Work toilete etiquette

starviewadams · 13-08-2011 01:11AM

When I worked in Dunnes years ago I used to spend a good 3 hours of the workday in the toilets reading,I was supposed to be out in the carpark collecting trollies or something so nobody was missing me,plus there was about 4 different managers there at the time and none of them really knew me so it was very easy to get away with!

OneArt · 13-08-2011 02:40AM

I was doing a trial week for a place in Dublin and was asked to clean the toilet. Went in and found someone had done a huge, runny sh!te in the jacks. Not only this, the excrement actually went OVER the back of the toilet and dripped onto the floor. Furthermore, much of it had also gotten under the part of the toilet seat between the places where it was nailed down...

This was a nice, respectable deli not a chippers or anything. It was the kind of place where people from the nearby offices would come for lunch.

People can be absolutely filthy pigs.

mymalovesme · 13-08-2011 09:13AM

All I know is you can't beat a good dump at home.

Balloon Of a fish in C. · 13-08-2011 09:28AM

This thread is a load of sh1t.

Sooopie · 13-08-2011 09:37AM

I heard from someone that in one office in Dublin city, there are women, who do not use toilet roll, instead, they splash up water to clean themselves, leaving the mess on the floor of the ladies.

MarkR · 13-08-2011 09:46AM

Sooopie wrote: »

I heard from someone that in one office in Dublin city, there are women, who do not use toilet roll, instead, they splash up water to clean themselves, leaving the mess on the floor of the ladies.

Apt username for story.

lorebringer · 13-08-2011 10:03AM

Some women are so nasty when it comes to the "leave it as you found it" rule...

Was there blood (and let's be honest, nobody cut their finger!) all over the toilet seat when you walked in? No.
USED pad or tampon stuck to the wall/ceiling/any other surface? Nope.
Did the toilet have a spattering of brown and red? I doubt it.
Soiled thong on the floor? Another no.
Blood all over the bin and/or toilet paper dispenser? I don't think so.
All of the toilet paper down the toilet, flushed for good measure, and none left in the dispenser? Not that I remember.
Poo on the flush button? No sirree.

If it wasn't there before you walked in, it shouldn't be there when you leave and WASH YOUR MANKY HANDS - f*cking mingers.

Sooopie · 13-08-2011 10:10AM

MarkR wrote: »

Apt username for story.

err

adocholiday · 13-08-2011 10:29AM

I work in a very large office and I have seen and heard it all lol. But My problem is with the cleaning lady. I'm regular as clockwork. Same time every day. Every time I sat on the throne to let the cosby kids off at the pool the cleaner would come in knocking at the door. Cue embarrassing acknowledgment from me that I am having a dump. Then having to rush it and walk out while said cleaner is standing and watching me judgementally.

Anyway fook this says I. I need peace and quiet so I make a concerted effort to move my throne time on an hour. Few weeks later I've managed it all going well then one day
*knock knock* "anyone here?" FFS!

Now its the same routine at a different time. I'm sure shes doing it on purpose. Going to complain to HR because my quality of life at work is rapidly going downhill!

not1but4 · 13-08-2011 12:10PM

In the quest of find an empty bathroom I do the following:
Never go to the bathroom on my floor - always busy and dont want to run into someone from my team doing the same.
Head down to the ground floor were the HR and other dept that is all female - male jacks are always empty but other people have become wise to this as well.
Head down to the basement where the showers are and use the toilets down there.

All that said the toilet paper my company use is like sandpaper have been tempted to bring my own some times.

senorwipesalot · 13-08-2011 12:52PM

The jacks where I work was blocked and the plumber was called in.Unable to plunge it from inside ,he opened the man hole outside the building.After much struggling with sewer rods, about 2 hours later he removed the cause of the sh**e backing up.
No messin, it was a Daniel O Donnell tape.Oh how we laughed although we never found out who decided to dispose of their sh1t musical taste in such a fashion.

Teyla Emmagan · 13-08-2011 01:07PM

I work with a girl who spends 20 mins in there at a time. She's like a silent malevolent presence always occupying the bog everytime you go in there. I'm thinking of sending around a collection so we can send her for an enema.

Teyla Emmagan · 13-08-2011 01:09PM

Sooopie wrote: »

I heard from someone that in one office in Dublin city, there are women, who do not use toilet roll, instead, they splash up water to clean themselves, leaving the mess on the floor of the ladies.

That can't be possible, sure you'd die of some sort of disease.

Jumpy · 13-08-2011 01:14PM

Never go back to work after a Barium meal.

It actually clinks when it hits the porcelain and since it is a heavy metal, it doesnt bloody flush does it.

When you break it up it just breaks up into shiny metallic sand that doesnt even move when you flush it.

Took about 30 flushes that did.

FlutterinBantam · 13-08-2011 03:48PM

adocholiday wrote: »

I work in a very large office and I have seen and heard it all lol. But My problem is with the cleaning lady. I'm regular as clockwork. Same time every day. Every time I sat on the throne to let the cosby kids off at the pool the cleaner would come in knocking at the door. Cue embarrassing acknowledgment from me that I am having a dump. Then having to rush it and walk out while said cleaner is standing and watching me judgementally.

Anyway fook this says I. I need peace and quiet so I make a concerted effort to move my throne time on an hour. Few weeks later I've managed it all going well then one day
*knock knock* "anyone here?" FFS!

Now its the same routine at a different time. I'm sure shes doing it on purpose. Going to complain to HR because my quality of life at work is rapidly going downhill!

You have a problem poster, a big problem.

Now I was in a consultancy role in a large Dublin accountancy firm when,at about mid-morning, I felt a bit of 'unrest in the South' and hit for the shitters.

Was baking nicely and 'ripening' so I reckoned that a quick bend and push should sluice the load into the pan, nice and tidy,well grouped.

Found the shitters to be confronted by a young lady of eastern European origin with mops and buckets well spread out and 'find somewhere else to shit' look on her face.

Now others might have been phased,but I decided to test the 'company attitude' totally ignored her stare,unbuckled my belt on approach to the stall, shut the door ,not locked, and hosed a thick blanket of scutthery midden over the pan, seat and spatthered the cistern.

Calmly wiped up and left, with the door fully open and gave a 'sort out that fcuking carnage' nod to the glowering cleaner.

Never heard another word,which gave me very good confidence in that company.

Leading edge people.

shedweller · 13-08-2011 05:04PM

I always lol when i hear a lad rush into a cubicle, lock the door, kaks off and dump in under 10 seconds! Held on a bit long did we??:D

Maddylicious · 13-08-2011 06:18PM

Well this thread is certainly different...
Hmmm let me start by saying that I try to avoid number 2's in work but sometimes it can't be helped.
Large duckfarts magnified by the echo of the toilet bowl that come from the cubicle next to me make ME cringe!

adocholiday · 13-08-2011 07:09PM

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

adocholiday wrote: »

I work in a very large office and I have seen and heard it all lol. But My problem is with the cleaning lady. I'm regular as clockwork. Same time every day. Every time I sat on the throne to let the cosby kids off at the pool the cleaner would come in knocking at the door. Cue embarrassing acknowledgment from me that I am having a dump. Then having to rush it and walk out while said cleaner is standing and watching me judgementally.

Anyway fook this says I. I need peace and quiet so I make a concerted effort to move my throne time on an hour. Few weeks later I've managed it all going well then one day
*knock knock* "anyone here?" FFS!

Now its the same routine at a different time. I'm sure shes doing it on purpose. Going to complain to HR because my quality of life at work is rapidly going downhill!

You have a problem poster, a big problem.

Now I was in a consultancy role in a large Dublin accountancy firm when,at about mid-morning, I felt a bit of 'unrest in the South' and hit for the sh[SIZE="2"]i[/SIZE]tters.

Was baking nicely and 'ripening' so I reckoned that a quick bend and push should sluice the load into the pan, nice and tidy,well grouped.

Found the sh[SIZE="2"]i[/SIZE]tters to be confronted by a young lady of eastern European origin with mops and buckets well spread out and 'find somewhere else to sh[SIZE="2"]i[/SIZE]t' look on her face.

Now others might have been phased,but I decided to test the 'company attitude' totally ignored her stare,unbuckled my belt on approach to the stall, shut the door ,not locked, and hosed a thick blanket of scutthery midden over the pan, seat and spatthered the cistern.

Calmly wiped up and left, with the door fully open and gave a 'sort out that fcuking carnage' nod to the glowering cleaner.

Never heard another word,which gave me very good confidence in that company.

Leading edge people.

This is the funniest post (and thread) I have read in ages. Says a lot about my maturity level!

MarkR · 13-08-2011 07:33PM

Sooopie wrote: »

err

Mess on the floor. A mixture of solids and liquids. In other words, soup.

positron · 13-08-2011 08:09PM

I hate the flimsy toilet cubicles at work - I can see the other guys shoe, and hear more than I want to - and more often than not, I can actually guess who is in the next cubicle just from the grunts, heavy breathing etc - and I don't even work in a small office - seriously!!

I would love to see the day when we all get a bit more civilised and start installing japanese type bidets in homes and work starts kitting out loos with more private loo cubicles.

I also dislike the toilet paper wipe thing, but that's for another thread.

charlemont · 13-08-2011 08:27PM

Could be worse could have the Phantom ****ter* using your work toilets.

*Clonmel urban legend, A cleaning lady lifted the toilet brush and fainted and an ambulance was called, The Phantom had shat and peed into the brush holder so obviously it sort of fermented and when the brush was lifted, The smell knocked her out.

Sandwlch · 13-08-2011 08:33PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J4RJTySrC8

bnt · 13-08-2011 09:02PM

Until I saw Harold & Kumar, I didn't know that women pooped at all ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsIASofR5-E

"Skag! You sank my Destroyer!"

D1stant · 14-08-2011 12:25AM

positron wrote: »

I also dislike the toilet paper wipe thing, but that's for another thread.

I'm almost afraid to ask. Pole rubbing?

antodeco · 14-08-2011 12:29AM

I worked in a building with 3000 staff. The toilets were unisex and there were no urinals. The lights were also on a timer, so if nobody moved in the communal wash area for 5 minutes, the lights went off. Never, ever had an enjoyable poo.

TangyZizzle · 14-08-2011 01:50AM

I was adament that I would never ever take a dump in school but back in the day I got caught out and had to. There I was firing away when I began to look around the cubicle. I noticed a puddle of(hopefully) water on the ground and to my horror in the puddle was the reflection of the fella taking a dump in the cubicle beside me. Eye contact was made. Oh indeed.. eye contact was made.

lounakin · 14-08-2011 09:45AM

In my primary school... Don't know why... we had what we call turkish toilets: hole in the ground. That meant that it was a regular occurrence to find a nice fresh juvenile lump on the side, perhaps a little brown river of unnameable nature flowing freely back to the hole. Because when that happened, it mean either pushing it with your shoe or with your hand covered in toilet paper. I find kids are not biologically inclined to hide their mess!

Tazium · 14-08-2011 10:33AM

Sitting on the throne, going red in the face trying to get a square one with edges out when the guy in the next cubicle lets this loud and proud series of farts that began strong and seemingly metronome timed, but filtered into a ladylike but high pitched 'phhfftt' said guy ended with a satisfactory sigh of relief. Cue the laughter which spreads over the other occupied stalls broken only by the guy then answering a phone call!

phill106 · 14-08-2011 12:17PM

Im so juvenile, i was weak with laughing reading some of the funnier ones :P

shedweller · 14-08-2011 12:33PM

lounakin wrote: »

In my primary school... Don't know why... we had what we call turkish toilets: hole in the ground. That meant that it was a regular occurrence to find a nice fresh juvenile lump on the side, perhaps a little brown river of unnameable nature flowing freely back to the hole. Because when that happened, it mean either pushing it with your shoe or with your hand covered in toilet paper. I find kids are not biologically inclined to hide their mess!

:D

I worked in a place that had the same kind of toilet. Some old guy hadn't seen them before and promtly SAT on it, having not being traind in their use....
We could see his feet almost protruding under the door.

Work toilete etiquette

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