Ever farted at a bad time?

ician · 31-07-2011 03:29AM

Wasn't me but I was at the gym last year in the steam room. Lots of college students around the place and 2 of them, a guy and a girl came into the busy steam room. He was chatting away to her, trying to chat her up a bit and she seemed fairly into him too and thennn he put his leg up on the bench and a massive loud fart came out haha.

Everyone laughed, he just went red and didn't say anything, just went red and the girl just sat there awkwardly and said "ewwwww". I was laughing too much and had to leave sharpish. Also didn't want to breath in the steamy fart!

Duggy747 · 31-07-2011 03:35AM

One day at work I was in an room that 6 people operate in fixing a machine. It was a quiet day and nobody who worked in that room were in that day so when the urge came I belted out a steamer of a fart which had enough power to turn my pelvic bone to dust had it not stopped a second sooner.

I had been in that room for nearly 20 minutes undisturbed but as soon as I released my deadly toxin 3 people decided to wander in looking for me. I could tell on one of their faces that smell hit them badly, like a chopped onion was shoved up their nostril.

Cue me going bright red and the sudden urge to realise another earth-shattering fart which I tried to resist with all my might, tightening my arsecheeks to seal the evil, as I answered their questions. I couldn't contain it anymore and did my ol' Cough N' Fart routine to which I immediately evacuated the room with them to spare their lives.

I eventually figured out if I want people's attention all I have to do is fart and suddenly, for no apparent reason, somebody will enter the room.

ratedR · 31-07-2011 03:43AM

EVERYBODY farts. Men, women. That hot girl. It's just a fact.

Knowing your farts is the key. Is it going to be smelly ? Is it going to be loud ?

I cant get away with those silent ones. Mine are always proper ****ing rippers that everyone hears. And they are always smelly as ****.

I fart, I own up. I'm almost proud sometimes. It's usually hard to hide it anyway. Everyone laughs or goes "ugh". Noone gets too disgusted, cause everyone does it. If they do, you're hanging around with the wrong type of knobheads.

If im in a crowd where i know i cant fart, I just hold it in. Simples.

In my opinion, Silent farters are the Devil.

Yawns · 31-07-2011 04:07AM

I remember once back in school I let out what I thought was going to be a silent fart. We had the VP in who was in a bad mood too so he gave us an exam. I lifted my bum slightly to let it out but it was a really loud one.

Didn't help that it was those grey all plastic seats which just made it sound louder. I really quickly just looked at the lad next to me in disgust while he looked around confused. It worked tho, everyone laughed and the VP blamed him despite his protests

Reamer Fanny · 31-07-2011 05:58AM

Was at the hospital recently visiting my brother when the old man in the bed opposite him let one rip as he gripped on to his zimmerframe and started shuffling towards the toilet, it was one of those long and violent ones...

Fart · 31-07-2011 08:14AM

Huh!??!

FlutterinBantam · 31-07-2011 08:24AM

Was on the first tee at my golf club, playing a mixed competition.

Our opposition was the lady captain and her husband, a fairly buttoned up pair,to be honest.

As I took a few practice swings and prepared to pipe a 280yarder down the fairway, I inadvertently unloaded a beefy ripper,like someone tearing a large piece of cloth and lasted about 8 seconds.

"Jaysus, glad I'm not carrying that lad around 18 holes lads!" was all I could say.

Atmosphere was distinctly frosty all through the round.

Bob Z · 31-07-2011 10:31AM

TheBody wrote: »

As the thread title says, have you ever farted at a bad time? Maybe while chatting up a girl/boy.....

a girl/boy?......that's embarressing enough...?

Biggins · 31-07-2011 11:50AM

TheBody wrote: »

As the thread title says, have you ever farted at a bad time? Maybe while chatting up a girl/boy.....in a meeting with your boss......

Let's hear it.

Is there really ever a good time?

phill106 · 31-07-2011 12:22PM

Biggins wrote: »

Is there really ever a good time?

the bath is an excellent time!

WoollyRedHat · 31-07-2011 12:34PM

I think that if women do fart, it is highly unlikely and will never be fully proven, I guess it's a case of, if a women farts and no one is around to hear it, did she really fart

In any case, a lady doth not fart so loudly as to embarrass herself and her party as it is most un-lady like, she keeps it quiet and blames the man

Pigs

BOHtox · 31-07-2011 02:19PM

It's not hard to master the silent fart. The smell is much harder

Eve_Dublin · 31-07-2011 02:31PM

I teach English in Spain in companies around Madrid and on my second day with one particular class, I let out a right big "PAAAAAAARP" while explaining something. I'd been eating a lot of beans around that time and had been farting a lot and was having difficulty containing my gases. Everyone obviously heard it, I went bright red but what could I do? I had to continue with what I was saying but I could sense that they were looking at each other and trying not to laugh. I turned to my left and saw one female student visibly disgusted and next day she asked to move class. That was my only complaint but I learned my lesson and haven't dined on beans since!

Scarlet O'Hara but funny in hindsight. (PAAAARP!!)

iPlop · 31-07-2011 02:36PM

Skunkle wrote: »

was hoovering and spotted a customer heading in my direction so decided to hoover up the smell. Didnt so much remove the smell as took it in heated it up, and released it again 100 times worse. Customer didnt hang around too long after that. Nothing worse than a hot fart.

Hahahahaha, was it a Nilfisk by any chance? I hovered up a fart with a nilfisk a few years ago and got the same result, 100 times more smellier than before and very hot!!!

tallaghtmick · 31-07-2011 02:37PM

I myself have never farted at a bad time.....but I have timed them.

I held a fart from Lucan to the square Tallaght and got in a tiny lift with my 2 mates and let rip:D

Also.....

When I was getting my eyes checked post laser surgery the doctor farted as I was walking up the stairs behind her....nearly blinded me

Latchy · 31-07-2011 03:14PM

Getting of the train recently , I let rip just as the door was about to open and got off but the fart stayed behind , suffocating about 20 people .

Phoenix Park · 31-07-2011 03:15PM

Roxy Mitchell wrote: »

During a naughty bum sex session

broke wind on the bell? :eek:

Mickjg · 31-07-2011 03:24PM

Went boating a couple of weeks ago. Had some amazing lamb the night before and a few pints of Murphy's. The next morning the results were strong enough to evacuate everyone off the boat!

I then flew out of Dublin airport last Tuesday. The night before I had red cabbage and a double helping of mushy peas with dinner. A very bad idea right before you're meant to spend 24 hours traveling.

The next day the results were unhuman. It was round the clock farting. When we got to the top of the check in line I let one go, silent but violent. Cue several people looking around and immediately being accused by my family. However, it was one that was so bad, you're a bit proud of it.

I also let a one or two slip while waiting in the huge line for US immigration. On the plane I just couldn't hold them in, so I did them into the seat. It was fine, you couldn't smell anything. Then I stood up and all of a sudden hours worth of farting just rose.

So, lesson learned and let me warn all of ye here: never EVER have cabbage and a double helping of mushy peas before traveling.

efb · 31-07-2011 03:29PM

During sex, he was paying good attention to my cock and I knew it was coming. Loud smelly and practically in his face, talk about a mood breaker...

Kojak · 31-07-2011 03:30PM

Its always good to fart.

If you don't fart regularly, then you will explode - true fact!

Doyler92 · 31-07-2011 03:30PM

The worse the time to fart, the more effective it is.

Voodoomelon · 31-07-2011 04:23PM

I haven't laughed out loud so much in years, keep em coming!

Cunning Stunt · 31-07-2011 05:18PM

My parents were out shopping one day and were on their way into a furniture store, when my father got the urgent need to drop one. He let rip a massive one in the doorway and then quickly jumped out again, leaving my poor mother standing there. EVERYONE in the shop turned around, and all my red-faced mother could say was 'It wasn't me''

She beat him all the way up the street after that. He still laughs about it.

Paigne · 31-07-2011 05:32PM

Absolutely love this thread!!

:D

df1985 · 31-07-2011 06:21PM

cleared a sauna with one before. had been a heavy weekend on the booze and takeways,went to sweat it out. seemed i farted it out too! 4 people there all got up and left, with the last aul fella saying "ay jayyysus!!" before he left!

saintsaltynuts · 31-07-2011 06:26PM

Playing baseball on the Wii with my ex-girlfriend soon as i swung for the ball i let the biggest one rip.The look on her face was priceless i tell ye.By the way it fookin stunk.

barrackali · 31-07-2011 06:36PM

Last year I was in a 4 ball at my local golf club, while I was driving off the 1st hole I let off the most humongously loud fart....from the resulting hook I nearly managed to take the head off an elderly club member.

It would have to be the 1st hole !

Dun · 31-07-2011 06:37PM

Dunno if Weetabix still do the oat equivalent Oatibix, but I've been banned from the house if I have those, they do something so vile to me that I'd nearly choke myself. Dunno if it's necessarily a "bad time" doing it while visiting, but let it just serve as a warning to anybody thinking of buying that muck. Beans, cabbage, brussels sprouts, peppers have nothing on that stuff.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 31-07-2011 06:42PM

Was in a hostel in Berlin using the computers. I thought I was alone and was farting away quite loudly. All of a sudden I hear someone say 'Jesus Christ mate what the fcuks wrong with you' and storm out of the room. There was a partition in front of where I was sitting and I hadn't noticed your man come in.

CiaranMT · 31-07-2011 07:13PM

Can't think of any myself, I've mastered the silencer.

Ever farted at a bad time?

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