Obvious troll is too obvious.

TiltedBrain wrote: »

'Threadception' - a thread within a thread

This sounds more like The Invisible Man than a ghost tbh.

If you are really quiet you should be able to hear him pottering around the house. He usually likes to live in people's houses unnoticed - sometimes even sleeping in the same room as the residents.

Some of the signs that you might have an invisible man living with you are things like socks going missing from the wash, creaking stairs/floorboards, mysterious draughts, the milk carton having less milk than you thought.

If you come across any of the above, you'll need to catch him out. The best way to do this is to buy a 2kg bag of Odlum's Self-raising flour. Then, starting from the top floor and working your way down, toss the flour all over the place and onto the floor. Do this for every room and cupboard. Also, make sure to put plenty on the kitchen as this seems to be where he's most active.

Then you need to wait for a few hours. After a few hours have passed, check around the house and especially the kitchen for footprints. It you see footprints that are around a size 10 around the house that aren't yours, then you can be fairly sure that it's the invisible man. If the footprints are much smaller like a size 1, you may have goblins which also like to create mischief around people's houses. Either way, you should cover the whole inside of your house in flour.

Bring it to a church, dip it in some holy water and repeat "Demons, be gone!" 7 times. Then place it in a box of Lucky Charms and leave it there over night. In the morning, pour the Lucky Charms and the necklace into a bowl and pour milk over them. Eat everything with a spoon except for the necklace. Wash the necklace with the bowl and dry them off. The necklace should then be fit to wear without causing any more bad luck.

The Ouija boards are safe enough as long as you take precautions. Since the spirit world is a different dimension in space and time altogether, you can't assume that you'll channel some Irish guy who lived in the house 100 years ago. That would be one hell of a coincidence considering all the people who have ever existed since the human species evolved past the cut-off point between non-ghost-producing and ghost-producing animals. Assuming that only homo-sapiens produce ghosts, then you have 150,000 years worth of dead people to channel. Two and a half million years worth if homo habilis produced ghosts but there hasn't been enough research done in this area so it's hard to say.

That said, a homo habilis would probably only spell out screeching noises and fling the board off the table. If they turn violent, there isn't a lot you can do. The total number of dead homo-sapiens far outnumbers the total number of dead hominids from previous eras so it's safe to assume that you'll probably channel a human.

You're experience will vary depending on which time and place the human which you channeled lived in. There's a pretty good chance of channeling an english speaker as they historically have had a large population. These provide the best experience as communication will at least be coherent.

Unfortunately most of the rest will be chinese so you should get a ouija board with the chinese character set. They can't be expected to know how to use an english one. These are available from Hong Kong and measure about three metres by three metres. You'll need to understand chinese, obviously.

You should also allow for the presense of other asians and europeans and learn to say "Piss Off" in multiple languages. Otherwise you'll end up with a russian pulling the glass one way and a german pulling the other way creating a linguistic mess. The rest of the world has historically been fairly ignorant when it comes to literacy so I wouldn't worry too much about them.

You should also be culturally sensitive. Grounding techniques vary from place to place so you should educate yourself about the different strategies. For example, if you channel a haitian from 150 years ago and don't want him butting in on your conversation with Elvis, it might be difficult to get him to feck off. In this case you'll need to slaughter and spill the blood of a chicken on some clam shells and then on yourself. That'll get rid of him If Vlad the Impalor starts freaking you out, rub some garlic all over your body, put a cross around your neck and start running around the room screaming "Hagyj békén".

Because different spirits have different pet-peeves, you'll need to prepare for as many eventualities as possible. Crystals, religious paraphernalia, various animal blood, magnets, bodily fluids, incantations, rabbit's feet, warhammer figureens, vegetables, cats and anything else that you can think of. The more you have, the better the chance that you'll have the item you need. This might seem cruel to the spirits but the only way to have a conversation in peace is to stop all the billions of dead people from pulling on the glass at the same time.

The biggest hazard you might encounter would be a spirit who decides to stay after the ouija session. If this happens and your house becomes haunted, none of the tips above will help. You'll need to speak to professionals. If you are fortunate, the spirit will have been catholic so catholic afterlife rules apply and the spirit can be removed through a process of exorcism. If you have the misfortune of having an Egyption from three thousand years ago inhabit your house, it might be difficult to get a practitioner to remove him but you'll have to track one down. There is no way to remove an atheist spirit as they don't believe that they are actually ghosts. You can speak to them rationally however, assuming you speak a common language, and convince them to move somewhere more convenient such as a church.

There have been lots of opinions expressed in this thread by people who haven't really thought any of this stuff through. There's more to the ouija than just watching Satan use a glass to write stuff in english. That only happens in the movies. In reality, you'll be frustrated by illiterate ghosts who can't punctuate properly, ghosts with archaic or no english and multiple ghosts from different cultures trying to talk to you at the same time.

I wish you luck OP and anyone else who wants to try this, but please be careful and only do this if you are prepared to live with the consequences.

Beggared wrote: »

You have just admitted deliberately trolling another forum.
Why would you do that? Admit it, I mean, not the trolling itself.

The golden rule of trolling is that the trollee must never be sure that he is being trolled but he must have an unsettling suspicion that he is.

Alan b. wrote: »

reminds me of a time when i was out with my husky and a woman drove from the other end of the park, got out of her car, walked over to me and started telling me to keep my dog away from her.
its at times like those i wish he would bark like crazy but he doesnt.

LiamN wrote: »

If this is actually true (well, considering the subject of the thread...) I don't get why someone would go over to you to tell you to keep the dog away from them ...