Ireland single Mothers reviled, in US it's dead beat Dads.

sophia25 · 19-08-2011 12:58AM #1

Is it a sign of how misogynistic Ireland is, that in Ireland its single mothers left holding the baby that get all the flack, whilst in other countries it's the deadbeat dads that get the bad press? Why do we moan about the state having to provide houses for single mothers instead of insisting the fathers bear some of the financial pain? If fathers were forced to pay the real cost for their kids (including the cost of childcare, be it paid or through loss of earnings), then taxpayers wouldn't be left feeling resentful of a mother who has been let down!

joshrogan · 19-08-2011 01:01AM

No Roma Gypsies, Travellers, Foreigners, Dole Scroungers, Bankers, Politicians and Thugs/Criminals get 99% of the flack.

Sergeant · 19-08-2011 01:04AM

Both parents should be financially responsible for bringing a child into the world. Accidents happen, but "the state" shouldn't have to act as some sort of generous aunt.

But runaway fathers should be held responsible for their hand (and other extremities) in the child being born. Totally agree.

Cill Dara Abu · 19-08-2011 01:06AM

A mother that has been let down???

It takes two to tango OP

hinault · 19-08-2011 01:06AM

sophia25 wrote: »

Is it a sign of how misogynistic Ireland is, that in Ireland its single mothers left holding the baby that get all the flack, whilst in other countries it's the deadbeat dads that get the bad press? Why do we moan about the state having to provide houses for single mothers instead of insisting the fathers bear some of the financial pain? If fathers were forced to pay the real cost for their kids (including the cost of childcare, be it paid or through loss of earnings), then taxpayers wouldn't be left feeling resentful of a mother who has been let down!

I think we should slash unmarried mothers allowance AND force the fathers to pay their way.

Both parties must be held responsible for their actions.
You need a licence to keep a dog................

policarp · 19-08-2011 01:07AM

What is a single mother?
Is she a widow? Is she a deserted wife? Is she a single mother by choice? Or is she a part time single mother?

mikemac · 19-08-2011 01:09AM

I don't know a lot about the US court system

But I hope it's better then family law in Ireland where men can be cut out their child's life and money can be used as a bargaining chip to get access

Every case is different but granting custody to the mother seems to be the default judgement

MungBean · 19-08-2011 01:10AM

I know quite a few "single mothers" and every single one of them is living with a partner. They only seem to be "single" when it comes to welfare. And anyway what do ya expect these dead beat dads to do ? Hand over some of their dole ?

Witchie · 19-08-2011 01:11AM

Aye Sergeant I agree but what happens if that dad goes off and has 3 more children and then cant support the previous 2 whom he barely bothers with, except for once a month?

Its hard as the mum of those 2 first children to make his 3 other kids suffer by being demanding. :mad:

It wasnt so bad when I was working but have been out of work a year now and have just had my dole payments cut so despite finding it impossible to get a job in this country, I am now expected to pay my mortgage, rear 2 teenage sons, run a car and household on €247 a week. Getting very fed up of single mum bashing when I have worked all my life and only now need some help.

Thinking of moving abroad but the kids wont leave the dad they barely have contact with. So frustrating.

Witchie · 19-08-2011 01:13AM

Skunkle wrote: »

I know quite a few "single mothers" and every single one of them is living with a partner. They only seem to be "single" when it comes to welfare. And anyway what do ya expect these dead beat dads to do ? Hand over some of their dole ?

Not one of the single mothers I know live with a partner. I dont either. I see my bf at weekends and he contributes in no way to my household.

looky loo · 19-08-2011 01:14AM

Why doesnt the social welfare deduct payments from these runaway dads for the upkeep of their children?...seems a good solution to me.

Bipolar Joe · 19-08-2011 01:15AM

Witchie wrote: »

Not one of the single mothers I know live with a partner. I dont either. I see my bf at weekends and he contributes in no way to my household.

It still happens extremely often, I know several myself. And yes, custody pretty much always goes to the Mother. The courts and whatnot get a cut of the money the Dad is giving to the Mother, and that's why it's always pushed to go for more.

Witchie · 19-08-2011 01:15AM

looky loo wrote: »

Why doesnt the social welfare deduct payments from these runaway dads for the upkeep of their children?...seems a good solution to me.

But if they are on SW themselves and have more children living with them, how do you deduct more money from them?

hinault · 19-08-2011 01:17AM

Witchie wrote: »

Aye Sergeant I agree but what happens if that dad goes off and has 3 more children and then cant support the previous 2 whom he barely bothers with, except for once a month?

Its hard as the mum of those 2 first children to make his 3 other kids suffer by being demanding. :mad:

It wasnt so bad when I was working but have been out of work a year now and have just had my dole payments cut so despite finding it impossible to get a job in this country, I am now expected to pay my mortgage, rear 2 teenage sons, run a car and household on €247 a week. Getting very fed up of single mum bashing when I have worked all my life and only now need some help.

Thinking of moving abroad but the kids wont leave the dad they barely have contact with. So frustrating.

The State should go after the father of your children in my view. He is as responsible as you as are for those children.

He should be also made pay for those other kids too.

Can't stand people who are derelict in their responsibilities.

wild_cat · 19-08-2011 01:18AM

Skunkle wrote: »

I know quite a few "single mothers" and every single one of them is living with a partner. They only seem to be "single" when it comes to welfare. And anyway what do ya expect these dead beat dads to do ? Hand over some of their dole ?

If it's such a big deal report them....

Easily solved like....

looky loo · 19-08-2011 01:19AM

Witchie wrote: »

But if they are on SW themselves and have more children living with them, how do you deduct more money from them?

If its written in law that they provide for their children..all their children.

wild_cat · 19-08-2011 01:19AM

looky loo wrote: »

Why doesnt the social welfare deduct payments from these runaway dads for the upkeep of their children?...seems a good solution to me.

I don't understand this either.

It should automatically be removed via tax from their pay check or out of their dole.

sophia25 · 19-08-2011 01:21AM

Cill Dara Abu wrote: »

A mother that has been let down???

It takes two to tango OP

It does, but the point is in Ireland there is constant single mother thrashing and fathers who just abdicate responsibility are barely acknowledged.:(

hinault · 19-08-2011 01:21AM

Witchie wrote: »

But if they are on SW themselves and have more children living with them, how do you deduct more money from them?

Make them work for their welfare and then deduct the money due for their kids.

If they don't work for SW, they get no SW.

Amhran Nua · 19-08-2011 01:22AM

And on the same front page, another thread about the excessive benefits garnered by single mothers...

Ireland..? This is After Hours!!

/kicks people in the chest

strobe · 19-08-2011 01:22AM

sophia25 wrote: »

Is it a sign of how misogynistic Ireland is, that in Ireland its single mothers left holding the baby that get all the flack, whilst in other countries it's the deadbeat dads that get the bad press?

No to be honest.

I don't think I have ever met one single person in my entire life that has criticised a single mother taking government assistance and then when questioned on the father said 'ahh no leave the Dad alone, he's doing nothing wrong, it's entirely and exclusively that bitch of a woman who is the problem"... Not once. Not ever.

Have you, really?

I see no sign of misogyny or sexism.

MungBean · 19-08-2011 01:22AM

Witchie wrote: »

Not one of the single mothers I know live with a partner. I dont either. I see my bf at weekends and he contributes in no way to my household.

Didnt mean it to be a generalisation its just something that struck me. I know a few and without exception they all live with partners. Some of them the fathers of the children and others not. I think the bad rap that single mothers get is because of peole like these. Any mother who isnt married seems (especially when already in receipt of welfare) to stick themselves down as a lone parent.

Of course there is single mothers who like yourself are living alone and entirely deserving of the help and I meant no offence to ya. .

Bipolar Joe · 19-08-2011 01:24AM

strobe wrote: »

No to be honest.

I don't think I have ever met one single person in my entire life that has criticised a single mother taking government assistance and then when questioned on the father said 'ahh no leave the Dad alone, he's doing nothing wrong, it's entirely and exclusively that bitch of a woman who is the problem"... Not once. Not ever.

Have you, really?

I see no sign of misogyny or sexism.

Strobe, this is how misogyny works:

I am a lady and I'm not getting my way. YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST.

You know what I'm sick of? Everything.

dsmythy · 19-08-2011 01:25AM

sophia25 wrote: »

Is it a sign of how misogynistic Ireland is, that in Ireland its single mothers left holding the baby that get all the flack, whilst in other countries it's the deadbeat dads that get the bad press? Why do we moan about the state having to provide houses for single mothers instead of insisting the fathers bear some of the financial pain? If fathers were forced to pay the real cost for their kids (including the cost of childcare, be it paid or through loss of earnings), then taxpayers wouldn't be left feeling resentful of a mother who has been let down!

I wonder how American welfare differs from the Irish version.

RichieC · 19-08-2011 01:26AM

Cill Dara Abu wrote: »

A mother that has been let down???

It takes two to tango OP

Yes and one to walk away.

MungBean · 19-08-2011 01:28AM

wild_cat wrote: »

If it's such a big deal report them....

Easily solved like....

I'm just responding to the OP and mentioning the fact that out of all the single mothers I know every one of them lives with a partner. Perhaps you mistook what I said for "I hate single mothers, they are a drain on society, everyone I know is scamming the system and Its a big deal, why wont someone do something about this". Lets not lose the run of ourselves yeah ?

Pompey Magnus · 19-08-2011 01:31AM

sophia25 wrote: »

Is it a sign of how misogynistic Ireland is, that in Ireland its single mothers left holding the baby that get all the flack, whilst in other countries it's the deadbeat dads that get the bad press?

How misogynistic is Ireland when it comes to child custody battles between a father and a mother? On issues with children in Ireland a little bad press for single mothers is a small price for women to pay for the massive advantage their gender affords them when it comes to custody. Why don't we hear more women calling for gender equality when it comes to issues where they hold the advantage?

Bipolar Joe · 19-08-2011 01:35AM

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

How misogynistic is Ireland when it comes to child custody battles between a father and a mother? On issues with children in Ireland a little bad press for single mothers is a small price for women to pay for the massive advantage their gender affords them when it comes to custody. Why don't we hear more women calling for gender equality when it comes to issues where they hold the advantage?

Something I learned in Uni was the equal rights does not mean equal rights, it means better rights for that person / group of people. Apparently no one wants equal rights, everyone just wants to be better off than everyone else.

CorkMan · 19-08-2011 01:36AM

I used to work for the social before, some of my duties were to investigate instances of fraud. I did call into houses where there was evidence of an adult male living there, other times not.

In many places where there was no evidence of an adult male present, I saw loads of cans on the floor, toddlers screaming because they weren't tended to by their mothers, burnt pizzas in the oven. Disgrace TBH. In one case all of the above was happening in the house. Before I entered the house, I was waiting for the mother to arrive back outside the door, whilst hearing a toddler screaming. The mother came down the road drunk out of her skull talking on the phone. Within a space of about 10 feet, she was stumbling side to side.

The other investigator and I entered the house, the stench was unreal. The toddler has not been cleaned, there was gone off food rotting on the counter. Not even in the bin. I'd glad my partner and I saw that and sorted out the situation pronto.

looky loo · 19-08-2011 01:37AM

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

How misogynistic is Ireland when it comes to child custody battles between a father and a mother? On issues with children in Ireland a little bad press for single mothers is a small price for women to pay for the massive advantage their gender affords them when it comes to custody. Why don't we hear more women calling for gender equality when it comes to issues where they hold the advantage?

Title for another thread perhaps, this one is about the fathers that dont input on their childs life.

AnonoBoy · 19-08-2011 01:38AM

Paging Kevin Myers. Kevin Myers to the Single Mother's thread please, Kevin Myers!

Ireland single Mothers reviled, in US it's dead beat Dads.

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