What to do if you're bad with women

NyanCat · 04-09-2011 07:05PM #1

So being bad with women makes society think of you as a loser but what realy makes peoplethink badly of you is if you do something about it.

I went to an all boys school and nearly all my friends have always been guys so I havnt much experience with the opposite sex. Im not a virgin but Im still useless with them.

So it seems if you are bad with women you have a few options

1. Live with it: Older you get the bigger a loser society will see you as

Result:Loser

2. Nightclubs: I have tried them and any time I come over to a women I get treated bad. like really bad. I have enver been treated so badly in my lifeand I will never let anyone do that to me again.

Result: Doesnt seem to work (maybe if I was good looking I would at least be given a chance)

3.Pick up artist:They have a really bad reputation but upon looking it up some of it seems like it might work. Not like I have much to lose.
Result:Might work but if anyone found out then they wouldthink you
are yet again a Loser

4. Hang out with people who are good with women:I knew 1 person who was good with women but he was scum. So it seems being a good person is not a requirement to get women but if you can't get a girl then society will still think yourea freak.
Result: If you found the right role modelthis might work but I havnt got one.

5.Hobbies/clubs:This is what people recommend but I think this one is the one truely loser one.If I am doing a hobby it's because I love doing it,not to meet women. I will never take up a hobby just to meet women.Thats what a real loser would do. I enjoy sports/nerdy things and never meet women.
Result: Loser

6.Prostitution: When I getlonely this seems like it would tide me over but it'snot what I wan't. From the other thread apparently lot'sof people will think Im a loser or a bad person fordoing this too.
Result:Loser

7. Become rich/trophy wife:
Having your wife not really care about you would be depressing.Not to mention she might be cheating on you.
Result: Depressing

Do any of you consider yourselves good with women or know somone who is?

What would you do if you were bad with women? Would you try improve or just accept it?

I am smart, athletic, succesfull at almost everything I put mymind to. If I had probems with any other areaof my life I would be able to seek help and not be judged. Unfortunately this is the area of my life I have trouble with.The one area where help that works is unavailable or seeking help makes you a pariah.

Zillah · 04-09-2011 07:07PM

NyanCat wrote: »

5.Hobbies/clubs:This is what people recommend but I think this one is the one truely loser one.If I am doing a hobby it's because I love doing it,not to meet women. I will never take up a hobby just to meet women.Thats what a real loser would do. I enjoy sports/nerdy things and never meet women.
Result: Loser

It is hilarious that you slam the only good idea the hardest.

tallus · 04-09-2011 07:07PM

You could try fixing that space bar, I hear women hate incorrect spacing.

The King of Moo · 04-09-2011 07:08PM

I think one of the important things lots of women look for in a man is confidence, without going too far into cockiness.

If you don't feel too confident, try to increase your confidence, or simply try to appear to be confident.

There's a good chance pretending to be confident will actually make you feel confident after a while, and it should increase your appeal with the ladies.

galwayrush · 04-09-2011 07:08PM

Women like bad men....

Crann na Beatha · 04-09-2011 07:08PM

This post has been deleted.

LiamIRL82 · 04-09-2011 07:09PM

If you don't have money women don't want to know you.

talla10 · 04-09-2011 07:09PM

Bad with women?

Get good with men??

Or else try Copper Face Jacks

KittyeeTrix · 04-09-2011 07:09PM

The view of some blokes here in AH is that you blame the women:eek:

galwayrush · 04-09-2011 07:10PM

The King of Moo wrote: »

I think one of the important things lots of women look for in a man is confidence, without going too far into cockiness.If you don't feel too confident, try to increase your confidence, or simply try to appear to be confident.

There's a good chance pretending to be confident will actually make you feel confident after a while, and it should increase your appeal with the ladies.

So, does size matter ?...How far in is too far?:pac:

Bullseye1 · 04-09-2011 07:11PM

Just realise some women are just as nervous as some men when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. They are not some holy grail.

The King of Moo · 04-09-2011 07:11PM

galwayrush wrote: »

So, does size matter ?...How far in is too far?:pac:

Well women do like to go into cockiness a bit. The usual rule of thumb is till it hurts :pac:

elefant · 04-09-2011 07:12PM

First you get the money
Then Power
Then Women.

Alternatively, you can start with sugar.

IsMiseLisa · 04-09-2011 07:13PM

Just go up and talk to a girl - about anything: music, telly, hobbies, whatever.

She's not gonna kick you in the face for talking to her. :P

Larianne · 04-09-2011 07:13PM

I think the main problem is guys think girls are some type of mythical beings or aliens. We're not that different!

I think you need to work on your confidence in general and then start conversing with the ladies. Speak to people every where you go- at the bus stop, in the newsagent. Get used to talking to people.

Gym it up and join a club.

I also think if you are around a confident person you can pick up tips on how to interact with people. I was quite shy and it was only when I saw how an outgoing boyfriend interacted with people, I learnt how to be more confident myself.

Also, nightclubs is just a no no for meeting girls. I wouldn't even bother!

mattjack · 04-09-2011 07:14PM

galwayrush wrote: »

So, does size matter ?...How far in is too far?:pac:

size ? till the lightbulb burns your arse

Ulysses Gaze · 04-09-2011 07:15PM

5.Hobbies/clubs:This is what people recommend but I think this one is the one truely loser one.If I am doing a hobby it's because I love doing it,not to meet women. I will never take up a hobby just to meet women.Thats what a real loser would do. I enjoy sports/nerdy things and never meet women.
Result: Loser

Your best bet is this one. Not just to 'meet' women, but new people.

Friend of mine took up salsa dancing. Now he couldn't dance to save his life beforehand. He met so many cool people from all over the world - people he's still mates with today. He also met his now significant other there.

He never set out to 'meet' a woman - just to try something new as he was in a rut socially and fed up with the work to pub to club grind his life had become.

Greentopia · 04-09-2011 07:28PM

First of all get rid of the awful pernicious, meaningless and trite American idea of classifying people as either Winners or Losers in life. It's BS. There's no such thing and it'll only further damage your self-esteem if you see yourself as a 'Loser'.

Second-why do you dismiss hobbies and sports as a way of meeting women? It's not to say you do these things solely with the intention of meeting women but it is a good way if you use that opportunity.
And if there are no women you fancy in the clubs or hobbies you partake in why not take up a new one? You call yourself nerdy but there are nerdy women too who will have similar interests to yourself. You just have to go out there and find them.

And I know it can be tough if you've had a few knock backs but don't dismiss meeting women in pubs (whatever about the meat markets of clubs).

Unfortunately because of the nature of socialising in this country it's where most people seem to meet but why not go for a few drinks (assuming you drink) with your mates (don't get pissed!) and approach someone you like in a friendly and confident manner-not sleazy or desperate, women run a mile from that!
Ask them about themselves, be relaxed and interested in her. If she knocks you back out of hand she wasn't worth it in the first place and just move on. Don't reproach yourself.

Marty McFly · 04-09-2011 07:40PM

Larianne wrote: »

I think the main problem is guys think girls are some type of mythical beings or aliens. We're not that different!

I think you need to work on your confidence in general and then start conversing with the ladies. Speak to people every where you go- at the bus stop, in the newsagent. Get used to talking to people.

Gym it up and join a club.

I also think if you are around a confident person you can pick up tips on how to interact with people. I was quite shy and it was only when I saw how an outgoing boyfriend interacted with people, I learnt how to be more confident myself.

Also, nightclubs is just a no no for meeting girls. I wouldn't even bother!

+1 on all of this.

Op I also went to an all boys school which I did feel hampered me with women for a while aswell as I did treat them like some mythical creatures but only because I just knew socialising with men, when really most men and women when it boils down to it arent very different at all. So like above just go out and get used to talking to women in everyday situations and with that youll find yourself becoming more at ease and confident around women.

Bipolar Joe · 04-09-2011 07:50PM

Like everyone is saying, hobbyist type stuff is really your best bet. Think about it, you already know that the two of you have something in common. The thing with geeky stuff is generally a chick will be the only one there, and as a result will have every dude hanging off her. Geeky chicks are the holy grail to nerds like us, man, I know it. I don't recommend as such asking one of them out, because I know it happens all the damn time, but that girl could be an in to other ladies who might share the same interests who don't have time for hobbyist activities.

John Doe1 · 04-09-2011 07:53PM

have a **** and wallow in self pity?

sorry im not good at this..

Snakeblood · 04-09-2011 07:54PM

Have you tried shouting?

ToddyDoody · 04-09-2011 07:55PM

Do you consider yourself good with women or know someone who is? This guy is good with women, tho i dont think he'll be any help you op. (just seems uncanny) http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Federline

py2006 · 04-09-2011 07:58PM

NyanCat wrote: »

2. Nightclubs: I have tried them and any time I come over to a women I get treated bad. like really bad. I have enver been treated so badly in my lifeand I will never let anyone do that to me again.

Sorry but this doesn't happen! You are completely making it up. Your a typical drunk, sexist lout making generalisations about Irish women! :rolleyes:

ehem

paulosham · 04-09-2011 07:59PM

You could try talking to them.

stimpson · 04-09-2011 08:02PM

You just need a good ice-breaker to put them at their ease. That way they'll be more responsive to you. A good one to try is:

"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"

opinion guy · 04-09-2011 08:04PM

OP its this simples.

Step1:
Take up one or more hobbies that you a) enjoy and b) have women at it.

Dancing is a great one for meeting women. And because you are at a dance thingy you have an automatic subject for discussion/ice breaker

Step2:
Practice. Talk to lots of women and any and all opporunity. Don't expect to get anywhere - that is NOT the point. The point is to practice talking to people, particularly women you find attractive to get better at it. You will SUCK at it at first. It WILL be embarassing. But over time -and I mean months to a year or two you will get better and better at it. You won't even notice at first. Next time you are out set yourself a target. You will strike up conversation with 5 attractive women that night with the pure aim of practicing talking to them. You are NOT to try and hook up with them but to talk to them for a couple of minutes or longer. If they blank you, or dismiss you straight off it doesn't count - you have to find another one. Try different approaches. Watch other friends who are good at this and do what they do. Practice makes perfect

Greentopia · 04-09-2011 08:08PM

Larianne wrote: »

I think the main problem is guys think girls are some type of mythical beings or aliens. We're not that different!

I think you need to work on your confidence in general and then start conversing with the ladies. Speak to people every where you go- at the bus stop, in the newsagent. Get used to talking to people.

Gym it up and join a club.

I also think if you are around a confident person you can pick up tips on how to interact with people. I was quite shy and it was only when I saw how an outgoing boyfriend interacted with people, I learnt how to be more confident myself.

Also, nightclubs is just a no no for meeting girls. I wouldn't even bother!

All sound advice.
I was very shy too when I was younger-still am a bit- and felt I didn't know how to talk to guys and I'd clam up if one of them approached me, but experience of just meeting more people and being friendly and receptive and not worrying to much about how I'm perceived by others made me more relaxed and confident.

I came to understand as you've said that we're not actually that different at all. I know it's a terrible cliche but the best thing is to really just be yourself, as relaxed and confident as you can be even if you don't feel it on the inside.

I think being a good active listener is important too. Focus on what the person is saying to you, don't just wait for a chance to jump in with your own opinions.

I agree with your assesment of nightclubs too. I always hated them and never formed any meaningful relationships with anyone I met there.

NyanCat · 04-09-2011 08:16PM

paulosham wrote: »

You could try talking to them.

See this pretty much sums up the reaction people give those bad with women. Just because I am bad with women does not mean I am some unclean, uncouth knuckle dragger who can't string two words together.

I manage people for a living and I am very good at it (I work in a virtually all male work environment though I work managing programmers). Yes I have an unattractive face but I am not the stereotypical skinny nerd.

opinion guy wrote: »

OP its this simples.

Step1:
Take up one or more hobbies that you a) enjoy and b) have women at it.

Dancing is a great one for meeting women. And because you are at a dance thingy you have an automatic subject for discussion/ice breaker

Step2:
Practice. Talk to lots of women and any and all opporunity. Don't expect to get anywhere - that is NOT the point. The point is to practice talking to people, particularly women you find attractive to get better at it. You will SUCK at it at first. It WILL be embarassing. But over time -and I mean months to a year or two you will get better and better at it. You won't even notice at first. Next time you are out set yourself a target. You will strike up conversation with 5 attractive women that night with the pure aim of practicing talking to them. You are NOT to try and hook up with them but to talk to them for a couple of minutes or longer. If they blank you, or dismiss you straight off it doesn't count - you have to find another one. Try different approaches. Watch other friends who are good at this and do what they do. Practice makes perfect

Now this is a start but tbh all the advise I get is common sense. I know the common sense stuf, what I dont know is the little nuances that people who women go crazy for do. I am already way behind and need to catch up. I might in time do okay but I dont want to do okay. I want to do great. I want to know I am showing my best self to the world and am the kind of guy a girl would love to get with.

I think a good start would be for me to get into great shape and to see what I can do about my face. Even if appearance isnt everything It will certainly help me get my foot in the door and not get shot down straight away. (Interestingly enough it would also help in otehr ways, attractive people are more likely to get promoted, could be the best career move I make)

Bipolar Joe · 04-09-2011 08:20PM

Dude, you and I, we didn't hear the starting gun when it went off at the beginning of the race. Work with what you have.

The King of Moo · 04-09-2011 08:22PM

NyanCat wrote: »

Now this is a start but tbh all the advise I get is common sense. I know the common sense stuf, what I dont know is the little nuances that people who women go crazy for do. I am already way behind and need to catch up. I might in time do okay but I dont want to do okay. I want to do great. I want to know I am showing my best self to the world and am the kind of guy a girl would love to get with.

I think a good start would be for me to get into great shape and to see what I can do about my face. Even if appearance isnt everything It will certainly help me get my foot in the door and not get shot down straight away. (Interestingly enough it would also help in otehr ways, attractive people are more likely to get promoted, could be the best career move I make)

Unfortunately I don't think there's really a quick fix, especially if you want a natural reaction from women.

There's been lots of good advice about taking up hobbies, joining clubs and boosting your confidence I'd second.

Just don't rush it, allow yourself to gradually increase your confidence and comfort around women.

And I wouldn't focus too much on your appearance.
A relaxed sense of self-confidence is probably more important, it just might take time to build up.

But it works, just look at Serge Gainsbourg, Henry Kissinger or any of the not-so-physically-attractive men who've had great love lives.

What to do if you're bad with women

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