Work toilete etiquette

mymalovesme

Hi All - First time poster, long time lurker. Anyhoo I want to start an earnest, serious discussion on toilet etiquette in the work place. I work in an office with about 300 other drones. Now, I enjoy a good poo. However I have a healthy respect for fellow poo-ers in the work place. Why must some people insist on A) Expel their waste violently with no regard for their neighbours sensibilities Exit the cubicle the same time you do (cardinal sin) thus causing embarrassment for the discrete poo-er. C) Not wash their hands. D) Fart in the toilet bowl E) Urinate all over the toilet seat F) Not flush .. There are more but just wanted to start the ball rolling - what do people think?

bonerm

Because they'd don't give a fúck about what you think. Welcome to society.

Agricola

Theres lots of pig ignorant cnuts in the world.

I think we're done here.

stevejr

mymalovesme wrote: »

Why must some people insist on A) Expel their waste violently with no regard for their neighbours sensibilities

Would ya need a few bouncers for that?

Guill

Pebble dashed toilet bowl.
Wet seat
Toilet paper on the floor.
The smell!!!!!!!




:mad:

Only one jacks in our place!

Solnskaya

:DHa, we have to service them. Part of our work is to look after a LOT of toilets. WTF is wrong with people??? Wouldya put the same things down your own home toilet??? Never learnt how to flush??? Just how feckin bad is your aim??? Its not even that they are doing a drive-by-sh1teing in a petrol station jax, these people work there, the other staff know who does what.

krudler

occasionally if I'm taking a piss and someone is having an unfortunate bout of noisy squits that you can tell people try to hold in until they know the place is empty I'll turn on both hand dryers so he can blast away and have the sound muffled by the resulting fans noise, I'm a hero that way.

Temptamperu

I worked in an office in Scotland a few years ago and someone did a shít, i kid you not it was about the size of 2 litre bottle of coke and it was unflushed and i had the unpleasent luck to walk in on it after. i still wake up in a cold sweat thinking of it.

RichieC

how does one propose to stop these farts in the toilet bowl? it's pretty fking difficult when you are at the same time pushing a loaf out.

later12

mymalovesme wrote: »

Exit the cubicle the same time you do (cardinal sin) thus causing embarrassment for the discrete poo-er.

Is this really frowned upon? Nothing like a good old bathroom chinwag, especially when still on the toilet. It's a big part of my opposition to the unisex toilet in fact, it isn't something that women can enjoy.

What gender is the OP?

RichieC

Temptamperu wrote: »

I worked in an office in Scotland a few years ago and someone did a shít, i kid you not it was about the size of 2 litre bottle of coke and it was unflushed and i had the unpleasent luck to walk in on it after. i still wake up in a cold sweat thinking of it.

It's all the deep fried **** they eat.

ICE HOUSE

Its the poor cleaning ladies that I feel sorry for that have to clean up after scumbags that cant use a toilet correctly.

amacca

mymalovesme wrote: »

A) Expel their waste violently with no regard for their neighbours sensibilities

sorry old chap.....couldn't be helped!:pac:

mymalovesme wrote: »

Exit the cubicle the same time you do (cardinal sin) thus causing embarrassment for the discrete poo-er.

I was finished....there was not much else to do in there

mymalovesme wrote: »

C) Not wash their hands.

If you didnt spend 10 minutes hogging the only sink:mad:

mymalovesme wrote: »

D) Fart in the toilet bowl

it seemed like an appropriate place to do that...you want me to hold it in for when I get back to my desk?

mymalovesme wrote: »

E) Urinate all over the toilet seat

yeah...sorry about that.....im working on my aim:P

El Weirdo

Top tip:

Bring in a wire coat hanger and discreetly squirrel it away somewhere in the bogs. Next time you squeeze out a stubborn one that won't flush and is just lying there in the bowl like King Kong's finger, you can use it to break it up and save any embarrassment.

amacca

Temptamperu wrote: »

I worked in an office in Scotland a few years ago and someone did a shít, i kid you not it was about the size of 2 litre bottle of coke and it was unflushed and i had the unpleasent luck to walk in on it after. i still wake up in a cold sweat thinking of it.

that my friend was "the lincoln log"

bonerm

ICE HOUSE wrote: »

Its the poor cleaning ladies that I feel sorry for that have to clean up after scumbags that cant use a toilet correctly.

Thankfully by surrounding themselves with cleaning products they're generally in a state of pleasant hallucination for the entirity of their shift.

later12

El Weirdo wrote: »

Top tip:

Bring in a wire coat hanger and discreetly squirrel it away somewhere in the bogs. Next time you squeeze out a stubborn one that won't flush and is just lying there in the bowl like King Kong's finger, you can use it to break it up and save any embarrassment.

Never had a problem with one that was so big it wouldn't flush, the real cunts are the floaters.

I mean you can re-flush a lodger, but what the hell do you do with a floater?

Tehachapi

I stand on the toilet seat in the cubicle beside them, look over the partition and say "Hi, I'm jim from accounts, nice to meet you". while extending a friendly handshake.

Abi

*Paging Flutt*

lastlaugh

later10 wrote: »

Never had a problem with one that was so big it wouldn't flush, the real cunts are the floaters.

I mean you can re-flush a lodger, but what the hell do you do with a floater?

Disguise it with a few sheets gently placed on top of course.

someuser905

the worst is the long term pooers, i work in the public service and some guys can take up to 40 minutes occupying a cubicle, theres always a long queue before lunch

holystungun9

Nothing worse than coming face to face with a toilet that is all blocked up with toilet paper and a stack **** on top rising up like the Eifel Tower.

lastlaugh

If I see someone I don't particularly like going into the bog before me, and I they've gone for a crap when all I need is a leak, I like to hit the lights on my way out.

lastlaugh

someuser905 wrote: »

the worst is the long term pooers, i work in the public service and some guys can take up to 40 minutes occupying a cubicle, theres always a long queue before lunch

That my friend, is when you need to turn off the light.

mattjack

Temptamperu wrote: »

I worked in an office in Scotland a few years ago and someone did a shít, i kid you not it was about the size of 2 litre bottle of coke and it was unflushed and i had the unpleasent luck to walk in on it after. i still wake up in a cold sweat thinking of it.

maybe it was a haggis ?

sollar

People not washing their hands makes me want to get violent. Come out.. look at themselves in the mirror then just walk out :mad:

lounakin

I think we all try to be silent when we're in the toilet with somebody in the next cubicle... but I think that's totally insane! Toilets are the place to fart and eject stuff (as long as we clean after ourselves) and holding things in, trying to be silent is only going to result in major annoyance! It's like pretending you don't masturbate. We all do it, get over it.

sollar

lounakin wrote: »

It's like pretending you don't masturbate. We all do it, get over it.

Masturbate loudly in the next cubicle then and see how that goes down

lastlaugh

lounakin wrote: »

I think we all try to be silent when we're in the toilet with somebody in the next cubicle... but I think that's totally insane! Toilets are the place to fart and eject stuff (as long as we clean after ourselves) and holding things in, trying to be silent is only going to result in major annoyance! It's like pretending you don't masturbate. We all do it, get over it.

You are totally right.

When I'm masturbating in the cubicle I don't really care if the person in the next cubicle hears me. Like, it's not as if he doesn't do it either.

amacca

sollar wrote: »

Masturbate loudly in the next cubicle then and see how that goes down

oh yeah....you know that's the way I like baby yeah!

daddydick

Nothing worse than the joy of finding an empty, quiet jacks being rapidly replaced by the shock horror of walking in on the remains of Frank Bruno's left leg floating at the top of the blocked toilet bowl, seat up and ****-tickets welded to the floor from a mixture of piss and babymaking syrup as a result of one of your colleagues being too hungover to operate properly.

TheFullDuck

later10 wrote: »

Never had a problem with one that was so big it wouldn't flush, the real cunts are the floaters.

I mean you can re-flush a lodger, but what the hell do you do with a floater?

Perhaps one of the only times 'blast it with piss' is an appropriate response! :pac:

D1stant

lounakin wrote: »

I think we all try to be silent when we're in the toilet with somebody in the next cubicle... but I think that's totally insane! Toilets are the place to fart and eject stuff (as long as we clean after ourselves) and holding things in, trying to be silent is only going to result in major annoyance! It's like pretending you don't masturbate. We all do it, get over it.

Correct. Embrace the medieval. Every 15 seconds or so in a Kerry accent alternate between

.....oooohh Jaysus....fart... bastardin brocoli...come on you bollix.....ohhh fuuck thats good

emilyjmc

Someone in my work pooped on the bathroom floor. How do you not notice that you just crapped on the toilet floor instead of into the toilet? This was in the ladies. Also we had a phantom snot wiper - a nosepicker who instead of wiping their grubby little fingers on a piece of toilet tissue thought 'Nah, I'll just wipe it on the cubicle wall'. Again, the ladies toilet. Classy place I work!

TrollHammaren

A friend of mine works in a book shop that will remain unnamed. He said someone **** in the middle of the female changing room floor.

What

the

FÚCK?

iCosmopolis

For "quality time" in the toilet, the disabled jaxx FTW.
Twice a week I get changed for an exercise class after work, without fail some girl comes in and proceeds to scutter her brains out in the next cubical..while all I can do is retch while trying to get dressed faster.
And I don't get what some folks objection to using a toilet brush,especially when they spray crap every where. Would they do that at home?
Also, how do some women manage to miss the bowl and pee everywhere - and blood smears on the wall too, what's that about?..ack!

Rhalliord

emilyjmc wrote: »

Someone in my work pooped on the bathroom floor. How do you not notice that you just crapped on the toilet floor instead of into the toilet? This was in the ladies. Also we had a phantom snot wiper - a nosepicker who instead of wiping their grubby little fingers on a piece of toilet tissue thought 'Nah, I'll just wipe it on the cubicle wall'. Again, the ladies toilet. Classy place I work!

I think we must work int he same place. There is someone (a woman) always wiping her snot on the toliet paper dispenser. And Its probably the same person that wipes blood complete with a pube stuck in it on the dispenser too. Although one day some dirty dirty person did a lincoln log on the flaming toilet seat.

mfceiling

The joy of an empty cubicle when you have a cable pressing at the badge.
Sit down, kacks down and enjoy that special time while you unload the guts...absolute luxury.

Sooopie

Dirty bitches in my jerb

Does be upsetting

pragmatic1

People used to cover the walls in **** in my old work place and no it wasnt the maze prison. Dirty feckers.

Spudmonkey

krudler wrote: »

occasionally if I'm taking a piss and someone is having an unfortunate bout of noisy squits that you can tell people try to hold in until they know the place is empty I'll turn on both hand dryers so he can blast away and have the sound muffled by the resulting fans noise, I'm a hero that way.

I thank you sir. That good deed does not go unnoticed.

manual_man

i just make sure not to go in after a lad i work with. he's big. and he eats alot

whadafook

Personally I like to use the disabled facility for my morning poop

Its peaceful no one will walk in on you noise or not. I also find the flush is better in it for some reason

WonderWoman!

Are we seriously on page 3 of toilet talk ...literally?

Plazaman

I don't know, I have worked in several jobs and I have come this conclusion.

Regardless of gender, social status, race or creed - where you have a gathering of employees (say 20+), adults turn into preschoolers when it comes to respecting toilets and communal kitchens.

Regards toilets, the old saying of "would you do that in your own home?" doesn't seem to apply or else :

*When I come to your house I would be allowed to pebble dash the bowl (inner, outer and seat)

* Feel free to wipe a snot or a suspicious substance above the toilet roll holder (for fu<ks sake this leaves me baffled?) and then throw the toilet/hand towel paper outside the bins

* Leave you free in the knowledge to ponder that if I left that suspicious brown stain inside the cubicle, did I bother washing my hands before using the handle of the toilet door thus negating the hygiene of the people who are actually washing there hands.......

El Weirdo

TrollHammaren wrote: »

A friend of mine works in a book shop that will remain unnamed. He said someone **** in the middle of the female changing room floor.

What

the

FÚCK?

What sort of book shop has a changing room?

Doom

mymalovesme wrote: »

Hi All - First time poster, long time lurker. Anyhoo I want to start an earnest, serious discussion on toilet etiquette in the work place. I work in an office with about 300 other drones. Now, I enjoy a good poo. However I have a healthy respect for fellow poo-ers in the work place. Why must some people insist on A) Expel their waste violently with no regard for their neighbours sensibilities Exit the cubicle the same time you do (cardinal sin) thus causing embarrassment for the discrete poo-er. C) Not wash their hands. D) Fart in the toilet bowl E) Urinate all over the toilet seat F) Not flush .. There are more but just wanted to start the ball rolling - what do people think?

Do you work in Leinster House...that would explain a lot

mattjack

I worked on the refurbishment of Collins Barrack ,when the National Museum acquired it...if you go onto the top floor of the block overlooking the Croppy Acre and look up you will see large supporting timber beams....maybe twenty foot off the ground...
One memorable day somebody dropped off a chocolate hostage on one these beams.....:eek:
Go visit ,look up and think about it.........

lastlaugh

mattjack wrote: »

I worked on the refurbishment of Collins Barrack ,when the National Museum acquired it...if you go onto the top floor of the block overlooking the Crappy Acre and look up you will see large supporting timber beams....maybe twenty foot off the ground...
One memorable day somebody dropped off a chocolate hostage on one these beams.....:eek:
Go visit ,look up and think about it.........

Is that what you meant?

Mike 1972

mymalovesme wrote: »

Exit the cubicle the same time you do (cardinal sin) thus causing embarrassment for the discrete poo-er.

WTF ?

Theyre there for the same reason that you are FFS Do you actually believe there are people in the world who on account of their perfect diet never need to take a dump but visit the bog anyhows ?

mattjack

:pac:

lastlaugh wrote: »

Is that what you meant?