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Would you wear black at a wedding?

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Comments

  • #32
    Toto Wolfcastle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,005 ✭✭✭✭Toto Wolfcastle


    Lady Chuckles wrote: »
    The thing I can't grasp is how so many of you seem to think it would wreck your entire life if someone said "Actually I'd prefer it if you didn't wear black to my wedding, please."
    I don't think that anyone said that it would wreck their life.
    Lady Chuckles wrote: »
    It's not obnoxious to wanting to have your wedding done your own way. Is it?

    Of course it's not. I just don't think that having things your own way extends to dictating what the guests should and should not wear. If it's a cultural thing then people will know anyway and there wont be any need to tell people.


  • #33
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    Lady Chuckles wrote: »
    Oh, so you're saying you don't write dresscodes on wedding invitations in Ireland?

    Some people do but in general doing this is poorly received by the guests.
    You could get some people at your wedding dressed in a riot of colours and they could be the dullest most boring people ever. You could get someone dressed in a fantastic Coco Chanel type elegant sophisticated black dress who would be the life and soul of the party.
    The clothes the guests wear does not make a wedding successful or not. The guests themselves do.
    Yes people should make an effort to dress nicely when attending a special event, that is basic good manners, but to dictate the colour of the clothing, the place dresses can be purchased from, black tie or not is just too much.


  • #34
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    Lady Chuckles wrote: »
    The thing I can't grasp is how so many of you seem to think it would wreck your entire life if someone said "Actually I'd prefer it if you didn't wear black to my wedding, please."
    That doesn't automatically mean "go out and buy something new and expensive". It doesn't mean that they hate you either or that they think your clothes matter more than anything... Everyone's different and I, who personally wouldn't like an army of friends dressed in black at my wedding, deserve the same respect I treat you with. It's not obnoxious to wanting to have your wedding done your own way. Is it?[/QUOTE]

    Depends on how far you go with this. Many people become obsessed with the wedding, their "big day" (that phrase makes my ears bleed), etc etc.
    Ultimately it is a celebration of love, of two people coming together and promising all that they have and are to another person and they ask people they care about to celebrate that with them. The clothes don't matter ultimately.


  • #35
    Seren_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,810 ✭✭✭Seren_


    I wore a black dress (and black tights :p) to a wedding last month. A few people did wonder why I wore tights to a "summer" wedding (although the rain disagreed with the summer sentiment!), but I think people should be let wear what they want and feel comfortable in. Within reason of course. As long as you look nice and presentable it's okay.

    I don't see the big deal about wearing white either. Surely it would only be rude to the bride if you wore a big wedding dress?


  • #36
    Malari
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    It's predominantly in the way you phrase it to be honest. If I got an invite with something along these lines:
    Lady Chuckles wrote: »
    I...would want my wedding to be a colourful feast.

    ...it sounds like a great theme and could be fun to dress it up in a lovely bright colour. But you would have to expect one or two to show up in a black dress with colourful shoes, hats, scarves, etc.

    However, this approach below could be taken as dictating what you require the guests to wear:
    Lady Chuckles wrote: »
    "Actually I'd prefer it if you didn't wear black to my wedding, please."

    ...and may be deemed inappropriate, with it backfiring in that poeple think "I'll wear what I have, I can't afford a new dress."

    Ah, invite etiquette...what a wonderful enigma ;):D


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  • #37
    SBWife
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,287 ✭✭✭SBWife


    I've only once worn black to a wedding. It was at Christmas and I topped the dress with a lovely gold jacket from LK Bennett. I really wanted to wear the jacket and do find winter weddings more difficult to dress for.

    I don't like black for weddings, while it's not as bad as wearing white it is traditionally the colour of morning. But then again I've seen loads of brides with lilies at their weddings (and they were even suggested by the florist when I got married) and they're traditionally associated with death and funerals as well.

    I also don't like women in suits for a wedding. To me suits are what you wear to work not to celebrate, and I'd consider a women wearing a pant suit to be really inappropriately dressed.
    It's not obnoxious to wanting to have your wedding done your own way. Is it?

    You need to be careful with that one. Apart from specifying Black Tie you'd rarely see a dress code specified on a wedding invite here. I know in the US people ask female guests to wear specific colors etc. (eg. Black and White at the Keeping Up wedding) but that's just not acceptable here.

    Most guests don't set out to ruin your day but Irish people can be pretty pig headed when they think they're being asked to do something that's they decide they don't want to do especially when it comes to what to wear. The amount of bitching on here and on Weddings Online regarding Black Tie weddings is a sight to behold. I think it comes from being forced into school uniform for so many years.


  • #38
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    Malari wrote: »
    It's predominantly in the way you phrase it to be honest. If I got an invite with something along these lines:



    ...it sounds like a great theme and could be fun to dress it up in a lovely bright colour. But you would have to expect one or two to show up in a black dress with colourful shoes, hats, scarves, etc.

    However, this approach below could be taken as dictating what you require the guests to wear:



    ...and may be deemed inappropriate, with it backfiring in that poeple think "I'll wear what I have, I can't afford a new dress."

    Ah, invite etiquette...what a wonderful enigma ;):D

    If you simply invite people to attend your wedding at place X at time Z then you're all sorted:confused: Let people act like grown ups and dress as they will. Most people have a sense of occasion and will dress the part. You'll have guests who are happy to attend and celebrate with you.


  • #39
    Malari
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    Penny Dreadful wrote: »
    If you simply invite people to attend your wedding at place X at time Z then you're all sorted:confused: Let people act like grown ups and dress as they will. Most people have a sense of occasion and will dress the part. You'll have guests who are happy to attend and celebrate with you.

    I know, it was a little tongue in cheek. ;) I was just interpreting how people can respond to the wording on invites.


  • #40
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    SBWife wrote: »
    I don't like black for weddings, while it's not as bad as wearing white it is traditionally the colour of morning.


    Most guests don't set out to ruin your day but Irish people can be pretty pig headed when they think they're being asked to do something that's they decide they don't want to do especially when it comes to what to wear. .

    I wore a green dress to a wedding once and was told off because apparently its bad luck and will render the bride infertile :rolleyes: Let people wear what colours they want and trust them to dress properly.
    I personally would wear black to a wedding if I was told not to. I was ordered to wear a particular shade of pink at a hen weekend I went on and when I said that I don't own anything in any shade of pink I was told not to ruin the bride's day, wedding, weekend, life, mental health, blah blaha and go and buy something. I wore blue and stayed only for one night. I've never been a fan of a hen weekend anyway and that was the final nail in the coffin for me.
    I also got an invite once where I was told that "no boxed gifts were allowed"......basically they wanted cash. :eek:


  • #41
    Toto Wolfcastle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,005 ✭✭✭✭Toto Wolfcastle


    Penny Dreadful wrote: »
    I also got an invite once where I was told that "no boxed gifts were allowed"......basically they wanted cash. :eek:

    If I got something like that I'd be very tempted to un-box a lamp or a cutlery set or a photo frame and wrap it. :D I wouldn't though.


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  • #42
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    Bobblehead Panda wrote: »
    If I got something like that I'd be very tempted to un-box a lamp or a cutlery set or a photo frame and wrap it. :D I wouldn't though.

    I wanted to give my 4 slice toaster (of which only 2 slices were working) in a Tesco bag but was persuaded to climb down off my very high horse and give a card and cash.:( Smaller than usual amount of cash though as punishment for being so bloody rude. So little victory.


  • #43
    Lady Chuckles
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,279 ✭✭✭Lady Chuckles


    I am amazed at how much feelings this discussion seem to have stirred up :p


  • #44
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    Lady Chuckles wrote: »
    I am amazed at how much feelings this discussion seem to have stirred up :p

    Which begs the question, are you going to put a dress code on your invites?????;)


  • #45
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,510 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    SBWife wrote: »

    I also don't like women in suits for a wedding. To me suits are what you wear to work not to celebrate, and I'd consider a women wearing a pant suit to be really inappropriately dressed.

    I have to just stick my oar in here for a tiny second. Why should a woman HAVE to wear a dress? Not only do I hate wearing dresses, they actually do nothing for me and I feel miserable if I have to even try one on. My every day dress is on the masculine side of things, and for me, dressing up in a suit is a sign of respect from me that I need to be well dressed. If I were to wear a dress to a wedding, I would be sitting in a seat ALL DAY (seriously, I wouldn't get up for people to see me, I'd be that uncomfortable). Nobody wants a guest like that at a wedding, surely?

    Also, most women who wear suits to a wedding are not wearing your standard M&S suit. The suit that I wear is a dressy suit- I'd liken it almost to a tuxedo for a guy, it's waaaaay too dressy to wear to any office.


  • #46
    looksee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,931 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    I'm not in the wedding age group so I haven't been to one in ages (thank goodness), but while I have no problems with people wearing anything they wish, and it certainly would not spoil the wedding imo, I don't really go along with the black.

    Partly because, looking back, the odd time I have seen a black dress it has come across as 'I couldn't be bothered looking for anything else so I am wearing my lbd'. Not saying that is the case, just how it struck me. Also older women do look as though they are dressed for a funeral. The younger ones can get away with it, especially if it is accessorised with something interesting.


  • #47
    SBWife
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,287 ✭✭✭SBWife


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    I have to just stick my oar in here for a tiny second. Why should a woman HAVE to wear a dress? Not only do I hate wearing dresses, they actually do nothing for me and I feel miserable if I have to even try one on. My every day dress is on the masculine side of things, and for me, dressing up in a suit is a sign of respect from me that I need to be well dressed. If I were to wear a dress to a wedding, I would be sitting in a seat ALL DAY (seriously, I wouldn't get up for people to see me, I'd be that uncomfortable). Nobody wants a guest like that at a wedding, surely?

    Also, most women who wear suits to a wedding are not wearing your standard M&S suit. The suit that I wear is a dressy suit- I'd liken it almost to a tuxedo for a guy, it's waaaaay too dressy to wear to any office.

    It's not like there are only two possibilities suit or dress, we have more flexibility than that. But TBH I don't care if your pants suit is the original YSL Smoking I don't think a pants suit is appropriate for a wedding.


  • #48
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,510 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    SBWife wrote: »
    It's not like there are only two possibilities suit or dress, we have more flexibility than that. But TBH I don't care if your pants suit is the original YSL Smoking I don't think a pants suit is appropriate for a wedding.

    Do we? All I ever see at weddings on women is a dress. Possibly a skirt and a top for the afters.

    Can I ask why you don't think it's appropriate? Is it because guys wear suits and girls don't, or because you think it's 'worky'?


  • #49
    Naryclaire
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭Naryclaire


    I wouldn't myself; I read it's bad luck, and I'm funny about traditions and superstitions so I'd hate to put bad luck on the couple. Also, putting on my fashiony-friend hat, I agree it can come across a bit funereal and 'eh... this'll do'. Really though, for me it's the tradition and superstition thing mostly. Couples starting out these days need all the luck they can get!


  • #50
    ush
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,399 ✭✭✭ush


    I would only wear black to a wedding if I disapproved of the marriage.


  • #51
    ush
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,399 ✭✭✭ush


    Lady Chuckles wrote: »
    I'm a little chocked to see how many people are going to weddings wearing black dresses (and/or black tights). Perhaps it's just the cultural difference as I am not Irish myself, but I would hate it if my friends showed up at my wedding (which is a happy occasion) dressed in black. Even a little bit offended ;)

    So I thought I'd find out what you think about wearing black to weddings? Would you do it? When is it appropriate? Isn't it a little funeral-like :) ?

    I don't mean to offend anyone who's wearing black at weddings, since clearly it's in fashion, I would just like to know what this is all about :)

    You're Swedish, right? Its considered doe-lee-steel to wear black at a Swedish wedding.

    For the Irish, merely managing to get out of bed and dressed is making an effort.


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  • #52
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    ush wrote: »
    I would only wear black to a wedding if I disapproved of the marriage.
    If that is the case, then why bother going?


  • #53
    Andromeda_111
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 252 ✭✭Andromeda_111


    ush wrote: »
    For the Irish, merely managing to get out of bed and dressed is making an effort.

    Are you Irish yourself ush? Because I don't think that's an accurate statement at all, although it may be an attempt at humour? :rolleyes:

    I love colour but I also realise that a lot of people feel sexy and comfortable in black so I wouldn't have a problem with anyone wearing black to a wedding. There are a lot of beautiful black dresses out there that would be very suitable for a wedding outfit. :)


  • #54
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    OasisGirl wrote: »
    ush wrote: »
    For the Irish, merely managing to get out of bed and dressed is making an effort.

    Are you Irish yourself ush? Because I don't think that's an accurate statement at all, although it may be an attempt at humour? :rolleyes:

    I love colour but I also realise that a lot of people feel sexy and comfortable in black so I wouldn't have a problem with anyone wearing black to a wedding. There are a lot of beautiful black dresses out there that would be very suitable for a wedding outfit. :)
    I agree with what you said about black. I adore the colour. It can be vey sexy / classic. It can be broken up with assesories for weddings. Ridiculous thing to get anal over IMO.


  • #55
    Toto Wolfcastle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,005 ✭✭✭✭Toto Wolfcastle


    ush wrote: »
    For the Irish, merely managing to get out of bed and dressed is making an effort.

    Please do not post generalisations like that in this forum.


  • #56
    ush
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,399 ✭✭✭ush


    Abi wrote: »
    If that is the case, then why bother going?

    To show my disapproval of course..


  • #57
    ush
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,399 ✭✭✭ush


    Bobblehead Panda wrote: »
    Please do not post generalisations like that in this forum.

    Had it been a positive generalisation would it have been ok? :D


  • #58
    ush
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,399 ✭✭✭ush


    Abi wrote: »
    I agree with what you said about black. I adore the colour. It can be vey sexy / classic. It can be broken up with assesories for weddings. Ridiculous thing to get anal over IMO.

    I wouldn't say the original poster was being anal. Its simply bad taste to wear black at a wedding where she comes from. Tradition has it that way. And I guess commenting on tradition requires an element of generalisation.


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