Ever farted at a bad time?

TheBody

As the thread title says, have you ever farted at a bad time? Maybe while chatting up a girl/boy.....in a meeting with your boss......

Let's hear it.

Agricola

*parp*


Sorry...............:o

Paddy Cow

I was standing in a queue behind my friend. Just as the queue moved forward she let off a silent but violent one. It was disgusting and everyone was looking at me as it looked like I had done it.

ScummyMan

In church...

When everyone is silently praying...

On my Confirmation.

veryangryman

Once at my desk, nobody around so let a sneaky (bad) one out.

Team Leader then came up with a chair to sit with me and explain my tasks for the week. He stayed 10 fukcing minutes!! :eek: Thank fek he wasn't a woman.

Bear gryllis - Born Survivor i nicknamed him after that!

wolf moon

Once, having sex - just before she came.. The atmosphere was gone, no sex for the next 2 weeks. We still laugh when we talk about it.

MungBean

Let one off while working in a shop, was hoovering and spotted a customer heading in my direction so decided to hoover up the smell. Didnt so much remove the smell as took it in heated it up, and released it again 100 times worse. Customer didnt hang around too long after that. Nothing worse than a hot fart.

daniels.ducks

Reffiing a girls match once... ball went over my head... i turned sharply... the pressure squeezed one out...

callaway92

No, but I have had boners at times that were worse than imaginable.

galwayrush

There is no such thing as a bad time.

Kevin Duffy

Long and loud in the middle of dinner when meeting a girlfriend's family for the first time. Luckily they were English upper-middle class, so stiff upper lips all 'round and I rode it out.

Turtyturd

Happened a few times when I belched...man it feels manky.

J. Marston

After my nan's funeral, back at her house. Everyone was talking and it was a quiet one so it wasn't heard but it was smelt, I'm sure of that.
I probably went a bit red too so I'm sure a few people knew who the culprit was.

pappyodaniel

I did it in bed last night and it was so loud it woke me up....and the girl next to me woke up in shock saying "what was that? what was that loud n.... .....,


(*sniff sniff)


oh!"

wolf moon

pappyodaniel wrote: »

I did it in bed last night and it was so loud it woke me up....and the girl next to me woke up in shock saying "what was that? what was that loud n.... .....,


(*sniff sniff)


oh!"

Happened to me a good few times. The last bed-one was "YOU PIG!!! You farted in my hand!!!"

Samich

Doing circuit training at football training, was doing situps with the weights on my chest. Was nearing the end, and one of the other fellas was holding my feet down. I sharted.

booboo88

Samich wrote: »

Doing circuit training at football training, was doing situps with the weights on my chest. Was nearing the end, and one of the other fellas was holding my feet down. I sharted.

this one made me laugh.
my ex used to fart down the phone, only cuz he knew it wound me up:rolleyes:

Dilbert75

One Christmas just after getting off the train in Heuston Station, was standing in the melee for the bus to the city centre. Cracked a very sneaky one off - completely silent. Good work, I thought to myself. Next thing this kid starts bawling right behind me, then his mother starts roaring at him to stop crying. Must have near poisoned the poor child.:o

Another night in a packed pub we were standing in a walkway out to the smoking area. Opened the lunchbox - again silently - but by God it was vicious. :eek: Cleared a space fairly lively, I can tell you! Luckily everyone seemed to conclude it was one of those damn anti-social smokers that let it loose on the way through...;)

Wibbles19

Haven't farted in 12 years, gwad bless the 3 dogs (bad puppy : ))

orourkeda

Is there a good time to fart?

BOHtox

TheBody wrote: »

As the thread title says, have you ever farted at a bad time? Maybe while chatting up a girl/boy.....in a meeting with your boss......

Let's here it.

Get out! and never come back!

pragmatic1

In a taxi full of hot women. It was one of the worst farts I've ever made too. Really heinous.

PseudoFamous

Every time I fart it's bad.

scudzilla

In the funeral car going to my ma's funeral.

My ma's brother was in the front next to driver, her 3 sisters were in the middle and my sis, dad and i were in the back

Was literally having to eat this monstrosity that came outta my arse, can laugh about it now but at the time (last year)i was mortified, blamed my aunty

bonerjams03

Sitting on the bus with earphones in. You master the ability to speak normally with earphones in, but when you fart you forget other people hear what you don't.

Anyway. I was required to sit staring directly at the seat in front of me not daring to look sideways or giggle, knowing full well by the feel of it that it was a rumbler.

steve french

probably done it more than once but this particular time stands out in my mind. i was in cologne with some friends and had spent the 2 previous days living off beer and curry wurst or some other german food. on the third day we decided to climb to the top of cologne cathedral which you have to go up a very high narrow spiral staircase. there was 2 of the lads in front of me and 1 behind, and it just slipped out and proceeded to climb the cathedral with us:D much to the horror of the lads in front and even more so the lad behind and countless amounts of other tourists on their way down the stairs. i was weak with laughter after that, as i listened to the disgusted noises the other tourists made as they encountered it. its a memory that will never leave me

opinion guy

Silent but deadly just before getting out of a lift with other people staying behind :eek:

Chuck Stone

I have vague memories of doing a large fart sitting on the wooden floor of the primary school hall when this particularly pious teacher was giving a talk about some religious shit. I was probably around 5 or 6 yrs old.

The other kids laughed because it was very quiet and the fart kinda got amplified by the proximity of my bum to the hollow wooden floor.

I think the teacher was really pissed off.

He was kinda creepy though because he used to take off his shoes on the stage, as he held the microphone posyletizing, and rub his socked feet together as if he was at home.

IIRC he was a single ex monk or priest or something. Probably was bent and trying to figure it out.

chillywilly

I remember my brother telling me a story that he was walking down Dame street one day and let out a loud smelly fart while walking up the road. The mistake he made was glancing behind him to see if anyone had felt its wrath. He turned to see a sexy lady with a look of disgust on her face Why did he ever turn around? Why??

nomnomnom

Its always a good time when I fart.without exception,funeral or no funeral.

Hal Emmerich

chillywilly wrote: »

I remember my brother telling me a story that he was walking down Dame street one day and let out a loud smelly fart while walking up the road. The mistake he made was glancing behind him to see if anyone had felt its wrath. He turned to see a sexy lady with a look of disgust on her face Why did he ever turn around? Why??

LOL, he should have said something like, "If you want to taste it, I'll shake the covers when we're in the Sack later!"

There would be some look on her face then...hehehe.

ician

Wasn't me but I was at the gym last year in the steam room. Lots of college students around the place and 2 of them, a guy and a girl came into the busy steam room. He was chatting away to her, trying to chat her up a bit and she seemed fairly into him too and thennn he put his leg up on the bench and a massive loud fart came out haha.

Everyone laughed, he just went red and didn't say anything, just went red and the girl just sat there awkwardly and said "ewwwww". I was laughing too much and had to leave sharpish. Also didn't want to breath in the steamy fart!

Duggy747

One day at work I was in an room that 6 people operate in fixing a machine. It was a quiet day and nobody who worked in that room were in that day so when the urge came I belted out a steamer of a fart which had enough power to turn my pelvic bone to dust had it not stopped a second sooner.

I had been in that room for nearly 20 minutes undisturbed but as soon as I released my deadly toxin 3 people decided to wander in looking for me. I could tell on one of their faces that smell hit them badly, like a chopped onion was shoved up their nostril.

Cue me going bright red and the sudden urge to realise another earth-shattering fart which I tried to resist with all my might, tightening my arsecheeks to seal the evil, as I answered their questions. I couldn't contain it anymore and did my ol' Cough N' Fart routine to which I immediately evacuated the room with them to spare their lives.

I eventually figured out if I want people's attention all I have to do is fart and suddenly, for no apparent reason, somebody will enter the room.

ratedR

EVERYBODY farts. Men, women. That hot girl. It's just a fact.

Knowing your farts is the key. Is it going to be smelly ? Is it going to be loud ?

I cant get away with those silent ones. Mine are always proper ****ing rippers that everyone hears. And they are always smelly as ****.

I fart, I own up. I'm almost proud sometimes. It's usually hard to hide it anyway. Everyone laughs or goes "ugh". Noone gets too disgusted, cause everyone does it. If they do, you're hanging around with the wrong type of knobheads.

If im in a crowd where i know i cant fart, I just hold it in. Simples.

In my opinion, Silent farters are the Devil.

Yawns

I remember once back in school I let out what I thought was going to be a silent fart. We had the VP in who was in a bad mood too so he gave us an exam. I lifted my bum slightly to let it out but it was a really loud one.

Didn't help that it was those grey all plastic seats which just made it sound louder. I really quickly just looked at the lad next to me in disgust while he looked around confused. It worked tho, everyone laughed and the VP blamed him despite his protests

Reamer Fanny

Was at the hospital recently visiting my brother when the old man in the bed opposite him let one rip as he gripped on to his zimmerframe and started shuffling towards the toilet, it was one of those long and violent ones...

Fart

Huh!??!

FlutterinBantam

Was on the first tee at my golf club, playing a mixed competition.

Our opposition was the lady captain and her husband, a fairly buttoned up pair,to be honest.

As I took a few practice swings and prepared to pipe a 280yarder down the fairway, I inadvertently unloaded a beefy ripper,like someone tearing a large piece of cloth and lasted about 8 seconds.

"Jaysus, glad I'm not carrying that lad around 18 holes lads!" was all I could say.

Atmosphere was distinctly frosty all through the round.

Bob Z

TheBody wrote: »

As the thread title says, have you ever farted at a bad time? Maybe while chatting up a girl/boy.....

a girl/boy?......that's embarressing enough...?

Biggins

TheBody wrote: »

As the thread title says, have you ever farted at a bad time? Maybe while chatting up a girl/boy.....in a meeting with your boss......

Let's hear it.

Is there really ever a good time?

phill106

Biggins wrote: »

Is there really ever a good time?

the bath is an excellent time!

WoollyRedHat

I think that if women do fart, it is highly unlikely and will never be fully proven, I guess it's a case of, if a women farts and no one is around to hear it, did she really fart

In any case, a lady doth not fart so loudly as to embarrass herself and her party as it is most un-lady like, she keeps it quiet and blames the man


Pigs

BOHtox

It's not hard to master the silent fart. The smell is much harder

Eve_Dublin

I teach English in Spain in companies around Madrid and on my second day with one particular class, I let out a right big "PAAAAAAARP" while explaining something. I'd been eating a lot of beans around that time and had been farting a lot and was having difficulty containing my gases. Everyone obviously heard it, I went bright red but what could I do? I had to continue with what I was saying but I could sense that they were looking at each other and trying not to laugh. I turned to my left and saw one female student visibly disgusted and next day she asked to move class. That was my only complaint but I learned my lesson and haven't dined on beans since!

Scarlet O'Hara but funny in hindsight. (PAAAARP!!)

iPlop

Skunkle wrote: »

was hoovering and spotted a customer heading in my direction so decided to hoover up the smell. Didnt so much remove the smell as took it in heated it up, and released it again 100 times worse. Customer didnt hang around too long after that. Nothing worse than a hot fart.

Hahahahaha, was it a Nilfisk by any chance? I hovered up a fart with a nilfisk a few years ago and got the same result, 100 times more smellier than before and very hot!!!

tallaghtmick

I myself have never farted at a bad time.....but I have timed them.


I held a fart from Lucan to the square Tallaght and got in a tiny lift with my 2 mates and let rip:D

Also.....

When I was getting my eyes checked post laser surgery the doctor farted as I was walking up the stairs behind her....nearly blinded me

Latchy

Getting of the train recently , I let rip just as the door was about to open and got off but the fart stayed behind , suffocating about 20 people .

Phoenix Park

Roxy Mitchell wrote: »

During a naughty bum sex session

broke wind on the bell? :eek:

Mickjg

Went boating a couple of weeks ago. Had some amazing lamb the night before and a few pints of Murphy's. The next morning the results were strong enough to evacuate everyone off the boat!

I then flew out of Dublin airport last Tuesday. The night before I had red cabbage and a double helping of mushy peas with dinner. A very bad idea right before you're meant to spend 24 hours traveling.

The next day the results were unhuman. It was round the clock farting. When we got to the top of the check in line I let one go, silent but violent. Cue several people looking around and immediately being accused by my family. However, it was one that was so bad, you're a bit proud of it.

I also let a one or two slip while waiting in the huge line for US immigration. On the plane I just couldn't hold them in, so I did them into the seat. It was fine, you couldn't smell anything. Then I stood up and all of a sudden hours worth of farting just rose.

So, lesson learned and let me warn all of ye here: never EVER have cabbage and a double helping of mushy peas before traveling.

efb

During sex, he was paying good attention to my cock and I knew it was coming. Loud smelly and practically in his face, talk about a mood breaker...

Kojak

Its always good to fart.

If you don't fart regularly, then you will explode - true fact!