Would you wear black at a wedding?

Lady Chuckles

I'm a little chocked to see how many people are going to weddings wearing black dresses (and/or black tights). Perhaps it's just the cultural difference as I am not Irish myself, but I would hate it if my friends showed up at my wedding (which is a happy occasion) dressed in black. Even a little bit offended

So I thought I'd find out what you think about wearing black to weddings? Would you do it? When is it appropriate? Isn't it a little funeral-like ?

I don't mean to offend anyone who's wearing black at weddings, since clearly it's in fashion, I would just like to know what this is all about

g'em

I wore black to a wedding recently, there were a fair few other girls wearing it too, and I've a wedding coming up the weekend after next that I may or may not wear black to as well. While I think the whole not wearing white or black thing was a big deal a few years back it's not at all as big an issue now. Sure I've seen plenty of black bridesmaids dresses too, it's a much more popular choice now that people are cash conscious and want to wear outfits that they can re-wear a few times. I don't see it as disrespectful or dour or anything like that.

Maybe not so much with white, that's a bit of a no-go still but black? Feic no. It all depends how it's worn too - I'd dress it up with colourful shoes and accesories for example.

Malari

Yeah, I've worn black to weddings. They were winter weddings I think, so felt normal. I don't really put a whole lot of thought into what I "should" wear though, as long as I look formal and nicely dressed and accessorised! I mean, I don't do the tan, nails, hair thing, and have never worn a hat or flower, or even bought a dress specifically for a wedding.

I've never been to a funeral either, though, so I'm not sure but I would assume as long as you are wearing subdued clothing, you don't have to wear black?

RhubarbCrumble

I don't see any problem with wearing black to a wedding. I wouldn't wear white though. I think that's just bad manners.

Lady Chuckles

Thank you so much for all your answer. I too have seen bride's maids wear black. It seems to be the latest thing

g'em wrote: »

Sure I've seen plenty of black bridesmaids dresses too, it's a much more popular choice now that people are cash conscious and want to wear outfits that they can re-wear a few times.

I dare to say what you rewear doesn't only come down to the colour, though. There are plenty other colours than black you can pick - and it would still be subtle enough for other occasion and not too "out-there"
(Not saying you must, of course)

pinkypinky

I'm amazed at how often this question comes up on the forum. I wore a black dress as bridesmaid a couple of years ago. It was her idea. I don't know why people make a big deal, or even any deal, about it.

fendigal

I had black bridesmaids dresses for my own wedding, it was my choice but they loved it also. They looked classy an fabulous (in my opinion) we had a black and white kinda colour scheme so it worked. Once somebodies comfy in what they wearing then it shouldnt matter what colour it is! Ive worn black to manys a wedding

sallydan

I think black is fine to wear to a wedding, always seems to be an old reliable with me! White however I wouldn't! Like somebody else said I think its rude!

Lady Chuckles

And would you ever consider asking the bride if it's okay to wear black before hand? Or would you just feel "comfy" in your black and go for it?

Lady Chuckles

pinkypinky wrote: »

I'm amazed at how often this question comes up on the forum. I wore a black dress as bridesmaid a couple of years ago. It was her idea. I don't know why people make a big deal, or even any deal, about it.

In this case, it's a cultural clash and I'm just trying to learn and understand.

Mr. Presentable

In some European countries white is the colour of mourning. I guess it's a small sign of the homogenisation of European culture

Oh, I wore black to mine :pac:

Lady Chuckles

Mr. Presentable wrote: »

In some European countries white is the colour of mourning.

I thought that was China
But then again, I haven't been around a lot in Europe.

Malari

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

And would you ever consider asking the bride if it's okay to wear black before hand? Or would you just feel "comfy" in your black and go for it?

To be honest, it never even occured to me that it might be a problem! No-one made any comment on my black dress, and I'm sure there were others there wearing black too...

Novella

I would definitely wear black to a wedding if I found a dress I loved that happened to be black. The thought of not wearing it honestly wouldn't even cross my mind. What I would deem suitable attire for a wedding is possibly a million miles away from what I think appropriate to wear to a funeral though, so other than colour, no similarity.

I also would not be in the least offended if I was getting married and guests turned up wearing black.

fendigal

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

And would you ever consider asking the bride if it's okay to wear black before hand? Or would you just feel "comfy" in your black and go for it?

Nope i cant say iv ever consulted the bride on what im going to wear to her wedding! i personally think that would be ridiculous! Having been a bride myself i didnt give a hoot what anybody wore aslong as they came and enjoyed and celebrated out day with us they could wear any colour they like. My own sister wore a white outfit and it didnt bother me in the slightest.
Maybe it is a culture difference as you said or difference of opinions..but i think any bride that has problem with what colour people wear is being a bit selfish..people should be allowed to wear what they feel comfortable in..thats my opinion anyway.

Caraville

Have to say, if a bride was annoyed at me for wearing black to a wedding i'd be questioning why I was at the wedding of someone so fussy!

Wearing white is a no-no alright, and just bad manners. But black? Never even heard of anyone not being ok with that.

I don't like the whole wearing black tights thing though- nothing to do with manners, just personally I wear black tights to either work or nights out, and I just wouldn't feel formal enough in black tights for a wedding. Wouldn't care if someone else wore them though.

Lady Chuckles

I find this discussion has been very intriguing

I've learned that you love your black dresses and that brides who have opinions on your black dresses are selfish/not very good friends.

I don't see myself wearing black to a wedding, but that's just out of my own principles and culture. I'm sorry to say it, but I don't think I'm keen on having plenty of people dressed in black at my own wedding (if I am to ever get married) as I associate it with grief and would want my wedding to be a colourful feast. But if so, I guess I'd specify it on the invitation cards... Be decent about it like

I wouldn't do it because I'm a selfish bride or a poor friend, but simply because where I'm from we don't wear black dresses to weddings

Malari

Novella wrote: »

I would definitely wear black to a wedding if I found a dress I loved that happened to be black.

This is how I feel about dresses too! I mean, if the style is what I like, and the colour is not just woeful, then I'm happy

Mostly when I mention dresses during those "what are you wearing" conversations, I'm much more likely to describe them as shift or stripey or 50s style or backless or strappy, rather than by colour primarily. Like cars

fendigal

Each to their own i suppose. I think one poster hit the nail on the head when she said what we wear to funerals and what we wear to weddings are completely different (well in my experience). Ive also seen lots of girls wearing coloured shoes, shawls, bags etc with black dresses so that would bring colour.
To be honest, being invited to a wedding can put financial pressure on some people so for them to come and celebrate in the day is the most i would have ever expected from them.

Everyone's different though..And as you said Lady Chuckles its probably a cultural difference.

Toto Wolfcastle

I'd wear black to a wedding without thinking twice about it. I actually don't necessarily wear black to funerals so I would never associate it with grief. (I wore a light grey dress and a light green dress to my granny's removal and funeral.)

I wont be offended if someone wears black or even white when I get married. They're just colours. As long as style of clothing is appropriate for the occasion I don't see the problem.

amdublin

The only colour you should not wear to a wedding is white.

Simples.

lainey316

I wouldn't wear black to a wedding. It was traditionally a no-no I guess so perhaps that is why. I also wear an awful lot of black dresses to work, I just don't think it's very interesting or wedding-y. But it's just opinion. It's very common to see in the last 5 or 6 years anyway.

DebDynamite

I don't get the problem with wearing a black dress to a wedding. Sure won't most the men be wearing black suits anyway!

I couldn't give a toss what colour anyone wears (including white) to my wedding as long as they look smart.

Isn't there "a rule" that you shouldn't wear red either. :rolleyes:

bills

I got married this summer & there were loads of girls at my wedding in black.
I was not at all bothered & they all looked great & added colours with accessories or whatever.

baby and crumble

I was at a wedding there last week and I wore a black suit (I'm female) with a purple shirt and silver shoes- I was a bit nervous of wearing balck but TBH I couldn't afford to buy anything else and I don't wear dresses (I feel really stupid in them). In the end there were lots of girls wearing black, so it was ok.

One thing I was completely shocked at though was the amount of girls wearing white or ivory! Like, not a white with a coloured pattern, but pure white, or white with a white design! :eek::eek::eek: I was flabbergasted. It was a traditional church wedding too, so not like anyone thought the bride would be wearing a different colour or anything...

vicecreamsundae

I would wear black accessories (jacket, tights or shoes shoes) but no, I wouldn't wear black dress/main outfit to a wedding. It's funny because I'm really not a traditionalist when it comes to weddings, but I guess I do associate black as a formal/grieving colour. I'm surprised so many people on this thread say they'd wear black without giving it a second thought. Of course it's only a colour, and only an outfit, so it's no big deal in the grand scheme of things, but personally I wouldn't, and weirdly I do think it comes across as a bit rude!

Abi

I would wear black too. You could wear a bolero or shawl to the church in a different colour to break it up. Then it can disappear for the afters

Penny Dreadful

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

I find this discussion has been very intriguing

I've learned that you love your black dresses and that brides who have opinions on your black dresses are selfish/not very good friends.

I don't see myself wearing black to a wedding, but that's just out of my own principles and culture. I'm sorry to say it, but I don't think I'm keen on having plenty of people dressed in black at my own wedding (if I am to ever get married) as I associate it with grief and would want my wedding to be a colourful feast. But if so, I guess I'd specify it on the invitation cards... Be decent about it like

I wouldn't do it because I'm a selfish bride or a poor friend, but simply because where I'm from we don't wear black dresses to weddings

Being told what you can or can not wear to a wedding on an invitation is (IMHO) very rude and annoying.
Bringing it down to brass tacks your wedding should be about a celebration with your loved ones and what they wear shouldn't matter a damn really. The fact that they've made the effort to be there and celebrate with you should be enough. What your guests wear to your wedding does not make your marriage.

Lady Chuckles

Oh, so you're saying you don't write dresscodes on wedding invitations in Ireland?

Toto Wolfcastle

Some people do, mainly if it's a black tie wedding. There are even stories of people writing 'No Coast/Karen Millen dresses' on invitations. Most people don't though. Personally I think it's a bit obnoxious.

Lady Chuckles

The thing I can't grasp is how so many of you seem to think it would wreck your entire life if someone said "Actually I'd prefer it if you didn't wear black to my wedding, please."
That doesn't automatically mean "go out and buy something new and expensive". It doesn't mean that they hate you either or that they think your clothes matter more than anything... Everyone's different and I, who personally wouldn't like an army of friends dressed in black at my wedding, deserve the same respect I treat you with. It's not obnoxious to wanting to have your wedding done your own way. Is it?

Toto Wolfcastle

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

The thing I can't grasp is how so many of you seem to think it would wreck your entire life if someone said "Actually I'd prefer it if you didn't wear black to my wedding, please."

I don't think that anyone said that it would wreck their life.

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

It's not obnoxious to wanting to have your wedding done your own way. Is it?

Of course it's not. I just don't think that having things your own way extends to dictating what the guests should and should not wear. If it's a cultural thing then people will know anyway and there wont be any need to tell people.

Penny Dreadful

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

Oh, so you're saying you don't write dresscodes on wedding invitations in Ireland?

Some people do but in general doing this is poorly received by the guests.
You could get some people at your wedding dressed in a riot of colours and they could be the dullest most boring people ever. You could get someone dressed in a fantastic Coco Chanel type elegant sophisticated black dress who would be the life and soul of the party.
The clothes the guests wear does not make a wedding successful or not. The guests themselves do.
Yes people should make an effort to dress nicely when attending a special event, that is basic good manners, but to dictate the colour of the clothing, the place dresses can be purchased from, black tie or not is just too much.

Penny Dreadful

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

The thing I can't grasp is how so many of you seem to think it would wreck your entire life if someone said "Actually I'd prefer it if you didn't wear black to my wedding, please."
That doesn't automatically mean "go out and buy something new and expensive". It doesn't mean that they hate you either or that they think your clothes matter more than anything... Everyone's different and I, who personally wouldn't like an army of friends dressed in black at my wedding, deserve the same respect I treat you with. It's not obnoxious to wanting to have your wedding done your own way. Is it?[/QUOTE]

Depends on how far you go with this. Many people become obsessed with the wedding, their "big day" (that phrase makes my ears bleed), etc etc.
Ultimately it is a celebration of love, of two people coming together and promising all that they have and are to another person and they ask people they care about to celebrate that with them. The clothes don't matter ultimately.

Seren_

I wore a black dress (and black tights ) to a wedding last month. A few people did wonder why I wore tights to a "summer" wedding (although the rain disagreed with the summer sentiment!), but I think people should be let wear what they want and feel comfortable in. Within reason of course. As long as you look nice and presentable it's okay.

I don't see the big deal about wearing white either. Surely it would only be rude to the bride if you wore a big wedding dress?

Malari

It's predominantly in the way you phrase it to be honest. If I got an invite with something along these lines:

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

I...would want my wedding to be a colourful feast.

...it sounds like a great theme and could be fun to dress it up in a lovely bright colour. But you would have to expect one or two to show up in a black dress with colourful shoes, hats, scarves, etc.

However, this approach below could be taken as dictating what you require the guests to wear:

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

"Actually I'd prefer it if you didn't wear black to my wedding, please."

...and may be deemed inappropriate, with it backfiring in that poeple think "I'll wear what I have, I can't afford a new dress."

Ah, invite etiquette...what a wonderful enigma :D

SBWife

I've only once worn black to a wedding. It was at Christmas and I topped the dress with a lovely gold jacket from LK Bennett. I really wanted to wear the jacket and do find winter weddings more difficult to dress for.

I don't like black for weddings, while it's not as bad as wearing white it is traditionally the colour of morning. But then again I've seen loads of brides with lilies at their weddings (and they were even suggested by the florist when I got married) and they're traditionally associated with death and funerals as well.

I also don't like women in suits for a wedding. To me suits are what you wear to work not to celebrate, and I'd consider a women wearing a pant suit to be really inappropriately dressed.

It's not obnoxious to wanting to have your wedding done your own way. Is it?

You need to be careful with that one. Apart from specifying Black Tie you'd rarely see a dress code specified on a wedding invite here. I know in the US people ask female guests to wear specific colors etc. (eg. Black and White at the Keeping Up wedding) but that's just not acceptable here.

Most guests don't set out to ruin your day but Irish people can be pretty pig headed when they think they're being asked to do something that's they decide they don't want to do especially when it comes to what to wear. The amount of bitching on here and on Weddings Online regarding Black Tie weddings is a sight to behold. I think it comes from being forced into school uniform for so many years.

Penny Dreadful

Malari wrote: »

It's predominantly in the way you phrase it to be honest. If I got an invite with something along these lines:



...it sounds like a great theme and could be fun to dress it up in a lovely bright colour. But you would have to expect one or two to show up in a black dress with colourful shoes, hats, scarves, etc.

However, this approach below could be taken as dictating what you require the guests to wear:



...and may be deemed inappropriate, with it backfiring in that poeple think "I'll wear what I have, I can't afford a new dress."

Ah, invite etiquette...what a wonderful enigma :D

If you simply invite people to attend your wedding at place X at time Z then you're all sorted Let people act like grown ups and dress as they will. Most people have a sense of occasion and will dress the part. You'll have guests who are happy to attend and celebrate with you.

Malari

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

If you simply invite people to attend your wedding at place X at time Z then you're all sorted Let people act like grown ups and dress as they will. Most people have a sense of occasion and will dress the part. You'll have guests who are happy to attend and celebrate with you.

I know, it was a little tongue in cheek. I was just interpreting how people can respond to the wording on invites.

Penny Dreadful

SBWife wrote: »

I don't like black for weddings, while it's not as bad as wearing white it is traditionally the colour of morning.


Most guests don't set out to ruin your day but Irish people can be pretty pig headed when they think they're being asked to do something that's they decide they don't want to do especially when it comes to what to wear. .

I wore a green dress to a wedding once and was told off because apparently its bad luck and will render the bride infertile :rolleyes: Let people wear what colours they want and trust them to dress properly.
I personally would wear black to a wedding if I was told not to. I was ordered to wear a particular shade of pink at a hen weekend I went on and when I said that I don't own anything in any shade of pink I was told not to ruin the bride's day, wedding, weekend, life, mental health, blah blaha and go and buy something. I wore blue and stayed only for one night. I've never been a fan of a hen weekend anyway and that was the final nail in the coffin for me.
I also got an invite once where I was told that "no boxed gifts were allowed"......basically they wanted cash. :eek:

Toto Wolfcastle

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

I also got an invite once where I was told that "no boxed gifts were allowed"......basically they wanted cash. :eek:

If I got something like that I'd be very tempted to un-box a lamp or a cutlery set or a photo frame and wrap it. I wouldn't though.

Penny Dreadful

Bobblehead Panda wrote: »

If I got something like that I'd be very tempted to un-box a lamp or a cutlery set or a photo frame and wrap it. I wouldn't though.

I wanted to give my 4 slice toaster (of which only 2 slices were working) in a Tesco bag but was persuaded to climb down off my very high horse and give a card and cash.:( Smaller than usual amount of cash though as punishment for being so bloody rude. So little victory.

Lady Chuckles

I am amazed at how much feelings this discussion seem to have stirred up

Penny Dreadful

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

I am amazed at how much feelings this discussion seem to have stirred up

Which begs the question, are you going to put a dress code on your invites?????;)

baby and crumble

SBWife wrote: »

I also don't like women in suits for a wedding. To me suits are what you wear to work not to celebrate, and I'd consider a women wearing a pant suit to be really inappropriately dressed.

I have to just stick my oar in here for a tiny second. Why should a woman HAVE to wear a dress? Not only do I hate wearing dresses, they actually do nothing for me and I feel miserable if I have to even try one on. My every day dress is on the masculine side of things, and for me, dressing up in a suit is a sign of respect from me that I need to be well dressed. If I were to wear a dress to a wedding, I would be sitting in a seat ALL DAY (seriously, I wouldn't get up for people to see me, I'd be that uncomfortable). Nobody wants a guest like that at a wedding, surely?

Also, most women who wear suits to a wedding are not wearing your standard M&S suit. The suit that I wear is a dressy suit- I'd liken it almost to a tuxedo for a guy, it's waaaaay too dressy to wear to any office.

looksee

I'm not in the wedding age group so I haven't been to one in ages (thank goodness), but while I have no problems with people wearing anything they wish, and it certainly would not spoil the wedding imo, I don't really go along with the black.

Partly because, looking back, the odd time I have seen a black dress it has come across as 'I couldn't be bothered looking for anything else so I am wearing my lbd'. Not saying that is the case, just how it struck me. Also older women do look as though they are dressed for a funeral. The younger ones can get away with it, especially if it is accessorised with something interesting.

SBWife

baby and crumble wrote: »

I have to just stick my oar in here for a tiny second. Why should a woman HAVE to wear a dress? Not only do I hate wearing dresses, they actually do nothing for me and I feel miserable if I have to even try one on. My every day dress is on the masculine side of things, and for me, dressing up in a suit is a sign of respect from me that I need to be well dressed. If I were to wear a dress to a wedding, I would be sitting in a seat ALL DAY (seriously, I wouldn't get up for people to see me, I'd be that uncomfortable). Nobody wants a guest like that at a wedding, surely?

Also, most women who wear suits to a wedding are not wearing your standard M&S suit. The suit that I wear is a dressy suit- I'd liken it almost to a tuxedo for a guy, it's waaaaay too dressy to wear to any office.

It's not like there are only two possibilities suit or dress, we have more flexibility than that. But TBH I don't care if your pants suit is the original YSL Smoking I don't think a pants suit is appropriate for a wedding.

baby and crumble

SBWife wrote: »

It's not like there are only two possibilities suit or dress, we have more flexibility than that. But TBH I don't care if your pants suit is the original YSL Smoking I don't think a pants suit is appropriate for a wedding.

Do we? All I ever see at weddings on women is a dress. Possibly a skirt and a top for the afters.

Can I ask why you don't think it's appropriate? Is it because guys wear suits and girls don't, or because you think it's 'worky'?

Naryclaire

I wouldn't myself; I read it's bad luck, and I'm funny about traditions and superstitions so I'd hate to put bad luck on the couple. Also, putting on my fashiony-friend hat, I agree it can come across a bit funereal and 'eh... this'll do'. Really though, for me it's the tradition and superstition thing mostly. Couples starting out these days need all the luck they can get!

ush

I would only wear black to a wedding if I disapproved of the marriage.

ush

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

I'm a little chocked to see how many people are going to weddings wearing black dresses (and/or black tights). Perhaps it's just the cultural difference as I am not Irish myself, but I would hate it if my friends showed up at my wedding (which is a happy occasion) dressed in black. Even a little bit offended

So I thought I'd find out what you think about wearing black to weddings? Would you do it? When is it appropriate? Isn't it a little funeral-like ?

I don't mean to offend anyone who's wearing black at weddings, since clearly it's in fashion, I would just like to know what this is all about

You're Swedish, right? Its considered doe-lee-steel to wear black at a Swedish wedding.

For the Irish, merely managing to get out of bed and dressed is making an effort.