pedastal!"

What film is that again?

Breakfast At Tiffany's.

BBDBB · 04-09-2011 08:48PM

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Right OP, I think I'm a good bit older than you and I'm going to give you some advice as someone whose been chatted up a fair bit in her life (most women have been by the time they hit 31) and this is what I found got my attention (disclaimer: I'm nice to ALL men approach me unless they're out and pricks...)

- See the very hot chick in the corner with the big, grumpy face on her who think she's the hottest woman in the bar and has a few men hovering around her trying to pluck up the courage to talk to her? Chances are, she's not going to talk to you. She's going to be a wagon if you talk to her and possibly rude. See the other good-looking girl whose laughing and has a big, open face and doesn't seem so full of herself but perhaps is not the first woman you'd clap your eyes on when you walk into the bar? She's your best bet.

Classic mistake of many men: approaching ht women who are so obviously bitches and have a million men vying for their attention. I can spot them a mile off...why can't you?

I know not to approach the man in a Rugby jersey waving his willy about in a bar...why can't men spot the female equivalent???

- Be cool, be friendly and listen. Ask questions. We love a man who is interested in what we have to say and not just our boobage. Be genuinely interested in her. If you're not GENUINELY interested in what she has to say, make your excuses and leave. We know if a man is being sincere or just trying to get into our knickers. We've had years of experience of it and we might be slightly/very hostile if you continue on with this insincerity just because we've our baps out.

- Don't take yourself so seriously. Work on your sense of humour and relax. Women LOVE funny men. If you don't see her laughing at your jokes, you've got a humour clash. Move on. Make your jokes and stories inclusive. Find common ground for things to laugh about. If she doesn't click with your humour, bite the bullet and leave. It's going nowhere. Keep your dignity and move on.

- Low self-esteem in not an attractive trait in either gender. We all suffer from it now and then and some more than others. Don't go in with the frame of mind that she's out of your league. You don't know that and really, these league tables are subjective. We can sense if a man is unsure of himself. You're as good as anyone...this girl might not be the one for you but that doesn't make you any less of a person, it just means you don't click. Sad fatc for both genders that the person you fancy doesn't always fancy you back. Finding someone is not easy but don't discount the process before you even started.

I've met most of my exes in bars...not Copper Face Jacks style bars but bars around the Camden area when I lived in Dublin. Relaxed and with people who are open to talking to randomers...or at least they were when I lived there.

-My biggest piece of advice is approach approachable girls. If you approach someone who clearly doesn't want to be approached then you do so at your own risk and you'll be on here complaining about what a bunch of wagons we all are I know the men I shouldn't go near so I don't and I've had no problems. Use your gut instinct. Does she seem nice and approachable? Have you made a bit of eye contact prior to the advances? Don't think only with your dick or you'll get burned....we know the deal.

Good luck!

OI! I dont always wear the rugby jersey you know:p

ToddyDoody · 04-09-2011 08:49PM

NyanCat wrote: »

I might in time do okay but I dont want to do okay. I want to do great. I want to know I am showing my best self to the world and am the kind of guy a girl would love to get with.

i'm no expert but be happy with small bits of progress if you can and dont be too disappointed by setbacks at first. Note that only 7% of communication is conveyed through words. The rest is body language (e.g. the dancefloor) and intonation of voice (e.g. Music) pay some attention to these forms of communication so that you become more pleasing to women. It may be that you dont have much practice in the body language and intonation areas due to the way communication at work is more focussed on the content of what you say (i.e. The words used) so awareness and practice may be required here.

Eve_Dublin · 04-09-2011 08:52PM

BBDBB wrote: »

OI! I dont always wear the rugby jersey you know:p

Rugby jersey is grand (although I don't go for that type generally), it's the willy out. Sorry, it's a reference to a personal incident...him and his mates treated women like crap and the women would be moaning about it the following day and they'd also make fun of women they didn't think were hot but...Jaysus women...are you fecking surprised?

--LOS-- · 04-09-2011 09:00PM

forget all the man code/woman code BS, are you good with people in general? Its not like women are all that different.

chicken fingers · 04-09-2011 09:15PM

Greentopia wrote: »

First of all get rid of the awful pernicious, meaningless and trite American idea of classifying people as either Winners or Losers in life.=

Thats loser talk right there!
About 20% of people are winners, most are nobodies or losers! Theres a clear divide.

mattjack · 04-09-2011 10:07PM

WallyGUFC wrote: »

"Never put the pussy on a pedastal!"

What film is that again?

101 dalmatians

Greentopia · 04-09-2011 10:14PM

chicken fingers wrote: »

Thats loser talk right there!
About 20% of people are winners, most are nobodies or losers! Theres a clear divide.

Uh-huh :rolleyes: young and inexperienced in life or just winding me up...that's the question.
I rather think you've been taken in too much by the American model of selfish individualistic pursuit of materialistic profit and gain at the expense of everything else if you really believe what you write.

I'm going to assume you're young and don't have much wisdom about life yet so I won't be too hard on you, but seriously it's artibrary and meaningless nonsense that focuses only on the futile pursuit of status and acquisition that leads only to so much unhappyness, waste, discontent and depression.

And winners at what? losers at what?

Just because someone has lots of money or a big house/car does NOT make them so-called Winners. It just means they prioritise material gain.
People like that are often self-serving egotistical prats in my experience who think nothing of stepping on others or using them to get what they want. That makes them failures as human beings in my book.

BTW I read a U.K. report a while ago that says that 25% of top business leaders have sociopathic tendencies.
Yeah, real winners huh? :rolleyes:

The only important things in life are things like- what kind of person are you- do you treat others well, are you a good, decent, kind, giving and loving person, do you first seek to do not harm to man or animal. Those are the only true "winners" in this world. How much money or 'stuff' a person has is really truly not important in this life.
Having 'enough' is enough.

Sorry /OT

Hulk Hogan · 04-09-2011 10:19PM

SUIT UP

fonecrusher1 · 04-09-2011 10:22PM

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

Breakfast At Tiffany's.

Don't be ridiculous. Its from The Remains of the day.

opinion guy · 04-09-2011 10:22PM

Hulk Hogan wrote: »

SUIT UP

Then rip it off!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktipxRWZQPQ

Hulk Hogan · 04-09-2011 10:24PM

opinion guy wrote: »

Then rip it off!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktipxRWZQPQ

If I could use the thank function I'd be thanking you, or I could just say it, yeah I will actually, Thanks!

jonevin · 04-09-2011 10:25PM

tallus wrote: »

You could try fixing that space bar, I hear women hate incorrect spacing.

What a sad person

Sea Sharp · 04-09-2011 10:27PM

You need to learn to accept rejection. If 99% of women don't like you that just means that getting a woman involves chatting up 100 of them.

Hulk Hogan · 04-09-2011 10:28PM

Sea Sharp wrote: »

You need to learn to accept rejection. If 99% of women don't like you that just means that getting a woman involves chatting up 100 of them.

You've gotta love a tryer in fairness

A Primal Nut · 04-09-2011 10:28PM

NyanCat wrote: »

2. Nightclubs: I have tried them and any time I come over to a women I get treated bad. like really bad. I have enver been treated so badly in my lifeand I will never let anyone do that to me again.

Result: Doesnt seem to work (maybe if I was good looking I would at least be given a chance)

I think this is the biggest misunderstanding. Not just talking about Nightclubs but bars or anytime you might cold approach a woman. It may seem like she is being mean - in reality she could be nervous, shy, etc. She may have similiar problems with men that you have with women, or similiar low self-esteem. Maybe she had a bad day. She could have a boyfriend and thinks that ignoring you is the easiest way rather than leading you on. Not ideal, but people aren't perfect and you might find you would do the same thing, because its just easier.

I remember one time a girl started talking to me back when I wasn't confident with girls and I became really shy and didn't really say much. Of course after she left I kept cursing myself.

There is this idea that Irish women are really nasty to men that approach them, but men approached by women they don't like can be just as nasty - obviously just doesn't happen so often! You are not going to help yourself by blaming women for only wanting rich guys or anything else. Yes women like successful guys (which going by your post is in your favour) the same way men like hot women - human beings are shallow and you are just as shallow as they are. Luckily for you, you can take advantage of that shallowness! You have a successful job, probably a reasonably good salary. If you got promoted to manager and as good as you say you are; then you must be a good, confident people's person. These things are much more important to women than looks!

I think you could try online dating sites. You might not meet the love of your life but at least you could get used to interacting with the opposite sex.

A possible tip to get you started is its usually easier to talk to a girl standing close to you in a bar or walking past you, rather than you walking straight up to her. If you walk straight up to her and she blanks you, its fairly humiliating and uncomfortable, and damaging to your self-esteem; having to walk away from her again. On the other hand if you are just standing around having a laugh with your mates and a girl walks by you can say "well, how's it going"; if she doesn't stop you can laugh it off with your mates, if she stops, she might just be interested.

Alternatively, walk into a bar and rip your shirt off as in that Hulk Hogan video!

Deserves a hundred thanks!!

chicken fingers · 04-09-2011 10:46PM

Greentopia wrote: »

Uh-huh :rolleyes: young and inexperienced in life or just winding me up...that's the question.
I rather think you've been taken in too much by the American model of selfish individualistic pursuit of materialistic profit and gain at the expense of everything else if you really believe what you write.

I'm going to assume you're young and don't have much wisdom about life yet so I won't be too hard on you, but seriously it's artibrary and ...

Ok great post, very condescending.
The thing is that people all have different values.
You might value hippie stuff like not harming animals, others have different values. To present yours as "wisdom" and mine as inexperience is your choice, but it doesn't necessarily make you correct.

I'm 28, I've been to more countries than most people can name.
I have a good job that does benefit the worst of the worst-off people in the world, (I also earn well and so does the big evil corp I work for, oh no!).

Its cute how you think that we're all equal and everybody has a wonderful spirit. I don't agree, but thats fine, we can have differing views, I don't have to tell you that I am right and you're wrong. I can accept that we differ.

I know powerful, social people, people who do more good for the world with harsh words and tough actions, but ultimately are a force of "good", winners.
I also know lazy, lonely, unsociable, unemployable, unskilled people who have little real potential in life.

To me, those are the losers.
Yeah they might love their kids, but they're losers.
The guys who can't talk to a woman? Losers.
Theres around 3.5 billion women walking around, and some people can only communicate properly with their female family members.
Sorry, but they lose at life. They let norms and quirks of society prevent them from developing a personality that can allow them to effectively communicate with 50% of the population.

Its nice to pretend that the world is all love and happiness, and that if you dont harm a man or an animal then you're a winner. However, to me, that stinks of massive inexperience of the world.

Have you ever seen a child die?
Ever seen somebody blow themselves up?
Ever been hungry and not eaten for 3 or 4 days for want of food? (still dont want to kill an animal?)
Have you ever made a decision that has saved (or dammed) lives?
Ever seen a man kill another man over food worth less than a quarter?

I have, and more. More than I can bring myself write about.
I consider myself a winner, and I consider most people to be losers.
What did they lose?
They lost their chance, you probably only get one life, and spending it working during the week, watching tv, drinking at the weekend, repeat, well, to me that is losing the biggest opportunity you will ever have (to live)

Squall19 · 04-09-2011 10:58PM

chicken fingers wrote: »

Ok great post, very condescending.
The thing is that people all have different values.
You might value hippie stuff like not harming animals, others have different values. To present yours as "wisdom" and mine as inexperience is your choice, but it doesn't necessarily make you correct.

I'm 28, I've been to more countries than most people can name.
I have a good job that does benefit the worst of the worst-off people in the world, (I also earn well and so does the big evil corp I work for, oh no!).

Its cute how you think that we're all equal and everybody has a wonderful spirit. I don't agree, but thats fine, we can have differing views, I don't have to tell you that I am right and you're wrong. I can accept that we differ.

I know powerful, social people, people who do more good for the world with harsh words and tough actions, but ultimately are a force of "good", winners.
I also know lazy, lonely, unsociable, unemployable, unskilled people who have little real potential in life.

To me, those are the losers.
Yeah they might love their kids, but they're losers.
The guys who can't talk to a woman? Losers.
Theres around 3.5 billion women walking around, and some people can only communicate properly with their female family members.
Sorry, but they lose at life. They let norms and quirks of society prevent them from developing a personality that can allow them to effectively communicate with 50% of the population.

Its nice to pretend that the world is all love and happiness, and that if you dont harm a man or an animal then you're a winner. However, to me, that stinks of massive inexperience of the world.

Have you ever seen a child die?
Ever seen somebody blow themselves up?
Ever been hungry and not eaten for 3 or 4 days for want of food? (still dont want to kill an animal?)
Have you ever made a decision that has saved (or dammed) lives?
Ever seen a man kill another man over food worth less than a quarter?

I have, and more. More than I can bring myself write about.
I consider myself a winner, and I consider most people to be losers.
What did they lose?
They lost their chance, you probably only get one life, and spending it working during the week, watching tv, drinking at the weekend, repeat, well, to me that is losing the biggest opportunity you will ever have (to live)

^^^^^^^

haha

Love yourself much?

" I know powerful, social people, people who do more good for the world with harsh words and tough actions, but ultimately are a force of "good", winners.'

Good for you;)

" I also know lazy, lonely, unsociable, unemployable, unskilled people who have little real potential in life "

You remind me of this idiot who got his ass handed to him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymsHLkB8u3s

Caveman1 · 04-09-2011 11:00PM

talla10 wrote: »

Bad with women?

Get good with men??

Or else try Copper Face Jacks

I second the coppers idea

What to do if you're bad with women

Comments